Envy

On our way to Joe's bar, I was lifted in the air and put in between Varag's shoulder as the rest of the guys continued to hail me. It felt different, seeing Maclaud from this height.

I gazed at the moon and noticed it was so much brighter this night. I wondered if the brightness was what made people turn into werewolves. I raised my hands and howled at the moon exactly like captain cave man would, and the guys hollered back.

People moved away from our paths as we got close. I would have definitely done the same if the roles were reversed. We continued this way, with me protesting that I wanted to come down and Varag not listening to me.

As we got to the entrance of the bar, someone came flying past me, almost knocking me off from my perch on Varag's shoulder. I was quickly put down and Joe popped his face out the door.

"Hi, boys."

He had a purple bruise at the top corner of his head. It looked like someone had tried to sucker punch him. I turned to stare at the man who had sailed past us. He laid on the floor without moving.

We each high fived Joe and went inside. It was noisy and rowdy as usual. A few dead beats were sprawled on the floor in their own vomit. I shook my head, disgusted at the sight. A few kicks on their romps with assisted movement, and they were removed from the bar.

The guys behaved like they were high when I knew fully well they had not even had a lick of alcohol today.

I smiled. If you knew me, you'd understand this was a rare occurrence. They went on that way for almost a minute and I knew if I didn't do something to distract them, they would go on and on and it would definitely end in a drunken orgy.

I wasn't in the mood for that tonight.

I put my hands in the air trying to catch their attention, but all it ended up doing was increase their hair rising noise. I guess they were in a happy mood.

Come to think of it, when were they not in a happy mood?

I scratched my jawline, my smile widening.

"What would it be tonight, boys?"

Joe stood in front of us with a smile on his face. He knew we were underage, but that did not stop him from welcoming us to his bar, after all money can buy anything. Money, we had to spend, especially after a raid.

"Give us our usual, Joe."

"No, Varag, this one's on me." I turned to Joe. "Please give us a bottle of your finest champagne." I had always wanted to know what champagne tasted like. The bubbles that fizzled inside the glass always gave me a serious thirst for it whenever I saw people on TV drink it.

Joe scratched his jaw and shook his head. "Err . . . we don't have any champagne, T, that's fancy drink Maclaud definitely does not have, for now. But tell you what." A light shone in his eyes. "How about I offer you a bottle of my finest scotch – free, and I'll see how I can get that champagne for you at the end of the month."

We readily agreed and he left, happy we weren't going to stop coming to his bar. 

People were leaving, and the music had stopped. I got up and walked to the jukebox in the dim corner of the room. As I made to touch it, someone opened the toilet door and light spilled onto the it. I noticed something green and slimy on the knobs.

Someone had spewed their guts all over it.

I quickly snatched my hand back.

I caught movement from the corner of my eyes and noticed Ureo walking in and taking a seat. He sat apart from the rest of the gang, spine straight and rigid. He was practically perching on the edge of the seat, and since he wasn't wearing any gloves, he put his hands in between his thighs and waited for the hoots from the guys to die down. His face had a pinched look, like he was uncomfortable, or . . . upset.

The grimace I wore changed to one of concern.

I noticed he had been in quite a mood lately. Something was eating him up, but what exactly it was, I didn't know.

Knowing Ureo, his silence wouldn't last.

I didn't have long to wait, as an impatient sigh escaped his lips. A smile unlike any I've never seen him wear, took over his face and then he began to clap.

As his right palm hit the left, a wince replaced the smile, and I knew he regretted not wearing gloves. Still, he didn't stop. He was stubborn like that, and I knew he would keep going, even if it was just to prove his point. It was one of the many qualities I liked about him, but not in this instance. Now, it was just plain irritating to watch.

I mean, why suffer when you can enjoy?

I needed to see how far his stubborn streak ran, so I kept watching as he struggled, as his hands shook. Still, he didn't let up.

Instead, something else happened. His hands became steadily stronger, his claps louder and more insistent and I silently marveled at the person before me; his persistence, even in little things.

People say you get to know the strength of someone by the little things they do. Well, I was watching Ureo and his little clap, which were turning louder by the second. Suddenly, he stopped and looked at me. His previous smile was back. That's when I knew it wasn't exactly a smile so much as a frown.

Deep lines appeared on his forehead and a frown that had puzzled looks creep up on my face, dotted his.

He stopped clapping, cleared his throat and decided to speak. "Tell me something; which is better? Plunging the knife into someone's throat, or acting like a wuss and letting that person go free?"

I waited for his words to sink in, but all they did was knock around in my head. The other guys busted into laughter, so I stood and walked slowly to where he sat, still with those lines on his forehead.

"If there's something you want to say, just say it. Don't give me the roundabout; I'm not a Ferris wheel." I looked back at the others, lifted my hands on either side of me and shrugged, and they all busted into laughter once more.

He stood, balled his hands into fists and faced me. Even though he was a head taller than me, he knew he could never take me on physically. He was lean, while I had more built.

I watched as he took some steps back, making sure to put some space in between us. He moved closer to the other guys and began addressing them.

"Every time we go for a raid, does Terobe ever follow us inside?"

"Ah, man, but he always stands watch outside," Lonad immediately spoke up.

Ureo made a sound of irritation at the back of his throat before replying him. "That so? Well, do you remember that time when we went to Old Danny Gap tooth's house and Jeda had to jump out that tiny window because he came home earlier than usual?" Lonad grunted but didn't say anything. "Remember he broke his leg in the process, and since his old man did not have a car, he had to wait for the bus for a good three days as he slipped in and out of consciousness; he almost lost his leg that day if not for the doc, who at the last minute put pins in them so he could walk again. Do you remember that time when we decided to steal all of Mr. Gregor's shoes, because he didn't want us to be seen near his neice, and ----"

"Where are you going with all of this?" This time, it was Jeda who spoke up.

No one smiled. No one smirked. No one uttered a word. They waited for the inevitable hammer to drop, and drop it did when Ureo continued speaking.

"Was Terobe waiting for us all those times as we thought he would . . . as we expected him to? Tell me; did you see his shadow, talk more of his physical self? Just because he's handy with a knife does not make him a hero. Wake up guys, he's using us." Once he finished, his chest heaved as he struggled to rein his anger in.

I was about to speak, but Jeda beat me to it. "I beg your pardon, he -----"

"I beg your pardon? What are you so polite about?" Ureo asked, standing.

"For the same reason you're not, it's the way I was brought up."

Ureo walked close to Jeda. "We break into people's homes for the fun of it, bully people because we can and then sleep with girls just so we can hear them cry after, so what the devil are you talking about being well brought up for? If you're so well brought up, what in the hell are you doing with us 'not well brought up one's', eh?" He turned to look at the others. "Can you believe this guy? Well brought up my ass."

He turned round and looked at the other guys. Maybe he was expecting them to say something, but they all remained quiet. A few of them looked at me. Varag even raised his brows as if wondering what I was waiting for before I gave Ureo a split lip, but I shook my head and put my forefinger against my lips.

I had a sneaky feeling his outburst had been a long time coming. I needed him to let it all out, so I kept quiet. Sure enough, he continued, moved by the silence around him.

"I've got a question for you, Jeda; if you're so well brought up, why take Betty as your girlfriend, huh? We all know she's not decent." He looked around and smirked. "I mean, we've all gone rounds with her, so why . . ."

With a roar, not unlike an animal, Jeda launched himself at Ureo, but I was quicker and stood in between them.

I held Ureo by his collar but he shrugged my hands off so violently, it stunned me. I had gotten up to a lot of mischief with all the guys, but out of all of them, I was the closest to Ureo.

"Don't you dare put your filthy paws on me, I won't ------".

"Where do you come off talking that way to Terobe," Varag stood and advanced towards Ureo, but as he got close, I stood in front of him.

"Let it be, Varag, he's an excitable person is who he is, leave it alone, he'll get over what's bothering him soon enough."

Varag didn't say anything, but stared daggers, at Ureo, and after a few seconds, nodded but didn't move back.

"FUCK YOU!" Ureo suddenly screamed, pointing at me. Whatever stick was up his ass must be twisting his guts. All I could do was stare at the veins that suddenly popped up on his forehead. He moved away from me, still shouting profanities.

"FUCK ALL OF YOU AS WELL." He pointed at the other guys.

At first, I thought he was going to walk way, but then he looked at me, made a funny noise at the back of his throat and then his mouth twisted. It looked comical and I thought he was sorry for all he had said and done and was trying to make me laugh, but . . .

I should have known better.

He opened his mouth and something flew out and landed on my sneakers.

It took all of ten seconds as I saw him walking off for me to realise he had just spat on my brand new Nike sneakers.

"Ah man, that's not cool, I just finished cleaning that spot." Joe said from behind me.

I ignored him and stared long after Ureo had disappeared around the corner.

That wasn't Ureo.

He had changed. Or something had changed him. Whatever it was, I didn't like it. Something knocked around in my head just then refusing to let go, but at the same time, I wasn't able to make any sense of it. I just couldn't focus.

The guys were grumbling at the top of their voices, distracting me.

"You see that guy?" I turned to see Varag pointing in the direction Ureo had just walked off. "That's the definition of crazy."

At that point, the pieces suddenly began to shift – slowly at first.

I remember the look Ureo had given me when Jeda and Varag both offered to give me their share from the money they took from Mr. Gregor's house. Ureo had insisted since I didn't join in the raid, then I wasn't qualified to share in the money. I didn't care though; I was against them taking the money in the first place.

I wasn't getting soft or anything, I was just tired of taking what belonged to others. People worked so hard for their money, it seemed almost sinful to take from them.

Sinful! The word had popped into my head from nowhere.

". . . . acting up for some time now."

I felt a nudge. "Are you listening to me?" Varag's face swam into focus.

I nodded, but we both knew I was lying. He gave me an odd look and laid a hand on my shoulder. "I think it's best for you to call it a night. The guys and I will stay out here a bit. What do you say?"

They were always trying to put me in the position of their leader. I just didn't know how to tell them it was fun for a while but now it was getting old, but I kept quiet and nodded instead.

And that's when the final piece of the puzzle slipped into place.

Ureo was jealous. Green monster jealous.

"See you at the Den?" Varag's hand still rested on my shoulder and he squeezed, trying to catch my attention, but I was struggling. I knew he was waiting for a reply but I couldn't bring myself to give any, so I settled for a nod instead.

He looked at me funny for a few seconds but unless he had suddenly developed a way to read my mind, he gave up, shrugged and gave a nod of his own.

With a wave to the other guys, I did an about turn and left the bar.

Pebbles lined the ground on either side of the pathway. They were reddish green, with a shine that always drew my attention. In the not so far distance, smoke rose from the forest surrounding Maclaud. They spiraled towards the cloudless sky. I heard the city had lots of pollution from cars and industries, pollution that could make one terminally ill.

Why then didn't I feel happy to be living in a town?

The reason wasn't far behind.

I hated it here. I felt trapped and under pressure. It was one thing to be seen as a bad guy, but it was definitely another to live up to that image. To say I was tired of the whole thing was an understatement.

Pinpricks suddenly began racing up and down my spine. I turned round, almost falling in the process as I scanned the forest before me.

Someone was watching me.

This feeling was not new; it left me feeling exposed.

I looked over in the distance where the thick forest lay. On one of the tall pine trees, a shadow rested. My breath seized in my throat and my heart speeded up. The shadow moved and flew into the air, and I sighed in relief.

Just a harmless bird.

I continued walking on, intent on getting home, but the feeling of being watched persisted. I heard the sound of running, it was faint at first, but then I turned round to make the person know I was being followed.

What I saw made me think I was going cuckoo.

Someone . . . or something, stood at a far distance, but unless it was the lack of light or the shadows surrounding it, I noticed the creature did not have a head.

The urge to scream rose to my throat, but I swallowed it.

I would not give in to my fears.

We stared at each other, probably wondering who was going to make the first move. There was something threatening about it, the way it stood.

The moon had disappeared behind some clouds, so I couldn't really see what it was. I knew it was waiting for my next move, I also knew I needed to get the hell out of there before I was dragged into the forest.

I took two steps back and it took two steps towards me. True fear rose in my throat. There was no time to waste as I turned round and ran as fast as my feet could carry me.

Even though I stumbled a few times, I didn't stop until I was inside the four walls of my house.