"I have to get going. You be safe and remember that you Can do it. You can do anything. Also remember you're a great mom. Okay? I mean that, Arvilla. I know it's hard doing this alone, but look at you going on two weeks. You're a pro!"

Arvilla smiles and giggles softly.
"Thank you, Robert. I love you, friend."

"I love you too, Arvilla."

Arvilla hugs him tightly.
"Let's give each other birthday hugs since we won't see each other."

"That's right, we're both May babies."

"Yeah.."

"I'm gonna be the big three seven."

Arvilla laughs. "Oh what a baby!  I'm gonna be forty one!  Yikes!"

"That's not old."

"Thanks." Arvilla smiles up to him.

"I'll see you, Arvilla.  It's been great hanging out with you and.. watching you give birth."

Arvilla laughs. "My pleasure!  It's been real fun."

**

Robert leaving really hurt Arvilla.  She missed him terribly.  She was blessed to have her friends, and Alan and Miguel. Of course the twins as well. Those few people made her days brighter.

Today is March 30th.  Joe's 66th birthday.

"Good morning my stickers! How did you sleep? Not all that great, huh? Well you're getting better! Mommy even got enough sleep to actually start dreaming again!" Arvilla chuckles as she lifts the twins from their bassinet.

She then takes them to the changing table to change their diapers.

"You two, guess what. It's daddy's birthday today!  He's sixty six!  Daddy was quite a few years older than  mommy but.. gosh you'd never know it!  He was so fun, always the life of the party.  Always, always cracking a joke.  He had me laughing constantly.  And he was loving!  Oh he was so loving.  I miss my guy.  He was my best friend.. I know he would've been yours too." Arvilla then starts crying.

"You would have liked him so much more than me!" She covers her face.

The twins look up to their mother as they kick their legs and flail their arms.

Heidi then fusses loudly.

Arvilla wipes her tears and smiles down to her babies.

"I'm sorry.  It's a happy day." She sniffles and smiles. "It's Daddy's day!  And we're gonna celebrate!"

**

"Okay, now mommy has never taken you out, but I need to go buy some decorations for daddy so we're going to the store.  Do you two promise to be good babies?"

Joseph kicks his legs and smiles.

"Oh my goodness, is that a smile?!  Look at you, my big handsome boy!" Arvilla softly squeezes his chubby thigh and kisses his cheek.

Joseph giggles cutely.

"Oh my gosh you're laughing!  You've never laughed before!  Oh my goodness, that's such a beautiful sound, baby!"

As Joseph continues giggling Heidi fusses.

"And what's with you, missy?  Are you cranky today?"

Heidi cries.

"Hey, hey, hey, you're okay.  No tears!" Arvilla smiles and wipes her cheeks. "Wipe this pretty little face.  You're okay."

**

Arvilla put the twins in their stroller and went into the store. Everything was fine until Heidi started crying. Heidi, you're okay. Shh, shh."

Arvilla noticed her crying started to upset Joseph.

"Alright little girl, come here. You're gonna make your brother cry." Arvilla picked her up and held her to her chest.

Heidi immediately stopped.

Arvilla sighs. "You're such a drama queen. What's so wrong about laying down?"

Arvilla then continued shopping.

"Okay, we've got a cake, candles, decorations, and I bought everything to make his favorite meal. I think we're good! Can you go back in the stroller now?"

Heidi fusses.

"It's like you understood exactly what I just said!" Arvilla laughs. "Well you're going in just while I check out."

Arvilla laid her down and Heidi screamed.
She sighed and got in line.

"I'm so sorry! She's not in a good mood." Arvilla said to the cashier as she placed her items on the counter.

"You're fine, darling!" The woman smiled.
"You're brave to shop with two! I could never handle the one."

Arvilla smiles softly. "This is my first time. It was difficult!"

"I bet!" The woman then looks at the cake as Arvilla lifts Heidi.

"Happy Birthday Daddy! Wow, what a special day!"

Arvilla gives her a soft smile. You could see the sadness in her eyes.

"Looks like you're throwing a party for him, huh?"

"Heh.. yeah.. We are!"

"Well tell him I said happy birthday, and congratulations on the new babies."

Arvilla nods. "I will, thank you."

**

Arvilla loaded up her mini van and buckled the twins in their car seats.

"Hedi, I know you want to be held but I can't right now, I have to drive!" Suddenly Arvilla's chest tightened and she felt short of breath as she began to sob.

She felt so overwhelmed and alone.

"I want you Joe.. I need you." She cries.
"I love you so much! Why did you leave me?!"

Arvilla sat in the parking lot for twenty minutes just crying her eyes out as the twins sat in the backseat. Heidi had tired herself out a bit, but was still fussing. Joseph was now hungry so he has now joined the cry fest.

"I'm such a terrible mother. I don't deserve these precious babies. I Don't!" Arvilla bawls.
"I don't deserve you, I don't deserve you.." She repeated in a whisper.

The twins' cries became louder and louder.  Arvilla had to climb in the back to calm them down.

"It's okay.
  I'm sorry, babies.. I'm so sorry he isn't here.. I wish I could bring him back for you.... For us."