After the 8 hour flight, we finally landed in Korea, South Korea to be exact. We got off the plane, found our bags and went to the waiting place.

 "Ok Kai. Now what?"

 I got out my phone and texted my friend Chen who was meant to be picking us up from the airport.

Me: Where are you?

Chen: Just wait where you are. I'm coming

Me: I asked you a question

Chen: And I told you to wait

"I guess we just have to wait for him here then." I said as I sat on a chair. We only got around 1 hour of sleep that night and ABSOLUTELY NO SLEEP the night before. We can't even sleep in planes. It's impossible for us. I honestly don't know how we live like this. Eryn sat next to me and sighed.

"I can't believe we're here, Kai"

I nodded slightly and carried on listening to music.

"What are you listening to?"

"Nothing"

She snatched my headphones off my head and put them on. 

Ok let me explain my thing with music. It's simple really. If I'm listening to something upbeat and fun like Dope or Fire by BTS, then that means I'm feeling really hyper or extremely happy. However, if I'm listening to something deep like Twenty One Pilots or something like I Need U by BTS, then I'm probably feeling really down or stressed.

Eryn gave me a weird look before handing my headphones back.

"What?" I asked her as I put them back on. She groaned and grabbed my wrist which made my fist suddenly tighten up.

"Kaia, we're meant to be having the time of our lives .WE'RE IN KORE FOR PIZZA'S SAKE! You can't just sit here listening to some depressing shit and wasting our time!!" she gasped and let go of my wrist to cover her mouth. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that."

 I could feel my heart just stop and tears trying so hard to roll down my cheeks. I didn't know why I was so upset, I never do. It just happens. Eryn hugged me slightly and sighed.

 "I'm sorry Kai. It's just, sometimes I forget. I didn't mean what I said, it just came out. How 'bout we just go get something to eat?"

 As much as I wanted to eat something, I just really needed to be somewhere alone. I could feel anger burning in me, waiting for the right time to just burst out, but at the same time, I felt empty. I pushed her off and shot up. People had started to stare at me but I didn't care, I just needed to get disappear.

 "You can get something to eat, but I'm just gonna go wait outside."

"But Kai-"

"JUST GO!!" I shouted, turned away and began to walk off. I could feel everyone's eyes on me, but all I cared about was getting away. Tears were rolling down my cheeks. No matter how hard I tried to keep them in, they'd just keep rolling down. 

 I left the airport building and found a quiet spot and what should've been a grassy area. Instead, it was just dirt.  I sat down to just loosen up. The blazing sun hung in the cloudless sky. The weather here sure was nicer than England's, even in Winter.

 I sighed and lay down on the grass, trying to figure out why on earth I was feeling like this. It definitely wasn't because I missed home because I had never been close to my family and friends, apart from Eryn. It couldn't have been that I was hungry because I wasn't. I just felt so lonely and useless and unwanted and...

  Damn it really sucked being me.

  I turned up the volume when I Need U began to play and closed my eyes. Dang, the sun was bright. I could still see it's yellowness even when my eyes were closed. But then everything turned dark...

 I saw myself sitting in a dark, cold room, crying and on my knees. Anger and hatred were raging inside me, but so was uselessness. I felt like a complete waste of space, like I was unwanted by everyone. Then the image cleared up a bit and I realised that I was crying in an old classroom. You know, the ones you sometimes see in a Horror film. It was as if I was watching a movie of myself, dying on my own, needing help but not getting it. Nobody knew I was there.

 Then the image changed and I could see what the crying me was seeing. I had stopped crying and was now looking down at the jumper I was wearing. It was meant to be white and grey, with a panda on the front, but instead it was stained with fresh blood and the panda was replaced by a broken, empty heart. I lifted my hand to where my heart should've been and gasped. There was a deep hole that I could feel through my jumper where the blood was coming from. I pushed my hand in deeper, but found that my heart was not there. It was an empty, blank space. My eyes began to tear up again as I screamed and shot up, not in fear but in anger. I swung the chairs that were surrounding me and flipped all the tables. I screamed at the top of my lungs. I just wanted to die. I'd do anything to get rid of this emptiness deep inside me. The blood from the hole started to pour out again and I could feel myself dying. All life inside me was draining out. I suddenly fell to my knees, out of breathe. I tilted my head back and shut my eyes tightly as the pain from my wound began to sting. There was suddenly hands coming out of the ground, pulling me down. I sat there in a pool of my own blood, soaking my converses. I began to cry again and lay back on the floor. I was done with life. The hands from the ground had vanished and I pulled out some earphones from my pocket. I put them on and listened to Fake You Out by Twenty One Pilots. I let myself just get lost in the lyrics and relax. This was the only way I'd be able to relax. The song was all I could hear. I slowly fell asleep, peacefully and easily...

 But then I heard someone calling my name...