My heart almost stops. Almost. Until I realise how fast it is beating against my chest, in a perfect rhythm with his. I have heard those words before twice in my life from a partner, both of them didn't mean it.

But when I stare into his eyes, those blue-green worldly orbs are reflecting so much vulnerability, it's enough to convince me.

He loves me.

Blake Glazier loves me.

I kiss him again, my heart feeling like it has never felt before. There's a heaviness in my chest, but it's not the pain that causes it, it's the overwhelming love I have for him.

When my hands graze his jaw, he winces a little but doesn't pull away. My heart feels like it is going to explode when his lips move down to my neck, the warmth of his tongue almost tipping me over the edge.

I missed him. I missed this bolt of electricity that shoots through my spine when the heat between us ignites.

Every cell in my body craves for his touch. My hands move to the hem of his t-shirt and he pulls away a little, a small doubt on his face.

"We need to talk." He whispers, but he doesn't stop me when my hands remove his t-shirt.

I throw it over the box on the floor, his hand reaching for my hair as he pulls them aside and kisses the nape of my neck again.

"I know." I manage to swallow. "Rules. We need rules."

"Mm." He nods against my skin, his teeth nibbling on my neck as I hold back a moan. "Strings."

"Full commitment." I move my hands down his chest, feeling his muscles underneath me before it meets the buckle of his belt. He parts away a little and I give him a questioning look, not sure which part am I asking his agreement for. "Okay?"

"Yes." He whispers and I finally move to unbutton his jeans.

He removes my shirt and peeks down to my breasts. I look at his gaze, the swirling desire behind them but more than that, when he looks at my face, I see it.

Love.

We don't talk anymore. My lips stay shut as I let my body express the need I have for him. For once, my mind is in complete sync with my heart as I embrace my thoughts. This is what I want.

I want him. I want to love him.

Our bodies collide on the bed, his skin warm against mine as he whispers the most beautiful things to me, the ones that makes this feel like a dream. Every breath I catch, his comes in sync with mine.

All my life I have wondered what loves feels like. But when he stares down at me, my name on his lips like a chant, I know what it feels like. Love feels like Blake Glazier.

"We were supposed to take things slow." I mumble against his neck as I lie against his body, his arms around me.

"I don't think I could've gone slower than that." He grins, his dimples prominent and I groan, swatting at his bare chest.

"You're incorrigible." I kiss him, my heart feeling content.

"Only when it comes to you." He kisses my forehead.

Today has been a tiring day with the travelling, and Nate's surprise visit. But as I lay next to Blake, my eyes almost drooping from the lack of sleep, I don't feel heartbroken anymore.

We do have to carry out the relationship talk, but it can wait until tomorrow morning.

"You should eat something," I tell him as I wrap my arms tighter against his waist.

"So should you."

"Nah. I'm good." I manage to draw out before closing my eyes and dozing off.

It feels like I have just been sleeping for an hour when I feel a shake on my shoulder. I haven't slept this peacefully in a long time now so my first instinct is to ignore it but then I hear a panicked voice that belongs to Blake.

"Emma?" He's still shaking my shoulder so I slowly blink open my eyes, scowling at him.

"What?" I groan. "What's wrong?"

"I didn't use a condom." His voice is on the edge, and he's sitting up on the bed but his eyes are also laced with sleep. I turn to see the table clock that reflects that it's two in the morning.

"Go to sleep, Blake." I pull him towards me, missing the warmth of his body against mine.

"Baby, I don't think you're understanding what I'm saying," He says slowly like I'm finding it hard to comprehend his words.

"I'm on the pill." I assure him. "Since the moment I turned fourteen, I've been on the pill. Do you really think I would've sex without any protection?"

I was lost in the moment, but not that much.

"You're supposed to tell me those things." He gapes at me. "I freaked the hell out."

"Good to know you're not ready to have a kid." I smile amusedly.

"I am a kid."

"Sure, you are." I laugh as he lies down next to me, letting out a breath of relief.

He rests his in the crook of my neck, his breath hot against my skin as he drapes an arm around my waist. I let sleep take over my body again now that he's calmed down.

I dream about Nate, a memory from my childhood where he taught me how to play basketball. I wake up with his face in my mind, our same eyes almost haunting me. It's going to take some time to shake off the jitters from yesterday.

Blake is by my side when I turn around. He's blinking his eyes open as I smile a little at how gorgeous he looks with crazy bedhead hair. There's a light bruise by his lip but he looks like he doesn't care about it.

"Morning." He mumbles, letting out a yawn.

"Morning, sunshine." I sit up a little in bed, reaching down to the floor to pick up my clothes.

"Don't get dressed already." He groans from behind me, his hands by my side trying to pull me back in the bed.

"Slow." I remind him, which only earns an eye-roll.

"You don't like slow, I don't like it either. What's the point of this again?" He grumbles, sitting up.

He's right. But he needs to hold that thought until after we talk.

"Breakfast?" I ask and he nods.

He gets out of the bed and I stare at his body as he dresses himself, scolding myself not to get distracted. I see the knowing smirk playing on his face when he meets my eyes but I shake my head at him.

We brush our teeth together, and it's not new. But it just seems so normal, like this is something we do daily. We used to, until Nicole showed up. Her thought leaves a bitter taste in my mouth as I move out to the kitchen.

He takes a seat on the stool by the island as I pass over a bowl to him, taking out the milk carton. After we both pour the cereal first, followed by milk, I turn to him. Nick's words are still fresh in my mind somehow about how he hasn't healed from Nicole.

"Why did the two of you break up, like a year ago?" I ask, sounding a little nervous.

He sighs, understanding that we can't push away the conversation anymore. He speaks up, "Just the long distance thing wasn't working out. It was freshman year, and I was trying to settle with things."

"Nick made it sound like you were really heartbroken over the break-up," I tell him, honestly. I don't want doubt clouding either of our minds if we're going to do this right.

He nods. "I was, I'm not going to deny that. It was hard to adjust to the idea but I took my time, Emma."

"Are you really over her?" I ask, not caring how much on the edge my voice sounds.

He meets my eyes as he pushes away his bowl to pay complete attention to me. "Yes."

"How do you know?" I just want to be certain.

"Because I don't feel the same way about her I felt before. I took more than a year to make my peace with that break-up." He pauses, his hand reaching out to take mine. "Because I love you, and you're the only one I want."

I hate the first thought that comes in my head. I swallow how my mind always goes for my biggest insecurities. What if two years later he doesn't feel the same way about me either? I know how ridiculous it sounds. We've been involved for couple of months, and we haven't even started dating yet, and I'm thinking about two years from now.

But that's how I feel for him, and I know this isn't a temporary emotion. It's here to stay. I don't want to scare him away, so I keep my mouth shut.

"Are you still going to be in contact with her?" I ask, just so there are no surprises later.

"I'm not sure," He tells me, which seems like an honest reply. "I told her about you the night of the break-up, and she didn't take it well."

"But?" I raise an eyebrow.

"But she's still in New York and she's still struggling with her parents regarding the semester drop. Her friends from school have scattered to different states so I wouldn't be surprised if she reaches out in case she needs any help." He explains, and I want to throw a fit, but I take a deep breath because he's being honest.

"Her depending on you like that isn't healthy." I point out. "I understand her situation, but you're still her ex."

"Yes, her ex." He emphasises. "I feel nothing for her. Nothing."

"What if she needs a place to stay?" I ask, wondering out aloud. "Will you let her stay the night?"

"I don't know." He's saying that a lot, and that's a lot of uncertainty for a person like me who hates it. "If I do, she takes the bed and I take the couch."

"And you're saying this when you know that your legs will barely fit on the said couch?" I raise an eyebrow, trying not to sound pissed.

"Yes." He smiles at me amusedly. "Emma, you've got nothing to worry about. I'm not going to cheat."

"I'm not worried about that," I tell him. "I trust you."

"Then what is it?" He frowns, sounding concerned.

"I just don't want you to wake up one day and realise that you made a mistake by choosing this over that." I sigh, not liking how vulnerable I sound.

"That's never going to happen." He doesn't even hesitate for a second before assuring me. "I want this, so much more than I can actually convey in words."

His words coax my insecure thoughts, his touch comforting my body as I nod. "Me too."

"Good." He smiles at me a little, his dimples peeking through. "All the strings, right?"

"Right." I agree. "And you'll try not to annoy me?"

"Hey." He playfully scowls. "No, that's not the condition. That's my favourite thing to do."

I laugh, shaking my head. "If I ever do something which you don't like, I need you to communicate with me instead of shutting me out. I don't handle being ignored well, it makes me super restless."

"Right back at you." He stands between my legs, tugging my hair behind my ear. I look up in his eyes. Despite all the uncertain answers I received, he looks certain about this, about us.

"So, we're really doing this?" I ask, still finding it super unreal.

He nods. "If you'll agree."

"You said you don't date older women." I remind him.

"I've grown up with you, it's safe to say I don't really look at you as someone older than me." He smiles at me. "Is this age thing going to be a problem for you?"

I think about it for a moment. Is it going to bother me? It's definitely taken me some time to adjust my head around the idea but I've been involved with him since a couple of months now. He's mature for his age, that's for sure, and that has always made me attracted towards him more.

"No." I shake my head. "For you?"

"Never." He caresses my cheek. "Are we telling our families?"

"No." I shake my head.

"Emma." He sounds serious, and I stare in his eyes. "I'm in this for the long haul. I know it sounds freaky, but I want to be with you, for as long as I can help it."

I let out a breath of relief with those words. It's good to know I'm not the only one who wants the same. We're young, and he's too young to take this conversation further but it gives me a little certainty.

"Let's wait for some time, at least till the time we can help it, please. Blake, I don't care what others say about this thing between us but I love my family and I love yours, it would crush me if they are against this." I sigh, my arms going around his neck. "As much as I hate to say this, everyone will look at me like I should've been the responsible or the mature one instead of encouraging this."

I know how it sounds. A minute before I said I don't care about the age factor, and I really don't, but my family would care about it. From the looks of it, it might seem like a bigger deal because I'm a woman but had he been elder than me, the fear would've been the same. It's my parent's judgement I fear of dating a college guy.

If I was in college and dating a guy four years elder to me, they still would've flipped out about how older men don't care about young girls like me. I don't want them to look at us like that.

However, if the age difference had been like Genesis and mine, it would've been fine. We both would've crossed over to real adult life. I am not assuming all these things, I know this is how it would be looked at.

"You know that's not completely true." Blake starts, frowning a little. "We've got understanding parents, at least I've got an understanding mother. But we'll wait."

"Thank you." I smile against his lips as he kisses me. "I think you should talk to Connor."

He pulls back, narrowing his eyes at me. "Yes, I really want to talk about my Dad when I'm kissing you."

I laugh a little. "Okay, we'll save it for later."

"Good." He kisses me again, his hands going around my waist. My body shifts to the edge of the stool as he steps closer to me.

I keep my hands around his neck, pulling him closer to my level. Just when we deepen the kiss, there's a sound of the main lock turning and he parts away with a groan.

He glares at the door and I turn around to see Nick entering the apartment.

"Oh my god, you're really here." He smiles, crossing the distance to hug me.

"Can't breathe, Nick." I pat on his back, realising that I've actually really missed him.

"I thought you were going to move out." He lets go, staring at me.

"You're not getting rid of me that easily." I smile. "How are you?"

"Forget about me, how are you?" He sounds so excited as he takes a seat on the bar stool.

"Hi Nick, nice to meet you too." Blake speaks up from behind me, causing me to snicker.

"I saw your face every day." Nick sneers at him but then frowns. "That bruise is new though. Did you punch him?"

"Yup." I try to slide it off as a joke. "He deserved it."

"Can't argue with that." Nick high-fives me. "Did you get that job?"

"What job?" Blake scowls at me.

Nick and I talked a week back, before Blake visited me. I was preparing for the interview back then, so I told him about it. Blake, on the other hand, is a little out of the loop.

"I got a new job at this pharmaceutical company," I fill them in. "HR Manager."

"Really?" Blake's smile is so wide as he looks at me and I nod. "Congratulations, Emma."

He leans down to kiss me and Nick clears his throat. "I see you two resolved your issues."

"Yup." I grin.

"Congratulations on the job, and this." He points between Blake and me. "Where is the job?"

"Wall street. Guess who's saving gas money." I grin. "And also my precious time."

"That's so amazing, honestly." Blake expresses his joy. "I'm so proud."

"She's already got a degree. You need to study for yours." Nick teases him and I frown, turning towards Blake completely.

"Have you not been studying?"

"Snitch." Blake glares at Nick who laughs before turning to me. "I already managed two finals, I'm sure I'll manage the rest."

"That's..." I tsk at him. "Time to make me proud, Lakey-boy. We're studying."

"You're helping him study?" Nick shoots up from the back and I nod.

"Yup." I grin mischievously at Blake, wiggling my eyebrows. "There are rewards."

"Fuck." His eyes widen with excitement. "I'm going to top the finals."

"From the looks of it, that's not the only thing you're going to top." Nick comments and I burst out laughing.

•••

for some reason I imagine Blake as Matthew Daddario. especially since Shadowhunters. :') he's a beautyyyyy.