PARK SUNGHOON

“Hey! Can I borrow your phone!?” I asked in hurry after opening Hypen’s studio room.

“Why are you here? Aren’t you supposed to be practicing?” Jake asked me in surprise when he saw me.

“Yeah, I just need to check on someone,” I replied and totally entered their studio.

“Here,” Jake lends me his cellphone.

“Why do you sweat so much? You’re not practicing any dance earlier right?” Heeseung hyung asked me.

“Yeah,” I replied out of myself and I’m just busy on Jake’s phone.

I opened its Twitter app and type Sunoo’s sasaeng username.

“A lot of people are anticipating your performance, Sunghoon. I’m so proud of you!” Jay exclaimed and they all laughed.

“Right! Lot of things happened before and now everything is really starting to be real!” Jake added and let out a chuckle.

“But what are you doing with Jake’s phone?” Heeseung hyung asked me while playing rides on his swivel chair.

I didn’t reply at them and when I searched Sunoo’s sasaeng account he’s still open to public that made my brows wrinkled.

“Why what’s the matter?” Jay asked me.

I looked at them and they are all waiting for my answer. “He blocked me. Kim Sunoo blocked me from all his socials, even his personal number,” I stated.

My answer made them all stood up and gathers around me, “What the fuck! He really did?” Jay exclaimed and looked at the screen.

“Really!? Let me see!” Jake said and grabs my phone.

“Wait Sunghoon,” Heeseung hyung called me. “You didn’t tell him any personal matters right?” he asked me.

I gasp and looked away then gulp. “PARK SUNGHOON!” Jay shouted my name.

“No way, you really did?” Jake asked me in his calm voice.

“It’s not like that—“ I tried defending myself from them but Heeseung hyung cut me off.

“We already warned you about him. He’s not worthy of your trust. He offered you friendship because he needs something from you and now that he got it, he left you,” Heeseung hyung stated that made me lost my sanity and I started pulling my hair.

“Your dance instructor is calling you,” Jake said and lends my phone back to me.

I end the call and looked at them, “What I’m going to do now?” I asked them.

That was the start of my dooms day.
I kept on practicing really hard despite of worrying if what will Sunoo’s going to do. Although I’m doing my best, my dance instructor knew that something’s wrong with me.

Since he’s close to me, I opened up things to him and he advice that I should tell it to my manager. At first, I refused but he said that was the best thing to do.

And when that happened, our team held a meeting to observe what Sunoo’s planning to do. We are all anxious that time especially when he deactivated his account.

We don’t really know what will happen that time but I’m still trying to get rid of the thought that’s going to do something bad.

The last time we saw each other at the coffee shop, he said he really wanted me to meet him too but what now Sunoo? Where have you gone?

He hugs me so tight that day and I never knew that it' going to be the last.

Before getting home that day, I asked for help to our music engineer to record a song in a cassette tape. He even asked me if I’m going to release it then I told him that I’m trying to perform it in the year ends.

I wanted Sunoo to see me performing that song in front of him but everything went to a total mess.

HIVE Company went furious after a broadcast station release an article about me and my world crumpled when I saw Kim Sunoo’s name in there.

I kept on asking myself that time if what I did wrong to him. I only love him and mean nothing to hurt him.

“Please! Let me see him! These aren’t real at all!” I shouted at my manager.

“Sunghoon! Grip yourself! Your career is going to fall down before you could even reach the top if you’re going to act like that! You’re not going to see him! Never! And the company will sue him for these damages!” he scolded me.

I cried in front of him and begged to let me see Sunoo and talked to him but they didn’t even let me leave the building.

I lost myself at that moment. I locked up myself to my studio and cried in there.

I don’t know but I don’t care about the performance for the year ends anymore. I just want to see him. If he’s fine, if what his boss or something did to him that he need to release this article.

While scrolling to my phone every news is about me and I come to my senses that I’m really done already.

“Why are you doing this to me? What happened that you need to reach this extent?” that’s what I asked to myself.

After that day, HIVE filed a case to Sunoo.

I begged that they’ll cancel it instead but they need to do it for the formality. They knew how I felt and I’m hurt but they can’t consider it that time.

So I left no choice but to let them do that.

“Sunghoon, you’re not going to attend any year end events. I’m sorry,” my manager told me.

I looked down and my tears started to fell down. My knees weakened then I felt my manager’s hugged me.

“I understood,” I just replied.

“All the shows removed you from the line up so it’ll be ashamed for us if the people will know that. So, we just released an article that we’re the one who voluntarily not to perform. I’m really sorry that you need to experience this,” he apologized.

All the efforts of our production team, staff and the company itself fell into waste. We left no choice but to keep silent about it.

“Please just help me this one, Mr. Ahn,” I pleaded to the leader of my protocol team.

“Sunghoon, I can’t do that. Can’t you see our situation right now? Your mom has been calling the company but they won’t let her come in here. You’re not going to perform in the year ends already but you’re still thinking about that punk? Grip yourself together, please!” he yelled at me.

I know he said those so I can come back to my senses. Mr. Ahn never shouted on me unless I’m really being stubborn already but that time, that night in his department, he was really angry and serious.

My tears started to fall down and I put my hands together, begging in front of him to let me see Sunoo even for a short period of time.

“I wanted to perform because of Sunoo. I wanted to sing a song for him but now that he can’t see me then I don’t care not performing at all,” I explained then I lowered my head. “Please, just this time. Let me see Kim Sunoo,” I begged.

“Why do you like him so much? HIVE has been building you since you were a trainee and you let someone— a sasaeng ruin you in just a snap?” he asked me and I didn’t felt any insult in it but concern.

I looked at his eyes, “Sunoo is telling lies. He believes in me. He’s proud of me. No matter what others will yell at me, I don’t care. I know who he is,” I insisted while my tears keep on falling.

I saw how Mr. Ahn frustratedly closed his eyes and covered his face with his palm. “Sunghoon, you barely know him so, stop blabbering nonsense,” he shot back.

I smiled bitterly and shook my head, “No, I know he’s a good person. He did that because of money,” I countered.

Mr. Ahn left now choice but to help me sneak out. While we’re on the car that night, I can’t calm myself. I love Sunoo but the other side of mine was mad.

I know he did that because of money but I’m mad at him for being inconsiderate and selfish. I can help him, I’m willing to help him but he never opened up to me.

He lies so much but I still like him. Maybe I am really a fool.

While I was walking inside the hallway someone stood up from a sit and the blocked me. My brows wrinkled as I looked at him.

“Fucker, you’re so late,” I heard him that made me taken aback.

“Excuse me, how dare you cursed him?” Mr. Ahn protected me and he even pushed that guy in black suit away from me.

“Hey! Hey! Don’t touch me,” he said and shows us a calling card and I saw in there that he’s an attorney. “Park Sunghoon, this is going to be really quick. I am Kim Sunoo’s attorney and I’m fucking rich. I want you to move the case, that’s all. I’m going to be at HIVE tomorrow so let’s see each other in there,” that’s what he said and then left us hanging.

I am still going to move it even if you won’t tell me. I won’t let him be in here for long.

Sunshine shouldn’t be locked up in here.

And there I saw him looking so wasted. I really wanted to run to him and hug him tight, hold his hands and run away from that cold room but I can’t.

I know he was telling lies but every lies of him is ripping me. It hurts me seeing him like that. It hurts me hearing all those lies when he can actually be honest to me.

I decided to give up everything for him. I decided to be with him even if it’ll be against to what I’ve been dreaming of but he wouldn’t let me.

He completely shut me out from his life and I will never know when he is coming back.

My sunshine just left me alone in the dark.

After those heartaches, I poured everything writing and producing music. Gladly my producer and manager let me comeback with that kind of album despite even if they already planned something else for me.

I remembered the cassette tape I gave to Sunoo, that was the only one and it was on him. I hope he’s taking care of it and listening to it every day.

“But Sunghoon, aren’t you going to put that Sunshine song of yours in here?” my producer asked me.

I smiled bitterly and shook my head, “No,” I answered. “I’m going to put another song that’s completely opposite to that. Please hear this out, I hope you’ll picked this,” I proposed and he agreed to what I want.

Starring at the clouds for countless times
The last moment I saw you were sad
Under this big sky, oh my love
Are you still feeling like that?

The ice cream have melted
Starring at the wheels of fun where I confessed
Is the love had gone now?
Just how you left?

Oh my love where are you now?
Oh my sunshine why did you hide?
On this world, where I’m gonna find?
The light you gave me finally died

Oh, I want you back

You captive me when you risked your life
I saw your eyes they spark so bright
Now you’re gone
I don’t know if I’m still alive

Oh my love where are you now?
Oh my sunshine why did you hide?
On this world, where I’m gonna find?
The light you gave me finally died

Oh I want you back

I don’t wanna be that guy who lives alone
I wanna be with you tonight at home
Please, I’m on my knees I’m begging you
Comeback now sunshine, I need you

I wanna see you smile,
I wanna hug you right now
Please show me that shine

Oh my love where are you now?
Oh my sunshine why did you hide?
On this world, where I’m gonna find?
The light you gave me finally died

Oh, I want you back

Under this dark sky
Hoping you’ll light it again

“Sunghoon! Congrats!” Jay greeted me so I smiled at him.

“Thank you,” I replied and smiled at him then sipped on my coffee.

“Hey! Your album is still charting even if months had already passed since you made your comeback. Why are you like that?” he asked me he drinks his water.

“I saw Sunoo yesterday,” I stated.

He suddenly starts on coughing then he immediately reached for the tissue that’s on the table. “What!? Hey! Are you hallucinating again? Are you really taking drugs already? Park Sunghoon you should quit already or Jake will really smack you down,” he suddenly became talkative while wiping his face and the table.

“No,” I disagreed and looked at him. “I really saw him,” I paused. “With a girl,” I continued.

Jay’s eyes wide when he heard me. “Really!? Whoa! Girlfriend? Hey! No way!” he exclaimed.

“My hunch is really correct that he stayed in Japan when he got bailed out that’s why I couldn’t see him in here. It though South Korea is just so wide,” I stated not minding what he reacted and sipped on my coffee.

“Aren’t you supposed to be happy?” he asked me in his serious voice.

“I’m not sure what I’m going to feel. Should I be happy or hope again? I already gave up looking and waiting for him but when I saw him yesterday,” I paused and looked away to stop myself from crying. “I’m really a fool,” I commented to myself.

“Because it is love. You still love him do you?” he asked me.

“Do I? Will I continue hoping again? I’m really tired tho hahaha!” I laughed a fake one and looked down on the table.

What if that girl is already that someone who’s making him happy? What if that girl is someone who he loves the most? I can’t take these thoughts anymore.

“Sunghoon, I don’t really know how bad you are feeling right now but your songs are screaming all of those. I don’t want to decide for you because everything will be up to you now. He came back and then what?” he stated looking at me worriedly. “Ii just don’t want you to be that broke and depressed again,” he added.

Leaving by someone you really expecting to be with you at all times really sucks. Since the last time we saw each other, all I did is to write and write songs.

Believing and hoping that he might be listening to it wherever he is. That those words are genuine and that’s what I really feel. I just want him to know that I really missed him so bad.

“Am I a dummy if I’ll admit that I still love him?” I asked Jay.

“No, it’s mean you’re brave. Brave enough to hold on even if you don’t know what really is happening already. You’re still in there holding that tiny hope that he’ll come back to you in the right time,” he answered me. “Not all people are brave enough to wait for someone who never confirmed that they’ll comeback,” he added.

Right time.

"How about you? Your love life?" I asked his.

"Mine? Well, I'm actually waiting for someone too," he just answered me then looks outside the building. "The weather is so nice today," he commented.

I thought I already found the right time as soon as I fell in love with Sunoo but now. He was really correct when he said that love and time is really like a defected camera.

It’ll be hard to capture things in the right angle and right timing.

Right love requires right time and right person, in able to work perfectly. As for Sunoo and I, we met at the right time but fell in love in the wrong time.

I believe we are the right person for each other it’s just that time won’t allow us back then. Because if we insisted to be together maybe we didn’t stay together for long.

Maybe letting go the one you love is really a good thing sometimes. If they’ll come back then love them again and if they won’t still love them because they made you happy, for at least.

“So what are you going to do now? You’re having your first show concert in Japan next month right?” Jay asked me.

“I’m not going to wait for the perfect timing but I’m going to create it myself.”