The next three months were ordinary. Agent Mel and I got used to each other and started liking each other, so much that I called him Jake by now. Rafael recruited him as a bodyguard and Gabriel needed my help a few more times. But besides that, not much has happened and now I sat next to Jake and we watched a movie.

During an advertisement break I got up to get some ice cream, Jake scrolled through his phone until I came back. A few minutes into the movie during a boring side-character-scene Jake leaned closer to me. "Can I try some?" he asked looking straight into my eyes. "Sure." I handed him the spoon, but he hesitated, and I saw him looking at my lips. "What-" I couldn't finish my question, he put his lips on mine. I returned the kiss and felt a rush of adrenaline running through my body. I let him push me a bit back with one hand on my shoulder and one und my hips.

"You tasted ice-cream from my lips." I said out of breath as he broke the kiss. "And I liked it." He whispered back with a slight smile. "So did I but-" he put his finger on my lips "No >but< just enjoy the moment." He said and then we kissed again, this time I pushed him down in the couch pillows. I, in fact, enjoyed the moment and never wanted to be further away from him again but the second his hand went under my shirt I remembered that we aren't even allowed to do this and that we need to focus on something else than relationships. I directly sat up straight, still sitting on him I looked at his face, he was confused. "Too fast? Are you alright? Did I understand it wrong?" his questions rushed out. "No. We just can't do this. I want to but we can't." I said and stood up. "I'll go to bed now. Good night." I wanted to go to the bedroom, but he held me back. "Why not?" Jake asked with his hand on my wrist. "We should have other priorities. A relationship between agents can endanger the mission and put other agents in risk. And it already is difficult living with you." I said and pulled my hand back, he just stared into my eyes for a few seconds. "In our mission we're supposed to play a couple and there are no other agents around us, sweetie. We're all alone. It's okay if you don't want it but don't give me that trained rule as an excuse." He said and then went back to the couch. "I'm sorry, Jake." "No, it's fine." He turned off the TV and laid down. Without another word I went to the bedroom, the door I left opened for the first time. Sure, I just turned him down, dumped him but I was still hoping he would give it another try but with something less intimate.

But I spend the night alone in my bed and I've been kind of sad when I woke up alone in my apartment in the next morning. After I got up, I had to realize that Jake wasn't there. First, I thought he could be in the bathroom but then I saw the opened door and knew he was definitely gone. When I couldn't find a note I started looking for my phone and texted him where he was. While I made breakfast, I nervously waited for an answer but my phone didn't make one noise. When I finished my whole morning routine with the work-out and the shower I went back to the bedroom to check my phone another time, still nothing. Then I heard the door unlock and grabbed the gun that was under my pillow. Slowly I went back to the living-room and pointed my weapon at the door. "Whoa!" I heard a loud voice when the door opened. Jake stood there, sweaty, mixed-up hair and taking off his headphones. "What the hell are you doing? Trying to kill me?" he asked while he shut the door. "Where were you? You didn't leave a note and didn't answer my text! I thought something happened!" I put down the gun and took a deep breath to calm my pulse. "I just went running to clear my head, sorry." He said, "And now I'll take a shower, guess I'll see you after work!?" he took a few fresh clothes from his little cabinet and went to the bathroom. "Jake." He turned around. "Are you mad at me?" "No, why would I?" "Yesterday... I shouldn't have rejected you like that, I really like you. In that way too. I really do but you know we shouldn't be doing this." "I know. It's fine, Jane." He said and gave me an, obviously fake, smile. "Okay. I'll go to work now." I said, he nodded and then went into the bathroom and locked the door. I got my purse and everything else I needed and opened the apartment door where I found a package that must have been put there only a few minutes ago. I picked it up. "Jake?" he didn't answer. And to avoid annoying him even more I decided to text him to get lunch together because we got a package, which was definitely from the Agency.

When I arrived, I was happy to see Sophie as soon as I entered the building, she greeted me with a bright smile on her face and we went to the elevator together. "You look a bit down today. Trouble with Jake?" she asked, I looked up, at her. "A bit but it's going to be fine." I replied "Do you want to talk about it? We could grab lunch together." "No, thanks. I'm actually getting lunch with Jacob. We decided to talk about it to get over it as fast as possible." I explained before we entered the office on the 15th floor. "Okay. You got a meeting with the Sullivan family at 10 and a call with the Whitemores after that, at 12. And I got a call yesterday from a young couple: Yong-Lee, just got married and want their house to look a bit like paradise and also modern, they would be happy about a fast answer." Sophie changed the subject. "Tell them I can do it, so the answer is yes, they should send us pictures. Thank you, Sophie, you're the best." I said before she sat on her desk, and I went into my office.

The first five working hours passed fast and then I waited in my office for Jake who said he would bring lunch. I was nervous, still felt guilty. I already closed the curtains in front of the glass walls of my office in case there were new weapons in our package and classified files. While I spent the rest of my waiting time turning in my chair, I thought about what I could say to make Jake accept my apology for last night.

"Please stop thinking about it so much darling, it's fine." I heard a voice, I stopped the chair and opened my eyes. "What do you mean?" "I can see how you think about apologizing again. I told you it's okay." He put the food on the desk and put his hands on the side of the chair next to me. He leaned over me, really close. "I'd say you have no idea of what you're missing but I understand that you think it's better if we leave it." He smirked and I didn't know what to say, so I just looked into his eyes which had that spark again. "Alright let's eat." He got distance between us at the same second that I decided to kiss him. With my wish to kiss him he left me on my side of the desk and went to the other one. He gave me the food he ordered for me and then opened the box with his. For a few seconds I watched him and then got out the little package from the agency.

While we ate now, we looked through the files. We got some files about new Members of Rafael's Cartel and one bigger one about a pair of twins. "I got a bad feeling about these two." Jake said while he read a few things. "Summarized?" I asked "A lot of traumas while they were children. Decided to start murdering people when they got 16. Never get caught. Mary and Tom Jenkins, called devils children. Profilers think they want power against our country because their parents where secret service and died on duty. And the little note on here tells me that we are going to be the ones that finally cut them off. The agency doesn't want Rafael to die, they want him locked up and the twins want to kill him, as far as they know for his power and influence. Closer details following." He gave me a shortcut. "I got an even worse feeling." I whispered thinking about the fact that the only way would probably be to kill them. "You never really get over that feeling. But when you did it a few times you get used to it and realize that they deserve it." Jake could see how it made me feel to even think about killing someone. "When did you get used to it?" I asked and leaned back in my chair "After the fifth time, I think. How often did you have to do it?" he leaned back too. "This would be the third. First one was my exam mission and second was my first actual mission, the one right before this one." I sighed and inspected Jakes face to find any type of emotion in it. "If you don't want to do it, I will do it for you." He said and looked at me, I smiled. It was quiet for a little while and I just stared at him, then he looked up and returned the look. "I think I got a crush on you." I mouthed without any noise "I know how to read lips, needed it for a case." He smiled brightly and bit his lips. "Would you mind getting here and kiss me?" I asked, again without a noise. He just got up, walked around the table, turned my chair into his direction, leaned over me and pressed his lips against mine. While our kiss got more intensive every second, he pulled me up, sat on the chair and made me sit on his lap, in a way that would allow us to keep our lips at each other's. "I thought you don't want this." He whispered and then started kissing my neck. "I told you: I do want it. I just thought I could resist you with the memory of that rule we got. But it seems impossible to stay away from you." I sighed when he found a sweet spot on my skin. "We should try that again later when we're home. My break is nearly over." He leaned back to get a small distance between us so he could look at me. "Okay." I whispered but instead of getting up I kissed him again. "Come on now, Jane. We got to finish." He smiled, I sighed and got up to let him go to the other chair again.

A few days later we got another package, two new guns where in it, small, only one bullet but easy to hide. With the weapons there was a disposable phone, Jake turned it on and there was a message on it. A message that proofed we were right with our guess, we had to kill someone. But different than expected we only had to shoot one of the twins, Tom.

"They expect Mary to talk and Tom to be the more dangerous one." I explained to Jake what I just read. "What if they are wrong and Mary kicks our ass after shooting her twin?" he smirked. "Well, we just have to try it. And kick her back." I smiled. "We should still make a plan though." I said and stood up from the couch, put distance between us and started walking through the room. It made me nervous to even think about shooting another person. "Okay. Any proposes?" he asked watching me. "Nope. You?" I asked but didn't even let him answer "Well, maybe we should first find a time. Then where we could get them without risk of being seen by anyone, mostly not Rafael or Gabriel. And how do we get close without them noticing anything themselves? And who of us shoots Tom? The one that needs to learn to handle it or the one with more experience? Do you think we get closer instructions with that? Can you please say something?" I talked very quickly and didn't stop walking until he got up too. "I would say that you need to calm down if you would let me talk." He came to me, took my hands and made me stop moving, he looked me in the eyes and took a deep breath to show me that I should take one too. So, I took a deep breath and waited until he spoke again. "I could have answers to your questions if I may..." "Yes, please." "Okay. After Rafael's introduction would be good, we can get a picture of them ourselves and decide how it's done best, then we can leave with them so we don't have to be worried about how to get close. Rafael will think we're just tired and decide to go when our new friends go. Our friends at the CPD will take care of the street cameras. I will shoot Tom, I promised you that I wouldn't let you ruin your life with this, we will not get closer instructions because we are two grown up, fully trained Agents. Did I answer your questions now?" he still looked me in the eyes. "Mostly, yes." "What didn't I answer?" he looked confused "A question I didn't ask yet... where does this little accent come from?" I asked and turned my head a bit. "What accent?" he took a little step back "The British one. You only got it when you say more than three sentences in a row. I barely notice it, but you just said a lot." I inspected his face to find an expression that might give him away. "My mother is British. I lived in the UK the first eight years of my live until my father took me and made me move here because she... was sick." His last two words he said slowly and as if he had to think about it first. Since he obviously didn't want to talk about it, I decided to leave it like that and maybe ask another time. "Okay... back to the topic... I love your plan. But how do we make them disappear after shooting him and catching her?" I asked "Okay maybe we get closer instructions for that. Or we just write our concerns in our reports and hope for information." He said, I nodded.

For a few more seconds we just stared into each other's eyes until I managed to break the eye contact. "I'll go to bed now." I said and since we didn't talk about our kiss from four days ago I went to bed alone, he still slept on the couch. After three months of living together he still slept on the couch. I am not a really nice person, am I?

Charles Cooper. I read the name on the file that I held in my shaking hands. I could hear my heartbeat and my shaking breath. I heard the voices around me, many different voices, and cars. The many colors around me hurt my eyes so I looked down at the street I was crossing. When I saw grey stones under my feet, I looked up again. I looked straight into the dead eyes of Charles Cooper. He had blue eyes. He stood a few feet in front of me, was different than the crowd. He didn't look like someone who could ever disappear in the crowd. He wore a suit, with a white shirt, the rest in dark blue. His eyes used to have a strong color, they looked like the ocean in one of those social media pictures, now they looked like a mix of grey and light blue. His hair was perfectly brushed to his left, dark hair, darker than mine, nearly black. That's how he looked before I shot him.

I knew Charles before I shot him, nearly a year. He seemed like a nice guy, was as good as I in the training we had at the agency. We were friends. And the last time I saw him alive was on Times Square in New York City. We flew there together, I had my last exam and he wanted to support me, wanted to give me confidence and the bravery to actually shoot someone.

The file in my hand disappeared, now I held a gun. "I thought you liked me." I heard his voice as if he was standing next to me because he was when he said those words. I remember exactly which words he used and how his voice sounded. I remember exactly how he said it, cold, as if he would have never felt any type of emotions. "I thought I knew you." That's what I replied before I fired the gun, he was right in front of me now, I shot him in the middle of the crowd, nobody heard the shot. It took me a while to do something after I shot him. First I put my hand on his skin where the bullet has gone through, I wanted to stop the bleeding and safe him, and then I turned around and walked away, with his blood on my hands. I noticed people screaming, someone must have noticed how he fell. I put my hands in the pockets of my jacket to hide the blood.

I heard him scream, say my name, I heard him begging for help. But it was too late, and it wasn't real, he never said a word after I shot him, he died. I realized how people slowly started turning around, everyone looked at me. They judged me and he still screamed my name. He deserved dead. He betrayed his country. I repeated these seven words in my head. He betrayed his country, he deserved dead. He betrayed his country, he deserved dead. Suddenly he appeared right in front of me, held a gun on my head. "You betrayed your friend, you deserve dead." he repeated my words differently. I closed my eyes, felt tears, felt scared. Then a shot.

I woke up screaming.

"Jane?" Jake ran into the room, I looked at him, with tears in my eyes. "He betrayed his country, he deserved dead." I again repeated the words but this time I actually said them, silent. "What? Who?" Jake came into my bed to pull me into his arms. "Charles Cooper." I knew I didn't have to say more than his name, Jacob knew my file, he knew who Charles was. "It was just a dream, Jane. You know he is dead for two years already. And you are right, he deserved it." He gently moved his hand on my arm and pulled me closer on his chest. "I don't want to kill anyone else, Jake." I whispered "I know. It's okay." He kept holding me for a few more minutes until we both fell asleep again.

The next morning I woke up in his arms and happy because I didn't have any more nightmares. I tried getting up to get ready for work, but Jake held me even tighter and murmured something I couldn't understand. "I need a shower, got to work." I complained and tried standing up again. "No. It's Saturday." He said "I would love to stay in bed, but some people have to work at Saturday. And I am one of them." "Then call Sophie and tell her you're sick. She can do whatever you need to do alone." He kept trying. "I'll think about it if you let me take a shower now." I again tried to free myself. "Can you kiss me first?" "If you let me move, yes." He pulled his arms back, on his side of the bed, but instead of kissing him I chose to use the opportunity and get off the bed. "I hate you." He said and looked at me with his eyes only partly opened. "I feel the same way for you, honey." I said while picking out fresh clothes. "Can I come with you?" he asked "No, we're not there yet." I wanted to leave the room but faster than I could blink he got up, grabbed my wrist and pulled me on his chest only to let us fall back into the bed. "No chance I'm letting you go to work after that nightmare, you know that, right?" he whispered and pulled me up higher so he could look at me and kiss me. "You're an amazing boyfriend." I whispered without thinking about the words. "Boyfriend, huh?" he grinned "I actually thought we're something like friends with benefits at the moment. Even though we didn't get to that benefit part." He still held me close. "I didn't mean an amazing boyfriend to me, I mean you must have been an amazing boyfriend for all your exes and you will be an amazing boyfriend for your future girlfriends and wives." I tried to find a way out of it. "More than one wife? Wow you really think I'm that much of a player? And what makes you think you have to find a way out of this? Maybe I want you to be my girlfriend. I mean... officially you already are but what if we make it real finally?" he still talked quietly. I first laughed a bit and then just smiled at him. "Well, then you are an amazing boyfriend, but I still would like to take a shower. Alone." "Okay, I'll call Sophie for you. I tell her you're sick and then we spend the day in here." He proposed, I thought about it for a few seconds and then agreed with him that it would be better to be with him when I just dreamed about Charles, the nightmares of him were haunting me for months after the first one came and not just during my sleep. After some minutes I stood under the shower and let the cold water drops calm me down and forget about Charles again. I felt how, one after another, my muscles relaxed. I realized how the memories about Charles went into the background again. And when I went out of the shower, I realized that I forgot my clothes in the bedroom after he pulled me back to bed. Without thinking much, I opened the door and wanted to get to the bedroom without Jake noticing but he did, he knows how it sounds when de bathroom door opens. "Hey, babe, look who-" two pairs of eyes were looking at me. Blue and brown. Jake and Josh. And I only had a towel wrapped around me. "Oh. Hey Josh." I forced a smile on my face and then bit my lips. "You look amazing but I think you should get dressed." Josh whispered while inspecting my body as far as possible. I took a short look at Jake who looked at me the same way that Josh did. "Men..." I sighed and then left to go the bedroom, leaving my boyfriend and best friend behind who I saw looking at each other before I locked the bedroom door.

I got dressed quicklyand then took a deep breath before stepping back outside. "Well, you had thechance, you just didn't notice." I heard Jake who showed Josh that I was backwith a look at me. "You talking 'bout me?" I asked and went to the kitchen totake some of the grapes Jake just washed. "Obviously. I mean why would we everstop talking about you again? After that appearance... I mean, walking in on uslooking like that..." Josh breathed out as if he just ate something sharp. "You,idiot." I laughed and hit Josh's shoulder. "You girlfriend is violent." He complainedto Jake who just smirked "Your best friend too." He then said to Josh. Now Ihit Jake for agreeing with Josh. "Are you like cheating on me with each other?"I said while taking another grape. "Why are you eating my grapes?" Jake tookaway the plate "Because I'm hungry and I bought them." I said reaching out for another."But I washed them." He said holding them further away from me. "I don't care.Give me!" I went on his other side what made him hold them over my head. "Giveme a kiss and I'll give you grapes." "Are you trying to bribe me?" he didn't answerjust laughed. "Yes, he is." Josh answered for him "Yes I am." Agreed myboyfriend still laughing at me for being smaller. I leaned closer to him "Youknow I would beat you up for stealing my food and I'd throw you out the window ifJosh wouldn't be here." I whispered into his ear and then went back a bit. Isaw him bite his lip. "Do you know how sexy you are when you're threatening me?I would love to try out those handcuffs under your pillow right now." He whisperedback. "You know that's not why I keep them there, right?" I reminded him "Iknow." He kept smiling. "You guys know that I'm still here, right?" I heardJosh's voice behind me. "Yes. By the way, why are you here, honey?" I turnedaway from Jake and leaned over the counter in front of him knowing what I didwith that. "Rose broke up with me." He smiled at me, but it was a painfulsmile, he really liked her. "But didn't you get together a week ago?" "Yes, andwe were seeing each other for five weeks already. But on her trip to Washington,she met someone. Broke up through a text. After just one week." He told me. Ifelt Jakes hand on my hip, he pushed me to the side so he could lean on thecounter next to me, put the grapes in front of us and looked at Josh. "You wantto tell us more, buddy? We're free all day." "No, it's fine. Nothing more totell." He replied "Josh, it's okay, you know you can tell me everything. And hewill forget about it in a few minutes." I nodded at Jake. "That is not correct,but I give great relationship advice." Jake corrected me, we both took a grapewaiting for Josh to say something. "Fine." He smiled "But do you want to getbreakfast?" he added "Oh, yes, please." I moaned. "You just got a lot hotter."I heard Jake whisper and I just laughed and went to put on some shoes. "It's onJake, let's go." I took my best friends wrist and pulled him outside with me,knowing that Jake followed us, smiling and with his wallet.