Pretend to be happy

"I wish, as well as everybody else, to be perfectly happy; but, like everybody else, it must be in my own way"

| Ardian |

He shoved me away from him
"Don't put your fucking hands on me!" He warned. As people below in the reception began to look up at us
"Sir do y-"

"We're fine" he dismissed two officers
"Let me see her. I need to speak to her" I demanded

"No, I can't allow th-"
"You let her see Enora! She told her everything" I shouted
"You mean how you..." he lowered his voice
"You got a criminal pregnant?"

"Why did you let her see her? Why would you do that? She's been through enough without sitting down with the woman who kidnapped her" I said angrily
"She kidnapped you too. You had no problem seeing her" he said

"Don" I said defeated
"Look she offered the other three bodies in exchange for seeing her, Enora's an adult, she made her own decision" he said
"And you knew she would tell her" I pointed out

"I made a choice" he said
"We all makes choices Ardian, you made bad ones. You're not having a go at me, after what you've done" he said, pointing at me

And then he walked off. Leaving me feeling hopeless

I need to speak to Stella
I was already up here
He wasn't having me escorted out

So I made my way up to her office here
But she wasn't there
And her office was locked

I looked around
I can't leave
I need to see Ivelle
To ask why she's done this

I grabbed one of the chairs in the corridor, smashing the handle down until it broke
I entered her office, looking through her desk
For anything to get me closer to seeing her

Her computer...
What's her password?
What's her cat's name again?

I logged in, opening her email and writing one to the visiting office downstairs

I know what I'm doing is wrong
But she... she's ruined my life all over again.
And she's told me we have a child!

I can't just leave all of that

I grabbed Stella's pass key and left, heading down to the cells
"Doctor Ellison, here to visit Ivelle Honeycutt, my boss should have notified you" I said

The woman checked her schedule
"Yes, but it's down as an urgent visit? We're not moving her today?" She questioned
"No, I'll just talk to her in her cell" I said
"Oh, okay" she said, letting me through

I scanned Stella's pass key on the wall, before a guard fell into step with me, showing me to Ivelle's cell.
"We'll keep the door open, you want us to cuff her or-"

"No I'll speak to her alone if that's alright" I said
"No, sir, sorry but she's high risk" he said as we came to a stop at the end of the long hallway
"And I'm not going to let her best me. I'm her doctor, I know how she op-"

"No. Sorry Doctor Ellison, we can't allow you to see her alone" he said

I sighed, making a split second decision
And I punched him in the back of the head
He hit the floor, unconscious
Fuck.

I looked around, scrambling for his keys to open the door
And she sat there
Staring at me wide eyed as I dragged an unconscious prison guard into the cell.

"Well I didn't expect thi-"
"Why did you tell her?" I asked angrily
She smiled
"Why did you fucking tell her Ivelle?! She won't speak to me, she won't let me see Daisy!" I shouted

"That's the least you deserve! Lying to me! Lying to her!" She shouted back, getting off her bed
"You're the one that caused this Ardian, you just don't like the consequences" she snapped

"No! No you're not putting this all on me. My life was fine before I met you!" I shouted back
"Fine" she laughed
"You preach about us all taking accountability for our actions-"

"Which you never do" I shouted over her
"And neither do you!" She screamed
"You're the one who chose to come and see me, you didn't have to say yes! You're not forced to make the decisions that you make Ardian! You chose to lie to me, you chose to lie to Enora!" She shouted angrily, pushing me

It was the first physical contact we had since last year
And it was violence. Again.

"You're the one who kept a son away from me!" I shouted
"Because you told me you didn't want me, that I was wrong, that you didn't want my kind of life" she snapped
"I don't" I denied

She threw her arms up
"Then what are you angry for?" She asked
"Because you kept a child from me! Just like Enora has!" I shouted

"I saved you from living a boring pathetic life and you didn't want it! You didn't want me!" She said

"Ivelle-"
"You need to decide who you are Ardian! You need to pick a fucking lane and stick to it. You can't have one foot in each world" she said
I know.
She was right. Again

"No wonder Enora took your kid away. I don't blame her, what sort of parent are you?" She accused
"Coming from you" I said
"I am who I am. I'm not a liar and a fucking fake! I love my child. Our child" she spat

"Where is our child?" I asked desperately
She looked me over
"No. No you'll only help them" she said
"Them?" I asked

"Your boss. The warden, they'll take him away" she said
"They won't" I said
"They will" she said

"And why should they? He's mine" she said angrily
"You need to let me go, I need to go and get him" she said, trying to walk past me
I shoved her back. And she slapped me abruptly
"Ivelle!" I said

"Fuck you! You think you're the victim, you and her. You think you're the only ones who have had it hard this year? I was evading the entire county, pregnant. With your child" she shouted
"I tried to help you!" I shouted back

"You abandoned me!"
"You stabbed me!" I shouted
She groaned
"Oh you you you. Always about you" she whined

"Me? you- you fucking-"
She made her way past me as I spoke
And I pushed her back, grabbing her throat when she swung for me
And all the anger I had built up over the past few weeks, came out in a storm.

Squeezing her neck hard and watching her arms stay by her side
She wasn't fighting me
She was looking me dead in the eye and daring me to do it

To stop her
And I could. I'm taller, bigger, stronger
I can just...

She gasped for air and I instantly let go
She took deep breaths, stumbling back and watching me with hard blues

"You take the... fucking moral high ground and then choke me?" She asked, sliding down the wall slowly before she sat on the floor
"Ivell-"
"Don't" she said, holding her hand up

I sighed, sitting down beside the door frame
With an unconscious guard between us
"Fuck I knew you had in you" she chuckled, rubbing her neck slowly

"I didn't mean t- I'm sorry" I said, ashamed
"You're always sorry but you never change, you go back to being... weak" she said
"I'm not weak" I said

"You didn't use to be. Took me a whole week to break you" she chuckled, chest heaving
"No it didn't" I said
"You broke me the moment I stepped into that room. We both know it. You were ten steps ahead the entire time" I said

"Maybe. Maybe that's just what you told yourself so falling apart felt... easier. Justified" she said
Maybe...

"None of it matters now. I'll be fucking arrested for this" I chuckled sadly.
I stole a pass key. Forged an email.
I assaulted an officer
I assaulted a prisoner

I had a child with her...
I'm done.

"You know he's alive don't you?" She said
I nodded
I know she'd never hurt a child. Especially not our child.
"Does he really look like me?" I asked

She nodded back
"Green eyes just like yours. Hair just like yours... it worries me" she said
"Why?" I asked

"Because... what will he get from me?" She asked, looking... sadder
"If he looks like you. Will he... will he act like me?" She asked

"I don't want him to act like me Ardian. I don't... I don't want him to feel the way I feel" she said
"The fact that you care so much about that, just shows that you're not a bad person Ivelle" I tried to comfort her

"But I am. I hurt people. I don't want him to hurt people, I want him to be happy. I don't... I don't want him to feel the way you do either, I don't want him to pretend to be happy" she explained

"We don't have a lot of control over that" I said honestly
Parents always fail. No matter how much they try, they can't control their children's feelings.

"Maybe we do" she said, looking up at me
"What do you mean?" I asked

"I mean. If you help me get out, right now, if we go... you can see him" she said
"So that's what you meant? When you said I'd help you escape" I nodded to myself
"That was the plan all along?" I asked

"No" she said
"No, I... planned to confess. Wipe my slate clean. Manipulate you into helping me. But... we're even now, you hurt me, I hurt you. We can have a clean break Ardian" she said, sitting forward

"Wha-"
"Come with me" she said, nearing me as she shifted across the floor
"I..."

"Come with me" she said again, taking my face in her hands
"You can't leave me Ardian. And I can't leave you. So... just... come with me" she said again

"Ivelle..."
"You can be a part of mine and Noah's life" she said, searching my eyes for a yes
Go with her...
On the run.
With... our son.

"Ardian" she said, kissing me slowly
I didn't move. I didn't kiss her back
I didn't pull away
"Come with me" she said, begging blues looking up at me

"I..."

And we have reached the end of series 3. I hope you have all enjoyed and I'll see you next time for series 4! Hopefully I'll be publishing in a week so I can't wait for you all to join me for the final series. After that, the plan is publish the series surrounding Ivelle's brother Deimos.

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