[The episode begins in the Tree Fort]

Finn: Get it, get it!

[A ladybug hisses at him]

Finn: [Jumps with a sword.] Yah!

Jake: [Jumps with a lion-shape shield.] Oooooooh!

[They land on the ground and Finn raises his sword with light blasting out of it. He runs up to the ladybug and chops the ground in front of it. The lady bug climbs onto his sword.]

Jake: Get him out!

[Y/n appears and sighs, he gently picks up the ladybug from Finn's sword and takes it outside and places it outside.]

Y/n: Sorry about them, both of them are morons sometimes. [mumbling] and apparently since Briar is infatuated with Finn, she's a moronsexual... just like her grandmother...

[Y/n goes back inside.]

Y/n: You both... okay?

Finn: Whoo-hoo! Ya ha ha ha ha! Agh! Ow! [Zooms in to a little splinter] Ooooooow! Agh agh mee duh!

Jake: Did he get you with his poison stingers?

Finn: No, I got a splinter from the wall.

Y/n: Oooh, no matter how big nor small a splinter will always hurt.

Finn: I'm gonna need some... [Flashes to a different scene with a thimble on Finn's finger] ...finger protection! Thanks, Choose Goose.

Choose Goose: I am Choose Goose. Come back for some juice! Ha ha ha ha ha!

Finn: Man, I am so protected right now!

Y/n: Sure you are buddy, sure you are.

[Y/n, Finn, and Jake hear knights talking.]

Knight 1: That is mighty thick. Go on, hit me! [Another knight hits him with a sword and it breaks in half. They clap. Knight 2 makes an okay sign with his fingers and the other knights cheer.]

Finn: Hey guys! Check this out! Bro, hit me! 

Y/n: SAY LESS! [Y/n punches Finn on the arm] 

Finn: Oww! [Holding his arm] On my armor!

Y/n: You deserved that and you know it.

Finn: Huh?

Y/n: You know exactly what you did Finn!

Finn: No, I don't!

Jake: I got this. [Punches thimble]

Finn: [Makes an okay sign with his fingers] Click-click!

[Knights begin to laugh.]

Knight 1: That is but a thimble! This [Hits his armor twice] is real armor! [They all laugh again but Sir Slicer shows up on his horse with birds calling and flying everywhere.]

Finn/Jake: Wha?

Y/n: Oh look a compensator.

All Knights: Sir Slicer! [All bow]

Sir Slicer: Who is the one that bears the thimble? 

Jake: This dude. [Points at Finn]

Sir Slicer: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Oh, you foolish boy. Without full body armor, you're weak! You do not look [Makes okay sign with his fingers] Click-click! Ha ha ha ha. 

Y/n: So your saying armor makes you weak Huh? Then tell me. 

Sir Slicer: Huh?

[Y/n makes tiny explosions with his fire.]

Y/n: You calling me weak?

Sir Slicer: [in fear] Of course not sir! Yah! [Rides on his horse away and Finn and Jake run to Choose Goose.]

Finn: Choose Goose, I need more armor.

Choose Goose: I've got something for you --[Holds up metal shoe] a metal shoe! Don't ya know you might stub your toe?

[Knights laughing at it. Y/n glares at them and they stop laughing.]

Finn: Uhh, no, Choose Goose. I need...

Choose Goose: Look here hun. Choose this one to protect your buns [Holds up armor shorts with big butt cheeks in back]!

[Knights laughing and Y/n appears behind them cracking his knuckles]

One knight: Protect his butt! Protect his butt!

Finn: [Cheeks turn more red] No, Choose Goose. I want--

Choose Goose: Don't be meek. What if you fall down and scrape your cheek?

[Knights continue to laugh and Y/n begins to pull out some brass knuckles.]

One knight: Look at his butt! [Falls over] Look at his butt!

[Choose Goose cackles.]

Finn: [Smacks Choose Goose in the face] Choose Goose, I want the most [Makes okay sign with fingers] Click-click armor you have!

Choose Goose: Ooh, have a look! [Points at the armors with his foot]

Finn: [Sees one with a skull on the front golden all around that a silver hat with a golden horseshoe on the top red sleeves black over the sleeves and golden things on the side of the hat.] I'll take that one! [Eyes glow]

Choose Goose: [Gets the armor Finn wants] Wonderful! I'll need a trade of equal value. I'll take the head of your dog friend! 

Jake: Say what?

Y/n: LIKE HELL YOU ARE YOU FUCKING RHYMING BASTARD!

Finn: No way! Choose Goose, this stuff is overpriced!

Choose Goose: No money for me? How about a poem for free?

[Knights laugh some more on the ground and one falls over. Y/n then appears over them.]

Y/n: Yall like laughing huh? Then ya wanna hear a joke?

Knight: L-Like what?

Y/n: Your lives!

[Y/n then proceeds to beat up all the knights and melts their armor.]

Finn: [Looks at the knights getting beat up and gives a small smile and thinks] Guess Bro still cares about me even though he's been acting a bit harsh towards me ever since her found out how Briar acts around me.[looks back at Choose Goose] A poem?

Choose Goose: If you can decipher the poem and complete the trials, you will receive the magical Armor of Zeldron. It is foretold to be totally [makes okay sign with his fingers] Click-click! 

Finn/Jake: Skadow!

Y/n: [dusting himself off and smirks] Oh the Armor of Zeldron huh? Oh this should be fun.

Choose Goose: [Hands Finn the poem] Your quest begins in the marsh over the hill.

Finn: Ah, yes! I'm gonna get that armor!

Jake: Yeah, man, you're gonna do it! [Starts to go and Sir Slicer shows up]

Sir Slicer: Good luck exposing your soft, vanilla-strawberry skin to the elements, dork! Haaaaaaa! Later, losers! [Goes away on his horse]

Y/n: I'm gonna so kick his ass by the end of this journey.

Finn: Ja! [Cuts to another scene] He's just jealous that I'm gonna have cooler armor than him!

Jake: Yeah, what a bumbleberry!

Finn/Jake: Whoa! [Comes to a place with lot of curtains]

Jake: What's the poem say?

Finn: "The sun nibbles on the clouds, and gum drop tears rain down." I don't get it...

Jake: [Feels the poem] Hmm... It means that we have to cross that swamp.

Y/n: [wings pop out] I'll see yall on the other side. Have Fun. [flies off]

Finn: And there he goes again. [To Jake] How'd you understand that?

Jake: You don't just read the poetry to understand it. You got to [feels it] feel it. Trust me, dude-- I'm smarter than everyone except for Y/n. Now get in there!

Finn: You're not coming?

Jake: No way, man. This armor thing is your deal! [Jake stretches over] I'll wait for you on the other side with Bro.

Finn: [starts walking in the swamp] This place will be a piece of... [moves a curtain and sees an old lady taking a shower]

Old Lady: Aah!

Finn: Aaaaah!!![face turns red] Oh, my gosh! I'm so sorry! [covers his face closes that curtain and opens another curtain, sees another old lady taking a shower] Aaaaaaaaah!!!

Old Lady: Oh, no! [An old guy walks in]

Old Guy: [drops his soap when he sees Finn] My most private parts peeped by a boy!

Finn: Huuuh!!! [Closes that one and opens another curtain and sees a mom giving a baby a shower]

The Mom: Aah! Pervert!

Finn: I'm not a pervert! [face turns more red]

The Mom: You should be ashamed of yourself!

Finn: I'm sorry! I'm sorry! [his whole face turns red and goes through lots of other curtains and finally gets to Jake and Y/n. Finn breathes hard] Aah!

Y/n: Have fun Finn?

Finn: No! You would be embarassed too if you went through that.

Y/n: Nah, I've walked in and been walked on in the shower so many times. [mumbles] mainly by Bonnie who insists that when I'm around that I'm not allowed to shower without her...

[Sir Slicer shows up]

Sir Slicer: Ha ha ha ha ha!

Y/n: Oh this guy again...

Sir Slicer: What's the matter, crimson cheeks? Feeling a little embarrassed in the swamp of embarrassment? [Camera turns to Finn] You're so red, you look like a tomato. Ha ha ha ha! [Sir Slicer leaves on his horse]

Finn: Aahhhh! We'll see who's embarrassed when I get that armor! What does the poem say?

Jake: [feels the poem] Hmm... Ooh! "The meadow weeps as morning sings of milk and honey and things to come."

Finn: What does that even mean?!

Jake: It means we have to silence the echoing in the woods. [they hear echoing and look over a bush to see what it was]

Finn/Jake: Huh! [They see a Red-faced Monster crying]

Y/n: Oh okay.

Finn: Aw, man! I don't know how to silence that!

Jake: All right, I'll handle this one, dude. 

Finn: No. This is my burden.

Jake: Then just make her think it's her idea. That's how you make the ladies do what you want.

Y/n: Damn straight. [The two high-five]

Finn: [Walks up to the animal] Hey, Monster Lady! Hey! Stop crying!

The Animal: Huh?

Finn: Stop crying because that's what you want to do!

The Animal: Hu ha huh? [picks Finn up and smiles]

Finn: Huh?! Ahh!!! Ahh!!! Ahh ahh ahh!!! Ahh ahh!!! [The monster pictures Finn as her baby]

The Animal: Oho... [cradling Finn back and forth]

Y/n:

https://youtu.be/_MZVu2ldKR8

Jake: Ha ha ha! She thinks you're her red-faced baby or something. I think she wants ya to nurse, dude! 

Finn: Noo!!!

Y/n: Make sure to not use your teeth, they hate that.

Jake: How do you know that...

Y/n: No comment....

The Animal: Aaa! Ooh! Mmm! [then Sir Slicer shows up]

Jake: Huh?

Y/n: Not again....

Sir Slicer: Minstrel? [A lyre player comes out and sings "Finn the Blushing Baby"]

https://youtu.be/jh_NW6DL8HY

Sir Slicer: Grandfathers will sing that to their grandchildren for generations to come.

Y/n: I ain't gonna sing that to my grandchildren... [mumbles] especially since I ain't letting my little girl have kids till she's at least 30... especially if their with Finn...

Finn: Grandfathers will not sing that to their children! [The monster tries to chop Sir Slicer but he puts up his arm which had armor and hurt the monster's hand]

Y/n: Damn, not bad durability.

The Animal: Oh!

Sir Slicer: Armor, [Makes okay sign with his fingers] Click-click. [He leaves on his horse]

Finn: Just wait till I have the Armor of Zeldron!

Jake: Yeah! Just you wait, weirdo! [Just then, a shadow cast over Jake and Y/n] Uh, Finn? Uh-oh. [Y/n steps out of the way and the monster laid on Jake to take a nap]

Finn: Jake? You okay? Huh? [just then Jake's arm came out of the fur on the animal right in front of Finn and came out the fur on the animals back]

Finn/Jake: Yeah!

Y/n: Man why didn't you dodge. I thought I taught you better Jake.

Jake: Ya did...

[They came to a door that says "Home of Zeldron's Armor"]

Finn: Finally! [kicks the door open] Yah! [A ghost appears]

Ghost Man: Hello!

Ghost Man: Hello!

Ghost Man: First, you have to beat my high score in a game of Drop Ball [throwing the ball in the air]

Finn/Jake: Drop Ball?

Y/n: I don't like where this is going...

Ghost Man: Drop Ball is an extremely addictive, high-intensity game designed for people everywhere. Here, let me show ya. [He throws the ball under him, bends down, and picks it up with his butt] Hut! One point. [Finn's face turns red] Two points. Three points.

Finn: This game looks awful.

Ghost Man: Oh, no. I absolutely disagree!

Finn: [to Jake] Dude, let's just kill him and get the armor.

Jake: How? He's already dead.

Y/n: Trust me, ghosts can be killed. Killed a few myself.

Ghost Man: Here. It's your turn. Now, I don't want you to be intimidated, but my high score is six!

Finn: Guh! Just -- just toss it on the ground. [He throws the ball under Finn, he put his arms on the ground and tries but couldn't go that low]

Ghost Man: No, no, no! You're doing it all wrong! Let me show you how the pros do it! [He bends his knees and picks it up] See? It's all in the technique. Now, I'm gonna put a little finesse into it, just to shake things up. [Y/n, Finn, and Jake go to the next room while his back is turned]

Finn/Jake: Whoa! [they see a big shiny light]

Jake: Finn, its so beautiful!

Y/n: [putting on sunglasses] Damn that's some shiny as hell armor.

Finn: Yeah -- guess all the embarrassment was worth it. [Then orbs of the light come out]

Orb: Greetings, young traveler. We know what you seek, and you shall receive it. [The light struck Finn putting him in the air] Behold -- the Armor of Zeldron! It will protect you from evil, even ghosts. [Then the light put it on Finn]

Finn: Huh?! Aah!! [Which he found out it was a woman's armor] No! Dude, this is lady armor!

Jake: [Makes okay sign with fingers] Click-click!

Y/n: [Makes okay sign with fingers] Click-click!

Orb: [Makes okay sign with fingers] Click-click!

Finn: No! Not Click-click! No more embarrassment! [He takes it off] I don't need armor! 

Ghost Man: [Kicks door open] You did not watch my Drop-Ball technique!

Finn/Jake: Huh?

Ghost Man: I give you firsthand tips that no one else knows, and this is how you thank me?! I absolutely disagree with that! [turns in to a monster-like creature] Raarg!

Finn: Now what?

Jake: Put on the armor! It'll protect you from evil, even ghosts!

Finn: Never! Yaaaaaaah! [Finn runs up to the monster ghost, tries to punch him but goes through him]

Monster Ghost: [Picks Finn up and starts to take his soul]

Y/n: Okay can you not rip-off my wife's father?

Jake: Hey! 

Monster Ghost: Huh?

[Camera moves to Jake, wearing the Armor of Zeldron]

Y/n: Sometimes... it takes a real man to be best girl... Killing the armor Jake!

Monster Ghost: Mama?

Jake: Uhh... Yeah! [In a high pitched voice] Listen when your mother is speaking to you!

Monster Ghost: Yes, Mama.

Jake: [High pitched voice] You should be ashamed of yourself -- a boy your age sitting in this cave alone for thousands of years. You need to go outside and get some sunlight!

Monster Ghost: But I...

Jake: [High pitched voice and is pointing] No back talk! Outside! Now!

Monster Ghost: [Puts Finn down and the monster ghost goes outside, burns from sunlight and then turns back to a normal person]

Finn: Whoa.

Person: Oh, thank you, Y/n, Finn, and Jake! You've freed me from the addiction of Drop Ball! 

Y/n: Now no-one will ever have to play Drop Ball again.

Jake: [normal voice] No problem, dude. I couldn't have done it without [pointing up] the power of embarrassment!

Finn: And I learned I don't need armor to be -- [Sir Slicer shows up]

Sir Slicer: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Look at you losers. Finn, you don't have any armor, and your friend is dressed like a lady! Ha ha ha! So not Click-click! 

Finn: Well, at least I don't spend my day following a kid around! Get a life, dude!

Y/n: Damn, ya roasted him Finn.

 Person/Jake: Ha ha ha ha

Jake: Good one, Finn.

Person: Yeah ha ha.

Sir Slicer: Well, I've... just been in the same areas today. 

Y/n: I highly doubt that...

Person/Jake: Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Person: Yeah, right!

Jake: Whatever!

Sir Slicer: Be quiet! I -- I am more Click-click than all of you!

Finn: Come over here and say that to my fist!

Sir Slicer: Okay, I will! [Gets down from his horse, falls down and lands on side] Whoa! 

Y/n: Oh look he's fallen and he can't get up, somebody call LifeAlert!

Sir Slicer: Er... Ugh, this armor's too heavy! Ah, no problem. I'll just prop myself up on this stick. [Grabs a stick] Aghhh! Splinter!

Finn: Hey, Sir Slicer, maybe you can use this! [He holds up the thimble] Here you go! [Throws it at Sir Slicer's face]

Sir Slicer: Oh!

Finn: Free of charge!

Jake: [Picks up Finn with his butt and flings him on his back] Come on, dude, let's get out of here.

Y/n: I'll be right behind you two. Gotta take care of something.

Finn: Ha ha! [Cheeks turn red] Okay, buddy. 

Jake: [Flies over Sir Slicer with the armor] Wa-hoo! [Flies over the 3 mountain tops, breaking them] Dude, this armor is totally Click-click!

[Y/n watches them go and smiles, his face then goes to normal as he looks at Sir Slicer.]

Y/n: So you think your armor is tough, huh?

Sir Slicer: Y-Yes?

Y/n: [sadistic smirk] Let's see how tough it really is and how weak you are without it.

[Episode ends]