Alright so for now on, please the no sleeping because I'll upload, don't do it or make me feel bad about it alright?  

Pressure pissed me off. 

And now the fracking bird are singing... and the sun is rising. And I will wake up big boy downstairs when I'll go take my shower! Just great! -_-

Anyway! Here it is.. I don't know how long this will be but I hope you enjoy it. I do believe my quality of writing is going down with my exaustion and I'm pretty exausted lately! So ya... suck it up! lol (Exaustion makes me bitchy too, sorry!)

Anyway.. some of you didn't like Lexi mind rambling and she still does it here, but sorry, that's just the way she IS. Lexi over thinks. And jumps to conclusions. And rather reject before being rejected. She's not perfect. That's what makes her "human"

So.. hope this will be good enough for a little while now..

I personaly don't like it at this moment of time, but bleh!

I'm sure I wanted to say more things but I'm tired and you guys are waiting.

So read, and enjoy I guess! lol

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Once I finally reached home, stubbornly not stopping to drive even though I barely saw anything with my tears-filled eyes, I parked and hyperventilated a little more, before wiping my eyes.

Dad's car was in the driveway. Meaning he was home. Meaning he would see my red poufy eyes and hear my running nose and ask questions, question I couldn't even answer myself. So I hurried inside, holding my bag tightly, hoping he would be in his study and busy with something. But the second I walked in, dad, smiling, stepped out of the kitchen to greet me and saw my face.

Damn it!

"Kid, what's wrong?" he automatically asked, concern deep in his eyes.

"Nothing, everything's fine," I told him, slipping out of my shoes and then hurried to the stairs to lock myself up in my room like some depress teenager.

"Kid, you need to talk about this?" he kept pushing.

"No dad! I'm FINE! Alright? I just want to be alone for a little while and not see anyone alright," I almost shouted at him and then sprang to my room.

After closing the door behind me, I threw myself on my bed and punched it a few times!

Stupid, idiot, STUPID STUPID!

Seriously how freaking dumb was I?

I shouldn't have let myself care so much about Blake!

And why hadn't I let him talk? Because the worst thing he could have said was what I had said to him right? So it wouldn't have been that bad to hear HIM say he didn't want me.

Lie.

It would have been more than awful. But at least now I wouldn't be asking myself what he had tried to tell me! Because that was what was nagging me right now.

What would have Blake said if I had given him the time to finish a sentence?

Dang it!

I should have just shut up! And I should just stop thinking!

Why did I have to think so much? Seriously!

I pushed myself off from my bed in one quick movement, tears still rolling on my cheeks without my control, and walked toward my wardrobe where I had put my record player last.

Listening to music would be good for me. If I could just STOP thinking for two minutes and maybe stop replaying over and over again that kiss in my head! Yes, that would definitely help!

I placed my record player on the floor in front of my bedside table, and after placing one vinyl on I laid on my bed, my head dangling upside-down on the edge, my hair falling, brushing on the floor.

I let the record, Blake's record play over and over again, Doris Day's I'm Confessing That I Love You notes echoing all through my room.

I closed my eyes.

"Maybe the blood rush that I'm getting in my head will make me faint. And maybe everything will be clear afterwards. Or I'll wake up in another dimension. Or pop a vein inside my head and die. Ya that would take care of all my problems..." I thought silently.

This was ridiculous, freaking ridiculous.

This whole situation.

Later, I don't know how long, I just knew that I had gotten tired of having my head upside down by then, someone knocked on my door.

"I don't wanna see anyone!" I screamed and grabbed a pillow, covering my face.

I was still freaking crying!

Now that was why I didn't wear make up!

Seriously, what wouldn't I have given to have a time machine... I could just go back in time and change things... or the ninja skills would have been good too, so I could have kicked myself in the face. I freaking deserved that much.

"Just wanted to say dinner's getting cold!" Tyler screamed on the other side of the door, his voice low compared to the sound of my music.

"I'm not hungry!" I yelled back.

And that was true. I was actually more like nauseous right now.

"Suit yourself!" Tyler screamed back and I was alone with my thoughts again.

A while later again, there was another knock on my door but before I could scream to not come and disturb me, the door burst open revealing Daph.

"Come on, get up, we're going for a walk! Stat!" she said, her eyes narrowing at me, urging me to get on my feet this instant.

"No thank you, I think I'll pass!" I mumbled and rolled in my bed, burying my face in my pillows.

"Nah-ah! None of that! Come on, chop chop! We are going for a walk! You need to talk girly!"

"I don't wanna talk!" I mumbled, my face in my pillow.

"You have no say in this! Come on! GET UP!" she urged and pulled me by the arms.

I groaned, but knew there was no chance of winning against her, so I grabbed one of my hoodies lying on the floor and dragged my feet out the door, Daph leading the way.

Dad and Tyler, who were sitting in the living room, watching TV, didn't even ask anything. They were used to Daph loud behavior.

The minute we stepped out the door though, I knew I REALLY wasn't getting out of talking.

"You have exactly ten minutes to start spilling otherwise I'll hypnotize you and MAKE YOU spill everything!" she warned and I rolled my eyes at her.

"You know you're totally failing at hypnotizing people, right?"

"Oh trust me, I'll hypnotized you and hypnotized you good, young Padawan!"

"Sure, sure, Master Dadaf-Noo." I rolled my eyes again

"Hey! You will show respect to Master Dadaf-Noo!"

I chuckled and shook my head slightly.

We had reached the street by now and turned right, like we usually did. To get to Daph's house we would have needed to turn left and walk barely one block.

The street was quiet; there never were a lot of cars driving here. Truth is, if it wasn't someone living here it was someone lost.

The wind was chillier today, September was almost over after all. The maple trees were definitely slowly turning red or yellow or orange right now. The grass wasn't so green anymore and there was just the earthy autumn smell that seemed to swirl around us, with the wind that twirled my hair in every direction.

There wasn't any street walk here, so we walked by the asphalt or on the grass by the side when a lone car passed us.

"Blake kissed me, you saw it, obviously, and I freaked out, you could guess that one, obviously too. That's all that's happening, nothing more, nothing less and it really isn't that big a deal." I said to Daph after taking a big breath.

"Then why can't you look at me in the eyes when you say that?" she asked and it was true, I was staring at my shoes intensely...

"I'm just... I'm confused myself, so how in hell am I supposed to explain it to you? And saying it out loud makes it... it makes it so... final..." I whispered, my eyes gazing around at the houses around and at the trees and forest around and at everything but my friend beside me.

"And what's wrong with making it final?"

"It makes me sound like a fool?" I said, snorting a little

"No it makes you sound NORMAL!"

"But don't you know this? I don't wanna be "normal"! I don't wanna be like every other girl that has a crush over a guy-" Frak I just said I had a crush over a guy hadn't I? "because I don't want this to..."

How could I admit this?

"I don't want this to be just a crush," I said in a voice barely audible.

Crushes were such a feeble thing, you moved on quickly with those and stopped acknowledging the boy after.

I didn't want this to happen with Blake.

I actually realized that I didn't want our relation to be like everyone else's. Just with our friendship for instance. When I had known Blake's brother had died, I had wanted him to confide in me, not only because I felt bad for him and wanted to make things right, but because I wanted him to trust me and I wanted to be close to him, closer than the others, I wanted to know about a part of Blake's life that other didn't...

"Mind sharing what you're thinking about?" Daph asked, her voice carrying.

"It's just... I care about Blake... a lot... and I don't want our relationship to be total crap now because of what happened, I don't want to have things weird..."

"And because you're scared to lose it?"

I breathed in deeply and nodded.

I knew what it felt like to lose the way things were between two people, to lose a relationship... I had lost it with my mother, sort of...

I hadn't talked to her since the grocery incident which felt light years away. I hadn't gotten any news, nothing.

And I knew that's what I had implied I wanted, and that was what I wanted... but she was my mom and I... missed her.

But trying to make things alright was a step I wasn't ready to make yet.

Still that wasn't the problem here... the problem was... I knew how it was to feel like you could never ever talk with someone the same way again, like with Alex for instance, after we had broken up, I was sure we would never be friends again. And now with my mom...

And now... with Blake?

How could things go back to our playful arguing, his constant teasing and innuendos and everything that made our friendship... how could we go back to that after kissing?

We couldn't right?

And if we couldn't that meant our relationship was changing... but was our relationship ready to change? Was it strong enough to do so? 

That's what scared me. Was our friendship strong enough? For everything? If Blake didn't like me that way, could we still be friends? If Blake liked me and I had just pushed him away now, could we still be friends?

"Earth to Lexi? Seriously, I hate when you do that, share the brain fart please?" Daph asked, waving her hand in front of my face.

"Sorry... gotta sort out my brain first, you know?" I said, my eyes trying to be apologetic.

"And I can't help you do that?"

I sighed. "It doesn't always have to be about me. What about you? What's going on with the flea market guy hmm?" I asked her.

Because it WAS the truth, I wasn't the only one confused on this Earth.

Daph shook her head slightly. "Nothing is going on, I'm not calling him, I'm moving on..." she answered, nodding to herself.

"And why is that? Why is it that every time you kinda really like someone you just give up right away and don't try harder? Why is it always just random guys you'd want to corner and then move on to the next one that we talk about?"

Resolving other people problems was always easier than solving your own...

"Because just like you, I'm scared of being attached," she snorted.

I frowned. I WAS scared of being attached wasn't I?

My mom and Alex again...

"And I have daddy issues," she added, grinning a little, and I shook my head, smiling just a bit. "But you know it's not because Alex and you didn't work out that every guy you'll date will end up gay. It's not because Alex didn't love you that no guy can love you."

"I know..." I whispered.

"It's not because Alex didn't love you that Blake can't either..." she added a little lower

I didn't say "I know" to this one. Because yes sure it's not because it hadn't work with Alex that it couldn't work with anyone... but actually thinking that BLAKE could like me was pretty hard to do, love me was near impossible.  

Still, Daph looked like she was waiting for an answer, for something from me, but that's when a black Jeep Wrangler drove by us and stopped, Alex sticking his head out the window.

"Don't move!" he said and then drove a little further, and parked.

"I called him before kidnapping you," Daph explained.

"What did I miss?!" Alex yelled, running towards us a minute later.

"I'm a hermaphrodite," I told him, nodding sadly.

"Will she get fired for that or she'll get an augmentation Mister Pimp?" Daph asked him, grinning.

"Depends on what the customers say," Alex shrugged as we started to walk again, Daph on my right and Alex on my left.

"Am I screwing all up the "Get Lexi to spill her guts all over the place" mission? By being here I mean," Alex asked and I closed my eyes for a second shaking my head slightly.

"Is this an intervention?" I asked, snorting.

"Sort of..." they both answered at the same time and made me chuckle.

"Ah. What a mess am I really?" I told them in a fake dramatic voice.

"Yep! And we're here to help you clean it up!" Alex grinned.

"Comforting," I snorted again.

A car drove by and we moved in the grass to let it pass.

"Don't worry, we're pretty much all a big mess" Daph laughed shortly and I sighed at that before going back in the middle of the street to twirl around myself, spinning on one leg and then on the other.

"I'm not a mess," I heard Alex say and stopped my spinning to join them again "It's just a little problem I have to deal with, nothing big really..." he trailed and both Daphnee and I burst laughing.

"Oh you it's not even a problem what you have! Want ME to resolve everything? I'll buy you a shirt with "Sorry girls, I suck dicks" written on it! That ought to take care of it!" she told him and I covered my mouth with my palm to hide the major choking laugh I was doing.

Oh no, she didn't!

For a second I actually thought Alex's eyes would pop out of their sockets.

"Admit it, that would totally take care of it!" she smiled evilly.

"Have I ever told you you're crazy?" Alex asked dumbfounded.

"Numerous times," Daph nodded

"Well I'm saying it again! You're crazy!"

"Why thank you, I like being crazy, crazy people are just THE BEST!" she beamed and I smiled.

"Anyway, we're diverting here! We're supposed to deal with Lexi's mess!"

"When you say it like this I feel like we're plotting a way to hide all the bodies in my basement," I snorted, twisting my hair around in my hand, to not have so many strands that the wind blew in my face blinding me.

"Diverting again?" Daph smirked and I stuck my tongue out at her.

"Anyway who cares? It's a two way thing you know. We can plot and talk about it all we want, still if Blake feels the complete opposite or whatever!" I whined because it was the truth!

"I really don't think the problem is if the guy likes you here. It's more like do YOU like the guy?" Alex said.

"Ya but even if I DID like the guy, if he doesn't like me, it really doesn't matter you know!" I answered him.

"Oh please! You weren't the audience during your little lip-lock thing! I even felt like I was out of place and should be looking elsewhere. Seriously, I was almost hyperventilating for you! So I wouldn't worry too much about how he feels!" Daph pitched in

"But that's just the way Blake is! He makes everything confusing and mind troubling and hyperventilating and he makes you feel like ..." How to explain how Blake made me feel? I couldn't even explain it to myself. "There's just nothing clear with Blake but everything still feels as if it is, when you're with him. If that makes sense?"

That was the thing though; nothing about Blake made sense in a way.

Daph was smirking at me when I looked at her. Alex a little too.

"What?" I asked them, frowning.

They both shook their heads and said "Nothing."

"No no, there's something."

"Lexi, stop worrying. You think too much." Alex smiled at me.

"There's no such thing as thinking too much." I scowled a little even though it really was the truth; I just wasn't going to agree to this.

You had to think things out if you didn't want to have your heart broken.

I hadn't though about it enough when I had kissed Alex in ninth grade before going to my vacation to Hawaii with my family. I hadn't thought it through enough.

Like Alex had said when he was drunk the other day, if we hadn't kissed, we wouldn't have gone out and he wouldn't have broken my heart and I wouldn't be over thinking things right now.

Because even though I knew now that Alex wasn't the love of my life and what I had felt for him might not have been true love like in the movies and in the books, still, when it had happen it had been sharp and painful... and it was something that I would always carry now. It was healed. But the scar was always there, nagging and reminding me that feelings could be the messiest thing around.

That feelings could be wrong. That you yourself could even be wrong about your own feelings.

And that scared me. What if what I thought I felt for Blake wasn't really true. What if I was making myself like him?

Even though it didn't feel that way at all... even though what I thought I felt for Blake felt like the truest thing in my life right now...

We kept walking for a little while longer, joking and talking about none important things to lighten the mood I think.

We also talked about Vanessa arrival that was just in a few days. The four of us would be united again.

The four screw up minds.

When I finally got home, I felt... not better... but I was okay. My mind still wasn't completely clear but at least... I wasn't freaking out as much.

Oh who was I kidding! I was still freaking out as much!

"So you had a nice walk kid?" dad asked, when I walked by the living room, the boys still at the exact same spot I had left them.

When I said yes to my dad and looked at Tyler that's when something occurred to me.

"Holy frack! I left without you!" I gasped.

I had left Tyler at school earlier today! I had driven back home without him!

Wow, way to be a good sister Lexi!

"Ya, sweet move Lexi, real smooth!" Tyler said, in his know-it-all voice.

I bit the inside of my lips nervously.

Bad bad sister!

"Aww don't sweat it, it's fine, Blake drove me home," Tyler said, and fixed his gaze back to the television.

"What?" I asked, my body completely freezing.

"Blake saw me scowling in the parking lot and offered to drive me. Maybe I should trade him for you. Having a brother I could actually punch and not being scared of hurting could be awesome!"

I ignored that remark "Blake drove you HERE?"

"Yes, nice kid he is. He wanted to talk to you but I said you didn't want to talk with anyone and be left alone," my father said nonchalantly.

"WHAT!?" My shriek surprised them both because they jumped on the spot "You told him not to come and talk to me!? You... shit shit frack frack!" I started to mumble my eyes bulging.

Blake had been here. Blake came her. To talk. To deal with things. And I had missed him.

Crap crap crap CRAP!

Dad frowned at me. "What's going on kids?"

"Lexi kissed Blake," Tyler said, smirking a little, the remote in his hand, zapping away.

"No no! BLAKE kissed ME!" I freaked.

"And?" my father asked, shrugging.

"And, he freaking kissed ME!"

Dad was still frowning, confused "So? Isn't that what couples do?"

I froze again. "I'm not going out with Blake!"

Dad's face lightened with his grin. "You sure?"

"I think I would know!" I scowled at him.

Tyler smirked beside dad and elbowed him. "Told you! I'm SO winning this bet."

Wait, what?

"What did you just say" I asked, my voice flat.

My father waved the matter away with his hand "Nothing kid, your brother's just a lunatic sometimes."

"We're betting on when you two will be a couple, dad's date of expiration is coming soon, real soon." Tyler smirked and dad narrowed his eyes at him a bit.

"You're BETTING?" I gasped again.

"Don't look so shock kid," my father said and I could see he was trying not to laugh. 

"You two are unbelievable"

"Whatever, just be sure to tell us when you two are a done deal. I want my money!" Tyler grinned and I narrowed my eyes at him, but then just sighed and walked into the kitchen.

No point of arguing with them.

I looked through the fridge, trying to find something to eat but I was so not hungry it wasn't even funny how NOT hungry I was actually.

Actually now that I thought about it, my jeans were looser than usual.

I wanted to scowl. Like I needed to be thinner!

Still nothing in the fridge seemed inviting for my stomach. Thinking about eating any of it made me a little more nauseous. It was like I was already full. Which I knew I wasn't.

Stupid metabolism!

I filled a bowl with frozen grapes in it and then went upstairs in my room and played more vinyls while slowly forcing myself to eat, though I really wasn't hungry.

I thought about calling Blake. I mean he had come over, he had wanted us to talk so the least I could do was call him back right? I SHOULD call him back! I wanted to know what he wanted to tell me, what he had to add...

I needed to hear his voice...

But if he hadn't call maybe that's because he wanted to think too, because he had other things to do...

I spent that night, thinking and thinking, something I obviously needed to stop doing because the sun started to rise and I was still wide awake and nervously biting my nails and making up conversations in my head I could have with Blake, trying to think of every angle so I wouldn't look like a moron at school tomorrow, or more like today, when we would talk. Because we HAD to talk right?

When my alarm clock started to beep beep away though and I got out of my bed I had a weird feeling, a lump in my throat and I felt even more nauseous than before.

And next thing I knew I was running to my bathroom and kneeling in front of the toilet, arms leaning on the seat and puking water and grapes because that's all there was in my stomach while crying because let's face it, puking isn't fun.

The cold tile of my bathroom were freezing me and I was trying to hold my infinitely long hair out of my freaking face, but my stomach kept clenching and god it hurt to puke.

"Lex?" Tyler's sleepy voice said coming from the door and then he was in the bathroom the next second and crouching beside me.

"Aww Lex..." I heard him say and then he brushed my hair out of my face, a comforting hand on my back while I cried more and more holding the toilet seat tightly until the puking stopped.

When it felt like it was over I just leaned into my brother's arms and closed my eyes while he wrapped his arms around me sighing disapprovingly.

"Jesus, Lex, you're worrying yourself sick you know that, right?" Tyler whispered, brushing his hand through my hair.

"Ya..." I cried in his chest.

"Your breath stinks," he stated a few breath later.

"That's really comforting." I groaned but got up and brushed my teeth while he got on his feet too.

"You've got to stop worrying so much you know," he whispered and then dad walked in the bathroom.

"Kids what's going on, are you alright? he asked, voice and eyes worried.

"Lexi was sick," Tyler explained, his hand rubbing my back comfortingly.

My brother could be an ass most of the time, but he could be the best brother anyone could ask for too.

"Kid you gotta stop stressing so much," dad said.

I spit the last bit of toothpaste and rinsed my mouth.

"I know..."

"You're staying home today," dad stated.

"No no, I'm okay now, I have to-" I started to freak but dad cut me.

"I don't care, you look like hell, you're staying home," he said his voice final.

"Fine," I complied and dragged my feet back to my bed.

Dad left my room, and Ty went to sit on the feet of my bed. "Want me to stay with you?" he asked, his voice soft.

"No I'm fine, I'll try sleeping..."

I did need the sleep.

"You sure?"

"Yes, have dad drive you to school. I'll be okay. And if there's something wrong I'll call you," I told him and snuggled in my bed.

"Promise?" he asked and got up.

"Promise," I nodded and then he came and kissed my forehead and left the room.

Dad and Ty came to check on me before leaving and then I was alone for the day.

A tiny part of my brain wished that Blake would come like he had the other day to take care of me but I didn't have time to think too much because I was way too exhausted by then and fell into a dreamless sleep.

It's Tyler that woke me up when he got back from school to check on me. Daph had driven him back.

I was feeling better and the no thinking deal had eased up some of the tension I carried these days.

I felt like going for a walk again but didn't feel like walking alone though I didn't want to talk with anyone either.

I finally decided to go for a bike ride, just a small one, nothing too long, just to have the wind against my face and breathe the outside air a bit.

Tyler frowned at that and wanted to come with me but I told him I would be alright.

After about twenty minutes of pedaling I realized I was just a few blocks away from the twin's house. I stopped on the side of the road frowning.

Among all the boys I hung out with, the twins would have been the ones I would be the most likely to confide to with boy problems.

Why?

Because Alex wasn't well... he was a boy but I don't know, the whole him being gay made him have boy problems too and I saw him more like a girl in that way. And well it was awkward with Connor and Jimmy. Davis and I were close but not close enough. Mark and Dwayne had their girlfriend they would go to so it really wasn't just a dude opinion. There was too much of shyness when it came to Peter and Justin. Shawn and Clark were just pigs. Blake WAS the dude problem...

So it really was the twins I could talk with.

And when I was younger I used to go often to their house with Alex. It was cool to have twin friends after all. Plus the twins were the eldest of six children, with three little sisters and one little brother so they made me hang with their sisters now and then, and look after them too.

And it had been a while since I had just really talked with the twins.

Plus I could see how things had gone with Ashley at the party the other night.

So I started to pedal again, until I reached the twin's driveway.

When I did I let my bike fall on the grass beside it and walked all the way to the porch of the Victorian styled house.

I knocked on the door and waited. I could hear Marina, the twin's youngest sister who was probably nine years old now and Paxton, the family's baby at seven, screaming at each other.

I chuckled.

Everyone was always fighting in that house.

This was something we didn't always think about. When we screamed in the house, people could actually hear when standing close outside.

"Joseph can you go get the door!" I heard their mom scream.

"I'm fixing the sink!" he screamed back and I could almost imagine her fuming face.

The twin's parents had this love hate relationship thing going on.

"When I'll die of exhaustion what the hell are you gonna do heh?!" the twins' mother yelled inside again and I chuckled a little more.

"I'll get you a headstone with "Here lies my wife, cold as ever"" their father yelled back.

I coughed a laugh.

"Oh yeah! Well when you'll die I'll get you one with "Here lies my husband, stiff at last!"" she screamed, opening the door at the same moment and I bit my lips to not burst laughing.

And just like she hadn't been screaming few minutes ago, the twin's mom smiled at me. "Hey Sweety! How nice to see you! Haven't in a while!" and then hugged me.

Another hugger!

"Sorry for just dropping by, I was just in the neighborhood and I felt like coming to see Cameron and Trevor."

"Don't need to say you're sorry. The boys are upstairs," she smiled again and then left for the kitchen, where their dad probably was, screaming again.

I still held the laugh and walked towards the stairs that were a few feet away from the door and then ran up.

The way the second floor was build, it was only open space on the middle, and then there were door all around to get to the rooms.

Cameron was standing there, talking with Shelly, well more like arguing.

It wasn't hard to know what they were arguing about when I saw what she was wearing. Short-if-you-bend-I-will-see-your-ass skirt, high heel black boots, tight silver sparkly tank top. Make-up over the top.

A mini-Annabelle in the making.

"You are NOT going out looking like that!"

"Please everyone wears this!" she rolled her eyes at him.

Cameron turned his gaze and saw me, a faint smile appearing and I waved a little hello.

"Look at Lexi! Does she look like she's going to wait at a street light?" he said, motioning towards me.

"Ya but Lexi isn't FASHION!" she snorted.

"Why thank you," I wanted to say and restrained myself from rolling my eyes. Shelly used to be so sweet.

"No no no! What you're wearing isn't FASHION! It's a tramp outfit! Go change. NOW!" Cameron ordered her.

"You're not my dad!" she yelled and stumped her foot.

"That's why I can kick your ass and not feel bad about it!"

She started to walk furiously towards her room. "I hate you!" she yelled at him.

"Go change!" he yelled back

"I HATE YOU!" she shrieked again before loudly closing her door.

Cameron kept glaring at her door. "She'll come around..." he mumbled to himself

"I'm sure she will" I shook my head slightly.

"Hey, I'm just trying to do what's best for her, guys only like tramps for one thing." Cameron explained

"I know," I smiled at him.

"Hmm... not to sound mean or anything but... what are you doing here?" he smiled a little and walked towards the bathroom with the door open and I could see Trevor actually straightening  with a flat iron, Eliza's hair, their twelve year old sister.

That was something he did as strange as this sounded, apparently Trevor rocked at straightening girl's hair.

"I was in the neighborhood and I guess I just wanted to see you guys," I explained following him

"Because we're awesome and there are two of us?" Cameron offered, his voice playful.

"Something like that..." I half-smiled.

"Shelly's changing?" Trevor asked Cameron when he walked in.

"Ya," Cameron scowled and went to sit on the counter.

"Hey Lexi! What's up! Why weren't you at school today?" Trevor asked me, eyes fixed on his sister's hair who raised her eyes at me and smiled, waving her hand.

I smiled and waved too.

"I was sick actually..."

"Nothing contagious I hope!" Cameron snorted while kicking lightly his sister on the side with his dangling foot.

"Oh ya it's totally contagious. In two hours you guys will all become zombies. I'm sorry."

"Shit! And here I was plotting how I would fight a zombie attack and I'm already doomed!" Trevor chuckled.

"Don't say bad words in front of your sister dude!" I laughed.

"Ooops..." he said and covered her ears with his palm, while she smiled, laughing a little.

"Anyway, you didn't miss anything. Boring as always!" Cameron informed me.

"Alright all done!" Trevor said happily, unplugging the flat iron while Eliza got up from her seat. "Is mom driving you?"

"No, Jocelyn's mom is picking us up," she answered him in a small voice.

"Okay good. Oh and keep an eye on your sister for us alright? We want a full report!" Cameron said and she rolled her eyes at him before leaving the bathroom.

"Overprotective much?" I laughed at his expense.

"Oh please! If I was overprotective I would be following them with my car... Hmm.... I COULD do that" he pondered for a few seconds but Trevor punched him in the stomach.

"Would you let them breathe for two seconds!" he laughed.

"Fine!" Cameron scowled and hopped down from the counter. "So, Lexi, how do you want this? One at the time? Or the both of us?" he grinned and I burst laughing. "You're wounding my ego Missy!" he laughed too.

"She came here to see ME Cameron, I'm sorry, she just likes guys with brains you know," Trevor smirked a little and wrapped his arm around my shoulder.

"Ya, you keep your big brains, I'll keep the big penis," Cameron snorted, and I burst laughing uncontrollably.

"That was just low!" Trevor scowled while I tried to stop laughing.

Cameron just grinned at him.

And then we could hear their parents screaming at each other again, about grocery I think. She was screaming something about bread...

"Want to go in the hammock outside. Because in about fifteen minutes the arguing is going to turn around and you REALLY don't want to be around when that happens," Trevor said, and I nodded because that definitely wasn't something I wanted to witness so we made our way downstairs and then outside, in their backwards.

There were two willow trees there and a big hammock tied between the two. There was also a swigging chair, hanging from one of the branches.

I called dibbs on the swigging chair and went to sit in it, crossed legged, while Cameron sat beside it on the grass and Trevor laid in the hammock.

"So Cameron. Want to talk about Ashley?" I asked, when we were all set.

He narrowed his eyes at me and pushed the swigging chair away.

"He called her yesterday!" Trevor answered for him.

"Aww, how cute! You like her?" I asked the scowling twin who was tearing grass off the ground.

"I don't know... I mean I don't know her that well. I need to know her better," he mumbled while I swigged the chair so that I could go and pat his head.

"Anyway if you do like her, I'm telling you boy, to go for it," I nodded to myself and kept swigging away.

It was the kind of chair that was only tied with a chain so I could roll around and basically go any which way and do whatever the frack I wanted.

"You know something?" Cameron asked, frowning a little.

I made a locking my lips movement and said "My lips are sealed."

"But you're going to share with me later right?" Trevor laughed on the hammock.

Cameron just shook his head but then there was a mischievous glee to his eyes.  

Oh oh..."So what about YOU Missy! You and Blake?"

I automatically groaned in protest, hiding my face into my palms.

"Aww come on! It was BOUND to come into the conversation!" he laughed and pushed my chair to keep up with the swigging.

"I don't know... I just... I really don't know..." I mumbled.

"What do you mean you don't know? You don't know how you feel, you don't know how he feels, you don't know what it meant?" Trevor asked.

"Yes to all the above" I whispered, face still in my palms.

"Well give it time. Everything's bound to be clear at one point. And it's not like you NEED to rush things." Cameron said.

"Ya, you're right" I sighed.

"Of course I'm right!" he chuckled.

"TREVOR! Trevor William Jones! Did you leave the iron flattener open?" their mother screamed on the back porch.

"NO MOM' I DIDN'T!" he screamed back, raising half of his body, taking support on his forearm in the hammock.

"Then why did the hand towel caught fire?" she yelled.

"I DIDN'T LEAVE IT OPEN!" he screamed again and then got up "I'll go take care of this" he groaned to us and ran to the house while Cameron and I chuckled.

"Let's steal the hammock!" he grinned evilly and I laughed while I followed his lead.

We laid side by side, legs dangling on the side since.

"You have to give him time too you know. Girls might think that all we only think about his sex all the time but we actually have emotions. And we don't only think about that. We're usually a bunch of sensitive ass actually; we just hide it pretty well"

I smiled a little, shaking my head "I hope you know I'm going to throw this one back at you right? Being a sensitive ass and all"

Cameron laughed quietly "Just don't be a bitch about it"

"I'll do that" I laughed too.

"You two would make a cute couple you know" Cameron added thoughtfully.

"Please anyone would make a cute couple with Blake"

"Not true, not every girl he's been with was a good match" he said and I wanted to scowl while thinking about the many girls Blake probably had been with, Though it was less then what all the rumours implied. That's what Blake had said at least. And I wanted to trust him on that.

"That exactly the point, the guy's been with A LOT of girls..." I scowled a bit.

"Some guys just sex their pain away" Cameron said and I laughed.

"Wow that one is definitely going in my dictionary."

We just swigged back and forth for a few seconds.

"Give the poor bloke a chance though... I'm not telling you to throw yourself at him, I'm just telling you to accept the fact that the guy could actually genuinely like you"

"You know something I should know?"

Cameron made the same seal his lip movement I had made "My lips are sealed"

"Oh COME ON!" I hissed, rising up a little to have a better look at his face "That's SO not fair!"

Cameron grinned hugely "I know!"

That's when Trevor came back and yelled at us for taking his spot and then it lead to twin arguing ad then to twin fighting and twin punching and kicking each other on the ground while I laughed at them.

I left before the sun started to set, slowly pedaling back home.

Tomorrow I would go to school and I would see Blake.

And I still had no clue of how I should act around him.

Maybe I should have asked the twins EXACTLY what to do, what a guy would have been expecting...

I thought about asking Tyler, but decided against it. No good advice would come from a guy betting on this.

When I got home, to my father and brother's relief, I was actually hungry so I ate the left over beef cubes with the steamed carrots and potatoes and then decided to go to bed early, because I was still feeling a little sleepy which was definitely normal.

But once I was in my bed, I couldn't fall asleep.

Of course!

I took my MP3 out of my bag and started to listen to songs with soft beat, trying to make myself fall asleep, my eyes closed, my breathing even.

When Placebo's version of "Where is my mind" played, though there was a drum beat I hadn't heard in it that bothered me and just wasn't in time.

I frowned at that and it was getting on my nerves so I changed the song, but when I did my cell phone started to flash on my bedside table, illuminating the whole dark room.

My eyes bulged when I saw the caller ID even thought Blake could really be the only one calling me at one in the morning.

To answer or not to answer. That was the question.

Stupid question though.

I sighed almost contently "Hello?"

When I heard his voice, it was like I had been holding my breath forever and was finally letting it go.

Though the words had me worried "Open your window" he said.

I rolled my eyes and fell back in my bed "I'm not falling for that one again."

"Fine, but your gutter is about to give out and I really don't want to fall, so you asked for it, I'm kicking my way through your room!"

"Wait WHAT?" I gasped, rising on my feet in less than a second, the way you jump out of your bed when you realized your alarm didn't ring and you're SO late!

I was at my window in milliseconds, clearing hearing Blake KICKING it and then I opened it.

"What the HELL are you thinking?" I hissed at him my eyes bulging.

"Get out of the way this won't be graceful" he said, and I did as he said.

Blake grabbed the edge of my window and let go of the gutter on the side, almost letting go of everything as he did that and I gasped and almost jumped after him to catch his hand and make sure he wasn't falling, but this was Blake, of course he wasn't falling.

He hissed himself up, the muscles of his arms flexing; I could see them because he had pulled the sleeves of his hoodie up to his elbow.

Sexy, sexy, sexy...

I just looked at him, while he brought his right leg up and placed it on the band of my window before finally jumping into my room, smirking at me.

Before I could even utter a word, Blake said "You didn't think that I was going to let you stop speaking to me right? Because that's against every law in the Stalker Code!"

"You're out of your FREAKIN' mind!" I hissed at him, though not too loud to not wake anyone up, using the same tone as Doctor Evil.

"Hey this was bound to happen at one point... want me to take my clothes off and redo it maybe?" Blake whispered, smirking wider.

How could this boy be so annoyingly attractive?

Oh there I was admitting it again. I was attracted to him. Honestly who wouldn't?

"I think I'll pass!"

"Good cause I don't think I could do it naked... I would definitely squish the package at one point" Blake nodded sadly.

"Did you just drop into my room at ONE IN THE MORNING to talk about your package?" I scowled a little.

"No I just wanted to see if the shocked expression you'd make would be worth it"

"Was it?"

"Totally" he smirked again.

I sighed, rubbing my palms over my face before running my fingers through my messy hair and sitting on the edge of my bed.

"So you're done now, you can go?"

"Not quite" Blake shook his head slightly, his voice lower, taking a step towards me.

A chill ran up my spine.

"Got something to say?" I asked him, my voice almost not able to stay leveled, looking up at him.

Oh oh...

"You're a silly girl..." he whispered, his eyes twinkling, taking another step.

I half smiled "Yes, I am a silly girl..."

"Aren't you gonna add "For not having seen sooner that you are nothing but a coward with a heart full of fear"? Because that's what Buttercup says afterwards you know."

"Wow, you actually listen to the movie" I smiled more and then added "But I won't say it..."

"But I AM a coward; I let you go away when we should have talked about what happened" he nodded to himself.

"No we didn't need to" I shook my head.

"You know that's what your brother said too" he frowned

"Really?"

That betting bastard...

"He also said that you were just like a wild animal; you get close too fast and you run away" Blake added.

"Nice analogy" I sighed.

It was one in the morning, Blake was in my bedroom. My father was sleeping two doors away. My brother was sleeping in the room across. I was tired. And I mean, this whole thing just screamed cliché. Thank god he hadn't been singing at my window...

Anyway, generally, if it had been anyone else I would have kicked their sorry asses outside.

But this was Blake. I had wanted to talk to Blake ever since I had left school Monday. I had wanted to see him, to clear thins out and alright this might not have been the best situation but it was still... it was totally Blake. Barging in, unexpected.

Blake definitely wasn't the planning type of guy. He just acted upon things.

While I over thought.

I should just stop over thinking and just act with Blake.

"You look tired Pumpkin... why weren't you at school today?" Blake asked me, his voice caring.

I sighed again "I was sick, nothing to worry about..."

Blake frowned "You're being sick a lot lately... and you aren't eating as much too... are you okay? Are you..." he started to trail.

"Don't worry Blake I don't have an incurable disease, well as far as I know. I'm just stressing over things alright"

I'm stressing over you, you overly sexy running-back.

"Well I'll still inform you that if something ever happens to you I'll be VERY put out."

"Princess Bride isn't doing any good for you" I half smiled.

"Hey what can I say, I got a good memory for those things" Blake smirked a little "But seriously... I wouldn't want anything to happen to you..."

"Don't worry I'm fine... I'll be fine"

We both looked at each other for what felt like endless seconds, his eyes melting me, and I though about how his lips had felt against mine again, and I had to dig my nails into my palms not to just throw myself at him.

Yes, this kiss had definitely screwed up our friendship.

Before I could only had imagined what it would feel like. Now I had memories... I knew...

I could almost still feel tingles on my lips.

"Anyway, I just came here to inform you that I wasn't giving you the right to stop talking to me or ignore me just because I kissed you. Whatever it meant or didn't mean, I'm not losing you over something as silly as this alright?"

The way he said it, the way he said "I'm not losing you" there was something so... almost magic about it... something so perfect that it was almost scary.

The way he said it... could Blake actually like me?

I was confused yes, about so many things, but at least now I knew that Blake cared about our friendship, that he cared about me, whether it was just as a friend or not, it didn't matter right now. And as Cameron had said, time would clear all things...

"Alright" I nodded smiling up at him, as he smiled at me. 

"So, you kicking me out now?" Blake chuckled.

"Totally, if my dad walked in right now..." he would be happy because he'd win his bet? Honestly I had no idea... with the way he seemed to like Blake maybe he would just smile and give the thumb up, though we really weren't doing anything here... it was just the whole "a boy in my room at one in the morning" concept that felt wrong. "He would kick your ass!" I nodded sadly.

"I doubt it" Blake smirked and then took closed the distant between us, fast enough that I hadn't had the time to see it coming and stopped, his face barely an inch away from mine "Now he might would though..." he smirked

"What are you trying to do?" I narrowed my eyes at him while all they wanted was to fix his sweet and perfect lips.

"Thinking about that kiss, aren't we Miss Grayson"

"Looking for a kick in the crutch aren't we Mister Eaton" I whispered, holding my breath.

Blake smirked but backed away.

"Well, I guess I'll get going now" Blake said, walking back towards the window.

What did he think he was doing, he would hurt himself?

And... I... didn't want him to leave just yet...

"Blake?" I asked "Why did you do it though... why did you kiss me. Was it Hernani kissing Dona Sol? It just... doesn't make sense..."

"Haven't you figured out by now that I usually never make sense?" Blake whispered.

"You're hard to figure out you know?"

"You too" Blake smiled a little.

"I'm dumb and I over think, I think that's easy to figure out" I scowled a little.

"You don't give yourself enough credit you know. You do over think... and you're unobservant" Blake smirked at that one "And you judge too fast too" the small faded a little "and because of all that, it's like you're living in your own little bubble, and people around want to know what's happening in that world of yours, they want to be part of it. They want to understand it"

"Are you high?" I snorted, which made Blake chuckled "Anyway, trust me my "little world" isn't that interesting"

"I doubt it" Blake smiled again.

I don't know how this had occurred but as we were talking Blake had made his way back to my bed and was now sitting on it beside me.

"Well your world is a thousand times more interesting than mine."

"Mine is screwed up. There's a slight difference." Blake said

"Not screwed up. You're not screwed up. You dealt with a lot of hard things. It's bound to leave its mark."

"I think the definition is still screwed up though..." Blake sighed.

"You're too hard on yourself Blake"

"And you're too understanding. You should be harsher. I'm an ass most of the time"

"And I want to kick your ass most of the time because of that" I half smiled at him and yawned.

We were speaking in whispers again, the way it always seemed we did when talking seriously, when talking about how we felt... Like we were sharing secrets not to be heard from anyone else.

Never would I have guessed this morning that my day would end like this; in my bed with Blake Eaton in the middle of the night. If you said it this way it could be bad.

"Are you settling for the night Blakey-Boy? Cause I ain't letting you sleep here. And you're on MY side of the bed!"

"Oh! Je suis ton esclave! Oui, demeure, demeure! Fais ce que tu voudras. Je ne demande rien. Tu sais ce que tu fais! Ce que tu fais est bien! Je rirai si tu veux, je chanterai. Mon âme brûle..." Blake said and I tried to punch him but he grabbed my fist before I could hurt him.

"You know I HATE it when you use foreign language with me, right? Stop doing it! I HATE not understanding what you say! I already don't understand you in English, don't make my job harder!" I scowled at him.

"Don't get all angry Pumpkin; it's not my fault if you're so deficient!"

I stopped myself from groaning at him and tried to punch him with my other fist.

"You punch like a girl," Blake chuckled quietly, holding both of them now.

"New flash Blake, I'M A GIRL!!" I glared at him, trying to keep my voice low.

"Oh ya right... sorry sometimes I forget, you know, since you got no boobs..."

"BITCH!" I hissed, my voice getting just a little too high as I kicked his left leg with my right leg.

"Kidding! Your boobs are perfect," Blake chuckled again and this time I kicked him in the ribs and I saw him wince a little "What did I say about the ribs Pumpkin?" he whispered and tickled me on the side.

I tried to squish away from him because I really COULDN'T be having fist of laughter in the middle of the night because whatever I wanted to believe, dad would freak if he knew Blake was here right now. Of COURSE he would!

"Blake... stop!" I tried to say between laugh, trying to control them too.

Blake was on top of me, tickling me, again. Seriously how often were we in this position?

"Don't you want to kiss the pain away? Kiss my boo-boo!" Blake whispered his voice playful, his smirk wider than ever.

"Never!" I held my laugh.

Don't laugh too loud!

"Oh please, I just know-" Blake started to say but then stopped tickling me and speaking, moving even. "You hear that?"

Oh shit! We had waken up someone hadn't we? Shit shit shit!

I pushed Blake off of me and he almost stumbled on the floor. I got up in and then tip-toed to my door, and looking back, making sure that Blake wasn't like standing right in the middle of the room like a moron, opened the door to see if anyone was there.

No one was there, and there was no sound either.

"False alarm," I informed him as I closed the door again and walked back to my bed.

"I should get going?"

"You should," I agreed. This whole situation was ridiculous! "But maybe trough the door? Not kill yourself with the window you know?"

"Whatever makes you happy Pumpkin," Blake laughed quietly and walked towards me, and then followed me silently down the stairs and then to the front door.

I unlocked the door and opened it for him but before Blake walked out, he looked straight at me and smirked "Good night Lexi... and you can dream about that kiss of ours all night" he whispered.

"And you can stay up all night replaying it in your head," I smirked too.

"I will," Blake smiled, the dimple smile, and walked out the door, leaving me there, breathless.

Ya like I was going to sleep tonight now...

Just great...