Okay, here I go....
The school is not a bad thing itself, I like my teachers and I appreciate what schools exist for but I just don't understand the kids there. Why must you throw things at me when no ones looking, whats pleasure drives you to insult my hair and my clothes when we're here for the same reason? This is just one of those things everyone goes through, right? The whole, bully who is a bully because they were bullied? I don't think of myself as a bully but maybe I am in someone else's eyes...that hurts. I don't want to hurt others because of my inability to live with the consequences that is life...

The school uniform is self explanatory, as for my councillor...its been almost two months now and still no contact from her...I've come to the understanding that she doesn't care anymore and thats sad, because I really liked talking to you Laura. But I'am angry that you haven't reached out to my friend either, who's undeniably in a worse place than me.

Thankfully and probably, the only good thing thats happened to me recently is that me and said friend (a.k.a. Menma) made up an have been friends since the Monday before last. I'm glad to be around again so that I can resume my mission to save her before I lose to my own war.

My father is a man who has resorted to doing things without my opinion. Like ordering food for me without asking for what I want, and texting me when he literally upstairs from me. I don't understand the man. He says I'm a waste of money and I should pay for my own food with my non-existent money but then spends hundreds on alcohol and cigarettes. Why?! He is a vile man and I'm actually surprised he hasn't hit me again....yet.

The spider has become my friend when I can't talk to the moon(especially since my window faces another house). Her name is Boa and I don't exactly know what spider she is, either way. If shes poisonous, then I have another idea to speed my death along.

My romantic feelings don't make sense. Its as if one second its skips a beat and forces me to blush and get embarrassed by talking to someone and the next its screaming at me for being so stupid to like that person and the feelings are...gone? Wrong, they are still there but its like they're there because the want to on their own accord.

My muscles are denying me of control and at random moments(more commonly in my legs) they will start shaking uncontrollably like I'm having an epileptic attack, which is weird because I'm not epileptic. I can't control this, as I'm sure you've guessed, but I also don't know what to make of it. It lasts about 10-20 minutes the longest being 40 minutes but my legs still work fine, although my arms which also occasionally have their freak-out are feeling considerably weakened and hard to raise.

So there you go, as promised, a more detailed update from what I had previously wrote on 'I guess I should.....'