"Our siblings push buttons that cast us in roles we felt sure we had let go of long ago." – Jane Mersky Leder
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Chapter 35
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Maggie

"Are you nervous?" I questioned Luke, who was unknowingly proving my point.

His eyes jerked over to me. "Of course not." A scowl crept across his lips. "I'm a Vaudest, Maggie. Fake smiles and charming people is what I do."

"You're a Vaudest and a Palce," I corrected, catching his eye. "And, you don't have to fake anything with her. Granny likes anyone who brings her snacks, trust me. Plus, I...well, Jax has already told her all about you."

He nodded tightly, swiping his hands down his pants. I averted my gaze to the elevator doors, my mouth twitching at him.

Once they opened, we both walked through. I thought he'd want to see his mother, but he claimed that she was probably sleeping, which was strange, but I didn't question it or further him for more information.

Luke was hot on my heels, so to fuck with him, I stopped my footsteps abruptly. Luke nearly sent us both flying as he tumbled into my backside.

"I hate you," he hissed out from behind me.

I suppressed a fit of giggles before doing a triple, double, then single knock along the door. That was my code, specifically. Jax had another one that was too annoying to keep up with.

"Come on in, sunshine," I heard granny call out from behind the door.

I cast a quick glance at Luke, whose expression was tight with concentration. I chuckled, and after turning the knob, stepped into the room.

"Thank goodness. Those motherfuckers were trying to stick me, again, but I told them hell to the no. Even spelled it out, and...." Granny's voice fell when she saw Luke behind me. "Well, hello there."

Luke stepped from behind me, nearly shadowing a shy kitten to me, but a confident statue to anyone on the outside. "It's nice to meet you, ma'am." He had insisted on getting her an expensive gift, but I told him snacks would be just fine. And, he'd done that.

He handed her a bag so heavy, it was a miracle it didn't fall from the bed, a trophy-winning smile on. I recognized it from all the photos from the blogs. "Maggie told me that you'd like those. I hope you do."

Her eyes lit up as she peered inside the bag. I chuckled. He would be her favorite person from now on because of it.

I stepped past him to take my seat. "I told him not to get you so much. You shouldn't be having—"

"You shush up, Maggie," she fired at me, jerking a playful glare my way. A warm look followed up to Luke; he had her. "I'm simply accepting this ever so gracious gift."

I chuckled, looking to Luke, who was eyeing the both of us closely. I gripped his forearm, tugging him closer so that he had no other choice but to sit.

Granny reached inside the bag, coming up with a Rice Krispie. Her smile was so heavenly, my own grew because of it. She looked to Luke. "You never told me your name, hun."

Luke looked to me with a cocked brow, before moving his gaze to my grandmother. "Luke, ma'am. Luke Vaudest." He seemed taken aback that she didn't know it already, which she obviously did.

Her gaze found mine, then his, an amused glint in her eyes. "Mhm...I've never heard of a Luke Vaudest." The wrapper crinkled under her hand as she unwrapped the bar. "Now, a Luke Palce...that sounds familiar." She threw a sly wink at Luke before looking to me with a grin. "Don't you agree, sunshine?l

"Absolutely."

"Then, it's settled," she confirmed, biting into the bar with a chuckle.

Luke was so flustered, I feared for a moment that he'd pass out, but he didn't. His throat bobbed before he nodded. "That's me, then." The pride in his voice made my insides flutter with the same amount.

His body relaxed for the first time as a smile built along his face. He cast me a side glance that was full of appreciation. I smiled in return, bumping into his shoulder.

Granny reached over, cupping his large hand in her tiny one. Luke hesitated before laying his other one on top of hers, shifting forward.

Her green eyes turned up to him, wide and absolutely serious. "If you see that son of a bitch Ryan Vaudest, though," she started, a scowl crossing her face. "Tell him to kiss Dixie Reeve's ass."

Luke chuckled, bobbing his head in agreement. "I promise I will."

"And, hit him in the balls, if you're able to find those nonexistent bastards in those expensive britches of his," she added, waving the treat at him with a chuckle. "What am I saying? You're big as shit, I know you can fight. You can take him. Kick his ass—"

My eyes widened through my laughter, "Granny!"

"Hell, we were all thinking it."

"It's fine," Luke's mouth twitched with amusement as he looked to my grandmother. He squeezed her hand, grinning. "I agree."

It was a beautiful sight, to see Luke relax and talk to someone else so freely. I knew it had to be strange to have an adult figure that actually cared, and respected him without wanting or threatening something in return.

By the time granny fell asleep, though, my back was aching and my ears were burning. That woman could talk to a tree if you let her, just like her grandson.

I had to give it to Luke, though. He didn't seem the least bit annoyed by any questions or statements she threw his way. He was one to always give the truth and only that, so either he was holding himself back or he'd fallen for Dixie Reeves the way everyone else did. I couldn't blame him if he did.

Luke watched from the doorway as I tucked her in. I made sure to hide the snacks to where she could make a reach for them with little effort.

When I was finished, I turned to face him, but was taken aback by the softened expression on his face.

I cleared my throat, and his eyes raised to my own. "I'll be to the car in a minute."

Luke nodded once, but his movements were sluggish. His eyes drug down the length of my body, ending on the cool floor beneath us before he nodded even harder, "Yeah."

His tongue swept across the flesh of his lip as he turned so quickly, he nearly ran smack into the wall. With a final curse, he was gone out of the door.

I found my heart skipping far quicker than what was normal as I cleaned the room. It wasn't because of the physical activity, though; there was no complications with who the abnormality originated to.

Luke didn't do soft, not in any aspect. I didn't think he knew how, but that was lessening as time went on. He looked at me like...well like, I was the first person he'd ever seen walk this earth. As if he never wanted to see another after me.

It was strange that I liked it. That he didn't give it to anyone else, that he didn't talk to or look at anyone else the way he did me. I wondered if he thought the same, or if he'd ever caught me returning the favor.

"Psk."

My head perked up at the hiss. I didn't see anything out of the ordinary, so I passed it off as the hum of the television, and returned to cleaning.

"Hey, Snow White," they hissed. "Pick up the phone."

I jerked back around so quickly, I dropped some of the wrappers. Granny was laying up in the bed, her arms crossed at me.

"Jesus," I called out, my hand to my chest. "You scared the crap out of me." I stepped closer on wobbly legs. "You're supposed to be asleep, woman."

Her big eyes rolled at me. "Oh, hush it. I had to fake it to make you two idiots leave."

"You're such a sweetheart, you know that?"

She waved me off. "I wanted to watch my soap opera, and what do you kids call it..." she tapped her chin as she thought it over, looking to me. "Ah, yes. Social battery. That son of a bitch is long gone. No offense, but I hate and love you at the same time."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah...because no one in their right mind would take offense to that."

I didn't, and anyone who knew her shouldn't. It was just the way she was, plainly obvious no matter the cost. No wonder her and Luke got along.

"And," she added, her lightly rose-shaded lips pulling into a smirk. "You two just wouldn't stop with all the lovey dovey shit."

"What?" My skin pinched until it went red. As a distraction, I concentrated on picking up the wrappers she'd made me drop. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

I heard her scoff. "Uh huh. The little knee and hand touching you two kept doing. The blushing. The teasing. The glances. Only an idiot would miss it."

I raised myself, pulling a brow at her. "Is that an insult?"

Her voice leaked with everything but regret. Her arms fell to her bedside, reaching for the remote. "You can bet shit it is. A personal one, too."

I dumped the wrappers in the bag, then tied it. "Whatever, granny." The more we spoke on this, the more my mind and body together were beginning to sink with a reality that I was far too scared to dive from.

Her nose scrunched at me. "Don't whatever me," she retorted, before her lips adjusted into the warmest of smiles. "Do me a favor, though, Maggie."

I looked to her with a skeptical expression. "Like what?" Her version of favors were much more complex than any I'd ever known.

At her calming expression, my own came into view. I bit at the inside of my cheek as I waited, stepping closer to her beside.

"Don't hold yourself back," she told me, her voice much softer. "I know—"

"Granny," I sighed, shaking my head. I wasn't having this conversation. again.

"No," she cut my argument from its stem. "I know how you are, Maggie. You run when you think things are good, or you avoid it before it can even start."

I averted my gaze to the mattress, my hold on the glare steady. I didn't want to listen.

I heard her sigh. "I know that you blame yourself for everything, and for everyone else's mistakes. I know it, and Jax knows it, too," she told me. "But, it's not fair. Life isn't fair, and you know it. You've been a witness to it for as long as you can remember, and I know that, too. But, that doesn't doom you. You deserve to live, to grow, and to experience life." She outstretched an arm for me. "And, you will, you understand me?"

I had to blink away the fresh wave of tears as I stepped forward to take her hand. "Yes ma'am."

I heard her, I did, but I didn't know if I could accept it. I didn't know if I would be able to accept it.

"Promise me that you'll live, magnificent girl of mine?" she said, her hand falling from mine to catch the tears. "Promise me."

"I promise," I returned, my voice cracking over it. "I will."

That crack was there, audibly and literally. That told me what I needed to know. I didn't know if I could live up to that promise, or if it'd just be another lie.

She motioned me down for a hug, and I obliged, falling into her arms. "Mags," she whispered, stroking the back of my head. "Keep going, sweetheart. Keep going." I nearly broke into two when she planted a kiss to the top of my head, like she used to with my nightmares as a kid.

I wanted to stay in her arms forever. I wanted to scream that I couldn't, that it was killing me to even try.

That didn't mean that I wouldn't keep trying, though. I already was, but those cracks in the wall were only growing, now. One tiny push, and all of the bricks and the bullshit behind them would come tumbling down.

I waited a couple of minutes to clear my face up. I didn't feel like explaining it to Luke or to Jax.

Luke was waiting right outside the door, fingers tapping at something in his phone. I thought he'd be in the car like I told him, but apparently not.

When he saw me, he dropped the phone into his pocket, and fell into step beside me. We made it to the car, before he turned to face me.

His face remained neutral. "He's dead."

My body paused altogether before I forced myself to face him. "Um...what?"

"The fucker that choked you," he revealed. "He's dead. They found his body hanging from a piss-soaked rope in his own hideout a couple of minutes ago. I told my guy to take him out the same way he tried to do you, even had them cut off the fucker's dick as a message to his friends."

"What?" My eyes nearly bulged out of my head with shock, disbelief, and fear, if they weren't all the same. "Wait, how—"

Luke shrugged. "I told you I'd handle it. A lot of those fuckers at the cages owe me, Kade, and Levi decades of favors. Either that, or they're willing to get the job done with the right bit of money, without ever leaving a trace behind. I made sure to throw in something extra to torture the fucker, too. I won't give you the details, but how do you think they got Natasha and Amber all those years ago?"

It took a moment for my memory to clear before I recovered the time frame. It was nearly two years ago. Natasha, Amber, and a man named Daniel had beaten Kimberly to death, or at least they tried to. Luke had found her outside the hospital, right on time. No less than a week later, Natasha and Amber were found strangled in a ditch, the same way they tried to take Kimberly out. Daniel from an accidental overdose, but that could have been covered up as well.

And, Luke. I remembered it. When Kade had to fight a line of men in order to save Kimberly's life, Luke and Levi had accidentally overdosed his last opponent, but Luke had taken the fall when they questioned Levi and Kade. He'd been taken in for conspiracy, but no less than twenty-four hours later, the charges were cleared and forgotten.

Luke was watching me for a reaction, his hand hanging across the gear shaft. I swallowed past my thoughts, and said, "Good."

As daunting as it was, I was okay with my attacker being dead. I may have lost that sense of sanity a long time ago, but it was the technically thing to do. I shouldn't be too upset about a man that was willing to kill me, and do god knows what to my corpse twenty-four hours ago.

An eye for an eye.

Luke started the car, and for a moment, we rode in silence. He was the first to break it.

"I really liked your grandmother," he told me, eyes trained ahead. "She was so nice. Kept hugging me and shit, it scared the shit out of me, but I ended up liking it."

I chuckled, recalling his expression when granny had pulled him in. So shocked, but so comfortable at the same time.

"She shared her snacks with you, so that says a lot. She liked you," I told him. "A lot."

"I'm glad." A light smile danced across his face as he drove. "I swear, though. It was like I was looking in a fucking mirror or something between the two of you. Jax, most definitely, but you two...it was crazy."

"We're not that alike."

Luke cast me an odd look. "You kidding me?" A snort skipped away from him, his head shaking. "Now, I know where you got your attitude from."

I rolled my eyes with a chuckle. We were alike, but I honestly believed that her and Jax favored one another even more.

"Did you tell her my last name was Palce?" Luke asked in between my thoughts.

"Mhm. Jax introduced you as a Vaudest, but I corrected it." I shrugged, my hands falling into my lap. "I was simply stating a fact, so don't think too much of it."

"Ah," he mused, his mouth twitching. "I'll try not to."

I tucked my tongue into my cheek to stop from smiling. "Good," I responded, moving my eyes to the window. "Your big ass head won't grow any bigger on my watch."

"Which one?"

I whipped my head his way, my eyes narrowing in on him. "Shut up."

He raised his hands in surrender, his knees controlling the wheel. "You said it. Not me."

I rolled my eyes at him, forcing away a blush and looking ahead instead.

"Not that it went to my ridiculously normal sized head but...thank you, Maggie," he said, his tone glazed over with appreciation. "I really appreciate it."

I nodded in return. He wasn't the one who should be thanking me, not after everything that he'd done for me.

The car slowed as we pulled into my driveway. Jax's car was right behind mine, which he always did just to irk me. Right now, though, I felt more relief than anger. I would gladly let him block me in a million times rather than never again.

"Do you want me to go in with you?" Luke requested, casting a side glance at me. "I need to go and get some things for your room, but I can wait, if you want. Then, you can follow me back to my house."

As more secure I would feel knowing he was behind me if I ran into another false cop, I needed to talk with my brother alone. Plus, the threat from last night was gone. If any of his friends were lurking around, they were probably hiding for right now. I should be good.

I shook my head. "You can go ahead and go to save time. I'll follow the GPS back."

Luke pressed his lips together to stop from arguing, but he shook his head, anyway. "Is your tracker on?"

I nearly nodded, but I checked, anyway. It was.

His eyes followed over me. "Pepper spray? Pocketknife?"

I chuckled, but double-checked that, too. "Got it."

"Good. Do you remember the security pin? If you ever forget it, tell the—"

"I know, Luke." Of course I remembered the damn pin, it was the exact same as everything else. "Jesus. You sound like Jax, right now."

He rolled his eyes, but what was left behind was seriousness. "Be back before nine, or I burn this bitch to the ground." Even though it came out as a joke, I wasn't quite sure if he meant it as that alone.

Before I got out, he offered his middle finger to me. I took it with a chuckle.

His cautious eyes wandered over my own. "Before nine?" he confirmed, his voice falling. He was nervous.

I squeezed down on his finger. "Before nine."

"Good," he breathed out, dropping his hand. His mouth twitched as he nodded at me. "Now, get out. I've been around you too much in one day; I need a minute to recover."

I rolled my eyes, getting out extra slowly just to irk him. "You're one to talk. If I have to listen to you say one more thing about a security pin, I'm gonna—"

With a smirk, he pressed down on the gas, fully interrupting me.

His head tilted at me. "I'm sorry, I didn't get that, Norris." Once my lips parted, he geared down on the engine, again. "What was that? More bullshit?"

My glare shot daggers into his very soul. I threw up both middle fingers, casting a stale smile his way. His amusement only grew before he flipped me off in return, then reversed out of the driveway.

I stared after his car so long, my hair had nearly left the ponytail from the wind. I didn't even realize I was smiling, until I forced myself to lose it.

Shaking myself out of it, I took an uneasy step toward the house. Just to think, I'd been so close to leaving it yesterday night. To leaving Jax.

A part of me felt so much guilt, and selfishness for even considering it. I knew that personally, I'd tear every limb from his body if he even considered it. But, that was just another thing I was hypocritical in.

I shoved the key in, stepping inside once the door clicked. It opened with much more ease than expected, which led me to realize that the door was unlocked.

Stepping in, I jerked my cautious gaze to the church cushions. I had a knife taped right underneath. If I could move quick enough—

Jax stepped from behind the wall of the kitchen, his eyes wide. "Mags!" I caught sight of panic ridden gaze, before he was pulling me into a hug so tight, I thought my bones would crush.

I accepted it, anyway, breathing in his familiar scent. He was wearing a white wife-beater, and a pair of black sweats but from his fresh scent, I could guess he'd just gotten out of the shower.

"Don't you ever scare me like that, again," he hissed in my ear, now tightening his hold until my feet were off the ground. "Do you hear me?"

I chuckled, my head bobbing in a nod. A smile was already on my face.

"You and Luke weren't answering, and I thought..." he shook his head, the worry flooding across his expression. When he jerked his head up, his eyes were ablaze with rage. "I'm the older brother, you fucking idiot. I'm supposed to protect you, Maggie, and y-you..." His words were chopped with a trembly sigh.

At his glossy eyes, my own went wide.

I led us to the couch, immediately. From the table, I grabbed the box of tissue, and shoved them into his hand. Last time he was like this, he threw his entire body weight on top of me, and expected me to be able to handle it.

"Jax, I'm okay."

His reddened eyes raised to mine. "I know, but I yelled at you. I'm so sorry I did. I shouldn't have walked away from you like that, and I thought you ran away or some shit when I saw your text and—"

"I didn't," I corrected the thought, even though I kind of did. It was much more complex than he would ever know, though.

"Well, I know that, now," he exaggerated, throwing his arms into the air. "But, you're supposed to check in, and you didn't." His glare whipped over to me. "Don't ever do that shit to me, again, Maggie."

I rubbed at his back, stifling a chuckle. "Will you call the cops, again?"

Jax sniffled. "You know it. CPS, FBI, CSI, all the other I's & three letter places."

"Uh..." My head tilted. "You do realize that CPS is child protective services, right?" We knew that better than anyone.

"Well, obviously.  You're the younger sister, so of course they'd be super helpful."

"We're twins, you idiot," I corrected with an eye roll. "You're only a couple minutes older. They wouldn't be a help."

Jax sighed. "Yeah, well I would have found you my own damn self. And, you know what I would've done?"

I craned my head at him. "What?"

"This."

Before I could move, he was already on the attack. His fingers crept and curled around my stomach, but thankfully, he didn't hit my neck.

My laughter came in batches as I attempted to wiggle myself free. "Stop it, you fucking—" His tickling match only sped up.

A couple years back, I'd fractured his nose, and he'd called his tickling off for a while, but I guessed he'd forgotten.

"Truce, Jax!" I shouted over my laughter. "Truce!"

Slowly, but surely, he relented, the cockiest grin on his face. My body still stung humorously from the tickles, so I had no other choice but to fall on his shoulder.

For a moment, I felt like that girl, again. The one who believed him when he said everything would be fine, that we'd be fine. I wanted to be her so badly that it hurt.

But, I couldn't.

"Remember when you used to fall asleep like that?" Jax reminded me, the ghost of the memory making him smile.

"Mhm. It was the best place to sleep, even now."

"Not for me," Jax teased, bouncing his shoulder up and down, so that my head went with it. "I'd always have a drool fountain on my shoulder, because of you."

That was true, as well. When I'd fall asleep, he'd carry me to his bed, push his dresser in front of the door, and we'd fall asleep together.

To him, that was the best he could do, but to me, it was everything in the world.

"You're so full of shit," I shook my head, chuckling. I heard him fighting his own before I called out, "Jax."

"Mags?"

There was no point in holding back, since there would be no hiding it. "I'm going to be staying with Luke for the rest of the week."

His eyes widened with shock at me before he leaned up, making my head fall. "Seriously?"

I nodded, picking myself up. "Seriously."

"Well, shit..." Jax nibbled on his bottom lip, pulling the flesh in with his teeth as he thought it over. "I've never even seen you stay at Xander's for more than one night."

I shrugged. Xander didn't know that I was being hunted down by a deranged, psychopath, excuse of a father.

"Things change," I responded with a cool voice. I didn't want him to go and ask questions, which was his favorite hobby.

Jax's eyebrows furrowed in deep concentration. They fell when his curiosity did as he shrugged. "You know what? What you and your man do is none of my business. Have fun."

I nearly nodded, before I caught myself. My man?

With a thump to his forehead, I scowled. "Luke is not and won't ever be my boyfriend."

Jax snorted. "You two literally spend every second of the day together."

"Under certain circumstances," I corrected with a glower. "He's my boss."

"Come on. I'm not an idiot, Mags," he mused, throwing an arm over the couch. "You're always at his building, or hanging out there when you don't have to be. He's always here when he doesn't have to be. You two literally stay on call all night, and don't bullshit me, I've been hearing your annoying ass laugh through the walls all damn week." He balanced a knowing look my way. "Now, you're staying at his house for seven whole days. That isn't just some boss, employee type of shit."

Before I could defend myself, he added, "And, don't get me started on the little side glances you two do. I mean, come the hell on." With an exaggerated sigh, he threw his arms into the air. "I don't get it. You both know that you're looking at each other. Quit being cowards, stand the hell up, and kiss."

I ignored the heating of my blood, pulling my arms over my chest, and glaring at him. "Are you kidding me?"

"There it is, again. The denial." Jax rolled his eyes. "You know, for two people that claim to be so smart, you're both pretty damn stupid."

Finally, my frustration flew through the roof. I'd told him everything I needed, so now I was going back to a big, comfy mattress and away from my brother's bullshit. He didn't know a thing.

"I'm leaving," I forced out, annoyed. "You can kiss my ass."

"Good luck finding a place for me with that fat, empty ass head of yours already up there."

That's it.

I went to lunge for him, but before I could make it, he paused me with a grip to my shoulders.

"Wait! Wait!" he called out. "I have news."

I remained in my spot, my palm mere inches from his face. "You have five seconds. One."

"What?" his eyes bulged from their sockets, brows to his hairline. "Only five?"

"Two."

"Oh, come on—"

His expression went white with panic. "Three."

"Four." I curled my palm into a fist. "Fi—"

He flinched at my palm, covering his face with one hand, and his body with the other. "I'm moving out!"

Shock rammed into me, sending my body back into the cushion. I thought my ears had flushed some of the words around, but there was no way I imagined that.

"What?" I stared back at him. "You're...what?" I couldn't even finish the statement, before the disbelief washed over me in waves. "You're moving out?"

"Well..." Jax shifted himself so that he was facing me. "I'm thinking about it...I've been thinking about it, for a while now, actually." His voice was slow, and careful, but I still had trouble coordinating anything from them. "Tony...he asked me to move in with him."

His hand came down on my shoulder, squeezing until he pulled me to him. "But, I wasn't just going to ditch you with all of the bills, or anything. I've saved enough for you to be able to cover at least seven months, and so that you can afford other things, too."

The realization was as clear as day, even though the fog clouding my brain, "That's why you've been working so much."

Jax nodded, squeezing my shoulder. "But, the decision isn't made yet. I wanted to—"

"You're leaving," I whispered, the words burning my own ears. "You're leaving me."

I should have known it was coming. Jax was at Tony's more often than not, and Tony was always here, as well. Tony didn't have a roommate, but Jax did, so that was a easy decision.

But, what about me? I couldn't live on my own. The very thought threatened my heart's beat.

Especially, right now. Our father was scheduled to get out in a couple of months, and before that time was up, I thought...I didn't know what I thought but I probably wouldn't have even went through with it.

I was on my own.

"No," Jax shook his head, his voice softening. "I'm not leaving you, Mags. I'm going to come by here nearly every night, anyway. I'll most likely sleep over here more often than not, too. I'd never leave—"

"Seriously?" I jerked my eyes up to him. "Then, what are you doing, right now? You're trying to ditch me for Tony." In other words, you were halving my chances of survival right in half.

Jax shook his head, again. "No. No. I'm not, Maggie—"

My feet hit the ground so hard, they hurt. "You're a liar."

Jax stood, too, matching me toe for toe. "Don't say that." He tried to make a reach for me, but I jerked away.

The sense of betrayal, anger, and hurt all stung along so badly, it physically hurt. I had to grasp my stomach to stop from hurling its contents, both physically and emotionally.

My reasoning and his own for the anger were completely different. He thought that I was upset about him moving in with Tony, and not about the fact that my plan had just changed drastically. Everything had shifted, now.

I knew that I was such a fucking hypocrite. I hadn't made one mention about the truth, nor had I tried before the other night to tell him about our father.

And, now, I never would.

Now, I was on my own.

"You know," the stale laugh I produced was misplaced in my throat. "If it weren't for me being your sister, I probably would have been able to call you out on your shit, earlier."

His eyes narrowed. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means..," I scoffed around a shrug. "If you didn't live in your little fairytale world with Tony and your fucking perfect life then you'd realize...you'd realize..." My lips pressed together to stop the words from tumbling out, despite how badly they wanted to fall.

Jax stepped closer, the anger poking out behind the angst in his eyes. "Realize what?"

It was like I took all of the pain I'd been feeling, reversed it, and shoved it right back onto him,  "That our parents fucking hate me. That they hate you for not hating me. And, they—"

"They hate the both of us," he corrected, his voice raising. "So fucking what?"

"So, how can you just pretend that they don't?" I shouted back. "How can you pretend that everything is okay, that you know how to love, that you know how to keep living, and all else?"

"I don't!" he argued back, the vein in his forehead popping. "I don't, okay! I don't know how to do shit, but I'm learning, and—"

"Yeah, right." My heavy eyes fell. The jealousy, the pure envy, was radiating right off of me. "And, as always, I'm left behind to figure this shit out on my own."

"No." His face mirrored the exact picture of hurt. "No, Maggie. You don't get to say that to me."

I pulled my arms across my chest, glaring down at the carpet. "Truth hurts, doesn't it?"

A moment of silence passed, with a dare for either of us to break it. I held my stance, expecting him to do the same as well, before I heard his voice penetrate the last barrier we had left.

"The truth?" he chuckled past a sniffle, the sound anything but humorous. "You wanna hear the truth, Maggie?"

That same hypocritical side of me wanted to fuel the argument, but the other was yelling at me to run. To leave before one of us went too far, and there was nothing the other could say or do to fix it.

"No," I rushed out in a tight voice. "No, I'm leaving before—"

Jax ran a hand down his face, another stale laugh cracking through the air like a whip. "The truth is that you're a fucking hypocrite. You have the nerve to say that I'm faking it? Seriously, Maggie?"

Despite the dumbbell in my throat and chest alike, I dared myself to speak, "Jax," I warned, stepping closer to him. "Stop."

"No. Hell no." Shaking his head, he shoved a finger in my face, his skin darkening with the flush of rage. "You wanna talk about faking shit, Maggie? You fucking first."

My lip trembled as he stepped up to me, but I didn't break our gaze. He didn't stop until the tips of our feet did.

The rage rattled in his eyes the longer they held me down. "You've been faking it this entire fucking time," he hissed at me. "You've lied to everyone. To Kimberly. To Raven. To Luke and granny. Hell, probably even to me. Ever since we stepped foot into this town, you've been nothing but a fucking liar!"

I trembled under both his harsh glare, and his harsh words that were true. More than true.

When we moved to Washington, Jax planned on telling Kimberly and Raven a version of the truth. It wouldn't be to it's full extent, but it was enough to make me beg him, plead with him not to. We'd lied to everyone else, and we could surely lie to them.

I just never realized how far that lie would go. Or, how deeply I would come to care for and about them. 

Jax stepped closer, leading me to nearly trip over my own foot to avoid him. "And, you say that I'm living in a fucking fairytale?" he shouted at me. "Just because I'm not like you? Just because I don't want to live in a negative world that's full of lies and even more bullshit!"

"Maybe I am faking it...and's maybe I am avoiding the past, but guess what? I'm doing it so one day, maybe, hopefully, I don't have to anymore," he argued, his voice cracking along the words. "And, I don't care how long that takes, because it will happen."

"I don't want to be negative, I don't want to live in the past, and I don't want to let that shit...or let those monsters that didn't deserve us, ruin me. And, I've tried so fucking hard to make sure that they didn't ruin you, too."

He nearly knocked me over by pointing a finger to my chest. "Because, they didn't, okay? I know that you went through so much...so much that I can't even imagine it, okay? I know it, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I can't change it, but you're still here. You're still alive, and you're going to stay alive. But, you have to want it."

Jax craned his neck, so that we were to eye level. As badly as I wanted to avoid his gaze, the intensity in it made it impossible.

"You have to want to fight, Maggie," he said with defeat. "You have to want to live, to love, to cry, and laugh and every fucking thing in between. I can't make you want it, not anymore. It's all on you."

I bit at the inside of my cheek, begging, pleading for the tears to stay at bay. My chest heaved with the rope of emotion as I glared back at him.

He didn't relent at my expression, his own curling with choler. "You've been holding yourself back this entire time, and you've been putting it on me to cover for you. Did you seriously think I didn't see that shit? That you've been hiding behind me? That you've been shielding your own potential with mine?"

How hard those words hit me. I tried to squeeze my eyes shut to escape, but I knew it'd do nothing.

"You don't know what you're talking about," I whispered shamefully.

Jax shook his head at me, the disappointment pouring out in every aspect. "You have it in you to be something fucking spectacular. You already are just by still being here; you're just too scared to realize it. You're too scared to take what you deserve. Gifts, affection, love. You claim to be above it when in truth...you're just being a pussy about it."

My jaw loosened right along with the tears. They fell, so big, fat, and ugly, right down my skin. I feared they'd eventually form a puddle underneath me the longer this continued.

"I'm gonna say it once, Maggie." Jax caught sight of my tears, but it seemed like his expression only hardened. "My advice is to just get the fuck over it. It happened, so what? Our parents hate us, so fucking what? Get over your pity party, stand the fuck up, and quit being a cold-hearted bitch before you end up alone."

I squeezed my eyes shut. In another place, at another time, I probably would have understood where he was coming from. But, right now, at his tone, at the situation and the timing, I couldn't find any logical reason in this.

The silence stretched on until it thinned with its expectancy. Jax was done with his speech, but waiting on mine, but I didn't know what to give. What to say. All I could do was spill.

I opened my eyes to glare at him, right at the same time that I hissed, "Fuck you."

My expression must have mirrored my hurt more than my words did, because a moment later, I saw Jax's raging expression shift. Guilt and regret took its place.

Stepping forward was more of a stumble for him. His lips parted for a single breath, then, "Mags," he said softly, his eyes glossing over with regret. "I'm sorry—"

I took a step back, swallowing back down the thick paste of pain. "You're not."

"I am. Hell, I shouldn't have said that—"

I turned away so quickly, I grew dizzy. "You obviously wanted to."

"No, okay?" Jax jerked me back around, panic set off in every crease of his face. "No. You're not walking away. Our pact—"

"It was bullshit," I sniffled. "It was all bullshit. You're right." My head shook. "I've been holding myself back, but...we both know that I've been doing the same to you, for years, now. And, I'm sorry, I really am, but I promise that you're free from the obligation from this day forward."

His expression slipped with dread as he grabbed my wrists to keep me still. "There was no obligation, Maggie—"

"No." I shook his hands off of me, releasing a tearful sigh. "No, it's okay. Take the deal. Move in with Tony." I gave a shrug. "Put yourself first for the first time in either of our lives, and do what I won't be able to." I willed in another breath of air to finish, "I-I'll be okay."

The tip of his nose was reddening, and the color in his cheeks was doing the same. "I don't want to." Jax shook his head at me, again. "I don't want a life without you in it. I-I can't have one." He swiped at his cheeks with the back of his hand. "Please just stay, and we can talk, okay? Don't walk away from me, Maggie, please."

For a moment, I heard that little boy speaking through him. So innocent, and caring that it doomed him from the start. The one who wanted to trade places with me, the one who wanted to help me. The one who saved me.

I couldn't let him save me, again.

In this moment, I knew, for a fact, that I couldn't let him do it. I couldn't let him stay with me, or continue to protect me as he had always done.

All of the things he said were true. Technically, they were. His version of events were far different from mine, but he got the point, nonetheless.

My brother deserved the world, and more. He deserved to be free, with no worry about me or of me. I couldn't give that to him if I put him in my shit, and he wouldn't accept his successes in life if I did, either.

I backed away, drawing blood from my lip from my grip on it. The salty taste mixed in with the tears so well, I couldn't disfigure which one was which.

"I'm gonna go," I whispered, jerking back around before I could hear his objection to it.

Nothing he could say would change my decision. Jax deserved to put himself first, and he deserved to do it without worrying about me or my shadow.

"Maggie," he pleaded, his voice cracking in between the tears. "Please don't go." I heard his footsteps as I opened the door. "Don't do this, just...stop."

I willed the sob from ripping my throat in half at his tone. Dripping with fear, distress, and pain. How badly I wanted to take that away, despite being the cause of it.

I descended the stairs, two at a time until I hit solid ground. I didn't care that he'd backed me in; there was enough pathway to get myself out of it.

Jax was right on my heels with every step I took, but the little contents that were left of my heart fueled me.

I slammed the driver's door shut just as he made it to my car. I avoided his heart-wrenching expression, instead focusing on the key, and getting it in. My fingers shook around it, but I managed to get the car cranked.

Despite the tears, despite the pain and the words we'd spoken to one another, I hoped he knew of two things.

The first was that I loved him, forever and always, despite how these next couple of weeks would go. The next was that I'd protect him in the ways he'd always done for me.

Even if it killed me.