"I could start a fire with what I feel for you." — Unknown
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Chapter 71
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Luke

I smiled as Maggie shifted in her sleep. Once she turned, her face settled up to mine so that I had the best sight of my life. Her snores were light, but still audible through the quiet of our bedroom. They were adorable.

My hand stroked through the back of her head, before I stopped myself. If I didn't, then I'd continue on all night.

I needed a drink first, as well as a Tylenol. Maggie got me good on the slope the other day.

One minute, Levi was cracking me up with his jokes, then the next, Kade and I were seeing our girls coming down that damn slope to the speed of lightning, and knocking us on our asses in the process.

This girl tested my nerves every single day. I loved it.

I hadn't been able to sleep ever since Maggie and I's shower, though. It was now one in the morning, but my mind was running as if there could never be an end.

Something happened in the shower. It wasn't the physical part. As sweet, fucking amazing, and pleasurable as it was, it was something else. There was something else.

Something light, but so, so heavy, too.

The energy around us had been as high as it regularly was, but there was something so especial about it this time. The moment I had her in my arms, on my lips, and in my ear was the moment where I thought it would swallow me whole. Where I knew that if she were my last sight, my last taste, and sense, I would go satisfied and without regrets. Where I thought my knees would buckle had I not recognized the feeling for what it was.

I knew what it was.

I was so sure I knew what it was.

But...fuck.

What if I had it wrong? Not for Maggie, of course, but for me. What if I was misreading into it, and she didn't feel the same way? What if I said it, and she rejected it? I never thought a 'what if' would be the very string that I would one day trip over.

Here I was, though. Falling on my ass.

What if I had it wrong?

I had never been so close to that feeling before, so to be knocked on my fucking ass by it now left my mind in a whirlpool. It had never been personal to me, both receiving and giving wise. I didn't fully understand it, nor how to acknowledge it, because I never had to do so before.

Now, though...hell.

All I knew was that my heart was still beating out of my fucking chest, despite laying still. The skin under thumping blood was grazed with goosebumps the longer I thought of her, and this bright, heavy feeling.

I had never held it for or about anyone, nor had I ever wanted to. Maybe that was why my mind was trying to psyche me the fuck out about this. This was my first time feeling anything, in general, that wasn't ugly or hateful, and it was rocking my world off its axis.

It wasn't easy when you were thrown into a world of emotions after, for years, never having the opportunity to feel or learn them the right way. I didn't even know if there was a 'right way', but I sure as hell knew that my own was pretty fucked from the start.

It was a new experience that had scared the shit out of me at first when it came to Maggie: emotions. Ones that were blissful, beautiful, and genuinely good. I had thought it settled, but right now, after being thrown the most dangerous feeling of them all, I thought differently.

I scrubbed a shaky hand down my face. "I need a drink." Fuck a glass of water; I needed something that would burn my throat.

Maggie snuggled even further into my chest, soft hair grazing the skin that scorched just for her. My smile softened as soon as I laid eyes on her. My strong girl.

I would take a quick shot or two, then come back to bed. I didn't want to leave her here just in case of a nightmare, but if I didn't have that drink, my heart was going to soar out of my chest, and land right on Maggie Norris's doorstep.

Carefully, I shuffled out of bed, my feet hitting the heated floor. Despite it, my skin grew as cold as ice the moment it lost Maggie, but I would make my trip quick.

I made sure to tuck the blanket back over her resting form; I didn't want her to catch a cold up here. I pressed a kiss to her head, then her lips before stepping back.

I forced my eyes forward to make sure that I didn't get caught up. If I turned around and saw her for just a second, my only default choice would be getting back into bed with her, and beating my own ass for letting her go.

Quickly, I grabbed the first thing I could from our dresser. We were both still naked. We were in the shower for only fuck knows how long, then barely found the time to make it to our bed.

It wasn't intentional, but the moment we were on each other, we weren't able to get back off. I knew I sure as hell wasn't. The girl could and had run me dry before, and I still found the power to carry on just to have more of her. I couldn't get enough.

I had never experienced anything like this when it came to sex before, but fuck, the girl could have me begging for her if she wanted. It should be a crime for her to feel as amazing as she does, but the need and desire for her ran much deeper than physically, so I was always a lost cause the moment she even breathed around me. She was as addicting as can be without even knowing it.

It wasn't only that, though. It was the appreciation of the trust she had in me not only emotionally, but physically.

If she needed it, I would have waited a million years for us to do anything sexual again, without a second thought nor regret. I didn't need sex to support, base, or build my feelings for her, and anyone who did obviously didn't feel what the fuck I felt for my baby.

Never in my life would I have made her uncomfortable or pressured about it either, because any piece of her was everything to me. Being around her in general, talking, not talking, anything was only added to my list of 'best moments of my fucking life.'

We could have waited, gone slow, or overall never even had sex again, and none of that shit would have changed. My feelings sure as hell weren't an exception.

Nothing was more important to me than her comfort, and trust in all things she shared with me, including her body, and to know that she had it with me was something I wouldn't ever take for granted. It was something I considered a blessing, just like her, something that I'd never in my fucking life betray, misuse, or take advantage of, nor would I let her think anyone else would even get close.

Seeing the trust gleam in her eyes back in the shower was one of the most beautiful sights there was. The image was still stuck in my head and heart, even hours later. It meant the world to me, since it was a part of her that was just as beautiful as the rest.

Since we were in the mountains, I decided on a pair of sweatpants. The fireplaces were on, so it'd be fine.

Over my shoulder, I peered at Maggie, again. My heart started to hammer, and my smile had never been so natural.

She was curled in the spot where I was just laying, arms wrapped around my pillow. Her raven, sleek hair was grazing the material so effortlessly. Her face was relaxed, and in its natural pretty state from slumber.

Fuck.

There it was, again. That flippity, floppity shit in my chest.

I averted my eyes from her to give myself a better chance. I wasn't letting her drag me back into that bed before I got a drink.

I refused. Nope. Not happening.

Don't you dare look back, Luke. "Drink," I mumbled to myself. You can do this. "Get a drink, fucker."

I continued my chant until I made it to ground level, despite the string of connection I wanted to follow right back to Maggie. It only seemed to thicken the farther I grew.

My ears were drumming with blood, but I could hear traces of the television in between it. The volume was to a light hum, but with everyone being asleep, it was heard just fine through the silent house.

Since I had to pass the living room in order to get to the kitchen, I caught sight of a glow of a phone screen in the dark, then a face.

Kade, awake, was stretched out on the couch, with Kimberly laying on top of him. A cover was topping her off, her face buried in the crook of Kade's neck. His gaze was on his phone, a calm expression on while he stroked a hand over Kimberly's backside. When she shifted, his eyes flickered over to her, and his face softened, before he pecked the top of her head, and pulled the blanket even higher up on her shoulders.

On the television, a Disney movie was still playing. Kimberly most likely forced Kade to watch it, then fell asleep, but the fucker was too chicken-shit to take her to their floor, and risk ruining her sleep.

I understood it.

Chuckling under my breath, I continued on to the kitchen. At my passing, Kade's eyes jerked up from Kimberly, finding mine.

I didn't say anything, just flicked my head at him. I nearly kept going before I heard him.

"Let me go and put her in our bed real quick," he said, quietly, nodding his head back at me. "I'll be back."

I didn't even have a chance to respond before he was lifting the both of them up. It must have been a routine for him by now, considering Kimberly didn't wake up. Instead, she snuggled into his neck when he picked her up, causing his expression to fill with heaps of awe, before he cradled her back into his chest, placed the blanket back on her, and led them up the stairs.

I stared after his backside, confused. I didn't know what he wanted to talk about, or if he wanted to talk at all. Nor did I know what about my simple passing made him so damn talkative.

I didn't want to particularly knock his ass out anymore, but I was still pissed at him. A couple sentimental confessions didn't change that shit.

I didn't care how close I was with anyone else. I didn't give a fuck how close we were. No one disrespected Maggie in my face, and left without a parting response from me. No fucking way.

I knew Kade. I knew nearly everything about the fucker that he probably didn't even realize I knew, and he did the same for me, too. It was what came with being friends for nearly a decade.

We both protected the things we cared about, as little and as few as those things were, no matter what, and no matter who it was against. Even each other.

This, though, was the shit that had me ready to rip the fucker's head from his shoulders the moment I saw him yelling at Maggie.

I hadn't even heard any of the contents of whatever the fuck was being said, because I didn't care to. I still didn't know much of what he said, either. All I cared about was finding out why in the hell he thought it was okay to be in my girl's face, let alone yelling and cursing at her.

Brother or not, I didn't stand for any type of disrespect against Maggie. I never would. I didn't give a fuck who it was from, or how they were bringing it. It would get shut down, and knocked right the fuck out of their mouth by me, either way.

After I downed my Tylenol, I searched the fridge for any resemblance of alcohol. I'd go for a Smirnoff Ice if I had to.

I dug past all of the other shit the girls got, and managed to find the cases of Bud's Light Levi had gotten for me, him, and Kade. Thank fuck.

Despite grudgingly doing the act, I grabbed one for Kade, too. I placed it on the opposite side of the kitchen island, just in case. If he brought up Maggie in the wrong way, this table might save him a couple of seconds before I come over it to smack the disrespect out of his mouth.

I leaned against the cool island, then glanced ahead, where the curtains were open. My eyebrow lifted at it. Maggie and I hadn't been down for hours, so it obviously wasn't us who did it.

I would have thought one of the others would have remembered to close them, but I guess they forgot. As soon as I stepped back from shutting them, I heard footsteps following up to the kitchen.

Quietly, I pulled one of the stools out, sat down, and set my gaze on Kade.

His expression remained as somber as ever as he took the seat opposite to me. Without a word, he grabbed his bottle, flicked the top off, then tilted it at me as a thanks.

I didn't react. Instead, I focused on my own beer and finishing it as quickly as possible.

I didn't really have anything to say to him. Not right now. If I did, then it would turn physical more likely than not, and for Maggie, I'd try my fucking hardest not to let it.

As I said, though, I knew Kade. I knew about his brother. His dad. I knew about his disorder, and had never told it to him, but I spent as long as I could learning more about it when we first met. I still remembered how reluctant he was to tell Levi and I all of those years ago, nearly using it as a warning sign or an excuse for us to bail if we wanted.

Fuck that. There wasn't anything to bail on when it came to the people I cared about.

I had been there many times during his episodes, or when he came crashing down. When he was off his meds, there were days where I'd stay or track him for hours, and sometimes days to make sure that he was okay. I had seen him in a mania episode that lasted days at a time, only to find him curled up in his bed and practically unresponsive to anyone on the outside, soon after. I had read up on it at that point, so I had a understanding of what was going on.

And, during those times, Levi and I would do what we could. Clean his room, wash his clothes, talk with him, cover his shit at the cages and all else, fix him food to make sure he ate and shit like that. It wasn't a problem to me, nor was it anything other than making sure to remind him that he had us, no matter what.

As much as we fought and argued with the other, we knew each other's boundaries. We knew each other's ticks, and shit to remain off of, no matter how deep our jokes or fights got. I had tried to learn as much as I could about his disorder, then compared it to what I knew about him firsthand, and Levi had done the same.

That was why I tried avoiding fights with him and Levi the most. As much as we fucked around and argued with each other, I didn't like to put Kade in that headspace or any of that shit.

I had walked away from many, many fights against him because of that reason, regardless of my temper and readiness to swing. I knew what would follow for him, mentally. That, and him was worth much more than my ego.

That was why I watched over him in the cages, too, just in case his fights got too far. They had sometimes, and as many bloody noses and threats as I had suffered from trying to keep the bastard out of jail, I'd honestly do it all over again to show the stubborn fucker that I wasn't going anywhere. Levi wasn't, either.

Regardless of the situation or our tempers, they were still my brothers. They both pissed me the fuck off in ways that made my blood boil, but I never liked getting physical and putting my hands on either of them. Not really. I hated it, and they did, too.

My eyes raked over his figure. To a stranger, it was as natural as it would get with Kade Ryder: glazed eyes, a frown that wasn't an actual frown, and a mouth ready to spew curses. To me, though, I saw it: the furrow of his brows, the avoided eye contact, the bounce of his leg under the table.

The fucker was nervous. For what, though, I had no idea.

His gaze raised, nearly set in a glare that would have scared a stranger away. I wasn't a stranger, though.

I continued to drink my beer. When it was finished, I was exiting the silent contest and returning to Maggie. I wanted her in my arms more than anything else, right now.

The energy in the room was strange as shit, that was for sure. It was right in the middle of normal and skin tight. The silence wasn't making it any better.

Our contact broke from my side first once I placed my empty bottle down.

Without a word, I scooted my stool back out. The underside of my feet grazed the heated floors, before I heard Kade's voice from behind me.

"Sorry."

I blinked at my reflection in the refrigerator, and repeated the action, again. The confusion remained all the same.

Shifting on my feet, I didn't stop until we were facing each other, again. His gaze was trained on the island, while his words were hitting me like a tsunami. Quick, and without relent until I was left in shock.

Kade breathed out a sigh that was more of a huff than anything. "I shouldn't have exploded at your girl or said the shit I did, okay?"

I glanced in the direction of the staircase, my escape to end the conversation if I wished for it, but then again...

Dropping my head with an eye roll, I turned back around to face him. Instead of launching the glass bottle at him like I wanted, I did a glare, instead. "No the fuck you shouldn't have."

The only move he made was shifting his eyes to me. "I was just upset and scared shitless about Kimberly getting hurt. I didn't think about anything else other than that. You know how I am about her, especially after everything."

I did. He tried to play it off, but I knew how he was with all of the people he cared about after losing his brother. I hadn't known him when Kacen was murdered, but I had read up on it and his dad. I had never seen him edge so close to that fear until after what happened to Kimberly at the hospital.

He had been protective of the girl even when he claimed he hated her. Levi and I had seen it, despite him swearing and vowing the very opposite. Then, they got together, and that protectiveness only increased. I had seen it most the moment she was nearly killed by three lunatics.

Kade's expression darkened at the reminder before he wiped it off, dipping his head. Black strands atop his head barely grazed the skin below as he sighed.

"But I shouldn't have put it out on Maggie, either, and it's not an excuse for it. She was probably already feeling fucked after everything, and I know I didn't help that. I shouldn't have yelled at her, or any of that. I know how I'd feel if you did it to Kimberly, and I should have looked past my anger to do the same in that moment, but I didn't so..." he reflected, his voice low. "My bad."

I stared him over, but there was really no need. His words had reached me just fine.

I could find the understanding. Not completely, but enough to get over the awkwardness that had been here since the day of the girl's accident. I knew that Maggie had been trying to force us back into each others good graces, and if she were here, then she would want me to accept the peace.

Kade's head jerked up at the scrape of my chair. He had looked away so quickly earlier, I hadn't seen the fear and apprehension riding the colors of his eyes until now.

Taking my seat, I flicked my head at him. "'My bad?'" The corner of my lips teased at a smirk. "The fuck kind of an apology is that, Ryder?"

He blinked before he got my joke. The apprehension faded into enough humor to ease the tension out of the atmosphere.

"Shut up, man." A chuckle came from him as he rolled his eyes. "But...just for the record, I am sorry. For that and for putting my hands on you. I don't ever like to hurt you or Levi." He tipped the bottle back to his lips. By the relief that followed afterwards, it seemed to heal his throat from the weight of nerves his words left.

I chuckled, running my fingers along my knuckles that were still bruised from our fight. "I mean, shit. I expected something bigger from the bruise you left in my side."

"Me?" Kade cocked a brow, stroking his jaw that needed a shave. "You slammed the shit out of me, and nearly knocked my jaw out of place that second round. I forgot how good that right hook of yours is, but that shit had me thinking I could taste colors for a minute." His chuckle was light. "Don't let that shit go to your head, though."

This time, a full laugh came from me. That was probably why my knuckles had hurt the way they did, afterwards. I had iced them for hours after that shit.

His lips twitched at me as he placed his bottle down. His eyes ran my frame over once, then finally met mine, again.

"So...we're cool now, right?" he questioned, smoothly. I had caught the speck of fear in the loose crooks of his speech just fine, though.

"We're cool." I stretched my legs out; this stool was uncomfortable as shit. "I'm gonna say this shit once, though, and I won't be repeating myself about it."

"Let me know."

"If you ever talk to Maggie like that, again, I promise you this shit..." I kept my tone as honest as possible. "I'll fight you every single day until there's nothing left to fight, yeah? Brother or not."

Kade lifted a brow at me before he let it fall. I was probably the only person in this world other than Levi and Kimberly who could swear that to him without getting bitch slapped into next week.

He shrugged in understanding. "Okay." With a nod, he added, "Good that you know where the fuck I come from when it comes to Kimberly, now."

I did. More than ever, now. I'd seen him fight a million times over, but it wasn't the same when it came to his girl. It was wrath. I had never understood it until now.

The moment anything negative came to or even threatened Maggie, I was ready to destroy it that very same minute to stop it from even grazing her. Consequences be damned.

"Yeah." I nodded once. "I do."

Kade thumbed the edge of his bottle in thought before he chuckled. "Maybe I can use this shit to get back into bed with Kimberly, now."

At first, I thought he meant sexually, but it wasn't possible. Kade, Levi, and I didn't talk about anything sexual involving our girls to each other. Out of respect for them, we never had done so before, so I knew that he had to mean literally.

I cocked my head at him. "She put you out of your room?"

"Fuck yeah she did. Looked adorable as shit doing it, too. The moment we got home from the hospital, she was shutting our fucking door right in my face. I've been sleeping in the spare bedroom ever since the day of the accident. Even here."

Well, shit. "You just had her on the couch, though?"

"Mhm," he hummed, sighing. "I know she misses me too, but is still pissed at what I said to your girl. Everything else is fine and shit, of course, but she won't let me back in our room until I formally apologize to you and Maggie." The frustration grew along his face, leaving behind a sour expression. "I've been losing my fucking mind, man."

I tried to hide my amusement, but it was impossible. "You've been going crazy over not getting cuddled?"

Kade scowled back at me. "You try going a couple of days without them from your girl, then tell me how the fuck you feel. The girl knows exactly how to fuck with me, and that's it." At my laugh, his scowl deepened, but he let it fold back into a soft hearted smile. "I love her, though."

I found myself stilling at that. Not at the beginning, but at the end.

Love.

My eyes traced the staircase, right in the direction of my heart. The fucker was leading a drum-line in my chest, now.

Kade, Levi, and I didn't do emotional shit. We did blunt, no matter how rude or crude it was. That was our idea of being 'deep.'

Now, though...fuck.

I didn't know how to ask. I didn't know if Kade would laugh in my face, or just plain walk away from it. I didn't know shit other than how much feeling I was feeling, right now.

Oh, fuck it.

My gaze landed on Kade, who was completely oblivious to my nervous figure. Then, I forced myself to say, "How do you know?"

His eyes raised from his beer. "How do I know what?"

The fucker wasn't going to make it any easier on me. Of course.

I'd need another drink for this.

I thought my legs would wobble out from under me as I walked to the refrigerator, again. I could feel Kade's stare burning into my backside, but pretended not to pay it any mind as I grabbed my next beer.

"How do you know..." I cleared my throat, tilting the bottle at him. "That you, you know..." I motioned to him to give me a fucking break.

"Love her?" he guessed.

My throat flexed under the nerves as I shrugged. The irritability of my own self was stretching my skin hot.

I pulled in a breath through my nose, holding it there until it burned. "That, and her loving you back, and shit like that." My hand, which had grown shaky around my bottle, seemed tight enough to crack it. "How do you know?"

My question threw him off, but not at the words theirselves. It was at who was saying them. Neither of us ever expected me, out of all fucking people, to ever be the one asking it, nor caring about it.

As I said before, I'd never been so close to the feeling before. I had never gotten it, nor given it in the right way, because I didn't know how. My father had taught me the opposite, while my mother was too ill to check it over. In between surviving the shit my dad and life threw at me all of those years, I had never had a chance to correct any of that shit over, nor did I even see a real problem in it.

It wasn't only that, though. It was the feeling of acceptance. Acceptance that I deserved this, us, happiness. I hadn't ever even realized it was missing until now, but now that it was here, it was something that was only growing by the day.

After being under my father's wrath for so long, it was impossible to rid all of his torments from my head, but it was possible to reverse and replace them, in a way. Over the past few months, that was what had happened.

It was like shedding a layer of his insults and lies off, and allowing bits of belief and courage in myself to cover it. I lost one every single night I watched the most beautiful girl, my strong girl sleep on my chest, and every single morning I woke up to her, too.

It was one of the most relieving feelings in this world. To finally feel like I was worth it. Because I was. I couldn't let someone as evil as my father try to make me believe any differently, again.

In all honesty, though, I didn't know if the things I was doing in Maggie and I's relationship was right or wrong some days, but I used the logic of if it made her happy, or if it made our relationship stronger, then it was right. If it hurt her, or us, then it was wrong, and I would talk about it with her to see why it was wrong, and try not to make the mistake, again.

It was all a learning experience for me, one that I was trying my fucking hardest not to mess up. Every time I pulled my world into my arms, a matching, erratic drum beat as our heartbeats against the others chest, I figured I was doing something right, and I would only continue to try to do so.

Everything seemed to start when my girl came in, as sarcastic, as beautiful, and as unexpected as ever on either side, and never left. Then, she was mine and I was hers. And, just like that, the world, my life, me, made sense.

As scary as it was in the beginning, though, I found myself growing more excited every passing day just to learn something new about the feelings I thought my father had beaten out of me. It was like breathing, genuinely breathing for the first fucking time.

To others, it might seem dumb, but I fucking loved it, these feelings, this life, especially in giving it back to Maggie even harder. It was amazing when did the right way and with the right person, honestly.

Kade drew his surprise back in once he caught the frustration and the nervousness on my face.

"Okay..." His brows fell back to their natural state, as well as the rest of him. "I'm gonna say the basic shit first, scenarios, and then questions. Got it?"

I nodded.

"The first thing is obvious. I don't really like other people, you know that. Never really have. They're annoying, disappointing, and selfish. Everyone only uses the other for personal gain, and that was what I did, too. And, I was okay with sticking to that," he admitted with a shrug. I nearly chuckled, but I couldn't muster it past my nerves. "Until Kimberly."

I managed to force my trippy feet back to the island. As soon as I was sat, he continued on.

"Now. Scenarios," he sighed. "Take every single thing you hate about yourself. Every single thing that you hate about the world, and the people in it. Take it, and put it in the front of your head."

I did, settling on the main points, first.

"Now, focus on the first thing. All of the things you hate about yourself," he continued, straightening his back with a shrug. "When you compare it to your girl, what do you think?"

My mind burned as I considered it over. The first answer was already there, but I didn't know if it was the right response.

I glanced to Kade, who was reading right through my bullshit. Fuck it.

"I want to change it," I answered as honestly as possible. "I want to make them good for myself, to be perfect for her."

Kade nodded. "Exactly. Now, the second." He dropped his arms on the kitchen island. "Everything that you hate about the world and the people in it."

My face scrunched with concentration as I tried to jump ahead of his plan. I couldn't.

"What about it?"

"You see Maggie in it?"

"No," spilled from my lips before I could stop it. "Not at all."

"Mhm." Scooting up in his chair, he jerked his head at me. "Third scenario."

I nodded, attempting to stop the replay of his previous one. My mind was already racing.

"Say you're in a big ass crowd," he insisted. "Who are you looking for first?"

"No one, because I'm going to find out where the hell Maggie is and why she's not there with me. And, if she's not, then I'm taking my ass wherever she is." That probably wasn't the right answer, but it sure as hell was mine.

Kade chuckled. "Exactly." Downing the rest of his beer, he scooted it to the side, raising his eyes to mine. "Here's the statements."

"You think about her all of the time," he elaborated. "Every time you see her, your heart feels like it's gonna fucking pop. When you're apart, she and being around her again is all you think about. When you're together, you don't wanna be anywhere else in the whole fucking world."

He paused to flick his head at me. "Sound about right?"

I nodded so hard, it made my vision blur.

"Good." He continued  with, "You feel like you can talk about anything with them, even shit you thought you never would. You want to share everything in the world with them, including that. You're ready to knock any fucker out over or about her. You want to protect her, and you will because you'll do anything in the world for her, too. You want to see and help her grow and succeed. You see the future with her, no matter where or what it is. You see every single thing she thinks is bad about herself, and fall even more while showing her why they're just as beautiful as she is."

Kade glared down at the wood in concentration before looking to me, again. "Oh, and you find yourself doing the most stupidest shit in the world just to see her happy. If that makes sense."

"Like?"

"Like letting her paint your nails while you're asleep to see if she likes the shade of a color." At my questionable look, he shrugged. "Don't ask."

I didn't. I couldn't muster anything sensible after his responses.

Every time you see her, your heart feels like it's gonna fucking pop.

My racing heart couldn't be taken for anything else. It only started around and for Maggie.

When you're apart, she's all you think about.

The moment we separate, even for a second, I want to go and stay wherever she is. The girl honestly had me thinking I had separation anxiety, or some shit.

You see the future with her, no matter where it is.

Maggie Norris is what I want the rest of my life to look like.

You feel like you can talk about anything with them, even shit you thought you never would.

My parents. My life. Me. I had never uttered as much as I had about any of it until Maggie.

You'll do anything for her.

If Maggie asked me for the world, I'd give her the entire fucking universe.

Holy shit.

I was in love with Maggie Norris. Hell, I'd been in love with her this whole fucking time, really. I loved her.

I love her.

Now that I had a name for it, it was without doubt that I loved Maggie more than anything and more than anyone in this world. She was my first everythings, from the very beginning. Except one. She was my first love, but she'd also be my last. My one and only love.

My chest was burning. The realization had left a torch behind in the spot my heart was, and it was never going to burn out. Not with the spark Maggie had set off inside of me.

My palms were misting so badly, I had to put my glass back down to avoid dropping it.

Kade watched over me with a knowing expression. Despite it, I saw the cockiness just as well. Bitch. "Shit's scary, huh?"

A part of me considered launching the bottle at his head, but I refrained since I had another question, "How do you know if she loves you back?"

This was the part that had stopped me all along. Fear. I had never known anything like it until Maggie came in and made me afraid for the first time.

"You do, but you don't," Kade replied, simply. "That's the thing. You keep loving, spoiling, and caring for her as if you don't know, even when you do. Even when she tells and shows you herself, you treat every single day as if you're trying to get her to fall for you all over again. If you love her, you do everything in your power to show her that shit."

I nodded along, absorbing every single word. It made sense. Never stop loving and caring for her even when you know you have her. That was what I hoped I was giving to Maggie, and only wanted to continue to do so.

I thought that that was my last question, but now, there were a million rippling through my head. It was impossible to keep up with them individually, so I tried to gather one of the most crucial.

"How do I know when I can say it?" I asked, my voice dipping under the fear. "Is there a specific moment or..." My head fell with a huff. This shit was so simple in the movies, but in reality, I was going to be sick with fright the longer I held it all in.

"Nah, man." Kade snorted. "You're on your own there."

"How the fuck is that supposed to help me?"

"I'm the last fucker to ask that shit to, trust me," he chuckled. "Before I said it, I lied and told Kimberly that I wanted to use her shower. In reality, though, I was actually throwing up and hyperventilating in her bathroom because I was so nervous. Thought my heart was gonna pop out of my chest or some shit." (IASWAD chapter tilted 'Ariel')

My face went slack at him. "You're fucking with me."

Kade shook his head. "I wish I was. The girl made me nervous as shit." A hand ran over his face, leaving behind a look of defeat. "You should have seen me when we kissed for the first time. I nearly fell the fuck out. I had to stop myself from hyperventilating the moment she grabbed me and yanked me over to her." (IASWAD chapter tilted 'Fighting it|part 1')

My laughter continued on until I paused. "Wait." Despite my scattered being, I cocked my head. "She kissed you first?" I thought it over for a moment before glancing back to him. "You told Levi and I that you kissed her first."

He did. I remembered it. He barged right into my house that same night, all grinning and cheery. I was confused as shit until he told me that he kissed Kimberly. I knew for a fact that he never said that Kimberly was the one who initiated it. It was him, or at least Levi and I thought it was.

He thought over his previous confession before his cheeks flooded with blood. Caught him.

"She caught me off guard," he rushed out, attempting to get himself together. The flush in his cheeks was undeniable, though. At my smirk, he scowled. "Okay, fine. I wanted to, but I was too nervous to go for it, but then..." His lips clamped shut as his skin from the neck up went red.

Huffing, he jerked his glare over me. "You know what? It doesn't matter, so wipe that stupid ass grin off your face, already. I better not find out that you brought it up to her or Levi, either."

Raising my hands in surrender, I rolled back my amusement. "No need for the threat, man. What you're too pussy to do in your relationship is none of my business."

His glower dug into my soul, but I found it humorous. Truthfully, though, I could understand it. I still remembered the turn of my nerves when I kissed Maggie in the kitchen.

Once Kade's death stare had calmed down, he sighed, the sound quick.

"Honestly, though," he shrugged, looking to me. "Just do it when you think it's right. I know you hear that bullshit in the movies a lot, but it's true. You'll feel it, and when you do, just know it's cool to be nervous, but don't be a dumbass, either." His eyes remained on mine in all seriousness. "Dumbasses end up alone and dumb. You're dumb, but don't end up alone because you're dumb."

I scowled. "Thanks for the advice, man. Seriously."

"I'm just being honest. If she feels the same, then great. If she doesn't, then...there's beer in the fridge for a reason. Good luck, I guess."

Without another word, he hopped off of the stool, and began in the direction of the staircase. My glare remained on his backside.

My mind was a fucking mess, right now. As much as I had needed his advice, it seemed to lock my head up in all of the right and wrong ways. The right being that I agreed and correlated with everything he said, the wrong being that the fear was kicking me in the ass.

Either way, though, I wouldn't fight it. I had learned my lesson that with Maggie, everything was going to come out full circle. It was all inevitable with her.

Sighing, I ran a hand through my hair, nearly ripping it from my grip before I dropped it. I needed to get back to bed before Maggie woke up.

The footsteps paused along the staircase. A second passed before they were descending, again.

As soon as he got down, Kade crossed his inked arms over his chest, and pushed out a sigh.

"Listen..." he started, dipping his eyes to the floor. "When I first said it to Kimberly, I used flash-cards to help me remember. I ended up forgetting the shit, anyway, but it still helped. I can get some paper or some shit and help you get your mind calmed down...if you want."

At the request, my shock raised at him. "Seriously?"

"Might as well. It's not like I'm going to bed any fucking time soon." A mix of agitation and frustration drowned his face at the thought of sleeping without Kimberly.

I thought it over, quickly. Honestly, I had tried rehearsing a number of shit when it came to Maggie, but it had all went to shit the moment she laid those eyes on me.

This was bigger than those moments, though. I needed to have my mind cleared for this.

I raised my gaze to Kade, who was impatiently waiting for a response. "You seriously used note cards?"

"Shut the fuck up," he snapped, glaring back at me. "This is what I get for trying to be a good friend to your ungrateful ass."

I chuckled at him. "It'll have to be quick, but let's do it."

Another set of footsteps sounded out. It had to be Levi.

I was right. Levi hit the ground level, already rubbing at his tired eyes, but when he saw us, he dropped his hand, annoyance framing his face, automatically. "Hell."

"Are you two about to fight, again?" Immediately, he stepped back out of the kitchen, glancing between the both of us, cautiously, then the staircase. "If you are, let me know, because it's way too early for this shit. I swear I'll pretend I didn't see shit."

Chuckling, I shook my head. "Nah, man. We're good." Kade nodded in agreement.

Letting out a sigh of relief, he stepped back into the kitchen. "What are you two doing up so early, though?"

"Nothing."

Kade motioned to me. "Luke is being a pussy about saying I love you to his girl."

I threw my arms up. The fuck kind of a friend is he? "Well, announce it to the whole goddamned city, then."

"Piss me off enough and I will, bitch."

Fuck it.

Just as I lifted my bottle to throw at his head, Levi was snatching it from my hand with a chuckle.

I swept a glare over him in return. "Can't you go back to sleep or something? Why are you even up?"

"I came down for a snack, but when I know my friend's in need like this?" he chuckled, shaking his head. "Nah, man. We're in this shit together. What are we doing?"

"I'm getting paper so that we can practice," Kade informed him, jerking his head at the stairs. "Wanna help?"

Levi passed him a look of disbelief. "You kidding me?" His eyes moved to mine. "Want me to pretend to be Maggie or some shit? I can—"

"You're not pretending to be my girlfriend, you dumbass." I pushed him back by his shoulder, sending him into a round of laughter. "Have you even said it to Raven, before?"

"What I do in my relationship is my business," he retorted, shrugging. "Besides, don't deflect."

"How the fuck am I deflecting?"

"Being a pussy is pretty deflective," Kade chuckled from the staircase.

Fuck this. My nostrils flared as I turned to face him. My grin widened. "Ryder, how about we talk about the real pussy in the room? We can go in order, too, if that'll make it easier on you."

His eyes narrowed at me in warning, but I took it with a chuckle. If he wanted to talk shit, then he'd be going down with me, too.

"I knew I shouldn't have..." he shook his head, cursing me under his breath. "I can't stand you."

"Then, sit the fuck down and try again," I shrugged.

Levi snorted from my side. "I'm sitting down and I still can't stand you." He tilted his beer to Kade. "Don't even ask me about you, Ryder. I hate you in every possible direction and frame there is."

Kade turned, and flipped him off. "Even this one?"

Levi chuckled once he saw it. "Well, when you put it that way, I can definitely see the appeal the ladies have for you, now."

"Why are you both talking so goddamned loud?" I snapped at the both of them. Either that, or my head was hurting and turning everything into so much bigger. "Have you two never heard of an inside voice?"

"Have you ever heard of me not giving a fuck?" Levi snorted, waving a hand over himself. "If not, you're getting a live performance right here."

I massaged at my temples to ease the tension in them. These two. "Kade, come on with the paper before I leave."

His curses continued as he turned around to head for the staircase, again. Despite my incoming headache, I watched him with an amused grin; only the people closest to him knew the true meaning behind his grumpiness. It was only there for the people he cared about.

Before he made it up the stairs, he paused. For what, though, I had no idea.

I saw the muscles in his back tense as he drew in a breath. "Luke."

I raised a brow as he turned back around. His glare remained in place until it finally latched onto me.

"If I ever hear you, in your fucking life, label yourself as a trouble or a bother or any of that bullshit to either Levi or I, again...something you never were, never are, and never will be," he started, his voice deepening with a rage I recognized as a threat. "I'm beating the shit out of you on the spot, no questions asked."

"And, you can bet shit I'm jumping in," came from Levi from my side.

Out of all of the things he threatened, I didn't expect that. "Why?"

His glare reeled back enough to show the sincerity well enough. Jerking his head at me, he turned to head up the staircase.

Before he got too far, he finally responded, "Because it's a lie."