Chapter 23

It was like he never left, like he was never absent. He couldn’t stop smiling at me, and I couldn’t stop crying. Like the tears I’ve been keeping back for so long is finally breaking through the dam, it just doesn’t stop, and while I cry, I’m only more embarrassed as he tries his best to calm me down.

It was like how it should have been all this while. I cry, and he should have been there to calm me down.

I don’t know why, but I don’t hate him. I’ve been expecting myself to hate him right down to his guts, for leaving me, for leaving me to fend for myself when I needed him the most. But somehow, I just don’t. The sight, the thought, the smell of him; everything just makes me want to cry, and I feel like my heart is breaking open with love that I’d been keeping away all this while.

But he laughs –with extreme elation and joy at being with me –as he holds me tightly, as if telling me that he would never ever let go ever again.

I wished he never had to.

I was twenty one years late to be clamoring and gluing myself to him, but damn all social conventions; I wanted to glue myself to his protective embrace and never let go again.

He wipes my tears from my face again, his hands cupped on my cheek as if trying to make sure that I was real and tangible, and not a dream.

“I have no idea why I couldn’t connect the dots before. You look just like Kristen. You have her lips.” He admired, blue eyes that I’d inherited looking deeply at me, as if drinking my features in.

“I don’t know why I was so stupid too… Mum always told me my father is a conman, and his name is Hayden.” I sobbed, but he laughs again.

“You’d be surprised, actually. There are a few Hayden out there in the con world, all of them trying to be me.” He explained, but wiped off the tears from my eyes again. Jon came into the room with an openly curious face, placing two glasses of water on the low table in front of us while his eyes tagged on Hayden, then on me, then back to my father.

“I didn’t notice it that day, but you do have his eves, Kaylen.” Jon observed, and for the sake of saving everyone from the ugliness of my crying face, I force the tears and sobbing back in with effort, wiping the last of my tears as I kept the tightness in my chest in.

“However did your mother bring you up, Kaylen, I’ll never know. But I know I’ve let her down, and I’ve let you down. I can only start to make things up to you now, but I’ll never be able to make up to what I lost to your mother.” Hayden said softly, eyes filled with pain as he looked away, as if not bearing the thought of never having forgiveness.

“It is fine, Dad. She knew you loved her, and I think that was enough for her. Ever since I was young, Mum never tried to hide what and who you were. She always smiled when she told me stories about you, and when I asked if she still missed you, she only smiled and said that as long as she kept you in her mind, she didn’t think you had left at all.”

“Still, I left her alone for so long. The hardships she had to go through, running away from my people, supporting you and bringing you up…” Hayden continued in an increasingly pained voice, but I put my hand over his.

“All she needed was knowing you loved her. Even on her deathbed, she smiled knowing you love her. And now that I know you still think of her, and still love her, then there’s nothing for me to forgive you for.”

When Hayden finally looked back, his eyes were also brimming with tears, and this time was role reversal as I laughed and wiped the tears from the corner of his eyes. His beaming smile could break a million hearts as I admired the man who had given me part of his DNA and made me who I was.

“Hayden.” The very familiar even voice of someone I knew well entered our conversation politely, and both of us turned to find Mr. Elxa standing beside Jon before us, a hand on his younger brother’s shoulder. “I’m sorry for breaking into your father-daughter moment, but time is not a luxury I can afford at the moment.”

Almost immediately, I saw my father’s face turned serious, and was reminded exactly how powerful as a conman he was. I still was murky about the proceedings of the con world, but it was very obvious that my father and Mr. Elxa were both powerhouses in the industry. They were undoubtedly the Top Players of that world so foreign to me.

“Of course. What do you need?” My father asked seriously, and Mr. Elxa’s eyes flickered to me for a single millisecond.

“Just a promise that you will watch over Jon until he can hold his own. Ellen’s death is going to bring danger to him –him being the only Dal left. Can I hold hope that you will protect him?” Mr. Elxa implored, and for the first time, I saw a man who had no more gambling chips left in his hand, except to open his heart to shaky trust.

Jon looked uncertain, as if he wanted to protest, and yet knew he needed this protection.

“Dad,” I put in quickly. I might hate Mr. Elxa for his scheming lies, and his lying to me, and hurting me, but Jon was innocent. Whatever friendship I had with Jon, I would cherish and I didn’t want him to suffer. “I know Jon very well. He’s going to be a pleasure to watch after.”

My father’s gaze landed on the teenager 2 years younger than me, flickered to me quickly, then rested back on Mr. Elxa.

“My daughter has spoken; what else can I say? Besides, Hayley’s always been regretful that she hadn’t been able to apologize properly to Jon, since you’ve been keeping him away from the world.”

“Thank you, Hayden.” Mr. Elxa replied honestly, and strangely, I felt the heartfelt honesty. This was strange, coming from the conman who had cheated me, and hurt me, betrayed my trust. His black orbs flickered quickly to me again, and a brief expression of pain flashed across his face as if he had loads to say. But he quickly wiped the expression off his face, and his gaze escaped to my father.

“I’ll leave Jon to you, then.” He said, and then patted Jon’s shoulder once in a resigned movement, as if that was goodbye. He began to turn away, but Jon wiped a tear from the corner of his eyes, and then chased after his brother, as if refusing to say goodbye.

“We need to talk.” Jon said equally seriously to Mr. Elxa, and before the older brother could say anything, Jon shoved him towards Mr. Elxa’s study, and locked the door after him.

Then comfortable silence was returned to the living area, where my father and I sat, close to each other as if afraid of ever leaving each other’s life ever again. I realized the breath I hadn’t been aware that I’d been holding in, and looked down, surprised to see my free hand clenched tightly in a fist.

Before I could make any more shocking realization of my situation, my father’s hand closed over my fist gently.

“You don’t have to torture yourself. Just give him a smile, and he will smile back. A man realizes only what he misses when he knows he’s going to lose it.” Hayden said, and I looked up to find a sad, gentle smile hung on his face, a faded picture of his beaming smile that had been there previously.

“But I can’t just forgive him like this… He lied to me.” I replied, adamant in not wanting to forgive this man who had taken everything away from me, and told me with such an emotionless voice that everything had been a lie. He hadn’t tried to apologize; hadn’t tried to make things up at all ever since returning, and that had hurt even more. Sure, he could give me pained, sorrowful looks, but he hadn’t done anything at all –anything to tell me that he felt guilt or bad at the painful letdown he’d been for me.

“He’s a conman. Lying is what we do best.” Hayden excused, but I shook my head.

“I will never forgive how he took me out of my life, and built another one for me. I was so happy to be with him and Jon, so happy to be working for him, caring for them both. I felt like I belonged. And then he just… I won’t forgive how he refused to see anything that I’d done. It was like he’d struck me down forever as his tool, and he’ll never see any other use for me other than watching for Jon.” I replied angrily, feeling the tears sting again, and Hayden’s alarm could quickly be seen on his face as he wiped the tears quickly out the corner of my eyes.

“I know you hate him, but this is how he was brought up, Kaylen. Jed taught him to lie; taught him to see everything as an opportunity. Elxa was brought up to ignore his heart, and he had really been struggling all this while. I know I can’t make you forgive him, but at least give him a chance to explain himself.” Hayden said softly, as if afraid of upsetting me, but still wanting to make things right.

“And what can he say that isn’t a lie? I learnt the hard way, Dad, that he’ll never speak the truth unless it’s about Jon. All he cares about is Jon. That’s fine for me –I don’t want to know if he ever cared for me. But at least he shouldn’t have made me love everything that I did, shouldn’t have made me so happy being there for him, for Jon.” I forced myself to calm down and explain things with a level head, but it was getting increasingly hard to do so as I remembered the joyful feelings whenever I did things for Mr. Elxa.

Even getting him his water bottle from the refrigerator, greeting him with it every time he came home; it had made me happy and useful.

All he saw me was a tool; a maid –a slave for him.

“Maybe you don’t know, Kaylen, but he does care about you. He wouldn’t have jumped off the ship to save you if he didn’t care. He wouldn’t have chased down Ellen with such passion ever since he knew the man who pushed you was sent by Ellen. It was more than responsibility I saw when he hunted down evidence against Ellen with fervor. It was more than trying to keep him and Jon safe. He was trying to protect you too.”

“Ellen sent the man to push me down?” I asked with surprise, receiving a nod in reply. It was one tiny mystery solved, but I still couldn’t forgive the man so easily. “He still lied to me, still cheated me. He still made me feel happy.”

“And I have no doubt it made him happy too. He told me many things about you before we came, and the things he said… it was more than any conman would say of his ‘tool’ or ‘weapon’. He truly cares for you.” Hayden added, but I took my hands away from my father’s refusing to listen.

“That makes everything worse. The fact that he could have cared for me, but still used me like that? I hate him. I won’t forgive him.” I said fiercely, and the awkward silence that followed dragged long as I tried my best not to cry.

But why? Why exactly did I feel so pained inside? I knew I was angry, but beneath that smoldering fire, something painful stabbed my heart as if someone had stabbed a hot poker and kept it that.

“If you feel that way, Kaylen, then okay.” My father sighed, and as the tears started streaming again, he claimed me in his embrace, pressing me to his chest as I cried.

“Running away was the worst thing your mother and I both did. She ran away from me, fearing for your life, and I ran away, fearing finding out that she’d already moved on and forgotten about me. I just don’t want you to run away from your feelings like how we did. But if you really feel as such for Elxa, then I won’t push you further.” Hayden said softly, compassionately as if he understood.

I didn’t want to know how my father knew about my falling for Mr. Elxa when he didn’t know about me being his daughter, but it was no question to ask as I held on tight to my breaking heart, trying not to cry harder than I had already done. It was stupid; why was I crying and feeling so much pain? I was angry at Mr. Elxa for lying to me and using me… right?

“I… love him, Daddy. It hurts me so much that he would use me…” I mumbled softly, still sobbing into his chest. Why couldn’t my father hugging me relieve my pain? Why did I want Mr. Elxa to be here?

“It’s okay, baby…” He said softly, “It’s because of the fact that you love and care for him that it hurts so hard. Your mother and I used to struggle too. We both lied for a living, but keeping honest with each other was sometimes the hardest thing to do.”

The door to the study opened, and out walked with a strong, sharp click in his step came Mr. Elxa with a frown hung upon his face as he stormed to the kitchen. Behind him followed a weak-looking Jon who had a pleading, pained expression on his face as he followed his elder brother, stopping at the doorway, keeping a safe distance away.

I quickly wiped tears away, for fear of either of the Dal brothers catching sight of them.

“No, Jon. I won’t act selfishly. You need to understand that if I run away, you are the one in the most danger. I didn’t come all the way here to put you in danger again. You mean too much, and I cannot let May and Jed down.” Mr. Elxa’s voice was cold and firm, but surprisingly loud –reminding me of the day Mr. Elxa’s shouting match with my father.

Thinking back, I only now realized that my father had punched Mr. Elxa in the face.

“Don’t you care about what I think? I’ll run away with you! Create another identity; anything! I can learn to hide properly –just let me be with you! It’s unfair for you to be thrown in jail just because you were at war with Ellen; you did it all for me!” Jon protested back, a pleading note in his voice though he matched his brother’s volume.

“It wasn’t all for you.” Mr. Elxa stated blandly, but Jon was past the point of taking insult in that.

“Yes, you did it for Kaylen too. But that’s beside the point –you didn’t get caught because you failed. You’re going to be thrown off The Circle just for protecting me? I can’t let you do that!” Jon argued, as I exchanged an alarmed look with my father.

“You don’t know my position on The Circle. Besides, I can easily regain it after I’m out.” Mr. Elxa brushed it off quickly, but Jon didn’t accept it.

“We don’t even know how long you’re going to be in there! You’ve escaped capture before, Elxa, why can’t you do it again? Why not for me?” Jon’s argument was beginning to lose strength.

“I can pull strings to get myself out whenever I want, Jon. But for now, we need to give the con world some time to calm down. You might not understand yet, but a war might just happen if I stay in there. I don’t want any more innocents to suffer because of war. I just want to keep you and Kaylen safe. I don’t want to run away from this. Running away right now is the worst thing I can do.” Mr. Elxa explained, his voice toned down and more gently and more emotional this time as the two of them walked back out to the living area.

Jon still looked unconvinced and pained, but Mr. Elxa’s face was resigned. Again, his eyes flickered quickly to me, pain flashing across his face before his gaze escaped again.

“’Running away right now is the worst thing… I can do…’” I repeated softly, looking at my father’s encouraging expression.

Don’t run away from the truth, Kaylen. Inner Bitch was right now my love consultant. At least tell him you love him before he leaves for god knows how long.

“Elxa…” I called softly, surprised that I could speak his name without formalities. Despite everything, despite the pain, calling his name was sweet on my tongue.

Surprised by my informality, Mr. Elxa’s eyes pegged on me again, then lowered to the floor as if embarrassed at looking at me or meeting my gaze. Was this his way of showing his guilt? The fact that he didn’t dare to look at me?

“Elxa,” I ventured again, this time standing up. I didn’t know what I planned to say but I just wanted to talk to him before he left in handcuffs to jail. I was just winging it, but I had to say something.

Winging it; I really was.

“I love you, Elxa. Even if I was just your tool and weapon to protect Jon, I’ve fallen for you.”

The silence of shock fills the air between us, as black orbs finally tags on me, and doesn’t escape away in guilt. The shock, wonder and awe fills his eyes, and he stands frozen. Jon backs away slowly so as to not attract attention, and I keep my eyes on Elxa.

“I… love you too. I’m sorry for all that I’ve said. I’m sorry for lying. I’m sorry for… everything.” He finally replied, the pain, the sorrow, the joy; everything written inside his eyes.

Elxa had never been a man to show his expressions on his face, but I could read everything in his eyes. As if his eyes were the reflection of the man who had been trapped there ever since he was taught to lie and hid his feelings, they spoke his inner feelings for him. Every slight change in the glint in his eyes, the hardness or softness of which he looked upon on something –everything meant something to me.

Not many people understood that of Mr. Elxa.

But I had. And he knew.

I didn’t cry this time. Maybe I’d run out of tears. Maybe Inner Bitch was too tired about Weepy Me crying so much today. Maybe my tears ducts had just decided to go on a strike, considering the overtime that I was making them go through.

But this time, I really didn’t cry.

I silently walked over to him, and stood inches before him, looking up and deep into his eyes, watching the change of emotions in them. There was fear, there was apology, and there was pain and sorrow.

But beneath it all, there was happiness, and the spark of something I had never been able to identify. Now that I knew its identity, I finally understood the strange look that I’d seen so often in his eyes for the past months.

It was love.

I hugged him, and he hugged me back.

I tiptoed, and kissed him, and he kissed me back.

And that was it.

It was honesty in every movement. A truthful hug, a truthful kiss backed up by honesty and love.

It was short-lived.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

The doorbell rang, and my heart sank low. Jon’s eyes were tinged with panic and pain, but Elxa smiled. He had been smiling ever since I told him I loved him, and this is the longest I had found him so happy. It is like I’ve made his entire day, but I don’t know how he can keep this up.

He is going to leave.

“I guess this is time up.” My father broke the expectant silence of the living area, and Elxa nods firmly.

“It was nice working with you. I have no doubts that you have your own methods for staying on The Circle, so I guess I won’t have to worry about not working with you ever again?” Hayden asked, and Elxa nods again.

“And you will still love my daughter?” The question came out of nowhere but Elxa doesn’t stop smiling.

“If 21 years never stopped you from loving Kristen, what will make me stop loving Kaylen?” Elxa questioned back serenely, and I squeezed his hand in mine once, to show him that I understood the point he was trying to prove. I had no doubt of his love for me, and even though everything that had happened between us, and was going to happen between us might push us apart, only time would tell if we loved each other enough to hold on.

The doorbell rings again.

Hayden stands up. “I think we should get the door. Don’t want them to blast in. It won’t do well for your court hearing.”

“I think you understand that the results of the hearing has already been fixed. I’ve contacted the Judge and council that’s going to try for my case. Even if I am represented without a lawyer, I will still have the same sentence.” Elxa replies evenly, and my father grins stupidly.

“You know, I’ve always liked a man who can control his situation wherever his goes. Let me welcome you to the Seyfried family. Soon, I’ll have to call you my son-in-law.” Hayden said, making for the door as I blushed.

“You assume too much.” Elxa replied, but I detected a hint of embarrassment. I was only beginning to discover the depths of Elxa, my lover, but there wasn’t any more time. At the door, I could hear an unfamiliar voice belonging to who I assumed was an FBI agent talking to my father.

“Jon, please watch over yourself and listen to Hayden. Right now, I want to go in knowing that you will be fine, so please don’t destroy yourself. I can’t be around anymore to make sure you’re going straight. You have to trust yourself now.” Elxa instructed softly, not wanting the agents at the door to hear the last words of a conman resigned to his fate.

“I will.” Jon replied shortly, but emotionally. It seemed as if the younger brother had –too –resigned himself to his brother’s fate, seemingly knowing that there was nothing he could do to convince Elxa of running away.

It was for the best, for Elxa to hide away for the moment.

“Please take care of yourself. And Kaylen.” Elxa continued, and despite the somber situation, the corner of Jon’s lips lifted wryly as his cool gray eyes stopped on me at Elxa’s words.

“I’ll take good care of my future sister-in-law.” He reported solemnly, but this was no time for argument as Elxa turned to me.

“Can you wait for me?” He asks, the truth flashing clear in his eyes. We could already hear my father stalling the FBI agent at the door. Anytime now, they would get suspicious and barge in.

“I will. Can you wait for me?” I asked back in reply, and he holds on to his smile, hand cradling my cheek gently as if cupping something precious within his palms.

“I will be in my cell every day, thinking about you.”

“Then I’ll think about you every day.”

“As long as you don’t run away like how your mother did, I will be waiting for the day I come out, to see you again.” He promised, and I nodded.

“As long as you don’t run away, I will be waiting for that day to come.” I agreed, and that was all the promise we needed.

He kissed me, one last time.

“Whoa, please control yourselves!” Hayden exclaimed, and Elxa stepped back fluidly, turning to face my father as well as the small group of agent in formal black, neatly pressed suits and clipped black tie. If they wore black sunglasses, they would have looked exactly like bodyguards or mafia thugs.

“Mr. Elxa Dal, you are under arrest for numerous counts of forgery, money laundering, wire scam, bribery, incitation of other crimes, and possession of unlawful materials as well as forgery of identities. You are advised to stay silent, for anything you say may be held against you in court.” The agent spoke officially, but Elxa had already nodded and raised his hands, putting them together, waiting for handcuffs.

It was a very business-like affair, with no extra words exchanged as the handcuffs clicked on. It was strange, how the life of one man would be chained in such normal, business-like silence. The agents began to leave, one of them holding on firmly to Elxa, making sure he didn’t try anything funny.

“Wait for me?” Elxa stopped before he walked out of the door of the apartment, looking back at me, Hayden and Jon sending him off.

“I will.” I promised, and he nods, smiling.

Then he walked off.

To jail.