Cover Judge: What a chaotic cover. I can make out red splotches, a giant anime eye, pieces of paper...the title is actually really bad. It's white, like the girl behind it, so you can't even see parts of letter. Plus the font is too thin.

The background theme is fine, but I suggest a cover remake.

Blurb Judge:

Well they all say that, don't they.

Weird syntax here:

"a pale skin and soft one"? "while her dark scarlet eyes as the blood yet the rose tone"? "her wish of revenge as blood and her romantic life as the roses"?

You should fix this sentence up. It's confusing.

It's a "love fanfic story"? So is it fanfiction? Of what?

I've left some in-line comments for specific paragraphs.

(PS: Only one chapter yaaaay)

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Okay, there is some seriously weird syntax going on here. English isn't your first language, is it?

(Red mark- grammatical and structural errors. Blue mark- context improvement. Highlights- repeated wordings)

You can't start a phrase with "when" or "with" and not answer the question posed by that word.

 "When you start with when, then you follow up with a subordinate phrase."

"With that said, some other thing must happen in the phrase."

I don't teach grammar but a basic structure is crucial to any story.

You repeat a lot of words, pair up verbs with "would" unnecessarily, and form strange sentences. You don't say "he stopped his words" rather "he stopped speaking" "he stopped his proclamation" or whatever.

The blow of the wind? Invisible spiral of breezes?

Only one chapter but it needs heavy editing.

See here:

If he didn't glance back once, why is twice even a possibility in that sentence? What does "simultaneously as the shadows of the darkness of the night" literally mean?

Again, repetition of the same word. I'm not going to correct everything, but you should seriously consider hiring an editor.

Summary: Plot sounds like a mouthful already (Lucas Thomas? What kind of name is that?) and when you read it feels like it's been translate into English with Google Translate.

Edit before you try to proceed okay?

And PS: The Revenge is not an original title at all.