CHAPTER FIVE

     IT WAS LUNCHTIME, so, Louella, Graeme and I were sitting at our spot, clad in EC uniforms (which were only marginally more flattering than the regular white-shirt-and-grey-pants combo). I'd been telling them about the previous night – what a rare and strange thing it was to have Justin stay for supper, especially since he'd been away for so long. I'd only invited him to dinner once before, for the sake of sitting him down with my parents after three months of seeing each other, and a little less of saying those preliminary 'I love you's. Otherwise, Justin only really saw Mom when she drove me to school in the mornings, or when we went to her nursery on the seam of town – Sleeping Jasmine, was the name.

"And what'd your mom have to say about it?" Lou asked, scrutinising the contents of her lunchbox.

The Eights were currently in rows on the grass in front of us, holding their schoolbags over their heads and trying not to keel over (we'd been made to do that, too, once upon a time). I cringed in sympathy as the committee's Heads of Discipline barked at some kid who'd bent their elbows. Yeah, I did not miss that.

"Nothing much," I answered. "She looked as surprised as I was, but in a good way. Plus, I think she was more shocked Peter cooked something."

Graeme scoffed, "I'm more shocked that Justin helped."

Lou's sandwich was halfway into her mouth when she froze, looked at me and waited for my reaction, as if I'd be so easily offended.

"Neither of us really helped 'cause Peter kept saying we didn't have to, so we kind of went back to my room until everything was ready. I'm pretty sure he just bought a bunch of ready-to-eat stuff that he could toss on those pizza bases. Anyway..." I went on to say how awkwardly quiet the table had been because Mom could tell that Justin's being there was not my idea; I would have given her a heads-up if it was. "Then she asked where he'd been, and it was back to talking about his family and his trips." People I'd never meet and places I'd never be.

"I can't believe he just talks about that stuff in front of you," said Lou.

"He doesn't mean it like that," I said instinctively, kind of like I was vomiting the words. "But it does feel shitty, which is why I need your help!"

"Great," Graeme groaned – just overflowing with enthusiasm he was!

Earlier that day, when the sun had claimed its place in the six-a.m. sky, I took some time to relive the kitchen conversation with Justin, to dwell on the layers of secrets and fictions between us. "Look, I thought about it a lot this morning, the imbalances of our relationship, and I figured I ought to tend to them."

"What do you mean?" asked Lou.

"You? Why not him?" sulked Graeme.

"Yeah, where is he anyway?"

"His coach called a meeting," I explained, though this was all beside the point. "If I can show Justin that there's no harm in letting me in, then I won't feel as left out and we'll be okay. It'll all balance out." Truthfully, I was so decided that it wasn't until I unveiled what plan had been dominating my consciousness that I thought otherwise.

"It's a terrible idea," Louella said simply.

Graeme frowned between the two of us. "Lou's right; you can't be serious about this."

"Yeah, it's not that bad," I defended myself. Lou was looking at me like I'd officially lost my mind.

"Leslie, it's bad enough that you're thinking of prying, because that's gonna end well, but breaking into your boyfriend's house is an actual crime!" she insisted.

"It's weird, Les."

"And creepy," Lou continued. "But besides that, it's an invasion of his privacy. And by someone as close to him as you..."

"That's the problem, Lou!" Suddenly, I was yelling. When I realised it, I tucked my voice away until it was a murmur. "I don't feel close to him." I had thought it over, from the moment I had gotten out of bed, and it was the only way.

Graeme's brows sat like crescent moons upon his forehead. "Okay."

Louella almost dropped her lunchbox hugging me, and a small sigh escaped me, before I mustered up the words to sound reassuring. "Look, all I'm asking is that one of you comes with me this evening. Lou, your dad's the mayor; he knows where Justin's house is."

"I know where it is. I'll come with you," Lou bit her lip, like she regretted her words right as she said them.

A cheer of sorts escaped me and I stole her for another tight hug. When she was done giving me one of those I-can't-believe-you're-making-me-do-this looks, we both turned to Graeme, who had this scent of concern.

"What happens if we get caught?" he asked.

"Don't worry about that."

Lou ogled me. "Do you have an actual plan?"

I did of course, and it was a brilliant one. I just needed to talk to Merribel first.

Later on – 19:52.

I had the jitters. Why do I have the jitters? This is my plan! Lou was in the driver's seat, giving me the look she had been giving me all day, and Graeme was in the backseat, his nails at the mercy of his teeth. And we, we were outside Justin's house. No backing out now.

"It's been nearly an hour," Graeme's words left his mouth with a shudder.

"She hasn't said anything yet." I recited my plan in my mind for hundredth time and stared anxiously at my phone. It was late now. Where was she?

"Look, Merribel probably changed her mind," said Lou, while she rubbed her arms – her skin was wrapped in goosebumps from 'the creeps' more than the cold. "Can we just go home?"

I watched the wine red SUV in the driveway, then the house. Its burgundy face hid timidly behind the trees, but it had nothing to be ashamed of. There was nothing scary about it per say; it looked like a cabin out of a storybook, I think what made it so terrifying was the knowledge that it was on the edge of the woods and we weren't supposed to be there.

"No way," I said. All Merribel had to do was get her parents to agree to a night out, she could do that; who could say no to that face? "She didn't bail on –" At that moment, all three of us ducked in our seats, as if the Levines would be able to see us in the dark parked behind a willow tree and their boundary wall. This was a bad idea – why did my friends listen to me? We were so freaking shady.

Merribel skipped towards the SUV, looking back every now and then to talk to someone. A tall, long-haired man followed her outside with a smile on his face, and behind him, a woman dressed in blue came into view. Under the flattering porchlight, she pointed into the house and told something to whoever was still inside – it must have been one of the boys. Mrs. Levine was something stunning; I'd never seen anyone pull of a peplum dress the way she did, and Mr. Levine had better hair than I'd seen in any shampoo commercial. I knew that it was soft, too, because Justin's hair was the same. They were all so beautiful. They were all so normal.

I felt Graeme's hand squeeze my shoulder, like he knew what was knocking at the doors of my mind and that I didn't want to think about it, and then I noticed how tightly I was holding my phone. Relaxing my grip, I wiped my cheek with the back of my hand, and then I saw Merribel heading back into the house. Her brothers had made it to the car – Justin was wearing that brown leather jacket that made him look like a dessert. Like chocolate mousse. Merribel came outside again and my phone buzzed that very second.

Merribel: K, door's open.

We should be back around 10.

Me: Perfect, thanks so much!!

When their SUV curved smoothly down the road, I gave my friends a proud albeit quivering smile. What kind of little sister would allow her brother's girl to snoop around her house after knowing her for one day? Then again, what kind of girlfriend would give her boyfriend's sister fifty bucks for access to their house, after knowing her for one day? It didn't matter how I looked at it, though; fifty rand was a small price to pay. It was buying me a chance.

My abettors and I were quieter than mice as we scurried across the road and up to the other side of the property, the side by the garage, which detached itself from the rest of the house with its two stories worth of beige walls. Graeme linked his fingers together as a foot ladder to help us over the fence, and then passed us some bags through the bars. A moment later, he brought the car to the front gate before finding his own way over the wall – Lou and I were kind of too impressed to ask how. We'd carried the bags in through the front door, which had this really classy and ironic wolf-head knocker. Graeme thought it was cool.

"So far so good," I whispered, shutting us in.

We stepped into the dining room with its wooden floors and walls and long pearl white table. Mom would have liked their forest-green dining chairs. The three of us could see into the kitchen, through the gap between the countertops and floating cabinetry. Beside us was this enticing staircase to the top floor, but we managed to move past it.

We set the bags down in the kitchen and got to work. Lou and I found the knives, pots and cutting boards easily enough and all the ingredients were in the bags. Graeme was practically drowning in nervousness, but at least he could handle a veggie peeler. I realised how much they were doing for me, that this was all so bizarre, but the last thing they needed to do was worry, because there was no way I'd let them get into trouble for this. Wanting to lighten the mood, I turned on some music. Pretty soon, we were grooving along to the first alt-rock song on my playlist – or in my case, mixing the marinade and occasionally using the spoon as a microphone.

After our impromptu musical show, I got the chicken and veggies in the oven. "See, we're just three friends cooking a meal and having a good time."

"Cooking. In a house we broke into," mused Lou, finding some humour in it all.

Graeme walked up to me with a laugh and poked me in my side. "Only you could make this seem normal," he said.

"I'm gifted that way," I replied and smacked his hand as he tried to put that finger of his into the dessert.

When we finished up, my friends would go home and I would be left alone with the Levines. The better thing about being a werewolf and not a vampire, as far as I could tell, was that they could blend into humanity so easily. But something told me that the reverse was going to be much harder.

The Levines came home just after ten, like Merribel had predicted. Two hours of cooking and tidying up and waiting anxiously, now they were here. My sweaty palms made some final adjustments to the arrangement on the dining table, moved the vols-au-vent between the roast chicken and the veg, and I was just about to fix my hair again when the door swung open. The family stood static in the doorway and I gave them this awkward stare as I slowly removed the hairpin from between my teeth. Pushing past her parents and brothers, Merribel hastened into the house and gave me a hug so amiable that I almost felt as if I was supposed to be there. Almost. A nervous smile rested on her features when she turned back to her blood – we were under everyone's eyes – that was, until Justin stepped forward and grabbed hold of his ability to speak.

"Mom, Dad, this is Leslie," he said, before cupping my face in his hands and gently pecking my lips. Did they know who I was?

I put that thought on hold when, once he'd assessed the looks on his parents' faces, Teylor came forward for a hug. "It's good to see you," he told me, but his voice lacked the zest it usually contained, which made me shiver. Teylor was one of those people you wouldn't find without a smile on his face, who talked about the things they thought, but never talked too much.

Maybe I was wrong, but a month out of this town couldn't transform someone so drastically. Could it?

"It's good to see you, too."

When Teylor let me go, Justin squeezed my hand. I knew that it was to provide some comfort, but instead it worried me more; they were acting as if their parents were going to eat me.

What have I gotten myself into?

"Surprise."

Justin's voice helped to shake my fears from my mind, and I suddenly remembered etiquette. Mr. Levine had only just shut the door, but I walked up to him and his wife with a brave tongue and introduced myself.

"Leslie Rowe, Sir."

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Leslie," he said, and I doubt he knew that I had seen the cold glare he'd been giving Justin. "I'm Gunther, and this lovely woman is my wife, Milena."

"Just Lena, dear," she whispered to me and shook my hand ever so daintily. "Aunt Lena."

I blushed. I can call you Aunt? "It's an honour, truly, to meet you both."

Aunt Lena set her sights on her children, who waited quietly beside the dining table. The discomfort in the air was so terrifyingly tangible that I didn't know whether to stay or go, and my cooked dinner became secondary, more and more of an afterthought.

"E-explain," she stuttered out. Her eyes filled with dread, though I couldn't imagine why.

Merribel was on the brink of confession, but Justin stepped ahead of her and once again made it seem like inviting me over had been his idea, that he believed it was due time his parents met his girlfriend. I didn't know what he was doing, but no one seemed particularly pleased with him – Teylor shrugged like he had given up hope. Did he believe Justin, or was this about their secrecy laws? In that moment, I couldn't help feeling like something vital had just been thrown to the wolves, pardon the pun.

"Sorry for not mentioning anything sooner," Justin continued with a smile, casually manoeuvring his arm over my shoulder. Suddenly, they weren't the only ones peeved by his behaviour.

Aunt Lena gave Gunther this uncertain gaze before they finally came away from the door and into the chandelier glow of the dining room. She walked past us and her eyes began to analyse the food, which was probably already cold, and then they trained themselves on me. I wiped the sweat from my forehead as subtly as I could.

"You made all this?" she asked in no particular way.

"Well –" I stopped myself from admitting that I'd had help; as much as I wished to give my friends the credit they deserved, no good would come of that. Kind of like this evening so far. "Yes, I did. But I brought my own ingredients, I didn't want to – I wouldn't – use your food. Not without asking, I mean."

A large hand landed upon my shoulder, and Gunther's deep voice worked its hardest to assure me, "You don't have to be nervous. We don't bite."

I laughed like the idiot I was for even thinking that before, but it was better to be safe, right? "Sorry, this is just stranger than I thought it would be," I explained, feeling somewhat breathless all of a sudden. "Justin is," – I glanced at him then – "truly amazing, and I'm so grateful to finally meet the people responsible for his amazingness. But I understand and am so sorry if I've overstepped."

"You're not overstepping," Justin spoke quickly. "Mom, Dad, Leslie cooked us supper. The least we could do is let her stay and enjoy it with her. Please."

I hadn't seen him defend me like that in a long time, and in front of his parents, too. It was nice. Nice and also extraordinary. Aunt Lena, who still seemed far too uncomfortable for someone in their own home, mutely turned to her husband for his verdict. Gunther's attention however was with Merribel, who was already pulling out a chair regardless of his say, or maybe in aid of it. Soon enough, we were all seated at the table, blessing the food and digging in. I offered to reheat the lot of it, but Lena said that that wasn't necessary, and a generous length of silence stretched itself over the dinner table thereafter. Until eventually, Teylor endeavoured to vanquish it.

"Leslie, I had no idea you were such a great cook," he said, genuinely surprised – as was I, in all honesty.

"It was a tremendous effort," I said. "The, uhm, vols-au-vent ­especially, I've never made them before." At least I could pronounce it – thanks, Lou.

Gunther gestured to one on his plate, raising his eyebrows as a way of making sure we were talking about the same thing. When I gave him a nod, he smiled and gave me a thumbs-up, his mouth too full to bestow any compliments.

"They're lovely," his wife agreed, her green eyes glimmering at me. "I like the bits of asparagus; it goes really well with the ham and the cheese."

"Thank you so much."

A different kind of silence presented itself then, one in which we were all smiling. When it was time for second servings, Gunther started talking about the hospital and some of the patients he had seen that day, but he was obviously prohibiting himself from saying too much in my presence. My curiosity had to let that one go.

I had just taken my last bite, when I spoke, "It must be very exciting to be a doctor though; getting to help people and save lives. You're a superhero in your own right."

"I try my best," said Mr. Levine modestly – or would it be Dr. Levine now? Light-hearted laughter left his lips, and it sent a proud fluttering within my heart.

Merribel started collecting our plates, but the conversation did not end. I was watching her carry the dishes to the kitchen, and I considered offering to help her, when Aunt Lena put her hand on her husband's and addressed me.

"As much as we've enjoyed your company this evening," she began, and as swiftly as that, she'd snuffed out the joy on Justin and Teylor's faces. They knew. "We must ask that you refrain from coming again."

I thought she must have been joking, or that I had imagined the words myself, but no. Like the sweat percolating my brow and the hiccup in my breath, it was real. All my effort, my consuming desire to meet Justin's parents, and they didn't want me here at all. It really wasn't him, it was them. Them and that stupid werewolf law he was always telling me about. He had told me and I hadn't listened. Why couldn't I just listen?

"Please don't think we don't apprecia–"

Lena's voice was cut off by a thundering crash coming from the kitchen. I blinked in the direction of the sound, and when I realised what had happened, I shot up from my chair.

"Merribel, are you okay?" I called to her, but she wouldn't look at me.

Her eyes were dim, smothered in their tears as she stared at her mom in disbelief. Merribel's hands were still at the level of her chest, but the dishes lied in splinters and parts at her feet.

"Merribel," Justin called, too, and got up and went to her. "Get away from that, you'll hurt yourself." He inched his hand towards her shoulder, but she started running before there was contact. She ran upstairs, and not long after came the resound of a door slamming shut.

My heart wanted to crumble for her, and I looked to Justin, my eyes pleading. Was she acting out because of what her mother had said? I had fought Aunt Lena's words from my mind, along with any fear of disapproval. Merribel was my only concern now; I just wanted to make sure she was okay. Justin seemed to be thinking the same thing, and I followed him upstairs to her bedroom. He knocked twice, and when she didn't answer, he tried opening the door, but found it locked.

"Come on, Mars, let us in," he spoke in the gentlest tone.

"Mars?"

It was a nickname and an effective one it seemed, because Merribel opened the door. She looked straight past us, probably to ascertain if it was just us two who had followed her, and then she glared at her brother.

"Leslie can come in," she told him sternly and took my hand. Maybe Mars wasn't so effective after all.

"Really? Okay, but don't tell –" he wanted to yell, but he was muted by the door which closed between us. He lowered his pitch to a murmur and tried again, "Don't tell her anything."

Merribel turned the key in its lock, grimacing. "Don't worry; if it works out well, you can tell Mom and Dad it was your idea, too." So that was why she was angry with him, for taking credit that didn't belong to him. "I can't believe her." And she was mad at about what Aunt Lena had said to me, but why?

Merribel pointed me to her bed and we both sat down. Her room was this cute, green-walled cubicle with just enough space for her bed, desk and wardrobe. She had these sweet wall decals in the shape of snowflakes, and they led my eye to the fishbowl on the little table beside the place where she rested her head.

"You know they'd be angrier if they knew it was you," Justin was still trying to reason with her. "Please just let me in."

She did not answer him. There were fresh tears dripping quietly down her cheeks and her hands fiddled with the hem of her dress. I could tell by the look in her eyes that whatever Justin meant, he was right.

"Why would they be angrier at you?" I whispered for Merribel's ears alone, but of course Justin heard me anyway.

"She's too young."

Merribel's eyes almost lit up when he said that, like there was this fragment of joy in her, and then it was gone. Maybe it wasn't joy at all. She slowly stood from the bed and unlocked the door, while I pondered Justin's words.

"Too young for what?"

Merribel stared at her brother and he stared at her, his eyes looking just like their mother's, sad and terrified. Now I understood what Lena had been dreading.

"Are you going to tell her? The truth."

Justin bit his lip and looked at me with those lively green eyes. "Yes."

I wasn't sure whether or not my heart was still beating. Were my ears blocked maybe? Was I hearing right? Did Justin just say yes? A few seconds passed before I heard my own breath again – a short, sudden sound that didn't sound like it had even come from me.

"Once I ask Mom and Dad, I'll tell her everything."

Merribel whimpered in utter misery, "They're not going to agree to it, you know that!"

"No, they will," he sounded so certain, and his demeanour pulled me towards him. "I wasn't trying to put on a show tonight, Leslie; you are important to me. More than you know. And if this is what it takes for us to be together, for you to trust me, then I'll do it. Seeing you here with my family, I want this to happen again."

I hadn't the breath left in me to thank him, so I hugged him instead. Justin was serious. He was going to do this for me.

"It's about time." Merribel gave him this cheeky little smile and nudged him on the arm.

Then Teylor came upstairs with a glass and a drying cloth in his hands like some rudimentary mixologist, except he wasn't there to help us forget our quandaries.

"Mom and Dad want to talk to us."

Justin kissed me on the cheek and Merribel gave me this half-hearted smile before they followed Teylor downstairs. I had this raw feeling that this wasn't going to end well. Alone in foreign territory, I would have walked after them, but they hadn't asked. I took refuge in Merribel's room instead, and I was just about to close the door when I heard Dr. Levine.

"We warned you about what would happen if you got too close," I heard him say, crystal clear.

What had I done? Had I ruined everything? Justin's parents were probably going to hate me now and tell him to never see me again! I should have been happy with just knowing what Justin was, accepted his conditions. He'd always told me my curiosity with him would only bring us turmoil. Maybe he should have left me for good in December.

I was sitting on the bed for a while, with only the occasional yell from downstairs to lasso me out of my thoughts and back into reality. Maybe I was grateful for the yelling; my thoughts shouldn't be left to their own devices for too long. I was lying supine on Merribel's bed, my legs hanging off the edge, when I heard knocking. I sat up promptly as Justin opened the door, his family all standing behind him.

"Leslie, I –" he started the sentence, but never finished.

Dr. Levine took over. "Come with us," he instructed. I couldn't tell if he was angry; he sounded so calm and cool, but I was frightened still.

The Levines led me downstairs and into the front yard – the breeze caught me off-guard, but I got used to it. We walked across the cobblestones to the carport where the SUV rested, and then entered the garage. The room was an empty grey, save for Justin's car, a metal filing cabinet, and a bookshelf that was not a bookshelf at all, but rather a door – my nerves were too rattled at the moment for me to realise how cool that was. On the other side of it was a face brick passage with nothing more to it than a staircase and a smell. That smell grew stronger as we descended the stairs and Justin clasped my hand tightly, like he was clutching to a stress ball, or being mine, and then we reached the bottom. The lights flickered on rhythmically, as if communicating in Morse code. They must have been trying to warn me.

My eyes fell wide upon the metallic bars of a cage – a cell, a prison, whatever they wished to call it. I dared to keep looking, saw a pale of water, some crates and empty boxes from the butchery. That was what I smelled: dog and meat and blood.

Dr. Levine's voice tore through the scent. "We all experience it at Merribel's age, this need to connect with others, to form a pack. My children's desire to invite you over, to expose themselves, it's the wolf crying out. In this struggle to overpower our human side, the 'changes' become... unpredictable, unsafe."

"S-so you lock yourselves up?" I croaked as the image of little Merribel in that cage printed itself in my mind. Merribel put her hand on my arm; perhaps she was worried about me. What irony. I went into a stasis, unmoveable, there and not.

"We do what we have to do. Justin, Teylor and Merribel are allowed to go to school with you for the privilege of a good education, and so they don't have to feel like animals all the time. We keep our distance; we live in forests and mountains to avoid being found out by humans." That felt like an accusation. "Because when that happens, people die."

"You're scaring her!" Justin growled and stood before his parents like he was ready to start a fight. I couldn't see him, but I could feel his fire.

"Justin," Aunt Lena chastised, her voice cracking like a whip, but the doctor could fight his own battles.

"If she can accept this, then she can accept everything else! There is an animal inside of us, and that means that sometimes we have to go to lengths like these for the safety of ourselves and those we love. The best thing you can do for Leslie is to keep your distance from her. Do you seriously hope to maintain a normal relationship?"

"But..." he had more to say, but his words abandoned him, his fight and vigour turned to ashes.

"The three of you promised us," Dr. Levine continued, a rumble churning in the depths of his throat. "You know the laws, and mine and your mother's conditions."

I knew how loudly they must have been speaking, but my mind seemed to dampen all sound until it was like trying to listen from underwater. The sound loudest to me was that of my racing heartbeat. Then, before I knew it, my legs began a race of their own. I rushed up the stairs and out into the open air, the feeling of it filling my lungs was ecstasy. I had come up from the water. When I looked behind me, Justin and Teylor were standing there. It seemed like they intended to keep their distance, even when I started to break down – perhaps because of it. I really hated crying, but it was something I had no control over. I melted into the grass.

I was in over my head. Deep down, I must have known that I couldn't hope to love Justin; I couldn't really be with him. A normal relationship. That wasn't what I wanted. I knew there was another side to him, and I believed I could love it as much as I loved this one, but there would always be consequences. There would always be barriers. I saw that now. Justin sat down in front of me. I could have cried all over again when I looked at him. Suddenly, all I could envision was him inside that cage.

"Will you guys be okay?" I asked quickly, pulling the brakes my thoughts. "Are you in trouble?"

Justin shook his head. "We'll be okay. Are you?"

"What kind of parents –" I started one question, but I had so, so many. "Did you have to change in that cage? Do all wolves do that? Don't you get scared?"

He sighed lightly, putting his hands on my shoulders. "Our parents do the best that they can under the circumstances. The cage may not be conventional, but it's kept us safe, kept youhumanssafe."

"I wouldn't be able to live like that."

"And you won't," he assured me. "Leslie, that's part of our lives, not yours." He didn't understand; if we were going to be together, it would be my life, too. But I didn't think that meant normalising being locked up in a prison, locking Merribel in a prison. "My father's just trying to scare you; he wants you to see the worst of it. We can be dangerous, but we're not out of control. It's just like... like puberty times two."

"P-please take me home," I stuttered as the cold rattled me. Justin was going to ask me to stay, I could see it in his wishful expression, but he also sympathised with me. With a compliant nod, he helped me up.

"Seen enough?" Mrs. Levine asked me, yet her gaze was upon the ground.

She stood at the garage with Gunther and Merribel beside her. How long they had been there, I did not know. I looked at them, knowing it was probably the last time I would see them all together – beautiful, more than ordinary, and completely separate from me. Then, I started to see my boyfriend, a good friend and brother, a young girl clinging to her arms, and a mom and dad who would do anything to protect their children, no matter how insane it seemed to anyone else. I saw the threads of a family.

Maybe, I would adjust to this. I'd try. Maybe that was what it would cost to know the real thing. I just needed to sleep on it.

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