"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." — Buddha
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Chapter 36
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Maggie

I didn't even realize I was being followed until Luke appeared at my window. I guessed he had went back, and waited for me instead of going home.

Once we got home, I didn't bother on rolling my windows down, or in entertaining conversation, right now. I just wanted to be alone.

Without a word, I pushed by his still stature, hurriedly walking into the house, which he'd unlocked from his phone. I didn't even wait to see if he'd decided to change my room yet, I just went straight for it.

"Hey," I heard him call out to me. "You good?"

I sniffled, again, my hand hanging on the door. "I'm fine."

"You've been crying." His footsteps sounded out much closer. "Tell me why."

I shook my head, ignoring the tremor of my fingers as I turned the handle. "It's nothing."

"It obviously is if it's making you cry."

My eyes fell. "Just...drop it, okay?" Pulling in a shaky breath, I threw a feigned glare over my shoulder. "You can go to bed."

I entered the room, and shut the door after me. Before it fully clapped shut, I caught glimpse of his chagrin. I couldn't blame him for having it.

Here I was, being ungrateful and rude to a man who had just sworn protection and comfort to me despite every reason not to. I hated myself for doing it.

I knew Jax and granny were right. I pushed away every good thing that I could, in order to save my own ass. I'd been doing it for as long as I could remember, because well...after going so long without good, I guessed I'd taken the belief that I didn't deserve it, now, either. If I did, then I'd lose it. I didn't want any option so I ignored it altogether.

And, I hated myself for it.

I hated that Jax had caught on, and still loved me regardless of it.

Like everything else, I didn't deserve it. Or him. Not in the slightest.

I wasn't sure of my next moves. I could tell him about our dad in a simple text or call, right now. I could let him worry about me. I could stop him from moving in with the love of his life. I could stop his growth, his happiness, and his life.

Or, I could wait. A couple weeks at most, when my father came for me. My father never hesitated to strike, even without a plan. Every single day leading up to that one would be a step closer to life or death.

Or, life.

Whichever came first would finalize everything between Jax and I, though. If I lived, he would probably kill me himself for keeping the truth to myself, but that was fine. I could take his anger if it meant that in the end, he'd still be the one to thrive.

As much as I liked to underestimate his presence to the others, I couldn't imagine how I'd make it through these next few weeks without him.

He was my twin, my other half, my confidante, the only person who genuinely loved every side of me. My best friend, and mirror all in one.

We'd been together all of our lives, so now...to lose that, even if it were temporary...

Without warning, the hot, wet tears pricked my eyes. I curled up under the sheets so deeply, all I could smell was the fresh scent. It barely provided any comfort.

I barely caught the knock through my sniffles.

"Norris," I heard Luke call from the other side. "Can I come in?"

"No." My voice wasn't even recognizable after all of the crying, but I was sure he heard me.

I heard the door open. Even after hearing it click shut, I didn't move from my spot.

I swiped at my cheeks as I heard him step closer. "Maggie."

"I told you not to come in," I mumbled, my voice straining. "Leave me alone."

"Fuck that," he said, as stubborn as ever. "I wasn't going to leave you in a room by yourself, crying."

Sniffling, I shoved out a sigh, and switched around so that my back was to him. "Weren't you the one that said you're uncomfortable when you see other people cry?"

His steps closing in on me didn't hesitate, but his words did. I heard him sigh before saying, "You're the one and only exception."

I shifted so slowly, it nearly felt like I wasn't moving at all. I didn't stop until we were face to face.

I lowered the blanket just enough to give him view of the upper half of my face.

Curling my arm under my head, I ran my eyes over him. From afar, one would believe that nothing had changed, and maybe nothing had. Maybe I was exaggerating, but the desperate look in his eyes was so obvious that I had trouble understanding it's existence.

His lips pulled into a thin line at my expression. He raised a bag to me, placing it on the bedside. "I got you a couple candles. The vanilla one you and your brother always have on."

My face fell at the mention of my brother. I attempted a nod, but it barely became that.

Luke caught it, immediately, it seemed. Frowning, he crouched down next to me. My breath caught as his fingers stretched out to swipe strands of hair back.

Nibbling on the side of his cheek, a thought passed over his expression before he voiced it, "You and Jax cool?"

I contemplated on pushing him down, on forcing him out, and cursing his intrusion, but something stopped me. Either that exhaustion or that need to finally just...breathe.

Luke was waiting patiently for an answer, his fingers combing through my hair. His dark eyes roamed over me, but I was more than sure that he'd figured the answer for himself a while ago.

My shoulders rose and fell in a tired shrug. "I don't know."

"Did you two get into a fight? About your dad?" his words were so soft, I would have missed them had he not been so close.

"That, and..." I sighed, my eyes falling to the strong lining of his neck. "I went all bat-shit when he told me that he was moving out with Tony, his boyfriend."

"Mhm," he hummed, nodding at me. His eyes met mine, again. "Should I go and beat Tony's ass for making you cry?"

I shook my head, a chuckle spilling out. "I appreciate it, but no. Tony means well, and so does Jax, I just..." My gaze dropped to the sheets. "I was more mad because I had started to make a plan."

Gently, he tugged at my blanket until he had a full view of my face. "What kind of plan, angel?"

"I was going to tell him about our dad, and we'd figure something out together," I whispered, blinking away the fresh row of tears. "But, now...he has so much going for him, so much that I don't want to ruin."

"You wouldn't have ruined a thing, Maggie. He's your brother—"

"And, he's saved my ass more than I could ever count," I interrupted with a shake of the head. He had no idea how literal that was. "I can't do that to him again, Luke. I can't."

Luke nodded in understanding, his eyes cast behind me as he bit into his lip. Finally, he returned to me. "You'll be able to tell him one day. Maybe he'll understand or maybe he won't. But, as annoying and troublesome as you both are...you're still siblings. You'll find your way back to one another, I know it."

The thought helped soothe what little sanity I had left. "Really?"

"Mhm," he hummed, giving a small smile. "I'll make sure of it myself."

A small chuckle bubbled out of my chest, despite the situation. "You'd do that?"

"You kidding me, Norris?" he teased, widening his smile. "Leaving one Norris twin on their own? I'd be dooming the whole fucking city."

This time, I couldn't stop my laughter. Luke watched me, his grin falling back into a warm smile.

His eyes skipped between my own and my lips. "There it is. My favorite witch cackle."

I rolled my eyes, pulling my arm away from my head. "You're an idiot." I didn't think it possible, but his presence was providing much more comfort than I could have ever expected from anyone other than myself. It was warm, and sweet. He was.

He gave a quick-witted shrug, his head falling with a chuckle. "Don't be shy, Norris. Let me hear the laugh, again."

"On one condition. Well...question."

He snorted with a shake of the head. "Then nevermind."

I disregarded that, and focused on my next set of words. They were random, but that didn't meant they hadn't been waiting on an answer. It was a perfect excuse to stop my mind from reverting right back to my brother, too.

Luke pulled my hand from the bed, and my gaze followed to it. Now, it was such a subtle movement of his that had nearly become routine, but regardless, I never expected the wild round of butterflies everytime he did it.

Finally, I grew the balls to meet his eyes. "Why do you call me every night?"

Luke's grip on me froze, and for a fleeting moment, I feared he'd drop it. Walk out, and avoid my questions altogether, despite that not being him at all. He was never not direct, so he probably wouldn't start now.

Clearing his throat, he asked, "Why do you think I do?"

"I don't know...because you're bored?"

At this, a chuckle skipped out. "Nah, Norris."

My head tilted against the pillow. "Then why?"

For the first time, I found myself running my finger across his. I hadn't even realized I was doing it until he looked down. Even when I felt his gaze burning silent questions through the spot, I didn't stop.

He inhaled, before speaking, "Those nightmares you have," he started. "I know you're embarrassed of them, and that you hate to let anyone see them, but I also know that when I talk to you or when I'm around you, you don't have them."

"When we did our movie nights," he continued, exhaling this time. "I'd stay a couple extra hours to make sure that you didn't have one, and you didn't. So, I started the calls and stayed on the line to see if you would, and you still didn't. Ever since I figured it out, I just...didn't stop the calls from then on out."

My insides fluttered at his confession. "Really?"

He nodded, squeezing my hand. "I would have done anything to keep them away. To have you feel as safe as you are, despite whoever it is in those dreams telling you that you aren't. Because as long as I'm here, I promise that you're untouchable, Maggie."

I thought my hearing blurred for a moment while I listened, except it didn't. He was saying these things to me, slowly but surely. And, I believed him.

Everything was tumbling over itself the longer I thought it over. He'd done the calls just to make sure that I felt safe, and if I didn't, then he'd talk to me to stop them. I didn't even recall that second part, since when his calls started, I hadn't had another nightmare. Not one.

Fuck.

There was something about him that I hadn't found in anyone else. Instead of pushing the fears away for me, it was him, reassuring me in my ear that I could do it myself. And, the ones that slipped out and still fucked with me, he'd handle them himself.

I felt something with him. Different. With him, I felt like for the first time in fifteen years, I was actually...me.

His eyes roamed over my face at my silence. "I know I'm gorgeous, Norris," he teased, despite his expression being strict with concern. "But, I didn't mean to make you so quiet. Talk to me."

I blinked past his ego, and focused on him, instead. On how much he affected my mood when I wanted everything but that. He altered so much without even knowing it.

If I told him to leave, then he'd do so. But, the very thought made me question every single thing I'd just felt and thought concerning him.

I tried to pass the drumming of my heart to respond, "Thank you," I said softly. "Thank you, Luke."

His chest fell with relief as he nodded. "I told you to stop thanking me." Slowly, a half-grin transitioned across his lips as he raised himself up. "Besides...if anyone's going to fuck with you, it'll always be me and only me, Norris. You know that."

Something about his statement made my stomach fall, and my thighs clench together under the sheets. Heat pooled in between my legs before I could stop it.

Hell. My eyes fell to the action before I quickly recovered, glancing back to him. It seemed that he didn't catch it, much to my relief.

Nodding, he swept his thumb over the back of my hand before releasing it to stand up. "I'm gonna be sleeping in the room right beside yours, if you need anything, okay?"

Panic pulled at every inch of me until it hurt. I didn't know what it was, but I didn't want him to leave. Not right now. Not at all.

"What about the lights?" I tried. "Are you okay with—"

"I already told you. Fuck the lights. From now on, every single one in the house stays on, no matter what, okay?"

Fuck."What about breakfast?"

"Breakfast?" he repeated, confused.

"Yes, breakfast," I pressed. "We don't even know what juice to get. Apple, orange, grape—"

"I'll buy you all of the juices you could ever think of," he confirmed with a chuckle, still walking toward the door. "Breakfast, lunch, and dinner, too."

I huffed, wishing he'd take the damn hint, even though I wasn't giving a very good one. My eyes jerked over to the bag of candles as a distraction, but it didn't do a thing.

The panic sliced right through my ego until I finally called out, "Luke."

Luke stopped, immediately, the muscles in his back shifting and turning as he did. "Yeah?"

I blew out a mix of a groan and a sigh, before I scooted over to the other side of the bed. At my movement, he turned to catch what I was doing. His eyes went to mine, then the bed.

His head tilted. "What is it?"

My fingertips tightened around the sheets. "Could you...you know, stay with me tonight?"

The confusion only deepened. "What do you mean?" His tongue swept over his bottom lip as he flicked his head at the bed. "Like, fuck you or something?"

My eyes widened, the heat brewing from under my skin. "No. Absolutely not. I mean—"

"Ah," he mused, the humor in his eyes blossoming. "You mean sleep together."

"In the same bed," I added, slowly. "Just in case your dirty mind reverts back to its old ways."

Luke chuckled, unfazed as his fingers fell to the ends his shirt, lifting it. "I was simply paying attention to the physical signs, Norris. Can't blame me."

My eyes lingered on his abs, and the striking build of his v-line. The tattoo across his chest only seemed to draw me in deeper. Fuck.

My thighs squeezed under the blanket, and it gave me a reminder to blink out of my trance. "Like?"

Reaching for the remote from the tv stand, he flicked his head at me, a slow grin following. "Like..." His muscles constricted as he shrugged, a shit-eating grin on his lips. "The way you clenched those pretty little thighs of yours when I said that I was the only fucker who could fuck with you. And, how you just did it again when I took my shirt off."

Even though my bottom half was covered with the blankets, I felt the need to do it, again, but I wouldn't. I wouldn't. This cocky motherfucker in front of me couldn't have it.

I mustered a face of resilience. "I think it's just your ego, pretty boy."

His blue eyes squinted at me, the humor building behind the jewels. "Is that right?" his tone fell into one that left my brain knocking.

"It is right," I argued back, willing my legs to remain still. "Trust me. Just hearing your name causes a dry spell."

His grin only grew, his mouth cocking with a mix of a grin and a smirk. "Oh, yeah?" He was enjoying the shit out of this.

I rolled my eyes, yanking the blanket up a little higher. I can do this. "Yes, you idiot."

Luke chuckled, leaning away from me, but with the blush in my skin, he might as well have stayed still. "No need for the name-calling, angel. You're the one whose wet, not me. I'll let you believe whatever you wanna believe for the night, though."

I shot him an annoyed look, pushing past the red tint of my skin. "You just..." I shook my head with a huff; I wasn't feeding into him any longer. "You know what? Nevermind. Just quit being so crude."

"I'm just being honest," he said through a chuckle, raising his hands in surrender. They fell, but to pat my shoulder. "Move over."

My head jerked over to him. "Why?"

I was on the side closest to the door, but I didn't think anything of it. I'd had a twin sized bed most of my life, so I'd grown accustomed to just sleeping rather than being choosy.

When I didn't make a move, he leaned over me, and quite literally picked me up. With one knee on the bed, he laid me on the other side so gently, I had to recount the events in my head to make sure that they happened.

Luke settled on his side, then turned to look at me. At my questionable look, he shrugged.

"In case something happens," he explained, flicking his head to the back of him, where the bedroom door was. "I'll be closer to the door."

The thought was smart. I was shocked I hadn't thought of it myself.

Nodding, I grabbed one of the several pillows, and placed it between our heads. "What about the windows?"

I heard him scoff. "Then they'll have a pretty nasty death from the fall." I chuckled at that, then added another pillow right by our legs. "You should go and test it out—"

One hand slammed down on the pillow I had placed between us.

Luke's scowl came at me. "The fuck is this for?"

I blinked back at him. "I thought you'd want—"

Before I could finish, he'd thrown the pillows to the other side of the room. In the same second, he'd pulled me closer.

I hesitated, but didn't make a move to stop him as he pulled me into him. My hands went to his bare chest as I raised myself.

My teeth dug into my lip as I considered it all over. We were going to be holding each other while we slept. My mind was the thing that was attempting to find the realization of how wrong it was, while my body was still in place on top of his.

I gazed down at his handsome face, cautiously. "We're doing this...just as friends, right?"

Why I wanted to hear him say no...I wasn't quite sure.

His arm went right behind his head, propping it up. "Depends."

"On?"

Instead of responding, his hands pressed into my skin to gather me closer. Against his chest, he situated me. I went willingly, while silently beginning for my own sake that he couldn't feel the goosebumps under his fingers.

By the time we stilled, my cheek was planted comfortably against his warm, solid chest. The sound of his heartbeat nearly led me to salvation right there and then.

With one hand, he used the remote that he'd retrieved earlier to turn on Harry Potter. With the other, he curled it around my waist, and drew me into him until we had no choice, but to trap our legs together, too. As soon as he had me, he pulled the blanket over us, so that it was just us, with no possible leftover space.

My eyes remained on the screen, despite every temptation to look back. Through the burn of my own skin, I could feel him just as much.

I cleared my throat, using it as an excuse to interrupt the newfound silence, "You're really hot."

"I agree."

With a smack to his chest, I lifted my head to scowl at him. "I meant your chest, you idiot."

His dazzling grin could be seen through a million others. I fought back my own before dropping my head, again. The skin across his large chest remained the same, both warm, muscular, and soft at the same time. I didn't know which one I enjoyed more.

We both watched Harry Potter in silence, despite the millions of words silently spewing from us both. I figured this was probably his first time actually holding a girl, or in being in a bed with a girl without fucking them in it, but he could have fooled me. It was strange, too. Most men tried to use the situation and our position to try something sexual, but Luke...he didn't. It was just him holding me in the way I was him.

I had cuddled before, but something about this felt noticeably different than any other time. There was something about being in his arms that made me forget all of the others. I never wanted to leave.

The next actions started off slow. Careful.

His hand had started to alternate between stroking my back, then my hair. My own had begun it's own special pattern across his chest, and with my legs, I had drawn him closer, and by my backside, he made sure that I couldn't leave, either.

We were holding each other, and it would be that way when we woke up, too. I had expected a bit of awkwardness from it, but there was none. If there was, then I couldn't find it through this one feeling that beat all of the others: peace.

Despite the future consequence that could occur from this, we didn't stop. I didn't want him to, not a chance.

Finally, when my face was pressed against his chest, and I had started to drift to sleep, I heard him call out my name, "Norris."

My eyes remained shut, my mind right on the bridge of consciousness. All I could muster was a hum, "Mhm?"

"Don't hit me in the balls for asking this but..." his chest sucked in a noticeable amount until I heard him say so softly, it tickled my ears. "Do you want to move in...with me? You know, for good?"

I'd confused it for a dream. Or a hallucination, or both. Because even after the words hit my ears, my eyes had shut, and I was pulled into darkness.