My heart quickened at the thought of sitting under the same roof as my mate. After hours and hours of avoiding him, I was now inside his house. A million thoughts ran through my mind and I ignored them—I breathed in and put on a calm façade, forcing myself to act cool and be brave.

Tara insisted that I sit next to her during dinner. She acted like a reporter, asking annoying questions as if Jace and I were a celebrity couple. I had to put up with it; at least she was trying to be nice.

"Like . . .   what did you feel when you first felt the pull to Jace? How was it?" she asked.

"I don't know . . ." I responded. I guess I could write it down instead of saying it aloud; how Jace's face suddenly appeared so beautiful to me and all I wanted to do was to kiss him, or how nothing could turn me on but him after the discovery. . . and I wouldn't tell Tara about it with his brother on the other side of me.

Weirdly, Jace was silent throughout the exchange. He ate wordlessly, chewing his food without trying to start a joke like he usually did, looking down at his plate like he didn't notice I was there. Frankly, I did expect a few jeers or at least some teasing from him.  The sight of him made my guts churn.

"C'mon, just tell me!" Tara insisted.

"How's the food, Jordan?" Lisa interrupted. I smiled at her, telling her it was good, but the truth was I was too nervous, my taste buds couldn't judge the taste of the meal.

"There's this guy in college," Tara spoke. "He's a werewolf too, and he's gay, and he has a male mate. However, his mate was straight. I'm pretty sure you were the gay one here— weren't you, Jordan?"

I wasn't feeling comfortable with Bob sitting across from me. He ate his food while staring at me with a look on his face that I couldn't decipher. Was it a look of anger? Okay, he had reasons to be mad at me—his son had almost died due to the bond he had with me.

My stomach dropped.

"Jordan, I'm asking you a question. Were you the gay one?" Tara said.

"What? I—I don't know. I wasn't gay, I think," I told her.

"So you were the closeted one, huh?" Tara said to Jace.                  

"What the hell are you talking about?" Jace responded—what had made him so lost in his thoughts that he hadn't been paying attention?

"One of you must be gay to have a male mate," she replied.

"Where's that silly theory coming from, Tara?" Bob added, joining the conversation. "Mates are mates. Did the mortals in your college teach you about these ridiculous labels?"

"It's not like that, Dad," Tara said. "I'm just wondering if my theory is right. I'm just curious about mate bonding."

"No, both of us weren't gay, I guess," I said.

I heard Jace baffle. "How do you know?"

His drollness was back—for a short second I thought I missed it.

"Well, I don't really care about this whole gay thing," I told him.

"Nobody cares," Lisa butted in. "Now, just eat the food."

"Jeffrey!" Bob shouted towards the living room out of the blue, sending me to jump in shock. "Stop with your phone already! Jordan's here you've been on the phone all day."

"Coming . . ." I heard Jeff groan in irritation. He slipped his phone into his pocket and picked an empty seat beside Jace, setting food on his plate. He winked at me as he started on his meal.

"Who are you texting, huh?" Jace said as he reached out to pinch Jeff's cheek. Jeff laughed as he tried to get away from his brother's touch.

My heart skipped a beat.

 "Don't!" Jeff groaned.

"So damn busy with the phone all day," Jace mumbled.

"There's this girl," Jeff responded. "Alicia. Jordan, you know Alicia, right?"

"Yeah," I said. Alicia was my classmate in Biology. She was really nice but we rarely talked to each other. She wasn't exactly the friendly kind either.

"You like her?" Jace asked.

"Why do you care?" Jeff asked him back.

I was asking the same question in my head—did Jace really care about his family, specifically his little brother? The affection he had for his family members were peculiar, and it shouldn't have been because I lived in the same neighborhood with Jace for many years now.

The fact that I hadn't been interested in getting to know Jace Andrews before use to make me proud since it set me apart from everyone else who seemed to be devoted to him. But now, not knowing Jace didn't feel right to me—he was my mate and I should've known him better.

"Anyway, Jordan," Bob cleared his throat. "I want to say something."

Brace yourself. "Sure."

"Dan came and talked to me about you and Jace," he said. "I don't blame you at all, and I want you to know that. At first, it might not be easy for you to just suddenly accept you are not going to be with a woman and have children like normal wolves do—it has happened to many men who've found men as their mates. It takes time for one to come around."

I nodded, although Bob was wrong. It wasn't the fact that I wasn't going to be with a woman that bothered me; the kicker was that Jace Andrews was to be my mate for eternity.

"The mate bond you two share is too strong, and that rarely happens," Bob added. "I mean, how could we have expected that? How would we know the shadowy visions of our mate had the power to kill us?" 

"Dad," Jace groaned.

"I'm stating the truth, Jace," Bob responded. "Anyway, I just thought that maybe you two should spend more time together."

"I agree," Lisa joined in.

"Me too," Jace said.

I had an overwhelming urge to kick Jace's foot under the table. Jeff could only laugh as he watched me.

"It's not about a guy with a guy or a girl with a guy," Bob continued. "Mates always click perfectly together, like a hand inside a glove."

"Your metaphor sucks," Tara commented.

Bob ignored her. "You're perfect for Jace, because you are the best person for him."

I was mentally gagging to what Bob said.

"You're right, sweetheart," Lisa told Bob. "I can't imagine someone better for Jace. You've put up with his waywardness for years now, haven't you, Jordan?—I'm sure there's no other person that can bear that."

"I think so," I said. "I'm tired of it, actually."

Everyone stopped talking. Maybe I should've just shoved a foot in my mouth.

"I mean, it's just . . ."

Bob and Lisa kept their eyes on me.

"Forget it," I said.

"Well," Jace said loudly, "I'm not that boy with the blue eyes, right?"

What the fuck?

"Boy with blue eyes?" Bob asked.

"It's someone at school Jordan's been seeing," Jace grunted.

"That's impossible—you two are together. Jordan wouldn't be attracted to anyone else," Tara said.

"Hear that?" I replied in response to Jace. "I wouldn't be attracted to anyone else."

"Yeah, right," Jace said.

"You two need some private time?" Lisa asked.

"No," Jace and I answered in unison.

After the dinner, Tara took me to Jeff's room to prolong her interrogation of me. Luckily, the questions didn't last with Jeff backing me up. Jace was in his bedroom; his phone remained in his hand and had for the last couple of hours. I didn't want to care about who he was texting since it might have been Heather—I was pretty sure she wouldn't like to hear that her hot boyfriend had turned gay out of the blue. Deep down, I wanted to take the phone away from him and throw it out the window because he should've been spending more time with me.

Tara showed Jeff and me photos she had on her computer of her life in London. She had met guys, great people, and wolf packs when she was there. She told us about trying to sneak into Atalea, the secret sacred Immortal Kingdom in the heart of England. The attempt was a failure, unfortunately. 

"Why would you go there, anyway?" Jeff asked.

"Well, who knows if I could meet my mate there?" Tara said. "The boys from the Institute are all hot. They're all brawny, trained . . .  ooh."

"Okay, I get it," Jeff said.

"Jordan."

I turned around and saw Jace standing at the door, shirtless. I gulped at the sight of his glistening bare skin under the light—I never felt any urge to touch anything like I wanted to touch him—the feeling was so overwhelming it terrified me. I actually wanted to run and jump into his arms; luckily I was sane enough to not do that.

"I need to talk to you," he added.

"Ooh, look at you, little brother, being half-naked and all—so intense," Tara responded. "So eager . . .  I like it!"

"I was just working out," Jace groaned.

"Jordan knows you got muscles, bro," Jeff butted in.

"Shut up, both of you," Jace continued. "Jordan, come on."

I let out a grumble as I trailed him from behind. After I walked into his bedroom, he slammed the door shut, leaving thousands of atrocious thoughts in my head.

What the hell is he going to do to me?

He stood there with his arms crossed over his chest, looking at me with his usual mocking look again. I could sense that he was up to something, and I hoped I was ready for it.

"What?" I started.

"I've been thinking that I shouldn't have pitied you," Jace said. "It's useless."

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"Maybe it's true," he responded. "Maybe I need to bite you to make you understand."

"C'mon, Andrews," I said. "I'm not threatened at all."

He pushed me and I fell backwards, landing with my back on the mattress. He threw himself on the bed, crawling towards me, pressing my shoulders with his strong hands.

My heart raced when he was on top of me.

"Here's the new thing I like about you," he murmured. "You think you're so brave for standing up to me now. Just so you know, you're just my mate—it's not like I can't beat the crap out of you or anything."

I didn't know why my pulse slowed down, or why I felt such strange disappointment. I sensed something weird in his words and I couldn't believe I had heard it. How could he say it?

"Just a mate?" I asked him.

When he sensed I didn't like where the conversation was going, his smile faded.

"Of course," I said as I pushed him away from me. He didn't go against me. I pulled myself up and sat on the corner of the bed, trying not to face him.

"I'm nothing to you," I spoke, my voice croaked. "I should've remembered."

I prayed for my inner voice to pop out and scream something at me, but now I felt completely alone. There was a crack in my heart, threatening to let tears spill out of my eyes.

"Jordan," Jace called me. "Look . . ."

I didn't respond.

"Okay, this is how you play the game, isn't it?" he screamed. "You're trying to put all the blame on me again, trying to make me feel guiltier than how fucked up I feel already. You know what, it's not completely my fault, Jordan!"

I didn't expect that explosive outburst from him—I was so surprised I couldn't say a word.

Jace, however, was right about one thing; I did want him to realize it was his entire fault, because it was.

"From the beginning," he continued, "you're the one who's trying to push me away, and now you blame me for what you wanted. I am just a mate to you, am I not, Jordan? What do you want, complete honesty? Do you want me to be honest with you?"

"I want you to feel how it is to be in my place!" I said to him. "What you've done to me in my childhood, Jace, can you think about that? Do you think I can easily forget that?"

Again, I lied, because I simply couldn't lose this argument after all the years I'd lost to Jace Andrews.

He would always get what he wanted—the Alpha trusted him, the whole pack loved him, and he got to date the girls the other boys panted for. Call this envy, but it was the truth. Why should I be easy while I could make it harder for him to have me?—that would be the answer to his question.

"Okay, I'm sorry," Jace said. "I'm apologizing to you."

"That's not how you do it," I said tensely.

"Then how? Do you want me to die? Is that how you'll be satisfied?" he responded.

"You can do it all, can't you?" I said cruelly. "Then do it—die."

Jace stared at me, tears shining in his eyes. His breathing got rapid, his face was turning scarlet. I didn't exactly know how to react, but I wasn't going to be the one to console.

"You know I don't mean that," I said, rolling my eyes.

"No," he groaned, approaching my face, "you do. You wanted to kill me in the first place, didn't you? When we were at Sunny's slumber party, you knew I was your mate, but you stayed where you were because you just wanted to see me die—isn't that true?"

"What a load of bullshit, Jace!" I screamed. "If I wanted you to die, I wouldn't have come clean when Dan called me! I wouldn't have let you fucking kiss me, and I would have let you die!"

"You don't know how hard it was for me, to go through all of this, to be tied to the bond that you caused, while I didn't know who the hell you were! You almost got me killed! You don't know how that feels like!" he screamed, tears streaming down his face.

I had never seen Jace this vulnerable before. The only time I had seen Jace act out of character was when I was eleven years old. Jeffrey had asked me to come over to his place and wait in his bedroom because he needed me to help him out with some homework. I had stayed in his bedroom but he was late so I got bored and wandered around the house. I saw a thick book through a crack in Jace's bedroom door and I was eager to find out what the book was. Jace's bedroom had been an illegal territory for me before, but I walked in there and tried to see what the book was. It turned out to be just a dictionary.

Then a door had been slammed and Jace was there, staring at me with burning fury in his eyes. He pulled up his sleeves and advanced toward me, pushing me against a wall.

"You're trying to steal, huh, kid?" he screamed at me.

"No!" I said. "I swear—"

"You want to die, huh?" he growled as he locked his hands on my throat.

I had been extremely terrified because the door was closed and no one would hear me. Out of the blue, tears ran down my face.

 Then the unexpected happened: twelve-year old Jace Andrews let me free to breathe and wiped my tears away forcefully with his fingers.

That's how I cried in front of Jace for the very first time. Now, it was his turn and I didn't bother to wipe the tears away.

Guilt found its way to settle on my fragile shoulders, threatening to break me down. With what little remained of my resolve I pushed the feeling away.

 "And you don't have any idea how I felt about the mate bond with you. You even talked shit about sleeping with that bitch!" I roared.

I was making things worse by lying again and making things up. I didn't want to acknowledge that I should've felt guilty and I was pushing him away. I didn't want to think that this was my fault. This wasn't my fault and it shouldn't be.

I turned around to control the urge to cry.

"I did not sleep with her, Jordan."

No, he's lying. You're lying, Jace.

"Because of you, I couldn't sleep with her. You were there in my head, pulling me to you when I dated her."

"No!" I bellowed. "You're a liar! You lied! You just want to pin me down! That's what you like to do! You never wanted to see me happy! You just don't!"

I screamed, letting my tears fall and fell back onto the bed, my face pressed into a pillow. I squeezed my eyes shut like it would wring all the tears away.

"You made me look weak when I was a kid," I cried more. "Everyone loved you. And what's worse, you've made me a coward after I had to confess that I was head over heels for you. Now you're trying to make me think that this was my fault. What else did you want? Can't you at least give me what I need?"

Jace let out a big sigh. The tears kept on coming, draining away the heaviness in my chest. It felt good to finally tell Jace the burden and the dilemma I had as a result of him being my mate. It wasn't easy but the thought of finally spilling everything made me feel better.

He uttered between my hiccups, "When I carried you out of the forest, I wanted you to know this one thing so badly. The moment I looked down at you in your sleep . . .  I . . .  I simply fell deeply in love with you. If that sounds stupid, then stupid is what I am. I'm in love with you, Jordan. It's heartbreaking for me to hear that all the effort I put into winning your heart has only made you suffer."

I couldn't breathe. Jace was drowning me, murdering me with his venomous words.

"But all I ever wanted to do was make you happy, Jordan. I love you," he said. "But now, all you want is to run away from me."

No, that's not what I want.

"If that's the case, let's just ignore that we're mates. Hell, it won't work, but if proving that can satisfy you, then I'll do it. From now on, let's pretend that we've never met. I'm not your boyfriend or your lover, we won't date each other, and we're just enemies. That's better, isn't it?"

No, it's not! Say something, Jordan! Please!

"Cool," I said, wiping my tears away. "That won't be hard."

"Good, then it won't be for me either. I'm fucking tired of trying to figure out all the right ways to win your heart over and over again. So. Fucking. Tired."

Someone knocked on the door and Jace jumped. He threw himself on the bed and pulled me hard until I was lying next to him.

He slid his arm behind my neck and pulled me closer to him, my head stayed on his naked chest. The way he smelled was messing with my brain—I wanted to strip down his boxers and see what was beneath it, kiss him hard, and tell him I didn't want to do the whole pretend-I-wasn't-your-mate thing.

Lisa's head popped in with a smile. Jace pulled me closer and kissed my temples. I hugged him tighter, tears pooling in my eyes.

I wished this was real, but I knew it wasn't.

"Oops, sorry," Lisa said cheerfully. "I'm just going to go, boys. Have fun!"

She closed the door and I heard her running from the door. 

Jace's grip loosened on me, and I knew it was time for me to let go of him. I wiped the tears as it rolled down my face, breathing in air, trying to stop crying.

"At least, let's just be what we're destined to be in front of them," Jace said. "Your family, my family . . .  they're happy for us, and I don't want to take it away from them."

Jace reached over to turn off all the lights in the room and slipped himself under the covers.

In the darkness, I let out all my tears in silence.

*  *  *  *

In the morning, I lay on the bed feeling nothing but coldness beside me.

I don't know how I could've fallen asleep. Maybe the tears had worn me down, making me so exhausted I hadn't realized I'd dozed off.

If I had stayed awake last night, I could've pretended I was asleep, put my head on Jace's stony chest and breathed him in as much as I wanted to. I would've pressed my body to his and pretend that everything was alright, even if it was just for one night.

He didn't even talk to me when he walked out of the bathroom in the morning. It was hard to avoid having eye contact with him, but I had to put up with it now.

I cleaned up and got dressed, feeling too exhausted to cry. I repeatedly said how lucky I was to be near him—at least I had that.

Then Jace wrapped his arms around me from behind.

He smelled woody and green, like how I first met him in the forest. Only he wasn't hitting, punching, or hurting me—he was kissing me, his lips touching my temples. He sniffed my hair and held me tight like he was apologizing. I wished this was his way of taking back what he'd told me last night. I wished he was saying that nothing was true about yesterday.

But then I realized Tara was standing at the doorway.

When she was out of sight, Jace slowly let go. How could I forget? He wanted us to appear happy in front of everybody else. I didn't know why he was doing this. Maybe he was trying to make me feel guiltier . . .  I don't know. 

How could you break up with someone who wasn't technically your boyfriend yet? But that was my situation—it felt like a split-up, a farewell, a goodbye.

Jace put on his blissful façade throughout breakfast. Lisa and Bob clung to each other like they were the happiest couple in the world as they watched us. Jeff and Tara asked us how our 'first night' was. Jace joked about it, poking me in the ribs whenever I turned too silent or gloomy.

I knew, deep down, that it was worse this way.

Sunny waited for us by the van, looking bright and cheerful like she always did. Jace slid open the door like he was trying to crush it and crawled to the back of the van. I couldn't watch him anymore; the hatred he had for me poured off in the air like flaming heat and I was suffocating with it.

I ended up sitting beside Sunny, who was driving. She was singing like it was the happiest day of her life. Sometimes Jace seemed better; he joked around with Stanley and Callan, telling them stupid things.

"How's the family reunion?" Stanley asked.

"It was fantastic," Jace responded happily.

Only if everything he said was true.

Adam waited for me at his locker so we could head to English together. When I approached him, he pointed to someone behind me, eyeing me.

 Turning around, I was a little shell-shocked to see Jace staring at me with Theo by his side. Theo obviously didn't like me as I caught him shooting a glare at me.

"Hey," I started the conversation, keeping my voice low as he approached us.

How are you, Jace? Listen, man, I thought you didn't mean what we argued about last night. Sorry for being such an ass to you. I honestly didn't take it seriously. And, fuck, I miss you and I can't stand not touching you. I need to kiss you, man. Can you please forgive me?

"What is it, Jace?"

He bent down to whisper in my ear.

"Don't say anything about our fight to anyone," he said.

He turned around and left with Theo.

*  *  *  *

Two weeks passed since the day Jace had really broken my heart. Maybe it was too late now. Maybe destiny was a lie after all.

Maybe it was possible that I would be the first werewolf who would have his mate bond broken forever. I was, after all, the first coward in the pack who had hidden from his mate.