The entire night I could not sleep. Even if I try to sleep my mind would not shut up. Everything which Natalie told me was hard to ignore. Because Natalie taking Nathan's side and especially hearing something good about him from her mouth is a really a big thing. She may say she still doesn't like him, but I have noticed her words do not carry hatred anymore. It is like now she hates him out of habit, not because she really means it.

Maybe the hell has really frozen. 

On the other hand, the change in Nathan's behavior is also obvious. But do I trust him? this is something which I can't answer. I have heard when people realize their mistakes, the guilt eats them from inside. Maybe it is true, he really means when he says that he is remorseful of what he did. This is why he is putting so much effort for forgiveness.

His apology will change nothing from me, however, for him, it will mean a lot. He can live guilt free life, and will not be stuck with me forever, neither will I. Maybe this is what I want, for him to get back to his life so that things will go the way they were used to be. My life will get back to normal as much as possible. The feelings which I used to have for him are missing... gone. He made me incapable of loving anyone.

But if he is really regretful, and just because I can't trust him anymore, and I don't accept his apology then it will be wrong from my part.  Perhaps, I can return the favor of whatever he did for me, in the past month, by freeing him from his guilt. 

The wounds on your heart take time to heal, but sometimes they never heal. Some scars will remain there forever, it doesn't matter how much time passes they will always create ripples of pain inside you. 

However, for starting a new chapter in my life, the chapter named Nathan Knight has to be closed. I need to do this not for anyone, but for myself.

"I am going to get something to eat, do you need anything?" Mom asks me, as she finishes packing my stuff, as tomorrow morning I will get discharged from the hospital.

"Nothing... just when Nathan comes, tell him I want to talk to him."

"Ok, but do you want to share what is going on in your mind?" Mom intently looks at me.

 "Mom, if I have to move forward, then I have to leave my past behind?" I think for a moment and ask her as I glance at my ring finger.

"Yes," she sits on the bed beside me, "Because you can't do anything to change it, so it is best to just let it be. However, your present and future are in your hands... they will shape up as you will mold them. And you can only create a better future if you accept your past mistakes and try to rectify them and won't repeat them again," she gives me an understanding smile.

"What if my decision is wrong and I regret it?" I look at her as if she will have the answer to all my problems just like she used to have when I was a child. 

"Decisions are never right or wrong because they depend on the circumstances in which they are taken," she takes my hand in her both hands, "Even if the result of your choices doesn't turn out the way you want, then also it is fine because in the end, they turn out to be great lessons for you, " she lovingly pats my head.

"Ok, now I should probably go get something to eat, as I am starving, "she smiles as she kisses my head and leaves.

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"Natalie told me how you helped in finding me and all the things you did for me when I was in the coma, "I slowly start the conversation, as I try to gather my thoughts, "Thank you for whatever you did," I raise my gaze to find him looking intently at me.

"There is no need to thank, it is my responsibility to look after you, " his voice firm as he maintains steady eye contact with me.

"No, it isn't," I state, "I was never your responsibility, just a burden for you."

"You have got what you wanted," I shrug, "Why does it matter to you whether I will forgive you or not? It should not matter," raising my eyebrows I shake my head.

"It matters, it fucking matters!" he exasperates and throws his hands in the air, "How to make you understand! This guilt is killing me from inside... I can't live with this regret."

"Ok," I look down and nod my head, "I free you from your guilt. I forgive you."

"You have forgiven me?" he asks in disbelief.

"Yes, after whatever you did for me, I am just returning the favor by forgiving you," I shrug.

"Favor?" he raises his eyebrows, "You are forgiving me because you want to return the favor? Not because you believe me?"

"Yes," I nod, "Just like when Dad helped you, you return his favor by marrying me, not because you wanted to," I give him a pointed look.

"The thing which started on a favor is ending on a favor," I wave a hand between us, "Now we both are even. You are not obligated to me in any way, neither I am."

"You can now get back to your life and live the way you have always lived. You are not anymore tied to me, the last thing which was somewhat binding us... was your remorse and my forgiveness," I bit my lip and shrug.

"Abigail," he loudly sighs, "When I am asking you to forgive me I want you to give us another chance... take your time how long you want, don't forgive me easily, make me pay for my mistakes. But give us another shot," he rubs his eyes and swallows.

"There was never us..." I close my eyes and sigh, "From the beginning, there was never us...it was you and me. I was a fool who was trying to hold onto something which never had any future."

"Whatever it was between us was not ended that night when I heard your talk. It was ended way before that when you first time cheated on me, it just took long enough for me to realize this, " I shrug nonchalantly.

"Honestly, I don't blame you for anything because it was my fault for expecting something which was never meant to be," I purse my lip.

"I... I am sorry," he breathes as shakes his head looking down, "I am really sorry," his voice laced with guilt.

"I know," I say quietly.

"Can't you trust me again?" he looks away and ask.

"I don't know," I answer him honestly.

"You hate me and I deserve it," his shoulders slump in defeat.

"I don't hate you... because I don't feel anything for you or as a matter of fact, I have stopped feeling anything altogether," I take a deep breath then releases it slowly, "I am emotionally damaged person, I have lost the ability to feel anything."

His eyes snap up as he looks at me with a pained expression, I am sure he would only see the emptiness in my eyes.

"All I wanted love in my life, now I am not even sure that I will ever be able to love someone... again," I whisper the last word as I swallow and look towards the ceiling, "Love terrifies me, because it only hurts," I blink trying to dry my eyes.

"What if someone loves you and doesn't care whether you love him or not?" a few tears escape his eyes, he quickly rubs them away, "he just wants to be with you, will you make him a part of your life?"

"I can't do that to him, it will be wrong. I know how it feels to be a part of a loveless and unwanted relationship. And I don't wish any such thing even for my enemy," I sigh.

Nobody deserves to be with a girl like me, who has so much baggage with her.

"I don't deserve someone's love..."

"Abigail, you are hurting," he says in a hoarse voice. 

I don't know when this conversation has taken this turn when I just wanted to tell him to leave.

"No..." I shake my head as I feel my throat getting dry.

"Yes, you are," he says as slowly nods his head.

"No... I am not," I bite inside of my cheeks trying to control my tears, which are threatening to flow.

How can somebody affect me such way it is beyond my understanding. 

"If you keep on denying it, you will hurt yourself more," he says. I don't even notice when he walked towards me as now he is standing in front of me.

I just shake my head rapidly, I am not sure if I will speak I could stop myself from breaking down completely, as tears start to stream down my cheeks.

"Abigail..." he chokes, and in a heartbeat, he takes my hand and pulls me on my feet. Next moment his arms are wrap around me, drawing me tightly into his chest.

I clench my hands on my side, as my composure is slipping away. Suddenly, all the pain which was somewhere locked down in my heart consumes me. The pain of immensely loving someone who never reciprocated my love... pain of being cheated by the same person... pain of being again betrayed by someone whom I have considered a friend... pain of being again touched by someone without my permission... 

All this pain is so unbearable that I feel my heart will explode. My body wrecks as a loud sob escape from my lips. I dig my nails in my palms as I tightly clench my hands in a fist, trying to stop this overwhelming pain. 

"Nathan..." I attempt to say between my ragged breathing. But I couldn't say anything other than that, as all the tears which I was trying to hold back starts to flow freely from my eyes.

He holds me against him, by wrapping one arm around my shoulders, while with the other hand he holds my head, my cheek pressed against his chest.

He turns his face and presses his lips on my forehead and murmurs against it, "It is okay to cry..."

Hearing these words, something snaps inside me.

"Yeah, it is okay to cry," my voice hoarse and icy.

"You know what is not okay?" I take a step back, "To cry for someone who doesn't deserve your tears."

"You don't deserve my tears," I point my finger at him, "He doesn't deserve my tears," I point my finger in a general direction. 

"You both hurt me in the worst way possible, he hurt me physically and you," I glare at him as a few tears outflow from my eyes, "You played with my emotions."

"But I forgive you because I want you out of my life," I say through gritted teeth.

"Abigail-," he holds his hand out trying to reach me.

"Don't," I stare at his hand and shake my head.

"You have already made me miserable, but now I can't let that happen," I feverously shake my head, "So please leave me alone."

He looks at me, his eyes showing his pain. We both just silently stare at each other as if engraving each other faces in our minds. I notice the redness in his eyes, making me break the eye contact first, as I feel my resolve dissolving by seeing his tears. I turn my back at him and fixed my gaze at the wall on the opposite of me.

"Nathan," I try to keep a steady voice, "Goodbye."

Few moments pass, then I hear his footsteps and the sound of the door opening and closing.

"I wish I never loved you so much..." I whisper.

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