Monday morning - Interview with Good Morning America and performance

Monday afternoon - Interview with Ellen and performance

Monday night - performance for the New York Music Festival

Tuesday morning - radio interviews for new album

Tuesday afternoon - flight to Boston

Tuesday night - concert rehearsal

.....and so the list went on.

This was just the beginning of the week that Liam had planned out for me. My performance for the VMAs had gone better than any of us expected. Immediately the next morning my song Try was on the radio nonstop. People requested it so much that they were playing it automatically. The first time hearing the song on the radio, I literally cried of happiness. It felt amazing that the industry was taking me back with arms open. It felt amazing that I still had fans.

After the performance, interviews had been nonstop. They all wanted to talk about my down hill spiral and how I picked myself back up. One of the topics that I tried to stay away from was Harry and why we broke up. When they would ask me why I left All Oblivion, I would always say what I said in the video I had uploaded on Youtube months ago. I needed time off. Then they went on asking since I did get my time off, why didn't I get back together with them. I would always answer that I figured that I wasn't the same person I was back then.

I truly wasn't the same person that I was back then. In the last couple of months I had grown into a completely new person. I felt like I knew who I was now. I wasn't dependent on anyone anymore. I was my own person.

My performances for the fans had been going amazing. Since only two of my songs for my new album had came out, I could only sing those two. For the other songs, I would sing covers and even a song from the All Oblivion album which would usually make them all go crazy.

As for the boys, I had been slowly getting back in contact with them. At least with Zayn and Louis.

Louis had gone to visit me in the studio a couple times, checking up on me. He let me know that from now on he would always be there watching over me. I could tell that he was worried about me even though I would assure him that I was fine. But it felt good to have that protection back into my life.

Zayn and I had gone out a couple of times for fun. Once again we became best buds goofing around all the time. He even came up on stage when I had a show in LA once. The crowd went absolutely wild that night. Zayn and I used to never go deep into our emotional feelings with each other. But there was one night where we were just drinking at my new apartment in New York when Willow came up in one of our conversations. Even though my grieving stage was over, it was clear that Zayn was still grieving. He cried over her loss, mostly because he regretted the way he treated her. We all knew the horrible way he treated her after they had broken up. I couldn't forget that they broke up because of me.

He then went on to tell me about the night that we all had to take her home. I remembered because that was the night he stayed there taking care of her. This was the first time I was hearing about what happened when Willow woke up. Zayn went on to tell me how that was the night that he realized that he was still in love with her. But he didn't know how to fix the new drugged up Willow. It only made me wonder how fucked up Willow and I really were.

My interaction with Harry hadn't changed much since the VMAs. That was the last time I saw him, three weeks ago. That little interaction in the hallway was short but needed. It showed that we no longer held any bad feelings towards each other. It was clear that Harry and Lia were back together, the whole world knew now. Maybe that was why he hadn't reached out to me anymore. I didn't hate him for getting back with her. She was good for him. She kept him grounded. I was the one who ruined that for both of them.

" get lots of rest tonight because you have one busy week" Liam said as he pointed to the schedule in my hands.

Liam continued to surprise me with how much skill he had for managing someone. He never seemed too nervous for something big. He always seemed prepared for whatever was thrown at him.

" a good night's sleep is all I need" I smiled as I stepped into the elevator.

" see you tomorrow" he said just as the elevator doors closed.

I watched the floor numbers go up until it finally reached 13, my apartment floor. As I walked out of the elevator, I took off my leather jacket and held it in my arms. All I wanted was a nice hot shower and bed. This whole day had consisted of meeting the fans and a little show. Of course I didn't mind any of it, I loved it. But it was tiring at the end of the day.

As I turned the corner of the hallway reaching closer to my apartment door, I saw someone sitting leaned against the door.

But it wasn't just someone.

It was Harry.

As soon as I saw him, I froze in place. I could tell by the way he was sitting there that he wasn't here for just a friendly conversation. It was almost midnight and there he was, with his hair in a mess and hands against his forehead.

But I decided to keep walking towards him due to my poor judgement.

Hearing my footsteps, Harry lifted up his head making eye contact with me. He picked himself up off the ground and stood in front of me. That's when I really got a good look at him. His hair was a mess. His eyes were red and puffy. His clothes were a little messed up as well. This looked like the Harry I had seen few times before.

He was upset.

" what are you doing here?" I asked as I clentched onto my jacket.

" I needed to see you" he said in a shaky voice.

His tone was lower than usual. I had heard this tone too many times before.

" have you been drinking?" I asked in a hushed tone.

Harry just nodded as he ran his fingers through his hair once again. A door from across the hall opened causing me to turn around to see. Out came an older man looking at us with a mean expression on his face. I knew exactly why. It was late and here was me and Harry out in the hall.

I quickly got a hold of the key to my apartment and dug it into the whole.

" you should go home Harry" I said as I opened my door.

Before I could even take a last look at Harry, he quickly barged into my apartment. I looked at him surprised even though he wasn't even looking at me anymore. I quickly stepped into the apartment and closed the door behind me. Looking back at Harry, I was surprised to what I saw.

I expected him to just be sitting on the couch or something still. Instead he was was looking at the pictures I had framed on top of my fireplace.

" why don't you have a picture of just us up here?" he asked. I had pictures that I loved up there. Except I didn't have any pictures of just Harry and I. I wanted to put one up there but I knew it wouldn't be a good idea.

" do you have picture of just us in your living room?" I asked back.

" good point" he chuckled.

I put my bag, my jacket and schedule for the week on top of the counter and took a deep breath. I didn't know what was going to happen next. I was shaking on the inside just because Harry was in my apartment. When was the last time Harry and I were completely alone? I couldn't even remember.

What was he doing here?

What did he want?

Could I ever shake off this feeling over Harry?

" I think you should leave" I said looking down at my fingers.

" why?" he asked as I heard footsteps around my living room.

" you have a girlfriend" I said not knowing how he would react.

He stayed quiet. No more footsteps. So that's when I looked up. There he stood, only a foot away from me.

" I already told you, I needed to see you" he said in a quieter tone.

" why?" I asked.

Harry's hand slowly made it's way too my cheek causing me to lean into his touch automatically.

" because I need you" he whispered.

I stood there for a couple second just enjoying this small moment before I could pull myself together. I shook his hand away from me and took a couple of steps back. I knew myself too much to know that I really couldn't be this close to him by myself.

" I can't do this, Harry" I said looking away from him.

" I'm sorry" he said immediately.

When I looked back up, he wasn't standing in front of me anymore. He was taking a seat on the couch. I watched him once again run his fingers through his hair.

" I don't know what to do, Cailin" Harry said frustrated with something that I couldn't figure out what. It had to be the reason why he had shown up at my door.

" what happened, Harry?" I asked as I made my way to take a seat across from him.

" I don't want to talk about it" he shook his head.

" if you're here then you probably do. Is it about your dad?" I asked worried that I was actually right. I didn't want to imagine that his dad was trying to reach out to him once again. I knew he couldn't go through alone.

" no" he answered.

" than what?" I pushed.

" I've just messed up too many times, Cailin. With my mom, Lia, you, the band, and myself. I don't know how to pick myself up anymore. I feel like everything is crashing down on me. I feel like I'm drowning" Harry confessed as he looked over at me.

It sounded exactly what I was feeling a couple months ago.

Because that's exactly what was going on with me.

" I was drowning too" I said.

His expression changed a bit. It went from distraught to some what comforted. As if he finally felt like someone understood him.

" how did you get past it?" he asked.

" when I hit rock bottom I guess, when Willow died" I responded after a couple of seconds of thinking of that answer.

That was truly my rock bottom. After that, I knew the only path I could go was up.

" how are you now?" Harry questioned.

" in a good place" I smiled with sincerity.

I really was. I was happy with where my career was headed. I was happy with the close friends I had. I was finally happy with myself, my soul.

" without me" Harry shook his head looking down at his feet.

Then there was Harry. Even though I was happy with everything else, Harry was the one part of my life that held me back. He held me back from fully moving from that part of my life.

" I've been in love with you since the night we met and I only realized that after you left me" Harry confessed looking over to me.

His confession froze me in place. I never felt like any of that was true. To me he had hated me after that night and slowly started liking me. But from the start?

" the morning after, you didn't look like you remembered anything and that hurt me more than I wanted it to. So instead of telling you the truth, I lied and told you I didn't remember either. The truth is, I remember everything. After you joined the band, I felt like you were putting me at risk with my relationship with Lia. When in fact, it all had to do with me and how I felt about you" he said.

For the first time while I've known Harry, I felt as if he was being completely open with me. I didn't feel like he was hiding anything from me.

" I know you've forgiven me but I don't think I deserve that" he continued.

" why?" I asked.

" because I haven't apologized for every horrible thing that I've done to you" he answered.

My mind went back to everything little thing that Harry had done and hurt me. But before I could finish with my flashback, Harry started to pull out something from his pocket. It was a crumpled sheet a paper that had been folded at least four times in order to fit in his pocket.

" I wrote this when you were in the hospital after your overdose" he said as he started to unfold the paper.

I didn't know what to expect. I was somewhat scared to know what he had written. Harry held the sheet in front of him and began reading.

" Dear Cailin, I'm sorry for treating you like trash the morning after we met. I'm sorry for not accepting you into All Oblivion like you deserved. I'm sorry for always being in a bad mood when I was around you. I'm sorry for choosing Lia over you so many times. I'm sorry for making you feel like you weren't good enough. I'm sorry that I held you back from so many things even if you didn't realize it. I'm sorry for getting into fights because I was jealous. I'm sorry for getting drunk and you having to come after me. I'm sorry for using Bella against you even if I wasn't realizing what I was doing. I'm sorry that I caused so many of the fights that you and Carter had. I'm sorry that I couldn't save you from him. I'm sorry that I couldn't save you from that pain.

"I'm sorry for dumping all my anger over my father all on you. I'm sorry for kicking you out of my car as I yelled at you in England. I'm sorry for calling your father a vegetable that time when we were fighting. I'm sorry for calling you pathetic. I'm sorry for not defending you when Louis said those awful things. I'm sorry for making you feel like you were crazy when I was causing all of that. I'm sorry for making you feel like I could ever lay a hand on you. I'm sorry for ruining your birthday. I'm sorry for causing you to go into drugs and that overdose. I'm sorry for hiding our relationship. I'm sorry for making our relationship public for all the wrong reasons. I'm sorry for choosing my career over you. I'm sorry for never putting you first. I'm sorry for making you cry so much. I'm sorry for not being honest with you. With all my love, Harry" he finished.

As he put the letter down on my coffee table, I saw all the tears that had escaped from his eyes being wiped by his other arm. I, myself, hadn't realized that tears had streamed down my face until I felt it dripping down my neck. I quickly wiped it away.

I watched Harry get up from my couch and immediately got up after him. He only stopped when we reached my front door.

" why didn't you send that to me?" I asked in a shaky voice as he reached for the door knob.

" I didn't think you'd read it" he responded turning around to face me.

" I forgive you" I said as more tears streamed down my face.

Harry looked relieved as his hand reached up to my cheek wiping my tears away.

" I love you more than I'm able to comprehend, Cailin" he confessed in a hushed tone.

My hands quickly made it's way onto his neck pulling him towards me. His lips made its way onto mine and everything felt whole again. Harry's arms wrapped around my waist pulling me closer to him. Before I knew it, I was being picked up and being layed on the couch.

Harry's lips made it down my neck as my fingers scratched his back underneath his shirt. My shirt was quickly ripped off as well as the rest of the clothes that I had been wearing. Soon enough his were gone too.

*

When I opened my eyes the next morning, the first thing I saw was Harry sliding on his pair of jeans. Somehow we ended up falling asleep right there on the couch after everything that happened between us.

" your phone's been ringing like crazy" was the first thing that Harry said to me.

" shit" I responded knowing it had probably been Liam trying to reach me.

When I looked over at Harry again, I immediately knew he regreted everything about last night. He was pacing around my living room running his fingers through his hair. I couldn't blame him. He was with Lia again and here we were in this toxic cycle.

But deep inside me I hoped that he was leave Lia and come running back to me even after everything he had done to me.

" what now, Harry?" I asked as I wrapped a blanket around my naked body, not really knowing what he would respond.

I hoped to God it was what I wanted it to be. I could feel my heart already breaking as I waited for his answer, afraid if what he would say.

That's when he said the last thing I could have imagined.

My worst nightmare.

" Lia's pregnant" Harry said looking straight at me.

With those two words, every piece of hope for us in me shattered into a million pieces.

I knew the type of man that Harry was. He wouldn't leave Lia in the state that she was in, for me. He was going to be there for her with her. There was no going back.

As we stared at each other it felt like hours but our eyes couldn't seem to glance away.

" she told me yesterday" he shook his head.

" and the first place you come is here?" I said as tears started to form in my eyes.

" I came here to apolgize for everything that I had done to you. What happened after that was completely out of my control. I don't regret it but I know it was the worst thing to do right now, I'm sorry" He said before he could find his shirt.

He quickly picked it off the ground and pulled it on.

" as much as I want to be with you right now, I can't. I can't leave Lia right now" he shook his head.

I tried saying something, anything. But nothing would come out. I wanted to scream, but I couldn't. I wanted to cry but the tears had dried. So I did the only thing that I could, look at him.

I could feel like this would be the last time in a long time that I would be this close to him. He was going to be a father to another girl's baby while I would be left alone. We loved each other too much to be friends. We had to stay away from each other and I knew that.

So I took in all that I could of him. I looked at his brown hair. I looked at the way he stood. I looked at the way he played with his fingers when he was nervous. Lastly I looked into his beautiful green eyes. Those were the eyes I would remember for the rest of my life.

Then I was forced to watch him walk away from me for the last time. It was only after he closed the door behind him that tears finally streamed down my face.

Harry was out of my life now.

~

Holy shit!!!!
Just for show book 1 is finally done!!! After almost 2 years lol

I know most of you probably want to kill me after this ending but there will be a sequel which is super exciting!!!

So i know you all have tons of questions aboit this book and the sequel so I will be posting an author's note just for questions from you guys so go ahead and leave the questions below!

And I didn't forget about thay chapter that I was going to do in Willow's POV, I just haven't had time yet. So that will also be posted as soon as I can get it finished.

Love you guys soooooo much

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