Chapter 22

“Are you sure you are fine?” Hayden asked for the millionth time, peering into my eyes as if he’d expected to find signs of trauma there.

“Aside from possible concussion and deafness from listening to the same question repeatedly, I am 99% sure of my current situation.” I replied flatly, lightly rubbing the lump that was beginning to form on my temple.

“You know, I have never seen Hayden do such a heroic dive before. You should really thank him before he decides that its bad news to have saved you from a bullet in your heart.” Jeremy advised and we turned to see him holding on to a transparent bag that carried Ellen’s gun. Hayley and Jeremy were setting up the scene to remove all traces of their and my presence, though it was a little hard –considering that a little of my blood had smudged on the floor. Hayley could cover up that bit of blood being there using Ellen’s, but if FBI decided to get too thorough in their investigation, I could get into some trouble.

“I will nicely neglect to say that Ellen’s last bullet would only hit my left arm even if Hayden didn’t push me out of the way. She was too late in pulling the trigger before Killian did.” I informed evenly, and Jeremy clucked his tongue with amusement.

“I guess that’s as much thanks you can ever hope to get from someone like him.” Jeremy said with an ‘I-pity-you’ look to Hayden, but the man in topic didn’t seem to mind, peering warily again at my temple as if he expect my brain to implode or something.

“I am fine, Hayden. I don’t want to repeat myself again.” I reiterated, wiping the small trickle of blood from my temple with a cloth.

The aftermath had been pretty gruesome, though I was quite the fortunate soul to not have been conscious in the immediate moments after that. When Killian pulled the trigger, so had Ellen –though she had been a single moment too late. I had been in the process of dodging the bullet, but Hayden had crashed into me instead, pulling me to the floor.

We’d fallen on my injured right arm, but the amazing factor was when Hayden knocked me down, my temple had smashed onto the hard ground, causing me to black out immediately. I guess it was a good thing, for I never got to see nor hear Ellen’s last breath. By the time I woke up, Matthew Killian was gone and I had been moved to Hayden’s limousine outside the warehouse. I didn’t even want to ask why Hayden had a limousine waiting.

“Right.” Hayden said again, as if trying to convince himself of the fact that I was now awake and not suffering from concussion. “You’re fine.”

“And now that you have ascertained that I am, shouldn’t you be trying to help your sister out, just in case she decides that setting up the surrounding is too much work for her, and leave you to flounder with FBI agents knocking at your door?” I retorted quickly in reply, but Jeremy’s lips –if possible –only pursed thinner at my words.

“Speaking of FBI agents, Elxa…” He started, then looked away as if he couldn’t bear to meet my gaze. “FBI HQ received files of incriminating evidence against you fifteen minutes ago by an unknown sender that they traced from the warehouse. Ellen must have sent it before you arrived. I tried to stall for you, but they’re going to get through the firewalls. I would ask for total shutdown of the bureau, but it isn’t enough time before your files get duplicated.”

Hayden jumped up quickly upon hearing the words of my imminent doom. “Then get a bug in their server! Cut off their connection. We can round up the information and burn it off. What are you waiting for?”

“Hayley can try, but…” Jeremy hesitated, then turned back bravely to look at me. “Do you want to? You could be burning bridges if you shut down the bureau. Your contacts as FBI will be sniffed out, and life will be much harder afterwards.”

I sighed, letting my hand drop from my sore temple. The only bridges important to me had been burnt thanks to Ellen, and right now, there wasn’t much that I could afford to care about at the moment. My reputation, my career and hobby was the least of my concerns now, as the gnawing in my heart only grew larger with the suddenly calming of situations.

I felt almost as if I had been dealt with a cliff hanger of a situation, and I’d fallen right off the cliff when I blacked out. Right now, I was dealing with the carnage left after Ellen’s rampage, and I was still struggling to come up with the correct way to deal with things.

But facing Ellen down, it made me realize the important relationships I needed to cherish. I’d hurt Kaylen. I’d hurt Hayden. And right now, FBI could wait. Making up the relationships I’d burnt meant more to me than the petty little problem the government bureau posed for me.

“Let the FBI do what they want. It doesn’t matter anymore.” I said seriously, and Jeremy didn’t even question. As if he had expected that reaction from me, as if knowing the motivation behind my words, knowing that I would never be waivered by any words from him, Jeremy nodded wisely.

“Then this might be the last time I see you free –at least until you finish your sentence. Stay safe, Elxa Dal, and I will wait for your return on The Circle to give me an amazing show of all that you have accomplished.” He replied seriously, and before more could be said, he turned away with a stiff back, stalking off back to Hayley’s side, presumably to tell her of my decision.

“Elxa, you can’t be serious. You’re giving up? You could be thrown off The Circle.” Hayden questioned uncertainly, but I sighed and looked up at the blue sky. How could such a horrible day occur with such a nice weather? Should it at least rain? Shouldn’t the surroundings reflect my inner feelings right now? Pathetic fallacy; it would be, but I would feel so much better if it at least became a little darker.

“If so, then I will work my way back on it. But I doubt so, for this time, I am going in not because of my incapability to run. This time, I am going in because I need someplace quiet and alone where I can think and clear my mind. A jail cell will do just nice.” I explained, and Hayden, despite his worry, snorted.

“You speak as if you can control where you will be. When I was serving the Yard so long ago, I had to fight over the smallest meals and look behind me during exercise hours.” Hayden advised, as if he was a pro at being a jailbird.

“You seem to forget.” I replied with the hint of a smile. “I am Elxa Dal. I control my surrounding.”

“Fine.” Hayden replied with a chuckle, as if he couldn’t do anything about the bravado that I had been using all the while to unnerve Ellen in a bid to stall for time. It had worked, earning me precious time for Hayley, Hayden and Jeremy to crash into the warehouse in their flashy style to ‘save’ me. “But FBI will take a few more hours before they make sure everything is confirmed. Where do you want to go?”

“I want,” I said, suddenly realizing the innate desire I had been having ever since I woke up from certain unconsciousness, realizing that Ellen was gone, “to reunite you with your daughter. I want to bring you to her right now.”

The silence in which followed dragged on for too long, that I had to turn to make sure that Hayden was still there, leaning against the side of the limousine beside me.

“My daughter…” He finally replied blankly. “You found her?”

“Yes.” I replied quickly, praying that he wouldn’t ask how long I’ve known. “She is almost exactly like you. A carbon copy, if you will. She has so many traits of you, and she will only love you as you have loved her.”

“You know her? How is she like?”

“I am… acquainted to her. She is kind and gentle. A caring woman, she often puts too much heart in things that she shouldn’t. She’s trusting too –almost too trusting to be a Seyfried. She is a little quirky, but that is what makes her unique and fun. Her little ways of making things right and greeting people with a smile no matter what she does and how she feels are… strangely pleasant. The way she makes people comfortable even in a strange situation –it is amusing how she considers herself socially awkward when it is us who feel awkward when we are around her. It is as if her shields are perpetually down, always inviting, always welcoming.” I recalled with a hint of a smile.

“You seem to know her well for an acquaintance.” Hayden observed after another short moment of silence. For a man who just found out that someone knew about the location of his long-lost daughter, he was exceptionally calm.

“I have been observing her.” I replied quickly. “To ensure that she is your daughter.” I corrected quickly upon Hayden’s surprised look.

Still, his look didn’t fade away, as he seemed to find something new on my face that he hadn’t seen before.

“God’s body, you like her?” He declared in such a shocked tone that I could not help but make a weak protest that died quickly on my lips, displaying exactly how much of the opposite I felt on the inside.

“This must be Fate’s irony.” Hayden commented with a laugh. “You love her, but you lied to her. I don’t know how you plan to do it, but you must seek her forgiveness before you hope to do anything else.”

“I did-” I began to reply, but narrowed eyes on him quickly. “How did you know I lied to her?”

“The way she calls you Mr. Elxa? And how I was introduced as a business associate?” Hayden pointed out, and a sour feeling coated my tongue as realization hit through me. No wonder Hayden was calm and cool. He knew.

“You know who your daughter is.” I accused, but he only maintained his slight smirk, the twinkle in his eyes.

“Hayley told me before we came. You son of a bitch, Elxa. You had her all along, but you just wouldn’t let her go. But I won’t blame you as yet. You’ve been protecting her better than I can ever hope to, and given all that has happened with Ellen, I am quite glad that you kept her safe along with Jon.” Hayden grinned, then opened the door to the limousine, gesturing for me to take a seat.

“Come, Elxa. Before you get locked behind bars, it’s time for you to finish your job. Bring me to my daughter, the woman you love.” He invited with the delighted twinkle in his eyes.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Never has the act of returning home and turning the key in the lock felt so right before. Never has the feel of the wooden door swinging open feel so settling in my stomach before. Perhaps it was the knowledge of my imminent capture; that this could very possibly be the last place in a long time that I would ever go to freely.

Perhaps it was for fear of the people who could be waiting for me inside. I didn’t want to breathe a single moment, daring to believe that Kaylen had stayed around. Jon was most probably waiting for me –but what would he say? Would he continue to hate me, and despise me for choosing the road of our father, for leaving us forever in danger? The young boy still didn’t understand that it was part of me; that there was no way I could steer from this path. All I could have done was to keep Jon out of this dangerous world when May and Jed died, and had been largely successful thus far.

But now that I was going to resign myself to the words of law… what would happen to Jon?

“Before you come in,” Jon’s voice greeted me before I could take my first step in, and I blinked, watching him walk into view, an expressionless face. I tried not to think how irritating it was when he copied me, and waited patiently, “Tell me exactly how long you held on to the belief that I would forgive you before you gave up.”

It wasn’t the most inviting questions to ask of a brother, but we had a strange relationship anyway.

“Fifteen years.” I replied honestly, Jon’s eyes growing wide at my answer. “And I’ll continue believing until you understand that it was my fault that May and Jed died, and that it was my fault that you turned out like this, and that I had failed their wish for you to be happy and free.”

Jon shook his head forcefully, as if he couldn’t bear the thought any longer.

“Shut up.” He said angrily, and I did, a little surprised and a little confused. What did it all matter to him? “You stupid idiot!”

With that, he took me by surprise. He covered the space between us in two large steps, and arms wrapped around my back. He was just a little shorter than I was, but his head hung over my shoulder, and he squeezed tight. I did not complain about my injured arm being inconveniently sandwiched between us.

“You stupid idiot, don’t you see? There’s nothing you need to be forgiven about. It was never your fault Mum and Dad died. It was never your fault I became like this. You tried to reach out to me, but I just didn’t want to see. I just wanted someone to blame, and when you continued becoming a con to support us, I just wanted to blame you and everyone in that world for taking my parents away. I just wanted someone to blame. And I blamed you.” Jon said, pulling me close as if he didn’t want to ever let go.

It was the first hug I’d received from him since fifteen years ago, and it was all I could do to stand stiffly, stoned in shock as Jon kept his arms around me, still speaking but clearly with an increasingly emotional voice.

“How stupid can you be? Dad didn’t teach you to be a martyr. I’m sure he never taught you to sacrifice yourself like this protect me! Why didn’t you say anything? Why didn’t you tell me that you had to be a con to protect me, to protect the last bit of family that you had left? I thought you just didn’t care anymore, Elxa. I thought you’d just decided to move on without this baggage left in your life. I thought you didn’t want your little brother to bother your life anymore, that I was just a weight left behind by Jed and May that you had to drag along.” Jon continued, and it took all of me to understand the weight of his words.

“A-are you telling me that you forgive me?” I asked carefully, not very sure how to react to the circumstance. Too long I have met him with an expressionless face, trying to hide my emotions from him so that he wouldn’t hurt me more than he already have done. To have he suddenly embrace and open up to me, I momentarily was too shocked to understand that this was the Jon I’d watched grow up over all these years.

Was the fault of 15 years made up so quickly with words?

Apparently so.

“How stupid can you be? There’s nothing to forgive at all, Brother. I should be the one asking forgiveness. I’m so sorry for hating you and blaming you for everything. I’m sorry I became an angry little kid when you needed me the most. I’m sorry I became a liability you had to hide from the world.”

Brother. The last time I heard that word from his lips had been 15 years ago. The last time I heard that, was 4-year old Jon telling me goodnight.

That was before the day we crashed.

I closed my eyes, and something surprisingly hot rolled down from the corner of my eye.

“Don’t say more. If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t be here. Protecting you made me strong.” I replied softly, but with him right next to me, there was no doubt that he could hear the crack in my voice as I did my best to push back the wave of emotions. Whatever that Ellen told him; it must have gotten through to him in ways I hadn’t done.

The gasp of shock brought us back to reality, and I opened eyes to see her standing stoned in shock before me, hands over her mouth. Jon, seemingly to come back to reality at the same time, straightened embarrassedly, stepping back quickly as if to return some sane semblance into our sudden moments of weakness. If he was shocked at the presence of a tear running down my cheek, he didn’t say a word about it as I wiped it away wordlessly.

“Are you alright? Did Ellen do anything to you?” Jon asked worriedly, but I shook my head.

“I’m fine. Ellen’s gone. Everything is safe for you now. You don’t have to worry about Ellen or her people hunting after you or Kaylen anymore.” I pronounced loudly enough so that she, standing a safe distance away, could hear. I couldn’t understand why she still stood there –after all that I had done –but it remained a fact that she was still there.

“Wait, safe for me? What about you? Don’t tell me you’re going to leave me alone?” Jon, true to the amazing intellect that he’d inherited from Jed, jumped to the conclusion quickly, eyes widening in realization.

“Ellen… sent files to the Bureau charting evidence of my crimes before she died. It would be too late to erase those files, and I would be burning too many bridges if I try something major right now. But it’s for the better. The jail time can give me a little silence in my life, and give the world out there some time to breathe without me.” I explained, holding my breath in, waiting to get an earful from Jon, who had only finally forgiven me for conning on the basis of protecting him.

He must have matured in ways I’d never seen, for he only sighed with resignation. “Okay. But I’ll get to visit you?”

“I’ll have my people making sure I don’t stay in there for too long. You can have the house and the money, but I will be naming one of my friends as your guardian until you are of legal age to stand out by yourself.” I informed, and Jon’s eyes immediately narrowed suspiciously.

“Who?”

This time, I finally gave Kaylen a look. I met her blue eyes unflinchingly, and saw her anger. But there were other emotions running through those pretty eyes too. A sense of responsibility to see things to the end –a sense of responsibility to look after Jon until I was back home. There was something else too; intense hurt. I had destroyed her and her capacity to love and trust.

“Kaylen’s father.”

The change of expression was amazing, from anger to shock, then an undertone of realization. She must have suspicions already –the evidences were actually glaringly obvious, but nothing had been confirmed. At least until now, for I had had a DNA test done to ensure 100% accuracy in my theory.

“Kaylen’s father who?” Jon repeated, but the woman in topic seemed to have more questions than the identity.

“So you knew who my father was all along?” She interrupted, stepping forwards, eyes glinting with accusation and anger.

“I had suspicions. I found your mother’s ring in your bag; it was the exact pair to his. At first I thought maybe you stole it or picked it up. But your eyes are his, and your knack for being –for the lack of a better word –unique; it is all a parallel of him. Your father was trained to be a con since he was born, but you weren’t. Yet, you thought like him. Over the time, I began to see more likeness between the two of you. I had your DNAs tested.”

“Behind my back.” She added with acid in her voice, and I schooled my expression enough to betray nothing, though I would have flinched if I could afford it.

“Behind your back.” I agreed. Hayden would be coming up from parking the car anytime now. “Blame me all you want, but he knew nothing about it. He only found out about it today; found out about you only today. Will you forgive him for never finding you before this? Put aside the anger you have at me for being a con. Will you accept your father for who he is?”

The struggle in her eyes was real. I might have very well ruined Hayden’s chances of reuniting him with his daughter, considering how I’d made her out to be a victim of my lies. Would she ever find trust again? Would she accept her father to be a conman, someone exactly like me?

“I would hate him… I should. But… I don’t. You taught me that not all conmen chose to be like this. You were taught from young, and it’s all you know how to do. I feel sad for you; I pity you. You weren’t given a chance to tell the truth, you lied since you could speak. You were never told that honesty was the way to make a relationship work. And if my father was exactly like you… then I don’t blame him. He is my father, and I know exactly how much he’s been hurting, feeling guilt and regret at never being able to find me.” Kaylen finally said, beginning to shake with the overflow of feelings.

I could tell that she was now struggling to hold on to some semblance of anger, but every bit of the emotions in her eyes was only longing and desire, as she blinked the tears from her eyes. Jon backed off quietly, understanding that the situation didn’t need him or his interference.

Downstairs, footsteps were already rushing up the stairs. The footsteps of the anxious father, running up in the bright hopes of seeing his daughter truly for the first time. Kaylen’s eyes widened, and for the first time, I allowed her to see my smile. Taking her shock to my advantage, I reached forward and wiped the tears streaming from her eyes, then stepped back, pulling her out into the corridor, and turning her to the stairwell.

Why Hayden had to run up five flight of stairs instead of simply using the lift; I could only dimly understand the eager desire of a father to meet his long-lost daughter.

Finally he appeared, barely winded. But as he met the teary eyes of his daughter, his panting only got more pronounced, his breathing harder and harder. Still, he approached her slowly, as if approaching a newborn doe, afraid of scaring it off.

“K-Kaylen…” He said, and the name on his lips sounded so pained and gentle, it could break a million hearts.

“Daddy!” She cried out, and closed the distance like how Jon had done to me.

And then they cried together.