{trigger warning: butchering of the Japanese language, sexual content, mention of homophobic parents & abuse}

PSA: I've been practicing writing more sexual content (don't ask why) just to hone my skills?? Idk why but it's fun. If you don't like that kind of stuff, sorry. I'll put a tw on each one that has sex in it.

"Are you ready to try again?" Josh asked, settling himself across from Tyler at the foot of his bed.

It had to be one, two in the morning, but neither of them were tired. They'd been studying for tests and learning Japanese on and off all day. Josh had ordered pizza earlier so the only thing separating them was a box of Papa John's

"I think so," Tyler responded, tossing his notecards to the side. "I need to be fluent in Japanese by next month or your family will hate me."

Josh laughed at that, his voice striking Tyler's heart like a dagger. He tucked his feet underneath him and shuffled through his own notecards.

"Okay. Kōnā."

"That's easy. Store."

"Kakunō."

"Store."

"Denkyū."

Tyler paused, having to think about it for a moment. "Light...bulb."

"You sure?" The corner of Josh's lip quirked up but he fought it.

"Yeah, I'm sure," Tyler said, sitting up with faux confidence that made Josh snort. "Was I right?"

Josh smiled and dipped his head down so Tyler couldn't see. "Three out of three. You're getting better. Do you want to take a break? We've been at this for a while now, and I'm starving."

Tyler shook his head. "No, teach me more. We haven't spent time together in so long, and who knows how long we'll have until-" he stopped when he saw the look of distress on Josh's face.

They both knew that they didn't have much time left to be together before life ripped them apart. It was their senior year, Josh was leaving for California and Tyler to Rhode Island, both attending their dream colleges.

They'd been planning this week long trip to Japan for four years since they met, and finally found a spot for their spring break, their entire friend group- six of them in total- chipping in and saving as much money as they could to help pay. The rest that they realistically couldn't afford was covered by their parents.

It was almost unbelievable, the upcoming trip, and since they'd be visiting some of Josh's relatives while there, Tyler was cramming to learn Japanese.

"You really don't need to do this," Josh said for the thousandth time.

"I know, but I want to," Tyler replied. I would do anything for you, even if I am a coward, he said to himself, but not out loud. "Think of this as a shitty apology for all the times I left you behind."

Their relationship had taken an interesting turn in the past year. They went to prom together last year as a joke seeing how neither of them had nor wanted dates. The after party resulted in drunk confessions of love, mutual blowjobs, and an awkward morning after when Tyler woke up in Brendon's guest room with no clothes on, an equally naked Josh sleeping soundly on his chest.

In a fit of panic, Tyler abandoned Josh and proceeded to avoid him for a week and a half after that before the pain of being away from him became unbearable. That was the first but not the last time he would who was supposed to be his best friend.

Whenever Tyler started to realize that their one night stand wasn't just a one night thing, he'd dip out, isolating himself until he could get a hold of his feelings. He became sarcastic, and Josh retreated further into himself.

They never talked about it. How could they? Sure, there was always romantic- and sexual, let's be honest- undertones to their friendship, those stolen kisses between at three am when they were too high off of edibles to remember them in the morning, and those not-so-subtle times that Josh would jerk off the Tyler while on the phone, and Tyler would always follow suit.

But nothing would ever come of those feelings, and they both had accepted that a long time ago. While Josh was out and proud, the last time Tyler did anything 'homosexual'- the after party- his father beat him until he was purple all over. Josh had been the one to nurse him back to health.

Tyler wished he didn't care so much about what other people thought and just followed what his heart told him to do.

"Earth to Tyler," Josh said, snapping his fingers in front of Tyler face. He looked nervous, concerned.

Tyler blinked, smiling so he didn't worry. "Sorry, just thinking about the trip is all."

Josh seemed to know there was more going on but, as usual, he didn't push the issue and instead pulled out a card from his deck.

"Netsu."

"Heat."

"Sakuya."

"Last night."

The heat in Tyler's house had broken the night before, so Tyler and Josh slept in the same bed, for the first time in a year. Tyler frowned when Josh looked up for a moment, something dark and sad in his eyes, before they flickered down.

"Tōtsū."

"Pain."

"Yeah, that's right."

Oh, how Tyler wanted to hold him and tell him he wished he could go back and change everything that happened between them. He knew what Josh felt- he felt hurt, abandoned, trapped. He felt it too. Neither of them were brave enough to made the first move.

"Daisuki desu." Josh had gone quiet so Tyler had to lean in to hear him, setting the pizza box on the ground beside Tyler's bed. He wasn't looking through the cards anymore.

"I don't know that one," Tyler's voice faltered.

"I love you."

Tyler hadn't heard him say that since the party, and the heartbroken tone he used shattered any semblance of internal homophobia left behind by his upbringing. All that mattered now was that Josh started crying but was trying to hide it and Tyler had to say something before he lost him forever.

He reached out to Josh, brushing away a stray tear from his cheek. "How do you say I'm sorry?"

Josh bristled, looking up in surprise. "Gomen'nasai."

"How do you say hug me?"

"Watashi o dakishimete."

Tyler scooted so their knees touched tentatively wrapped his arms around Josh, burying his face in his neck. He tried not to burst from all the things he wanted to say, but he felt like a kettle boiling hot water, ready to start screaming at any moment.

Josh reciprocated the hug, and Tyler felt cold tears hit his shirt.

"How do you say kiss me?" He mumbled, hearing Josh's breath hitch.

"Kisushite."

Tyler pulled back, cupping the back of Josh's neck with one hand, the other on his waist. "Kisushite."

And just like that, the wall they'd both built between them collapsed.

With tears in his eyes, Josh put his hands on the sides of Tyler's face and kissed him softly. He tasted salt and sprite. It was a brush against his lips, but it was enough to send electricity zipping through his body and out of his toes. Tyler deepened the kiss by opening his mouth just slightly, pulling Josh down into his lap, who spread his legs so they were on either side of Tyler's body.

"Touch me," Tyler whispered.

"Watashi ni furete."

He sunk into the bed, letting Josh push him into the duvet as Tyler's hands wandered underneath the two layers of clothing he was wearing. They dressed against his abdomen, feeling the quickening rise and fall to Josh's breath, alive and against him. Just like Tyler had always wanted him.

Josh left open mouthed kissed on his neck, his thin, calloused drummer fingers roaming under his shirt and up and down his spine, sending bolts of lighting through him that rattled Tyler to his core.

"Your parents could hear us," he mumbled against Tyler's skin, pushing the collar of his shirt to get more access. He didn't sound at all concerned, but Tyler knew he wanted to give him the option to stop now before they went past the point of not return. In his own opinion, they crossed that line years ago.

"I don't care," Tyler gasped as arched his back off of the bed as Josh bit down on his shoulder. "All I ever cared about was you. Always you. I love you."

He heard a rumble deep in Josh's chest. "Will you stay with me, just this once? Just until sunrise."

Tyler squeezed his eyes shut, threading his fingers through the curls at the base of Josh's neck. The sensations of Josh's mouth on his collarbone, Josh's hands on his waist, Josh's hips against his, it was all too much. He couldn't respond, every word in his lexicon being replaced with Josh's name.

So, that's what he said. Tyler chanted his name like a holy prayer, kissing and biting and bruising and fucking. Their clothes were forgotten on the floor.

Everything that had been left unsaid between them came out in a flurry of shared breaths, exchanged kisses, and gripped hands grounding them to reality. Homophobic parents be damned, there was nothing that existed except for Josh's mouth around him, Tyler inside of him, Josh's moans drowned out by Tyler's mouth on his.

By the time the sun rose, Tyler had come to the conclusion that he'd never leave Josh again.

"Always," he whispered to Josh, who'd fallen asleep in his arms. "I'll always stay with you. Past the sunrise."