Sirius

Classes started that Monday and already I had lots of homework. For starters, Professor Minnie was having me write a big long essay on the meaning of life. Sure, it wasn't due until finals, but it was already weighing on my mind.

After classes on Tuesday, Peter and I stayed after to watch James's lacrosse team practice. Once we got back to our apartment, Lily stopped by and we talked for awhile.

"Sirius, could I speak to you in private please?" She asked. James looked disappointed, but we went out onto the balcony.

"Where's Remus?" I asked.

Lily sighed. "He won't come out of his room. He's just having a bad day. He tends to contemplate life on Tuesdays."

I nodded, glancing at the busy streets of London. If you really looked, you could just see Big Ben on the horizon.

"So it occurred to me that the two of you went to school here last year. Why don't I remember ever seeing you?"

"Well, Remus had mostly online courses, still does. He only had his art class actually at the school. He had a really bad year last year."

"Bad how?" I asked.

"How do I say...there's a point in the life of a CF patient where they get sick and just can't get healthy again. Last year..." Lily starts to tear up.

"Last year I honest to god thought we were gonna lose him. I thought last year was that point. Maybe it still is. He just kept getting sick and nothing was working...he was in the hospital a lot...You know, his lungs are probably the worst off at this point, but CF effects all of his organs. He's really sick, Sirius. His lung function dropped 12% just in the last year."

I let that sink in.

"I'll go see if he'll talk to me."

I made my way out of the apartment, leaving Lily on the balcony. The door was unlocked and I stepped inside. I made my way to Remus's bedroom. The door was closed. I knocked twice.

"Go away, Lily," came his muffled voice from inside.

"It's Sirius." There was a pause, and then, "Come in."

I pushed open the door to find Remus sitting on his bed, his sketchbook laid out in front of him. It was a near perfect sketch of the moon. Remus's face was blotchy, his eyes red, and I could tell he'd been crying.

"Aw, hey. Come here," I said, sitting down on the bed and opening my arms. He crawled over to me and wrapped his arms around my waist, burying his head in my chest. His shoulders shook. I kissed the top of his head and held him.

After awhile, he pulled away, wiping his eyes. "Thanks Sirius," he mumbled.

"What's bothering you?" I asked.

His eyes started tearing up a bit more and he looked down. "I'm gonna die if I don't get new lungs. I know I act like I don't care, but I do. I'm so scared. I've always known I was going to die young, but it was always in the future. I need new lungs, Sirius, but a transplant is about 500,000 euros($550,000)."

A pit was forming in my stomach as he spoke.

"I don't have that kind of money," he whispered, heartbroken.

I grabbed his hand and squeezed it. "It'll be okay."

"You don't know that."

"No, I don't. But I believe it will be. Things have a way of working themselves out."

There was a few minutes of silence before Remus laughs.

"What?" I asked.

"Lily's probably spying on us."

My head whipped around, searching for Lily, though I knew she wasn't in the room.

"What do you mean?"

Remus laughed sweetly. "She's got a baby monitor in here. She thinks I don't know about it, but I do. She thinks I'll start choking in my sleep and die or something."

"Wow. Okay. Well, on the off chance that she is spying at this very moment, can I kiss you?"

That caught Remus off guard. I watched in amusement as his face flushed and he spluttered.

"You want to kiss me because Lily might be watching?"

"No. I want to kiss you anyway. That's just an added bonus."

Remus sighed and stood. Panic bloomed in my chest for a second when I thought he was going to leave me, but instead he headed over to his desk, picked up a decently hidden baby monitor. He opened the door and chucked it into the hallway.

"Hey!" We could hear Lily scream from across the hall at my apartment. Remus closed the door again and rejoined me with sitting on the bed.

"All taken care of." He said.

"So? Can I kiss you? I'd really love to kiss you."

"Depends," Remus giggled. "Are you sick?"

"Nope."

"...Okay."

It was a soft, sweet kiss, the nicest I've ever had.

When he pulled away, there were stars in his eyes. We both grinned.

"I'd like to do that quite a bit more often," I declared. Remus giggled, pulling me in for a second kiss.

"So are we like, official now? Can we be the cutest boyfriends on the planet?"

"I suppose," said Remus with a grin.

Later that night, we were going on a walk down the sidewalk by Godric's Hollow, hand in hand. Remus had his mask on and two jumpers.

"It's literally September, how are you wearing two jumpers?"

"Hey, I'm cold," he defended.

"You're so cute," I said absentmindedly. "And so short. I'm 5'10'' and I'm calling you short."

Remus laughed. "You know, I'm supposed to be tall. My parents...well they're both tall and the doctors predicted I should've been over six feet, but CF stunts your growth. So here I am, stuck at 5'6''. I haven't actually grown since I was fourteen."

"Well I love it. Because this way, you fit perfectly in my arms."

Remus didn't say anything, just swinging our hands between us.

"So," I said. "After you mentioned me being named after a star, I looked up your name."

"Oh no. You didn't."

I giggled. "Your name is literally Wolf Wolf."

Remus groaned, covering his face with his other hand.

"Let's sit for a minute," I suggested, seeing that Remus was breathing hard.

We sat there on the bench, still holding hands, gazing up at the sky. It was a full moon tonight and the stars were more visible than usual.

"There's the Canis Major," we both said at the same time, sending us both into a giggling fit, before Remus started coughing.

"My dad named me," Remus finally said. He never talked about his parents, so I was on the edge of my seat, giving Remus my complete attention.

"He was really good at his job and people respected him, but he wasn't a very good person. Very set in his ways, determined not to let the world change. You know, he used to travel all the time to hunt wolves, which is ironic enough."

"Why is it ironic?" I asked.

"Well, I guess you could say I was his little wolf. It was like he was hunting me. I was a sick child, and I always knew he was ashamed of me. He always tried to hide me away. Lily was my first friend. My parents, they were really shitty. They would always manipulate me into thinking my sickness was my fault and that I was no good and could never amount to anything. All they ever did was put me down. I didn't realize it until I got out of there."

"Shit, Remus, I'm sorry."

"I'm not done. It was after I came out to them, after they kicked me out, that Lily and I became really close. Almost inseparable. Her parent's fought for custody of me and finally we all went to court. So Lily's parents are my legal guardians now. My parent's are still required to pay for my treatments though."

"Man, that sucks. I know parents can be horrid sometimes."

Remus gave me a questioning look.

"Well, since we're sharing..." and I went on to tell him all about my childhood, about my parents' twisted beliefs, their abuse, and how my brother and I survived.

"Regulus was always the favorite," I explained. "But I would never let him near Mum or Dad when they were in a fit. James...Sometimes I have to take time to thank the gods for James Potter. He's been my best mate since kindergarten and when I needed out of that house and I had nowhere to go, the Potter's took me in. I officially moved into James's house when I was sixteen. We've been living together ever since. I truly love him to death."

Remus smiled. "I haven't really gotten an opportunity to get to know James yet, but he seems like an amazing friend."

I nodded. "He is. I just feel really bad for Regulus, being stuck in that house all by himself. Well, I guess there's our butler, Mr. Kreacher, but he's old and crotchety. He's always hated me, but he's got a soft spot for Reg."

"He'll be okay," Remus reassured. "If he's anything like you, he's strong."

I was doubtful, but I felt better anyway.

"Full moon tonight," Remus commented.

I glanced over, waiting for him to elaborate. He kept his eyes on the sky.

"I have this...weird connection to the moon. I don't know why or what it is, but it's there. Maybe in a past life...or something. I don't know. It's probably stupid. I just feel like the moon and I are connected on a spiritual level. I haven't decided if it's a good bond or a bad one, but it's there."

"You really are fascinating, Moony."

"Moony? What kind of nickname is Moony?"

"The best kind," I said. "Moony."