Rabbi- khtar lee ma taraahu khairan lee.

"Oh Lord, choose for me what you see is good for me".

***

Rehan walked through the pathway trying to make his blurry vision clear. He untied his tie that was around his neck. He had suddenly started feeling hot in an air conditioning room and unwanted thoughts were engulfing his mind. He did not know where he was going but he needed something at the moment, something that could stop all that was happening with him.

“Rehan here, come with me.” He heard a female voice and he widened his eyes to look who the person was but failing miserably. He felt a hand on his waist making him not stumble. He tried pushing the female but failed due to his lack of strength.

“I have a wife.” He whispered his head hung low. He was feeling pain. He could not understand what was happening to him. He was made to sit on something and his hand roamed on it to realise that it was a bed.

He felt fingers on his chest trying to open up his shirt. His body was getting more heated up and he himself started helping the person to remove his shirt. His head was aching badly making him pull his hair.

“Ahh,” He groaned in pain not understanding what he should be doing at the moment. The unwanted thoughts were increasing with each second making him unable to bear the pain.

Suddenly he felt fingers running on his bare chest. He could feel how cold the fingers were on his heated body.

“I have a wife.” He whispered again shaking his head trying to remove the hand but the female started kissing him on his chest and he couldn’t stop the moan that escaped his mouth.

“Rehan feel it.” He heard the voice again but he shook his head whispering the same line again and again. He tried removing her hands from around his waist but due to dizziness he tripped making the female to fall on the bed along with him.

“Rehan,” He heard a faint voice but he did not had the strength to see who it was or from where the voice was coming. His mind was only concentrated on the hand on his back that felt cold yet warm.

“Rida,” He heard the female under him yelling loudly making him groan. His head was hurting badly and the heat was increasing.

“What is going on here?” He heard a voice and tried looking at the person but he couldn’t. Suddenly he was pushed away and he turned on his back on the bed. He could hear some words exchanging between the two that was unable to understand.

“He tried ra-raping me.” Shreya whispered and a gasp escaped Rida’s mouth. She looked at Shreya to notice that she was covering herself completely with the end of her sari. She looked at Rehan who was still on the bed shirtless.

Shreya ran away from there but not before warning her to sew Rehan while Rida stood still on her place. She couldn’t believe what she had seen or heard. She had seen her husband on top of some other girl. She slowly closed the door behind her and walked towards Rehan to get some answers.

“Is that true?” Rida asked looking at Rehan who was now pulling his hair. She looked at him with a frown on her forehead.

“Rehan?” She called out to him slowly moving her hand to touch him but he groaned and Rida pulled her hand away in fear.

“I have a wife.” He whispered again and again but Rida could see that he was in pain.

“Rehan I am Rida your wife.” She said touching his bare shoulder a lump forming in her throat looking at him.

“Tell me what is happening.” She asked running her hand on his shoulder and he loved the cold fingers moving on his shoulder. The pain was increasing so much that all he wanted to do was remove his entire clothes.

He got up from the bed and started unzipping his lowers making Rida to look at him in astonishment. She couldn’t understand what was happening to him. She tried asking him but all in vain. He would only rant the one line he was repeating the entire time.

Rida could see how his hands were shivering but he was still trying to get out of his trousers. She touched his shoulder trying to stop him but he wouldn’t. She did the one thing she thought would be right at the moment. She hugged him hard her hands around his waist soothing him trying to calm him down her eyes having unshed tears looking at her husband.

“Calm down Rehan.” She whispered on his chest looking at his face that tried looking at her. Just as she was about to pull back she felt his hands on her shoulder encircling it completely.

She smiled a little, blinking back the tears while running her hands on his waist feeling his hands go to her back. He pulled away a little and took her lips in his making her eyes go wide.

The kiss was rough and urgent. He pushed her on the bed making her gasp. Taking this as a chance he started exploring her mouth. Rida could feel that he was trying to wash away his pain through the kiss and she did not mind. She started kissing him back her hand in his hair. She could hear him groan in between the kiss but she was still unable to understand what was wrong him.

He slowly pulled away from their kiss while Rida started breathing heavily. He unpinned her hijab throwing it somewhere and started kissing her neck. She gasped at the sudden contact of his cold lips on her neck. He started pestering small kisses on her neck. He turned her around so that she was now on top of him. Rida clutched at his shoulders tightly when she felt his hand on her gown’s zip. He slowly started pulling it down. She did not want this to happen but she did not know how to stop him. He was not in his correct state or else he would have never done this without her permission.

“Rehan what are you doing?” She whispered her voice barely audible but Rehan was not in his correct sense. She could feel by the way he was behaving; her Rehan would never take advantage of her.

She felt his cold hand on her back making her shiver. His huge hand moved on her back while his one hand tried removing her gown. He pulled down her gown from her right shoulder, all the while giving feathery kisses while she felt her toes curl.

She wanted him to stop this. She did not want to give herself to him when he was not in his right sense but she could not see any other option. She could clearly see the pain on his face and that was what made her stop pushing him off her. If this was what could help him overcome his pain then she would do it. She would give him her body, for her heart and her soul were already his.

***

Rehan groaned when he felt the sun directly hitting his face. He tried turning to the other side to sleep for a few more minutes when he felt a weight on himself. He opened his eyes with a frown on his forehead due to the headache he felt. He noticed Rida sleeping soundlessly on him. He kissed her forehead caressing her cheek. He stared at her face that looked flushed and he couldn’t help but smile.

He slowly removed the duvet from himself covering Rida, careful of not waking her up, planning to take a shower when he realised that he was just in his boxers. Confused he looked around the place to find it unknown, but his eyes widen in fear when he looked at the clothes scattered on the floor.

Panicking he turned around to move the duvet a little to see Rida sleeping in his shirt, the shirt he had worn to the party. He could not understand what was happening. He could not believe his own eyes. He was not ready to believe that he had taken advantage of his own wife.  

He struggled hard to remember something of what happened but nothing came. It was as if his memory was lost. He remembered Shreya asking him for a dance but as soon as he saw Rida walk out he had stepped back from the lady apologizing to her and she was kind enough to understand him but when she had offered to have a drink he couldn’t just deny it. It was kind enough of her to get him a fruit juice while she herself brought a glass of wine.

After the drink the images were blurry, he remember moving out of the place to search for Rida thinking she might be with Saif and Safa but after that he did not remember anything.

He looked at Rida who was still sleeping hugging the pillow close to her. He felt a lump in his throat. He did not believe that he could stoop so low to go this far. He couldn’t even look at her face after what he had done but he was annoyed at the fact that he could not remember anything.

He dressed himself just being shirtless before sitting down on the bed straining his mind, to remember something and he found blur images of kissing someone. Shaking his head he threw the glass that was on the bed stand making Rida to wake up with a jolt.

Rida rubbed her eyes looking at Rehan’s back that was hunched. She placed her hand on his shoulder and he winced moving a little away from her while her hand remained in the air.

“I a-am sorry,” He stuttered without turning around and Rida frowned slowly removing the duvet to walk to him but when she realised that she was just in his shirt she blushed hard. She stood on her legs, the shirt hardly reaching to her knees while Rida felt conscious but she wanted to see Rehan.

She walked to him standing in front of him and Rehan closed his eyes as soon her naked legs came in view. He gulped the lump that was in his throat. He felt disappointed in himself. He had done something he had never thought of. He just realised that he had made himself just like his father. A man he had promised never to be.

“Rehan?” Rida called out when she noticed his head low. She felt stupid for always avoiding waxing, but she didn’t know that things would turn up this way.

“I don’t know what happened between us but just know that I am guilty for it. I do not remember anything. Please don’t hate me, I am extremely sorry.” He blubbered with his head hung low while Rida looked at him confused.

“Reh-“just as she was about to speak up, Rehan’s phone rang making him to move away from her.

“Get dressed, we will leave soon.” He said before taking the phone and walking away in the attached balcony leaving a dazed Rida behind. Without any other word she changed herself in the gown that was on the floor. As soon as she was done, Rehan walked back into the room avoiding eye contact with Rida whose gaze was fixed on his every move. He quietly wore the shirt and taking the blazer he walked out without a single word and Rida followed his move.

He did not once glance behind him to make sure if Rida was following him or no and she felt hurt at his behaviour. She wanted to have a word with him, she wanted to clear out everything about last night but Rehan was ignoring her but she was his wife too, she would talk it out with him as soon as possible.

Rehan got into the cab he had booked having a side glimpse of Rida entering too. After giving the address to the cab driver he sat quietly trying to divert his mind; indulging himself into his phone but Rida was well aware of his tactics.

She gazed at him for a long time; her eyes filling up while a lump in her throat. She turned her face away gazing out of the window wiping the silent tears while choking her voice to not make it obvious to him.

Reaching home, Rehan was the first one to walk down handing a bunch of cash to the driver not even waiting to take back the change. Rida walked behind him letting the driver to keep the change. Maybe it was not a great start of the day for them but at least she could make an effort to make someone’s day better.

Walking inside the room she noticed Rehan missing when she heard the shower running making her know about his presence. She sighed and walked into the closest bringing out clothes for her. She wanted to have a shower but the dress was suffocating her and she just wanted to get out of it.

Tapping her foot on the floor, Rida waited for Rehan for the past twenty minutes who wouldn’t get out of the washroom. She understood he was having an inner battle within himself but she did not wanted him to feel anything that was not true. She wanted to clear out things with him before things would get more complicated.

Just as she was lost in her thoughts, she noticed him walking out while wiping his hair. He wouldn’t glance at her once that pained her heart. She wanted the old Rehan back who couldn’t remove his gaze from her.

“Rehan, listen to me.” She said her voice holding pain. Rehan stood on his place neither moving nor opposing to her say and taking this as a chance she opened her mouth to speak when she heard her phone ring.

She glanced at it to see her mother’s name flashing but she knew talking to Rehan was much more            important at the moment.

“You do not have-” She was again cut off when her phone rang again making her groan.

“It might be important, take it.” He said his voice devoid of any emotions and with that he was out of the room making Rida to know that she had to first deal with the phone call.

“Assalamualaikum mum.” She greeted her mum with a sad smile on her face slumping herself on the bed playing with the duvet absentmindedly. She could hear her mum talking to her but she couldn’t concentrate on her words. She was completely lost thinking about the solution to the problem that had created a drift between them.

“Beta, are you listening to me?” Rida heard the worried voice of her mother making her to sigh. She did not want to trouble her mother with her problems. She was now a big girl, a married woman who could handle her problem on her own.

“Yeah mum, it’s just that the party last night went on pretty late so I am having a headache.” She replied to her mum, the guilt of lying to her mother eating her up.

“Okay, I hope that’s the only reason. Take rest and I hope you and Rehan come home for lunch this afternoon.” She said and Rida thought back to it. Rehan wouldn’t glance at her and she did not want her family to suspect something off between them.

“Mumma I don’t think we can make it today since he has some important work in office.” She replied closing her eyes shut. She had just lied to her mother. Not once, but twice.

“I understand but talk to him, if he still cannot then at least I hope for your presence.” Her mother voiced out, her voice holding sadness and Rida missed her mum in that moment.

“Insha Allah mum I will try coming, I think I am being called I will talk to you later, Assalamualaikum.” She said and quickly ended the call feeling bad. She hated lying to her mother but she couldn’t just go around dumping her problems on her mother when she herself had so many burdens on her shoulder.

She kept the phone aside and walked down to search for Rehan who was nowhere in sight. She walked into the kitchen, into the living area, into the backyard but all she found was emptiness. She looked around the living area once again when she found a sticky note. Rushing towards it she found his message informing her about him leaving for work.

Tears gathered in her eyes as she read the note again and again. She slumped on the floor crying her heart out. She looked at the note once again wiping her tears that rolled down nonstop.

She sat there crying for almost an hour unaware of her surrounding, her thoughts occupied with just one person. She tried finding a way of speaking to him about the misunderstanding, about clearing his doubt but he was pushing her away and she hated it. Thinking about it more tears rolled down her eyes. The intensity of her cry had increased so much that she had started hiccupping.
She hated how she had fallen weak unable to do anything.  She sat with her head between her knees trying to supress her tears, trying to calm herself down but nothing helped and she knew she wouldn’t be getting back to normal anytime soon.

She was so tired that she was almost on the verge of closing her eyes when she heard footsteps. With a ray of hope in her heart, she stood up with the help of the couch to be only crushed into a bone breaking hug. She was taken aback by the intensity of the hug making her stand motionless grasping what just happened.

Rehan tighten his hold on her, his eyes shut finding calmness. He was almost shivering all the while home when he couldn’t contact Rida and it had taken every ounce in him to stop the negative thoughts engulfing his mind.

He pulled away from her hastily kissing her forehead and her cheeks before taking her in his arms once again. Gaining her compose, Rida hugged him back her tears spilling on his chest while moving more into him.

“I am so sorry for acting like a jerk. I got so worried when I couldn’t reach you. I am so very sorry for ignoring you and for everything. I am such a bad husband. I don’t know how, when, I don’t know-” Rida cut him off pushing him away making him stumble on his legs.

“How dare you draw any conclusion without knowing anything? And how dare you bad mouth my husband? He is the best husband in the world.” Rida yelled narrowing her eyes at him while wiping her tears with the back of her hand. Rehan looked at her worriedly moving closer to her, but she stepped back making a distance between them.

“Rid-” Rehan was cut midway by Rida who burst out in tears once again her face in her hand while sliding down on the floor.

“Yest-yesterday I got… I got so scared when I- I couldn-couldn’t find you so I went in search of you that-that’s when I found you in a ro-room… with Mrs Kapoor.” She said making Rehan to look at her confusion. He moved towards her taking a seat beside her. He wrapped his arm around her pulling her to him while she sobbed in his arms grasping for breath.

“I saw you on top of her.” She whispered on his chest more tears making its way down while Rehan was dismayed hearing the unknown fact. He wanted to oppose to whatever she was saying but he kept quiet for he had no idea about the previous night. 

“She said that you tri-tried raping her.” She said looking up at his face to see his eyes widen in shock.

“What?” He whispered out looking at her gulping the lump in his throat. Rida slowly nodded her head wrapping her arms around his waist to give the support which she was sure he needed at the moment.

“I-I...” Rehan tried justifying himself but no words came out of his mouth.

“I trust you.” Rida whispered understanding his state of mind. He looked at her slowly removing his arm from around her and she looked at him dejected. He tried getting up from his place wanting some fresh air to breathe but Rida did not let him move. He tried removing her arm from his waist but she moved more into him.

“You are ignoring me again.” She stated making Rehan to look at him. He averted his eyes from her unable to look into her eyes.

He did not understand how he was supposed to look into her eyes after what she had revealed to him. The entire time he had been thinking he had wronged his wife and that was the reason he felt guilt consuming him but after hearing her, he felt hollow.

Rape!? He knew himself to never commit such a crime but he trusted Rida more than himself.

“How am I supposed to look into your eyes when I have been accused of such a sinful crime?” Rehan whispered looking around gulping the lump in his throat.

“I never did accuse you for anything, I trust you.” Rida said her voice confident yet soft at the same time. Rehan turned his face to see Rida gazing at him with so much trust in her eyes that it made him weep. He moved his hand to cheek, touching her right cheek gently while she closed her eyes at his touch letting a lone tear fall down.

“We are hardly two days into our marriage and you have cried so much because of me.” Rehan said making Rida to open her eyes revealing his vulnerable eyes. She did not speak anything moving her face more into his hand while scooting a little closer to him.

“Nothing happened between you and Mrs Kapoor. Nothing happened between us too.” She cleared out his doubt but he shook his head with a pity smile on his face.

“You do not have to cover up-” Rehan tried speaking but was cut off midway. “I am speaking the truth. Nothing happened between us last night. You passed out before things could get any… further.” She whispered the last part feeling the heat rushing up to her face. She lowered her face moving the hair locks behind her ear that were stuck to her cheek due to her tears.

“Passed out?” Rehan furrowed his brows in confusion not understanding a single thing. “Yeah I guess you had had something wrong in the party because you were not in your correct sense. You had been in a lot of pain.” She explained making Rehan more worried.

He clearly remembers having fruit juice and it too was non-alcoholic but how could he pass out by it? And pain? He did not know what pain Rida was talking about.

“Pain? What kind of pain?” Rehan questioned and Rida shook her head making him understand that she had no clue about it.

“I still am unable to understand anything.” Rehan said more to himself making Rida to sigh. She pulled herself away from his arms making Rehan conscious about her.

“Let me explain it to you from the beginning.” Rida said and Rehan smiled a soft smile looking at her tie her hair up in a bun her face flushed due to her tears.

“Yesterday we had a party to attend, right?” Rida asked and he nodded his head. “We went there with Saif and Safa, right?” She asked and Rehan tried hiding his smile looking at her nodding his head.

“We enjoyed the party and then when we were about to leave the party, Mrs Kapoor came and asked you for a dance and you agreed and since Safa wasn’t feeling well she and Saif left, right?” Rida said recalling the entire event her hands moving around in direction. “You agreed, I never did.” Rehan protested with a blank face making Rida to glare at him.

“But you did not even reject!” Rida exclaimed narrowing her eyes and Rehan was surprised to see this side of her. “I did and that was the reason I came looking for you leaving her.” He kept his point clear making Rida to look at her in confusion.

“Okay we are going off track.” Rida whispered knowing she was simply burning in jealousy while her husband was on a clean path.

“I can understand.” Rehan replied and Rida looked at him to see him trying to hide the small smirk on his face making her more embarrassed.

“Okay so yeah, then I was with Safa and Saif biding them bye but when I came back inside I couldn’t find you so I went in search of you when I heard your voice coming from the same room we had been. I opened the door and found you were on top of Mrs Kapoor. My heart broke when she said that you were trying to rape her but when I tried getting my answer I found that you weren’t in your proper state of mind since you had been blabbering ‘I have a wife’, even when I was with you. I tried asking you what was the matter but you wouldn’t say anything and then…” Rida stopped midway realising what she was about to say. She glanced over to Rehan who waited patiently to know what happened next but when he saw her hesitating he pointed his eyes at her.

Rida took her lip in between her teeth debating with her own self if she should tell him further or no. Rehan could see the blush on her face while she bit her lip making him understand her nervousness.

“Then?” Rehan questioned and Rida looked at him before pushing her hair behind her ear that were secured, just as a way to think.

“And then after few minutes you blanked out.” Rida said leaving the major details in between. She might have become comfortable with him but she couldn’t just give him the details of the small intimate moment they had shared without being nervous.

“Rida I know you are hiding something from me.” Rehan remarked narrowing his head while moving a little towards her while heat rushed to her face.

“I am hiding nothing. What will I get if I hide things from you? Instead it will make things much worse between us. Think about it.” Rida stated trying to bring him to trust her but he knew her better than her own self. He scooted closer to her, their knees touching making Rida to peep at him with a shy gaze.

“So if you are not hiding things from me, then how was I undressed? Did you do it purposely so that you can wear my shirt?” Rehan asked twisting the way of his question. He knew Rida wouldn’t speak the truth without being pushed.

“What?” Rida gapped at him with her mouth wide open while Rehan was satisfied knowing she was just about to get into his trap. “No Astagfirullah! Why would I undress you? You did it yourself. I was very comfortable in my dress but when you…” She stopped midway realising what she was about to speak. Understanding Rehan’s tactic she narrowed her eyes at him before pushing him on his chest.

“You are such a pervert.” She exclaimed and Rehan gave her a lopsided smile. “Did I undress you?” Rehan asked her suddenly bringing her back to normal. She slowly nodded her head without looking at him while he clenched his fist.

“I promise, nothing happened between us.” She said looking at his fist and unclenching it before caressing it. “You were very much in pain and tried easing it with a kiss. We just kissed and after undressing me you lost your conscious, believe me.” She said and lifted her head to gaze at him. He searched whether she was hiding the truth but when she did not glance away he knew she was honest. He smiled a soft smile taking her in his embrace, calmness engulfing him.

He felt stupid for ignoring her throughout for no reason. He wished he had cleared things before jumping to any conclusions, but he was still in dilemma. There were things that did not make sense to him. What was pain Rida talking about? And how did he lose his conscious when he hadn’t had alcohol. Several thoughts ran in his mind searching for any clue but failing miserably.

“I hope next time you clear things out before acting like an idiot.” Rida said glancing at him bringing him out of his stack of thoughts. He looked at her with an apologetic smile nodding his head at her and his heart instantly felt peaceful looking at her smile.

Suddenly an evil grin appeared on his face making Rida to raise her eyebrow at him.

“How about we continue what we left incomplete yesterday?” He whispered in her ear trying to lighten up the mood making her turn the darkest shade of beetroot while she tugged her head more into his chest making him laugh. She smiled when she felt his chest vibrate due to his laughter. She bite her lip softly kissing his chest making him grin while he kissed her hair before pulling her more into him if that was even possible.

This was all they ever needed in their life, one another.