"You are beautiful and magical and perfect, especially because of your flaws. Those cracks are what let the light in, baby." — Dawn Gluskin
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Chapter 74
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Maggie

"Oh my god..." Stunned, I forced my way past it in order to speak, "What happened?"

His skin had lost any resemblance of color. "Someone went into her room when she was sleeping, and they..." I watched his throat constrict under the words before he shook his head. "Her heart stopped. The doctors managed to save her, but barely and..." His voice cracked before he could finish it.

My chest cracked right in half at the sight of him. I was glad that Wendy was okay and still alive, but coming so close to her not being okay probably terrified him. I watched him shake his head, trembly lips locking in under the other.

My soul ached just at the sight of his. His face had gone blank, but the pain in his eyes was undeniable. His body was beginning to shake, now, too.

I wrapped my arms around his neck. "Come here, love." His hands locked around my waist in a death grip, but I didn't plan on removing it.

I led us back with the soles of my feet. Once the mattress hit the back of my knees, I turned us to have Luke under me. When I was situated on top of him, I wrapped my arms around his trembling figure.

"I'm sorry," he whispered in the corner of my neck, squeezing down tighter on my waist. "I'm sorry. I'm just...she's the only parent I've ever had, and she..."

"You don't have a thing to apologize for, Luke." I lifted my head just enough to kiss his. "Not at all."

I could feel him wanting to hide himself and his breaking, as he had had to do all of his life, but still trying to make the realization that he didn't have to do so around me. I was here, and I wasn't going anywhere.

My fingers stroked the back of his head, and I held him against me in order to stop him from running. I felt him accept it, burying his face even deeper into my neck.

"S-she died for a couple of minutes," he mumbled, voice tremulous. "They revived her, but still, she could have...my dad almost made me lose her...he tried to take her away from me." He shook his head against me. "He did it on purpose, he waited for this day, this time, on purpose. He wanted me to think that I actually had a good birthday, that I could actually have a good life, good things, and good people, and he..." His voice cracked before he stopped speaking altogether.

"I know, my love. I know." I nodded in understanding, stroking a hand through his curls. "It's okay. She's okay."

I had no idea how his father reached his mother, honestly. Luke had extra security, and precautions placed for her after the event to stop him from hurting her. I guessed when Luke and I left, though, his dad took the opportunity to send a message to Luke through his mother.

It made my heart nearly burst. His mother was the only blood family he had ever known that hadn't been cruel to him, as well as his only parent that ever acted like it. And, in a matter of minutes, he nearly lost it all.

I didn't even realize he was crying until a single tear slipped over my skin. Then another and another until they were in a stream. My eyes squeezed shut at it.

I had only seen him do it with me, and every single time hurt all the same. Luke was never vulnerable with anyone else in this way, since he didn't trust anyone else the way he did me. It both broke and aided my heart, since I was grateful he gave that part of himself to me, but broken because I could feel his tears and his pain as if they were my own.

"It's okay," I whispered my reassurance, stroking at the nape of his neck. Luke dug his face even deeper into my neck, the hot paste of his tears building against me. "You're okay. Everything's going to be just fine, I promise."

"What if she..." he rasped out, and I felt the break of his voice in my neck. "What if she flatlines, again—"

Shaking my head, I leaned back to get a view of him. My hands went to his cheeks so that I had his eyes.

They were red, and as expected, sparkling with tears and heaps of both fury and panic. Red splotches were in the center of his cheeks, and his body was shaking so bad, it seemed incapable of stopping.

My heart squeezed in my chest. "She won't," I swore, stroking a tear from his cheek. I kissed the next one that fell. "She's going to be fine. The doctors are going to be watching her extra closely to make sure of it. The hospital probably added more security—"

Luke sniffled, his eyes falling to my lap. "What if—"

I leaned forward until our lips were molded against the others. I wanted to take every doubt, and fear I could from this simple action alone. He was the last person in the world who deserved to have it.

His tears mixed in with the kiss, and I took those just as well. All of him. Every single bit of him.

Slowly, I pulled back, my lips already set in a reassuring smile. "Your mom is a fighter, Luke. They managed to bring her back, and she's going to pull through just fine. The hospital will watch her and her recovery, and they'll make sure she remains stable, and that everything else does, too." I cradled his warm cheeks in my hands. "She's fine. She's going to be fine, okay?"

His nod was slow, and by the conflict along his face, I could see my words battling his fears in the most vicious war possible. When it finally stopped, the frustration settled into his expression, next.

"My dad..." he mumbled against me. "He wanted me to remember. To never forget what I am to him. He knew for the first time in my life, I was happy. Genuinely happy with you and my life, and was believing that I was worth everything he told me I wasn't, and..." His eyes squeezed shut, but the pain in him remained all the same.

"That's because you are," I remarked with all honesty. "You're worth every single thing that that monster told you that you weren't." I kissed his head to mark his insecurities off before they could ever have the chance to blossom, "You're worth everything in this fucking world to me, Luke. I promise you."

His gaze raised, again. He searched my expression, and past the turmoil, I could see my promises, and my oaths to him cracking through his insecurities.

"I swear to you, Luke." My emotions were blaring inside of me at the loudest, most heaviest volume for him. I didn't know if they leaked into my expression, but even if they didn't, I let them go through my words all the same, "If you give me a thousand things that you think are bad about yourself, right now, I'll give you a million things that I love right back to you. Every single time, do you hear me?"

My words had reached him through it all, just as his had done me at the lake house. His pained expression unlocked, and his final wall came crashing. I didn't care how hard it crashed, though; I was going to catch him through it just as he had done me, regardless.

His nod was slow and full of understanding. Giving in, he leaned into me on his own, his body molding right into mine. Either arm locked around my waist, and I did the same so that there was no space left between us.

"And that same love only builds every day." My fingers combed through his soft strands until I made it to his favorite spot. "I'm here for you against every person and every thing, no matter what. You have all of me, and I have and want all of you. All of the parts that you don't want, that you don't like...I can't even see them, because they're mixed right in with the ones I fell in love with from the very beginning, Luke."

Something about his tears felt significantly different this time. They hadn't stopped, but they seemed to be less aimed at himself and more at his father, and I took that as a good thing, since I knew he needed to get nineteen years of pain out. I would help him do so.

"I've got you, and I'm not going anywhere," I whispered the oath into his ear. The emotions in the air swaddled the both of us in its arms, but it wasn't a tension packed space. It was just us allowing one of us to see the other in the way no one else had access to. "I won't stop loving all of you, Luke, I promise you. I won't let that, this, or you go. Ever."

Luke gave a full nod this time, and I knew then that I had reached him. My kiss went to his head, again, before I heard him.

"Don't," he whispered out. "Please don't, Maggie."

"I promise I won't. We're a part of each other, the part that makes the rest of us make sense." The words scarred my heart with the raw honesty behind them. I wasn't going anywhere. Not in a million years. I ran my hand up his back until I could get to his favorite spot in his hair. "You're going to continue to be exactly what that evil son of a bitch told you you wouldn't be, and more. Happy. With me. In a true, loving family that would die for you. Worth every fucking thing in this world, and everything in between. I won't ever stop making sure of any of that, understand?"

His lips pressed a gentle kiss to my neck. "I hear you."

I smiled down at him. "Do you, because I didn't hear..." I trailed off for him to finish it.

His chuckle against me made my soul whirl. "Maggie—"

"Nope, pretty boy," I teased, trailing hearts into his backside until he gave another soft laugh into my neck. "Let me hear you or else you're getting body slammed through a wall the moment you're feeling better. And, don't think I'll take it easy on you, just because I love you so much." I squeezed his back, smiling as he chuckled. "I won't settle for less."

Luke squeezed my waist, his sigh trembly, "I'm gonna keep being the things the evil son of a bitch told me I wouldn't be," he murmured past a sniffle. "I'm gonna be with you. Happy. In my real family. Because I'm worth it and I deserve it."

I squeezed him tighter. "And I'll drop-kick your stubborn, crazy, sweet ass into a reminder if you ever forget it." Luke laughed, again, and even though it was strained from his tears, it still came through, as well as, "I knew I should have never taught you that shit, baby."

My laugh came next, and it ended in a soft smile. "Probably not, no." I kissed the side of his head, "Now, look at me."

I grabbed his face, tilted it toward me until I had all of him. The blues in his eyes were as radiant as ever, and they reminded me of the moonlight when hitting the ocean waves a certain way at night. It was achingly beautiful.

I leaned forward to kiss his forehead. His eyelids and his tears, next. Then, his lips swiftly. When I leaned back, I smiled at his smile.

I held his gaze to mine. "She's okay," I reminded him firmly. "She's going to be okay. Say it."

The grey clouds in his eyes slowly dispersed as he nodded. I squeezed his cheek's until he gave way to a laugh, then another that ended in him trying to fight the rest.

"Say it," I demanded playfully, kissing his squished cheek this time. "Now, Luke."

"Yes ma'am," he chuckled, his gaze falling from the heaviness. When it returned to mine, it was more emotionally sturdy than the last. "She's going to be okay."

I nodded, stroking his hair. "Mhm, and so are you." I pulled him back in, my heart melting when he took hold of me on his own. "It's me and you, Luke. I'm here." My heart thumped against my ribcage at how true my next words were to him. "We're here. Always."

At this, his smile built against my neck before he whispered back, "Always."

I didn't want a thing else but to hold him until the end of days, until he calmed down and allowed my words to seep into his heart and mind alike. I would do just that, and I didn't care how long it'd take.

"Come here, love," I whispered, bringing him closer by the back of his neck, causing his arms to tighten. As soon as he was against me, I whispered, "I'm never letting you go."

Never. We were each other's, and this was ours. I wouldn't let anyone ever take us away from each other.

Our souls had been bloodied and beaten in this world for so long, we had both thrown in the towel and stopped fighting for them long ago. We thought them shattered, yet the remedy all along to heal all those cuts and bruises was each other. We breathed life back into one another when we thought it gone, when we thought we didn't even deserve it, and I would never, ever, let anyone take that away from my sweet boy.

After everything life had taken from us, it wouldn't touch this. We deserved this, and each other. Happiness. Life. And we would only continue to have it.

I flowered a series of kisses to Luke's head to get the message through, and he took it. I remained in my position, straddling him and holding his shaky body to me. I didn't let go, and neither did he. I never planned on it.

Like me, he'd been forced to hold everything in all of his life, because he had never found a comfort or a safe place to release it in until me. We trusted each other in every way there was, and were each other's homes. That was why he was going to give every bit of it to me, right here. Every piece of him was showing, even the ones he thought bad, but I loved them all the same. The ones he didn't, though, were the ones I was going to take it, store away, and continue to toss and influence in my love until he was ready to take it back with a new understanding.

Luke held onto me for dear life, pouring himself right into me. There was a mix of fear, anger, yet relief in his slow, hot tears, and I understood them all.

At some point, my own tears started to fall just at the feel and sound of his. He was my love, so every emotion for him mirrored right through my own, despite knowing that it was for a good reason. I didn't dare let him go.

I wouldn't. As long as there was life in my body, and a heart that beat only for him, I wouldn't even think of it.

***

The ending credits of the third movie streamed on the television as the movie quietly played in the background.

Luke was asleep in between my legs, face turned into my chest and arms wrapped around my waist. I had pulled a blanket over us earlier on to keep him warm, and to provide a better consolation. The sight was adorable.

Once his tears had cleared, I continued to hold him to me, to kiss and whisper reassurances into his ear until his eyes drifted shut. I had arranged us until I had him in my arms, and he'd been sleeping ever since.

I asked Kimberly to bring up a glass of water and a snack for when he wakes up a couple of hours ago. I didn't want to risk waking Luke up when he looked so peaceful, right now.

I had been watching over his phone for any news, too. The hospital had called once to confirm that his mother was still stable, and that her vitals appeared fine. I would tell Luke when he woke up.

Something else had been on my mind, as well. His father had only hurt his mother when he knew that Luke wouldn't be there. He waited, and he attacked.

He couldn't do that if Luke was there.

I was sending him back home. We only had a handful of days left in the mountains, and I would be here with Kade and Levi. I had figured out that my father refused to try anything when he knew all three boys were around and together.

Luke and I would meet again when I got back home, or he could drive back here and pick me up himself. Either way, I wanted him to be with his mother for now.

I knew why he broke the way he did last night, and it wasn't fair for me to be the reason behind it. Luke would have been with her had he not had to take me away.

I knew how small his relationship with his mother was, but she was still his mother and his only resemblance of parental guidance and care for so long. I knew that the thought of losing that, or even nearly losing that terrified him, and triggered the things he had kept locked down for so long against his father.

My heart sunk in my chest all over again at the memory of the downheartedness on my sweet love's face. It was agonizing just to witness it, but the only healing factor was the fact that I had gotten through the wall his father had built up inside of him, and tore it down.

The deepness of Luke's groan vibrated into my skin. His lips grazed my chest before he sighed, shaking his head as if he were afraid of looking up and risking me not being real. Another trembly sigh came from him before he leaned back into me, his arms tightening around my figure.

"Maggie?" The fear in his voice broke my heart. In the cracks was what sounded like hope, too. "You still here?"

Just hearing him made my heart jump. "Always."

His sigh of relief came quick, his lips grazing the skin along my chest, again. Soft strands of hair did the same until he lifted his head.

His eyes were red-rimmed, and his skin had gone pale from the use of energy. The fearful, tired look in his eyes from earlier had luckily died, and it was replaced with something else now that he had gotten everything out. I recognized it as the same feeling I had at the lake house.

I grasped his hands from my waist, kissing either palm before releasing. "Sit up. I want you to drink something."

I reached to the side of me for his glass of water, giving it to him. Luke had it to his lips, before he paused.

His eyes tipped up to mine, again, the gratitude, relief, and love in them all rolling in circles as he left a kiss to my cheek. "Thank you, beautiful."

"Don't thank me," I dismissed, stroking a hand up his backside. "How are you feeling?"

I wasn't sure if he spent longer on his sip in order to prepare a response or because he was thirsty. By the time he finished, though, the glass was nearly empty.

Finally, he raised his eyes, a hand traveling through his messy hair. "A part of me still feels fucked, but I do feel better than I have in...hell, all of my life, honestly." Chuckling softly, his gaze held the same amount of relief. "And, it's because of you." His voice dipped under his gratitude as he kissed my cheek again. "Thank you, Maggie."

"Don't ever thank me for that," I said softly. "I'm just glad that you were able to get it out, and I appreciate you giving it to me. I told you I wanted it all, and I meant it. I'll always be here to accept, and help it and you." Sweet love flickered over his expression at my words, and my own mirrored it. "Always, Luke."

All I caught sight of was the melting gaze set in his eyes before we exchanged a quick kiss. I told him about the hospital call, which seemed to lessen the weight on his shoulders even more, thankfully.

I had him eat his snack, and when he finished, he said, "I'll be right back."

I nodded. Luke kissed the top of my head, and disappeared into the bedroom with another change of clothes. Seconds later, I heard the spray of the shower.

Before getting out of bed, I checked his phone, and luckily, there were no calls from the hospital. That was a positive thing.

While Luke showered, I went downstairs to fix him breakfast. I knew he would be a while, but I still tried to speed it up since I knew he needed the energy.

As soon the food was finished, I was headed back up the stairs and to our room. When I shut the door, I heard the shower turn off.

While I waited for him to finish, I considered over how the next conversation would go. It definitely wouldn't be an easy one.

I knew he wanted to be with me at all times just in case of an attack, but it wasn't all about me. I wouldn't let it be. His life and wellbeing mattered to me just as mine to him.

I suspected an awkwardness once he did leave, though. Not with Levi or the girls, of course, but with Kade. The countdown of his threat was at its end, and it was time to answer it or face the consequences.

I sighed, and attempted to edge past the wall of fear I had been hidden behind for so long, but it was difficult. Kade owed me nothing, and I had been the reason Kimberly was nearly killed. That only added to the honesty of his threat.

Just as I began to sink into the depths of doubt, the bathroom door opened.

My head raised to observe Luke over. His skin had regained its shade, and his eyes and face seemed a bit lighter, something I took as good.

When we latched onto the other's eyes, he offered an adorable smile.

I returned it with a bigger one, standing to come to his stance. When I got to the front of the dresser, I wrapped my arms around his waist, and tugged my neck around until I could have a look at his face.

Luke was already staring at me, a smile fighting it's way through his frown.

"I love you," I said, softly, kissing his chest. "So much."

Luke allowed his smile to go through at that, turning to press his back against the dresser. Either hand fell to my waist, and pulled me against his chest.

"I love you." His eyes gave me the message before he ever did, but my heart took both like medicine. His thumb stroked at my cheek, until my heart was jumping at the movement. "I love you more than anything, Norris." 

I had heard it a number of times, already, but every single time left me mushy. To stop my legs from giving out on me, I motioned to the bed. "Sit. You need to eat something."

As soon as we were in bed, I passed him his plate and juice. I had made his favorites to help him get the food down, since I knew emotional nights like the one he had often led to a tight stomach the next morning. I could see it did the same for him, but he scarfed the food down, anyway.

When he finished, despite his argument, I left to the kitchen to discard of the plate, and grabbed him another bottle of water, before heading back up.

Luke was waiting on the bed, eyes concentrated on the sheets in thought. I couldn't read much from his face, but it didn't take but a second to see the worry in him.

My heart ached as I stepped into the room, causing his head to raise. "Luke?"

He stretched a hand out for me, and when I took it, he tugged me to him. "Yeah, angel?"

"I was thinking about something," I voiced, getting on top of him. "You may not like it."

Chuckling, he placed either hand against my thighs and squeezed. "If it's coming from you, I'll try to."

A smile teased at my lips before I let it stay. It nearly fell as I tried to conjure my words, but it didn't. "I want you to go home to see your mother."

A part of me wondered if he hadn't caught it, but when I felt his body stiffen from under me, I knew he had.

Luke jerked back from our hug, his eyes finding mine as his brows furrowed. "What?"

"Your dad waited until you weren't there to attack your mother," I tried to explain. "He won't if you are there."

Luke shook his head, his face scrunching with denial at my attempt. "No."

"Luke," I sighed, cupping the hands on my thighs. "It makes the most sense."

"No, it doesn't," he argued. "Not when it involves leaving you."

"You're not leaving me."

His eyes ran mine over, searching for a sense of reason. When he didn't find it, he huffed in frustration. "Why can't we just go together?"

"Because I know you, Luke. You won't completely have your focus on her," I said. "You shouldn't have to worry about the both of us."

"No..." he mumbled, still shaking his head. "No. I'm not leaving you here alone."  

"I won't be alone. Kade and Levi will both be here if something goes wrong, and I'll have the girls to keep me company." I glanced down in thought before adding, "We'll only be apart for a day or two, at most."

I could see my words working past his doubts slowly, but surely. His gaze dipped before he sighed out, "I don't know, Maggie. What if—"

"What if nothing," I finished for him. "I promise I'll be fine. I promise I'll call you if I think shit's about to go south, but I won't need to because nothing's going to happen."

At the skeptical scraps, I sighed, laying my head on his shoulder. His face found its same place in my neck.

"It'll be okay," I reassured him, kissing his shoulder. "I'll be okay. I know you're worried about me, but this goes both ways, Luke. You deserve it all, too. I want you to be okay, and I know that it involves this."

Luke tightened his arms around me, and I felt his kiss against my neck that seemed to last forever. That simple notion alone gave me a sample of the track his thoughts were running on.

When he sighed, I pulled back. His eyes opened, and immediately clashed with mine.

"Are you sure?" he questioned, softly. "I don't want you to think I'm leaving you or anything."

"I won't because you're not. I know you won't put yourself first here, so I'm going to do it for you." After kissing his cheek with an encouraging nod, I pulled him back into my arms. "I promise I'll be fine."

Another sigh came from him. A minute passed of him nibbling at his cheek and searching his mind for an argument, before he finally nodded.

"I will," he answered, much to my relief. His expression shifted with a mission soon after. "But, after I make sure everything's fine there, I'm coming back here to take you home with me, okay?"

"Okay." At the sight of his lingering doubt, I kissed it away. "You have to keep me updated on everything going on with her and you, too, okay?"

Nodding, he raised his eyes to mine. A pile of emotion made them shine back at me. Before I could cycle through them, Luke was laying his forehead against mine. Eyes shut, skin as warm as mine, and nothing but the blessing of us.

***

A light buzzing neared my head, and shook me out of my sleep. It wasn't until my eyes opened that I saw my phone being lit up with a text message.

I stretched my arms over head, expecting to touch Luke's face, as I did every morning to annoy him. When I came up with nothing, though, I turned my head to the spot in confusion before I recalled the previous events.

As we talked about, Luke left to go and see his mother. I held him, and we took another nap together before he left. Even though I was the one who requested his leave, the thought of not waking up with him left my heart sore.

Luke had told Kade and Levi about what happened, of course. As soon as they heard it, they were throwing their concern at him in a way that genuinely melted my heart, asking if there was anything they could do for him and things like that, which Luke declined, but thanked them for, anyway.

When the group and I got home from skiing and lunch, I took a nap. I passed it as just being sleepy, but was honestly just trying to make the time pass quicker. When I texted Luke to let him know why I wouldn't be answering for the next few hours, he had called me to aid me into sleep with conversation.

Before I dozed off, he made sure to tell me about his mother, and that she was doing fine, now. He had even showed me a card his mother got him, which I found adorable. I was more relieved about his mother's recovery than anything, though.

I glanced over the time first. It was seven in the evening, now. When I looked to the text waiting on my phone, though, my eyes nearly bulged out of my head, but not at the message itself. It was at it's sender.

Kade: We were in the cold for a while, so I made hot chocolate, if you want it. Kimberly left you some.

It was sent an hour ago, while I was sleeping. Another had followed up a couple of minutes ago.

Kade: There's food, too. If you're hungry.

I had to read it over a number of times just to grasp an understanding. It still didn't help much.

Taking the phone from its charger, I headed for the bathroom. After brushing my teeth, I texted Luke back, then slid the phone back into his hoodie pocket.

I did find it strange that Kade had texted me, though. It took me a minute of wondering why his number was saved in my contacts, but then I recalled Luke putting his and Levi's number in my phone when he first got it. I had asked the girls if they were comfortable with that, but they dismissed it since their contacts were the same, so it was whatever.

Hot chocolate and food did sound good, right now, though. I could tough my way through the awkward silence for it.

I made my way to the kitchen, and on the trip, I noted the silence of the house. The lights were all on, but I didn't hear any voices filling the space as I usually did.

Shrugging, I continued on toward the kitchen. When I made it, I finally found someone.

Kade was sitting at the kitchen island with his phone in hand, and a water bottle next to him. When he heard my footsteps, his eyes raised from his phone.

Our eye contact lingered for a moment. I wasn't sure if I were too stuck on trying to break the indecipherable barrier or if I were trying to prepare for another outburst. Either one left my blood just as cold.

Neither came, though. Kade looked away first, nodding toward the fridge.

"Your hot chocolate's in there," he told me. "Kimberly didn't want to bother your sleep, but we all went to get food. We brought yours home. It's in there, too."

I glanced toward the refrigerator, then back to him. Was that his version of being nice, or was I overthinking it?

I shook my head at myself; it didn't matter. "Thank you."

"It was nothing." His eyes lowered back down to his phone, so I took that as the end of the conversation, if I could call it that.

As he said, everything was inside of the fridge. All I had to do was heat it in the microwave.

While I did, I checked my messages from Luke. I asked if he and his mother were okay, and things of that nature. He reassured that his mother was still fine, and that he was going to try to get the security feed for her room. Then, he told me that he was okay, but missed me, and much else that left my body flushed.

"How's Luke?"

Past my red skin around them, my eyes raised at Kade's voice.. He was already staring at me, and if I looked even deeper, I could see the concern in his brown eyes.

I cleared my throat. "Shouldn't you be asking him that yourself? He's your friend." It wasn't a rude return. I had found out, and accepted that even before we got together, I was just as protective at Luke as he was me. I couldn't help it.

Kade chuckled, propping his head on a shut fist. "I have asked. I've texted the fucker a million times over, but he doesn't give any real answers to Levi and I." He flicked his head at me. "Not how he does you."

That was true; Luke didn't talk or trust anyone with certain parts of himself or his life like he did me. I was the same.

"He's fine," I said. "His mom is okay, too."

"Good. I'm glad." Sighing, his jaw clenched around a hateful expression. "His dad only did that shit to throw him off. He always has. Whenever we were younger, and Luke would come and stay at my house for a couple of days after the shit his dad would do, he'd always get pissed and threaten him with his mom if he didn't come home. When he did, his dad would be on the same bullshit all over again. I can't stand him."

My anger flared at that. "I'm not shocked." The wish that I'd swung in his ass back at the event only grew. "The bastard deserves to choke on his own dirty ass medicine."

"And, more, too. I can't wait till the day Luke gets to knock his ass out. If we make it in time before everything goes down, Levi and I want our own swing, too. I can't wait for it, honestly."

I wanted to ask him about the plan Luke had mentioned ages ago, but refrained. Kade and Levi obviously knew, and were probably even in on it, and I didn't want to interfere. As long as Luke came out on the other end, I was on board with it, regardless.

Chuckling, I turned to check over the remaining time of my food in the microwave. "It is pretty nice."

"You've done it before us?"

"Mhm. Left an indent in the back of the bastard's skull with a cast iron skillet, and pointed a gun at his head a few months back." The words came out so casually, it was a bit comical. "It's a long story."

I heard a chuckle shift into a small laugh from behind me. "You serious?"

I nodded with my own chortle, pulling the microwave door open. "I didn't even know it was loaded until afterwards. The safety was off, too."

"I never thought I'd see the day where someone could match Luke so well, but fuck." Kade laughed, again. "Vaudest must have nearly lost his shit when he realized."

I chuckled, shrugging as I grabbed a plastic spoon from my bag to stir the hot chocolate up. "Where is everyone?"

"Gone," he said. "I fell asleep when we got back from dinner, and Kimberly left with Levi and Raven. Said they were going to the movies or something, I don't know."

"She didn't wake you up?" I knew why she hadn't me; I hated being woken up.

"I'm just as pissed about it, too."

Kimberly must have wanted to ease the tension between Levi and Raven a bit, if I could guess. It made sense, but it probably wouldn't work. The entire day had been awkward as shit between the two.

"She said they'll be back in a couple of hours, though," Kade added.

My head bobbed. Instead of furthering the conversation, I took my hot chocolate and food, then headed back to Luke and I's room. By the time I finished, I was satisfied, especially by the hot chocolate.

Descending the stairs two at a time, it didn't take long to reach ground level. Kade was in the same spot, face marked with a tie between boredom and thoughtfulness.

I cleared my throat. "Thanks for all of this."

"No problem."

The tension continued to poke at my nerves. I didn't know if there was anything to break it, since we both knew exactly why it was here.

I would just head back to Luke and I's bedroom to watch a couple of movies until I fell asleep, again. A part of me wanted to go and take a walk to clear my head a bit, but it was dark outside, and I wasn't going to be a dumbass by purposefully putting myself in danger by being on my own.

Hurriedly, I discarded of my plate and the cup. I could feel Kade's gaze drilling into my backside, but didn't confront it.

Just as I placed the towel down, a stool scraped back.

"Wanna have a drink with me?" Kade offered. "There's beer and shit in the fridge."

On a hesitant foot, I turned. I expected a smirk, or anything else to tell me that it was a joke, but I didn't receive any of that.

Kade met my eyes, the honesty in his expression as bare as ever. I had to blink it over several times to realize that I hadn't given a response, yet.

"Yeah." I added a shrug. "Let's do it."

Kade grabbed two beers out of the fridge, then suggested that we go outside, since he wanted to smoke. I accepted for the hell of it; Luke's hoodie would keep me warm against the chill.

We went to the front of the house, where the lights were illuminated enough to keep me here. Now, it was just us and our cool beers.

Cracking the top off, I took the first sip for good luck. Kade had invited me out here for a reason, and even though I wasn't sure of it, I would need all of the courage I could get.

Kade pulled out his cigarette carton, then tilted it toward me. I shook the request off; smoking wasn't my cup of tea.

Propping himself against the wood, he stuck the cigarette in between his lips. As soon as it lit, he pulled in a long draw, then released it through his nostrils.

"I don't smoke much, either," he told me. "At least not anymore."

"The taste fucks me up, but that's obviously not why people do it, so whatever." Shrugging, I lifted the bottle to my lips.

Kade chuckled, lowering the cigarette from his mouth. "True. I started trying to stop when Kimberly said she hated the smell."

My lips tipped at that; of course she did. "That's my girl."

A natural smile crept over his face, settling there before he dipped his head, chuckling. Around another cloud of smoke, he added, "I'm glad you two have each other."

My eyes swept up to him.

His own remained in front of him, a calm, mild expression on while he lifted the cigarette again, adding, quietly, "Even if I don't act like it, sometimes."

My heartbeat was picking up, now, I realized at its defending thump. If it weren't for the cool shock, and the slippery beer in my hand, I would have thought my body not to be own.

"I know that I should've done this shit days ago, but I needed to get my words and shit together so that I could show you how much I mean what I'm about to say to you..." Sighing, Kade lifted himself off of the wall. Flicking his cigarette to the ground, he nodded his head at me.

"I'm sorry," he apologized, and at first, I didn't expect the sincerity in it, but it grew the longer he spoke, "I fucked up, and I realize that shit. I was scared about Kimberly being hurt, and lashed out at the first thing I could. I shouldn't have said the shit I did to you. I shouldn't have put you out in the open, or even tried to. And, I for damn sure shouldn't have forced you or threatened you to to it yourself. I sincerely regret it, and I'm sorry."

My eyes were widened to the size of saucers, now. I had expected another fight, or something of that sort, but not...this.

Attempting to edge past my shock, my eyes lowered to my beer. "Kimberly force you to say that?"

Chuckling, it looked at if he expected that question. "Not this time, no. It's just me trying to own up to my fuckup," he responded, truthfully. His eyes moved to mine. "And, I did make one by doing and saying what I did that day."

I shrugged, my eyes falling to my slippers. "You didn't. Not really."

"What do you mean?"

"You were technically only telling the truth. I knew the risks. I knew that danger was coming, and how close it was, and I still continued to hang around Kimberly. She could have died that day because of me and my shit."

His gaze dug into the side of my face even deeper, I guess, in thought. I didn't confront it.

"She didn't, though," he finally said after a beat. "And you. I can understand why you did it. I did the same thing when her and I started out, despite knowing that I was possibly putting her at risk every time I was around. You wanted a chance at a normal life. A normal relationship with her. I get it. It was honestly hypocritical as shit of me, and I'm sorry for that, too. You'd never potentially hurt Kimberly, and I'm a dumbass for saying and having you think differently."

I hadn't expected that, but it did help calm the guilt in my gut. I nodded, raising my eyes to his. His own were full of comprehension, checking over his choice of words before they lowered to the ground with acceptance.

I bit at the inside of my cheek in thought before asking the inevitable, "How long have you known?"

His finger traced the top of his bottle. "Couple of years, now."

I nodded; that was what I thought. "How did you find out?"

"When everything was going on with Chivo and the hit he put on Kimberly, I didn't want to risk any chances with her or her life. You and your brother came out of nowhere soon after, and you got close as shit to Kimberly really quickly. You honestly made me suspicious as fuck. I thought you could be working with Chivo, or something," he explained. "I asked for a file on you. Didn't read all of it, but I read enough to realize that you weren't with Chivo or Daniel, then I compared it to what Kimberly told me about you. I figured it out from there."

My brows grew closer in concentration. All of this time, he had known my lies. Years, even. And, despite us not getting along, and nearly cursing each others presence every time we crossed paths, he hadn't told anyone else. Not even his best friends.

Past a cotton wadded throat, I got out, "Why didn't you tell Kimberly? Or, Luke and Levi—"

"I'm an asshole, but I'm not a monster, Maggie," he clarified with a shake of the head. "It wasn't my story nor my information to tell, regardless of how you and I felt about the other. I don't give a fuck about how much we hated each other; there's a line of shit that I won't cross, and that's one."

I nodded, loosely. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me; it was the bare minimum, if even that," he shrugged, staring at his beer as he recalled the events, "I didn't tell Luke or Levi, because like I said, it wasn't any of their business and it wasn't my shit to tell them. Best friends or not, I wasn't giving them or anyone else shit like that about you. I know how I'd feel if it were Kimberly, so once I figured out that you weren't a threat to her, I burned the file to ashes, and that was that."

"I-I know that I should have told Kimberly, but..." I shook my head; I didn't know how to get it out.

"You didn't want her to leave?" he guessed.

My nod said it all. My vision blurred over the ground before it was all disoriented.

"Trust me," he snorted under a chuckle. "If she can find the good in someone like me, and all of the shit I have attached to me, then she sure as hell can in you. She will find it in you. That's her thing, and as strange as it is to me, it's one of the many things I love most about her." Sighing, he turned to face me. His eyes never left mine. "And honestly...there's not shit to find, because it's already there. The shit that happened to you wasn't your fault, Maggie. I don't give a fuck about anyone that says any differently. It's the truth."

My watery eyes raised to his. "You really believe that?"

"I know that," he shrugged. "I know about shit fathers, too. They suck. Mine would beat my ass black and blue for just staring at his shoes for too long, then would head off to church that same night. He did the same to my mom, and so much more, too. The bastard literally ran and left my baby brother to die in a fire that he started." Something dark crept over his face near the end before he knocked it off with a shrug. "So, yeah. I get the shitty dad group thing. Been a member for as long as I can remember, honestly. Sucks, but there's not shit I can do about it."

My heart dipped in sympathy as I looked at him. I could see him working through his words, but he kept going.

Sighing, he shook his head. "But...it wasn't my fault. Just like it wasn't yours. I couldn't help shit that he didn't want to help himself. Just like you couldn't. We were children. We weren't supposed to fight or survive the way we did. We never asked to be born, let alone to those piece of shits, but here the fuck we are, anyway. They were the ones who were supposed to love and protect us, but they didn't. It pisses me off some days, but now that I've found it—love and all that sweet shit—it only helps me recognize and appreciate the people who I give it to and the people I get it from even more. And, we all may be a little fucked, but..." he shrugged, passing me a look. "At least we beat the odds they tried to make for us. At least we know how to get the fuck back up and keep going. At least we're still alive to do exactly that, too. That's enough of an accomplishment on its own."

I didn't even realize the tears were slipping until I felt one land on my hand. There was no point in wiping them.

Over the past few months, I'd started to accept that, I think. That it wasn't my fault and that it didn't make me any less than. Those men, and my father were in the wrong, and they were the ones who should feel disgust when they look in the mirror rather than myself.

It's not my fault. It never was my fault. It never will be my fault. I wasn't a monster, used, nor was I tainted. What happened to me isn't a fault in myself, nor will it ever be one to me or that little girl who was an innocent in it all.

I took my body back and made it my own in ways the younger me used to beg for. I looked past the disgust in my scars, and saw them as courage for surviving. I took my mind back when her and I thought it burnt to ash, and I took the power back every single day I woke up and repeated all of this.

I had learned many things in the midst of it all, too. Like when you break, it was fine to put yourself back together, even if the pieces weren't all perfect and fitting. Because they were still there, regardless.

But it was also okay to have someone help you carry them, to have them hold you together when you couldn't do it yourself any longer. You didn't have to always carry it on your own to be strong. It was okay to share it. Luke had taught me that.

It was a surreal, truly amazing feeling to accept these things. It had taken years to get here, but I was here. I couldn't change the past, but I could shape my future in the hands that my father thought he had tied behind my back so long ago.

And I would.

Parts of myself that felt ruined had started to glimmer over the past few months, in ways I never thought possible. Luke, as stubborn, as crazy, and as hardheaded as ever, had made sure I saw that before anything else, and there wasn't any type of relief like that. In seeing the beauty he saw in me in myself.

My emotions turned right into Luke's palm, even without him being here. My boy, my heart, was hundreds of miles away, yet I still felt his powerful influence as if he were standing here, right now.

He helped me see my beauty when I thought myself a monster. He took the self-doubts, the blame, and the anger and turned it into something I breathed, now. He made me realize that I was worth much more than my past by giving me the opportunity to build a beautiful future with him.

Luke was my first and my best blessing amongst the hell I'd been living in ever since I was a little girl. He was everything that helped save me from myself, and I believed and prayed I was the same for him. We had saved one another when we weren't even aware we were drowning.

Peace touched my soul, as well as happiness. It merged into my smile. As pleasing as the feeling was, though, an ache was setting in, since I did miss Luke.

Kade and I continued to drink, the energy a bit lighter. I wasn't sure if it came to being around him a bit more, but I could practically feel him turning and tossing over his next set of words. I allowed him to, despite not knowing what would come next.

When he cleared his throat, I looked at him.

"Your dad. I know that disgusting son of a bitch didn't protect you," he acknowledged, his eyes meeting mine. "But, I wanna let you know that you won't have to worry about that shit ever again. We all know how Luke is. He won't let them get close to you, and I know for damn sure that Levi and I won't, either. Even if they manage to, it won't be for long, and it won't ever be without consequence." Meeting my eyes, he added, "Whether you like it or not, you and Raven are basically my little sisters, now. We're a family in this shit. All seven of us, including your brother. We're a fucked, traumatized, kind of dysfunctional one, but still family, nonetheless. I promise you that shit won't change, Maggie, whether Luke's here or not. I've got you, and so does Levi. Always."

I allowed a breath of appreciation to leave me. Meeting his eyes, I offered a hint of a smile that he matched with a nod of understanding.

"And about what I threatened you with..." he shook his head, leaning against the wood, again. "It was fucked up and I didn't mean it. You tell Kimberly and Raven on your own terms and your own timing. I'm sorry for threatening you with it, but I promise, I don't plan on putting you out there or anything—"

I shook my head, then pulled in a patch of cool wind through my nostrils. "No. You were right."

He looked at me, surprise lifting his brows.

"I'm gonna tell them." Nodding at myself for encouragement, I sighed. "They deserve to know, and they don't deserve to continue being lied to. You're right. They both always find the good in people, and maybe, hopefully, they will me, too."

Kade examined me over for a long second before shrugging. "If you want." Raising his beer to his lips, it grazed the skin before he paused, glancing to me. "You've got it, though. They're your friends. Kimberly loves you, and Raven does, too. Your relationship revolves around that, not your past. That shit won't ever change."

I knew that. I hoped that.

In order to save them a retched stomach, I wouldn't dive as deep as I had with Luke at the lake house, but I would give them the main points, and I knew they would figure it out from there.

Despite the fear, something had relaxed my mind into a hopeful state. I guess that was what it was. Hope.

"Your dad," Kade called out. "You try to take care of him, yet?"

It took me a minute to realize the true meaning behind his words. Once I did, I shook my head.

"Luke tried, but it's hard with the security," I answered. I wasn't sure why I was telling him this, but I was, anyway. "I wanted to be the one to take the final shot at him, but after everything..." My back slumped against the wall with a sigh. "I'm just tired, honestly. I'm so fucking tired. Anything that can kill him, and end this shit before it hurts anyone else does it for me."

It was true. I had wanted to take the kill shot when the moment comes, but now...I wasn't sure. I knew he deserved it. I knew that I still, technically wanted to bury a bullet in his skull. But, after all of the attacks and the mental torture of not knowing what would happen, next, I wanted it to be over with. I didn't care who ended it, as long as it ended.

I just wanted to live. I wanted to love. More than ever, and more than I ever had before. Now, I had things and people to live for, to stay for. I didn't want to leave them or it.

"Yeah?" Kade pondered my words over, his glare situated on his feet. "What facility is the disgusting piece of shit in?"

Once I told him, a thought swished over his face before he chuckled around another sip. "The fuck kind of fate is it that my dad's in that one, too?"

"Seriously?"

"Mhm," he hummed, his jaw locking. When I looked at him, I could see something else brewing, and like earlier, he had that same thoughtful expression.

My head tilted at him. "What is it?"

Kade glanced me over before tipping the beer back, again. "Nothing." He tilted the bottom to me, his face settled into an unreadable position. "Just remember that I always protect my family."

I stared at him for a long minute, but his expression didn't shift nor give much else away. I wanted to take a guess at the meaning, but refrained from the beginnings of a headache.

Instead, I turned forward, and started drinking my beer that had really gone untouched. We settled into a silence that wasn't exactly like all of the others. It wasn't homely, but it wasn't uncomfortable, either.

Kade broke it by saying, "Just so you know, that fucker, Vaudest really loves you, because..." he paused himself, his widening eyes flickering up to mine. "Oh, shit...did he tell you that he loves you, yet, or did I just spoil it?" A cursed mumble came from him before he waved it off. "You know what? I don't care if he gets pissed. If he hasn't told you, then you're finding out, right now. Luke loves you. He's being a pussy about saying it, but he does. You're welcome."

I laughed. "Don't worry. I already know."

Nodding, he continued on, "I knew the moment of our fight that he did. The son of a bitch has never swung on me the way he did that day. He nearly tried to rip my head off when you, Kimberly, and Raven were sleeping in the hospital."

Laughter bounced from my throat. "Seriously?"

"Mhm," he mused, chuckling. "He wasn't the only one pissed at me, though."

I lifted a brow before it clicked. "Kimberly?"

"That's why I said the girl loves the shit out of you, because the moment we got home, she was putting me in the guest room."

I laughed; she hadn't told me that. "Damn." I brought my arms over my chest with an amused shrug. "I'll throw in a good word for you, okay?"

This time, Kade laughed with me. It was strange seeing it, and hearing it was even more different.

A smirk remained as he threw the last of his beer back. "Our apartment's gonna be ready when we get home, though, and I have something else up my sleeve for her."

"Like?"

"This kitten that she wouldn't stop talking about after your volunteer day," he sighed out, dragging a hand down his face. "I saw her looking the little demon up on the adoption website."

I chuckled. "Luke said that you didn't like cats, though."

"Apparently I do, now. And, that damn bunny I got her a year back. God only knows what else we're gonna get," he grumbled, sighing. "Hopefully, though, it'll do the trick."

Amused, I nodded to reassure him. It definitely would.

A softened gaze washed over Kade before he shook it off, looking to me with a glare.

"If I found out that you told her, and ruined my chances of getting back in our room—" he started to threaten before I waved him off with a chuckle, "No need. She's going to love it, trust me."

Kade nodded, then flicked his head toward the door. "Let's head back inside. Luke would be all over my ass if he knew I let you get a cold out here."

The fireplace did sound nice, right now. I nodded in agreement, but paused myself when l my phone vibrated in the hoodie pocket.

Kade heard it, too. His eyes jumped to it. "That Luke?"

I nodded, already reaching inside. "Most likely, yeah."

"So, he can respond to you like The Flash, but not me?" His scowl built. "Tell him to answer my goddamned texts in the next five minutes or I lock his ass out of the house when he comes back."

Chuckling, I went straight to his messages. "I'll let him know." I had two missed calls and some texts from him that had taken place during Kade and I's conversation. I hadn't even felt it.

Luke: I miss you. Call me back.

My heart awed in my chest. I didn't even try to fight the blush in my cheeks.

The only thing that broke through the jumping of my heart was the sounds of car doors shutting and opening. Then, the illumination of bright headlights that shot through the dark like laser beams. The girls were back.

Which meant that it was time.

Kade bumped into my shoulder, and at first I passed it off as an accident, but soon realized that it was an act of reassurance. I glanced up to see him already staring down at me.

"Everything will be fine. Just trust their respect in you and yours in them," he advised. I had never heard his voice so soft until now. "Remember what their love was based on in the first place."

My nod was slow, and appreciative. Their love was based on me. Nothing else. I needed to remember that, even if that same love was stopped by my next confession.
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Okay, so, I have been asked about it before & I finally remembered to do it lol. I made Pinterest boards for both IASWAD & IASWH!! (Literally went on an adding spree bc it was so addicting) If you want to see them, just go to my profile & click on the link, then 'Pinterest.' They should be public!

I will be back with two updates Wednesday! I hope you all have a beautiful week, loves!🤍