© Copyright 2012
All work is property of Leah Crichton, any duplication or reproduction of all or part of the work without explicit permission by the author is illegal.

Lane. The Great Pretender. She didn't know much about him but she did know that his sexuality was not public record which resulted in girls eating out of the palm of his hand, same as they would Sawyer, Sebastian or Robbie. He portrayed the role well, probably from years of pretending to be someone he wasn't. If he hadn't been such a jerk to her, she would have felt sorry for him.

Her coffee was piping hot. She was confident that she'd burned the taste buds on the tip of her tongue being overzealous. She simply wanted something else to occupy her, like drinking the beverage rather than forcing her endless chatter on Lane. No doubt he'd be content to sit across from each other wordlessly.

She debated taking out her cell phone and playing a game on it while she waited but that would be rude so she continued to drink the offending coffee and watch him in quiet fascination until he returned to their table. Following his fan interaction, he looked much more at ease.

The chair dragged along the tile floor as he pulled it out to sit down. “Is your coffee okay?” he asked.

“Yep. I'm pretty sure it's set to the temperature of molten lava,” she said. “But it's fresh and strong and good.”

“You know if Sawyer was here he'd be able to tell you the exact temperature of molten lava.”

She nodded. “I know. He is definitely not lacking in memory. I can't remember what my hair looked like before this,” she motioned to the blood red color.

“You were a ginger,” Lane said. “Now you're just a spicy ginger. I'd call that color Paprika.”

“I'd call it disgusting,” she said, “but thanks.”

“You look good,” Lane said. “With or without the Kool-aid hair.”

“For the record it's not Kool-aid.”

He took a drink of his own beverage which was a fancy latte and judging from how easily he drank it, it was not liquid fire like hers. “Listen, I kind of brought you here to apologize.”

“You don’t need to.”

“Yeah,” Lane said. “I really do.”

Alexa smiled her best smile. “Apology accepted.”

Lane’s brows furrowed together, “I didn’t apologize yet. Does anything bother you?”

“Of course but the thing is; I try not to give bothersome things too much attention. You aren’t my biggest fan,” the reference was probably not the best she could come up with, “which is fine. If I let the fact that you don’t like me affect me, it only gives that hatred power.”

Lane’s jaw dropped. “Hatred. Ouch. That’s a strong word. I don’t hate you. Never did,” he added.

“Intense dislike,” she said. “Is that better?”

He half chuckled “much better but still not true.”

“So you don’t hate or intensely dislike me. What is it then? Go ahead, I’m all ears,” she urged.

“Sawyer means a lot to me,” he said.

“See there is something we can relate to.”

“For a long time I was the only person he trusted. No one else knew about Sadie. No one knew the truth about how bad things used to be for him. He used to come to my place beaten to a bloody pulp.” As Lane spoke about his memories of Sawyer, he subconsciously cringed, “he’d make me swear never to utter a single word about it but I liked that he trusted me. I liked that he wanted to tell me and that he came to me for help. As far as anyone else knew, Sawyer was the untouchable kid who would just as soon use anyone as a punching bag rather than talk to them. That’s why I was different. He always talked to me. All that changed when you came along and I didn’t know what to make of it.”

She nodded in understanding. “I’m sorry.”

Since the first time she’d met him, Lane directed a genuine smile at her. When he wasn't scowling, he was alarmingly handsome. “It’s my apology, remember?”

“Right,” she said. “Sorry.”

“Stop apologizing.”

She caught herself before she apologized once again for apologizing.

“I’ve never seen Sawyer happier than he is now that he’s met you. It’s like he can finally just be himself. Around us, around you and no one is going to judge him or hurt him for it.”

She liked the idea that she was at least in part responsible for bringing out a softer, lighter side of Sawyer. “Thank you,” she said.

“For that reason alone, I'm sorry. I should have been happy for Sawyer instead of feeling sorry for myself.”

“There. It's official,” she said, “apology given and happily and gratefully accepted.” Alexa extended her hand out to him as if she wanted to shake on it.

Lane was tentative to take it but he did, his hand more like a baseball glove than a hand and shook. “One more thing,” he said, “please don't hurt him by letting the dumb shit he does push you away.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Sawyer does a lot of acting before thinking about the consequences. He’s impulsive. He always just does things.”

“What things?”

“Before you came along, Sawyer took what he wanted, he did what he wanted with little or no regard for anyone else. No one ever questioned it, except me. Since I’m not sleeping with him, my opinion just became less important than yours.”

“I’m not sleeping with him,” she said, offended. “And even if I was, he values your opinion.”

“Let me finish. I've never seen him so damned worried about what someone else thinks about him. He went from hardly being able to give a genuine compliment to wearing his heart on his sleeve and opening up to everybody as soon as he figured out that's the kind of guy you'd be into. Don't get me wrong, it's good for him but I wasn’t even sure that was possible.”

“I'm not sure I understand what you're trying to say.”

“I'm just afraid all of this change, progress, call it what you will is going to come back and bite him in the ass. It's like taking a drink away from alcoholic, you know. How long can he go cold turkey without reverting back to his old ways?”

She hadn’t really thought of that. “I don’t know that he will,” she said, unconvincingly.

“I don’t either but the point is Sawyer is a bit of a control freak. He's almost always the calm one in an emergency, the guy who can keep everything inside him in check. Even when he flies off the handle which happens more often than you probably want to know, he's still completely in control of himself. He knows exactly what he's doing and he may be mad and handing someone's ass to em, but he could just as well be taking a leisurely stroll down the street.”

“He wasn't very in control when he told me about his childhood,” she pointed out.

Lane sipped his coffee. “My point exactly. With you, it's different. He actually lets himself have a feeling or two and I worry when that hits him, we could all be in trouble. Like the calm before the storm. Trust me, there is going to come a time where Sawyer realizes that he’s not untouchable and he’s not going to like it.”

“I think he'll be fine,” she said, not sure if she believed it. 

Lane scoffed. “I’ve never seen him more vulnerable. Sawyer is used to taking care of people. It’s what he does. I worry maybe you’re not broken enough for him.”

Alexa made a fist. She ought to punch Lane in the jaw but instead she clenched her teeth. “Sawyer doesn’t need someone who is broken. And by the way, this is a piss poor apology. It’s the worst apology I’ve ever gotten.”

Lane laughed. “I’ve moved on from the apology to the obligatory ‘you-hurt-my-friend-and-we’ll-have-words chat. And if you listen closely to what I'm saying, you and Sawyer have a fighting chance and none of this will even matter.”

“You just told me I’m not good enough for Sawyer.”

“I told you you weren’t broken enough. Nothing to do with good enough.”

“So what, I’m supposed to suddenly be weak?

“Don't you see,” Lane said. “That's why he's so crazy about you. Because you are not those things. It's probably refreshing for him but it's human nature to return to what you know. I'm not saying you should be a damsel in distress. I'm just suggesting you open yourself up to be vulnerable, even if it's just where he's concerned.”

She stood. “For someone who is so karmically in tune with the Universe, you sure have blinders on Lane. I’ve never been more terrified in my life. I love him and every time I see him, I fall more in love with him.” As she spoke, Lane wrapped his fingers around her wrist and tugged her to sit back down, probably mortified that she might cause a scene. “I fall more in love with him every second that I spend with him,” she half whispered, “and I am scared to death that he doesn’t feel the same way.”

Lane placed a hand on her knee. “Don't be sad. Be happy. He's a great guy and he's madly in love with you.”

He couldn’t wait to get out of there. What the hell was he thinking? Telling Gabby he’d come up with a hundred grand. No doubt he could get it but he felt like a peacock rustling his feathers, trying to be all ostentatious about the whole thing and now he’d have to look to the rest of the guys to help him pull off a miracle.

He checked his phone. No word from Lex yet. He didn’t like it. Not knowing where she was. The hallways seemed empty without her. He was glad things would be somewhat back to normal after the weekend. Veering left, he froze outside Sadie’s door. The noise that came from behind it made his heart stop. Laughing. He knew her laugh although he’d only ever heard it maybe two times in his life. Sadie was laughing.

Pushing the door open a crack, he peered around the frame. Lindy and Sadie sat on either side of Devin who had her cell phone pulled out and they were staring at the screen, giggling with the half eaten bag of M and M’s on the bed between them.

“So Robbie is always pulling pranks,” Devin was explaining, “Seb was in the shower after a show. Robbie dumped a bunch of neon food coloring in the shampoo tube. And this is what Seb looked like afterward.”

“His hair is pink!” Sadie exclaimed.

Sawyer laughed to himself. He remembered that clearly. Seabass was fit to be tied. His face was almost a match to the horrific cotton candy color on his head. Cost Robbie a few hundred bucks for Sebastian’s trip to the hairstylist to get it fixed.

“Oh!” Devin said excitedly. “Don’t worry. Sebastian got him back. He put crazy glue on the seat of Robbie’s drumkit. When Robbie realized he couldn’t get up without taking his pants off, Sebastian invited all the fans on stage to have a Q and A with Robbie and left.”

Sadie gushed. “That's brilliant.”

“It was a good one,” Devin agreed.

Sawyer could’ve watched them all day but he really needed to see Alexa. He cleared his throat and Sadie’s head snapped up. “Why didn’t you tell me any of these stories?”

Sawyer shrugged. “I dunno. Didn’t think you’d want to hear them.”

“Thought wrong,” Sadie said.

“Are you almost ready, Dev?”

Sadie’s face dropped. “I don’t want her to leave.”

Devin looked surprised and flattered. “I could stay,” she offered. “I mean if it’s okay with you,” she looked at Sawyer as if he had any say in what Sadie did.

“How are you going to get home, sugar?”

“I can call Seb.”

Sadie let out an audible gasp and Sawyer knew it was over. Devin wouldn’t have a choice now. Sawyer stalked over, kissed the top of Saie’s head, then Devin’s and smiled at Lindy. “See you later.”

“Bye brother,” Sadie said.

“Yeah,” Devin agreed. “Bye bro.”

That went far better than he could have expected.

He pulled up to the apartment at the same time as Lane who had his key chain looped around his middle finger and was spinning it while he waited for the elevator. “How’d it go with Devin?”

“Better than I hoped,” Sawyer admitted. “I had to apologize, but she gets it.”

Lane nodded. “I apologized today, too.”

“To Devin?”

“No,” he shook his head, “to your girlfriend.”

“Alexa?”

Lane smiled. “Do you have another girlfriend?”

“No.”

“That’s what I thought.”

The steel doors of the elevator opened and Sawyer motioned for Lane to go first. “What did she say?”

Lane hit the button for the penthouse. “She said apology accepted.”

“Oh,” Sawyer said. “That’s good.”

“Mm hmm. Listen, I owe you an apology too.”

“Naw. We’re cool.” 

“I’m not cool. I acted like a loser. I’m sorry.”

“No big deal. Given the amount of times I’ve screwed up, you’re entitled to a mistake every now and then.”

“Oh good,” Lane said. “Good to know.”

Sawyer laughed. “Did she say where she was going?”

“I dropped her off at home.”

“Did she see my text about Gabby?”

“If she did, she didn’t say anything.”

Sawyer tapped his foot impatiently during the rest of the elevator ride. There was never reception inside it so he had to wait until they were in the hallway outside their apartment to dial Alexa.

“Hello?” she said frantically.

“Listen, there’s something I gotta tell you,” he started.

Alexa sounded out of breath. Upset almost. “Not now Sawyer.” Her voice dropped as if she had the receiver of the phone directly on top of her mouth. “Gabby’s yelling at me. I’ll call you back.”

Sawyer cursed, shut his phone off and marched to the fridge for a beer. He sent the cap flying with his lighter, not bothering to retrieve it from the floor before stalking out to the balcony.

Lane came out half an hour or so later, dressed to kill in a pinstripe suit, Armani, Sawyer guessed. “I'm uh, going out. I don't know when I'll be back.”

Aside from band practice, gigs, signings, and going out with the boys, Lane didn't often venture out on his own, so it was strange. Sawyer took a swig of his beer. “Got a date or something?”

Even in the dark, he could see the color sweep from one side of Lane's face to the other.

Sawyer stood, eyes wide. “Holy shit! You have a date,” he slapped him hard on the shoulder. “Right on man, if you need the emergency phone call bail, text me.”

Lane turned to leave, stopping at the door to the terrace. “Yeah,” he said. “I'll do that.”

When he left, for the first time in a long while, Sawyer felt alone.