Today was rough. My science teacher's name is Ms. Navillo and she intentionally misgenders me. All. The. Time. Not only that, she refuses to call me Jesse. Only ever my deadname. Finally today... I got sick of it. I always tell people you don't want to be on my bad side because I have a really serious temper when you do. I'll let you make your own decisions after reading this though.

Ok so context:

I am the kind of person that lives inside my shell for most of my life. A loner. And I know that makes you feel less bad that I can't find love because you're probably thinking it's my own fault but... Lol you're right. I dislike hooman interactions. Anyways... I come out of my shell a little bit when I'm around people or in an environment where I'm comfortable but. Obviously I'm not in this class. Which is also why I sit in the back of the class. Yet Ms. Navillo still manages to pick on me. She makes a point to say my dead name every time she interacts with me. She doesn't do it to anyone else. 

With most teachers you know about their personal lives and she's no different. She is highly pro-gun. She's talked about how hopeful she is they'll start to let teachers carry in school. But the way she treats me is the worst. In my opinion, it's a matter of respect. You wouldn't call someone by their full name who asks to be called by their nickname. Why is this any different? And not only that you are literally causing emotional pain to the person. Just be respectful.

So today I lost it. She passed my test back and frowned at me and said, "Maybe try harder next time Jessica." Honestly, I have nothing to lose anymore. I honestly believed it didn't matter because I only have weeks left before I'm out of this shithole so I stood up, looked her in the eyes and said, "fuck you. Fuck you for not having enough respect for one of your best students to give her space when she has a bad test. Fuck you for not respecting that my brain chemistry is not made in a way that makes me a girl. There's so much science behind it. You're a science teacher. Believe in science. Fuck. You." And then I walked out, while the entire class sat frozen in shock. But then, as I whipped my hair around behind me and stormed out I started to hear applause. Despite fuming with anger, a slight smile crossed my face. At least it wasn't just me who was sick of it.

I didn't even bother walking around to cool off, I just went straight to the office and checked myself in because although I knew I was in trouble I also knew Mr. Johnston, the principal, would understand. When I entered he had his finger hovering over the button for the announcement system assumably ready to summon me, a firm line set in his mouth. I cleared my throat. His eyebrows rose in surprise. "Jesse. Come into my office."

I did and then recounted what was going on and he looked at me thoughtfully for a moment, clearly pondering what to say. "Jesse, I know you know that cursing out a teacher is never ok. I can't let you get away without punishment for that. However, I understand why you were so upset. You were right in recognizing how highly disrespectful she was being to you. I'm not going to lie, being a former teacher I know that we don't like all of our students but disrespect is never ok. So this is what I'm going to do. You know as well as I do that you only have two weeks left in the year and so I'm not going to have you switch teachers.

However, I will be speaking to Ms. Navillo in person about this behavior and encouraging her to change it. Reminding her she is not legally allowed to speak her political views in her class. I can't let your behavior go unpunished though. I am going to suspend you for the rest of the day and tomorrow."

I sat in shock. I realized then I should've known better. I should have come in and spoken to him privately sooner. Instead, now, my NHS membership will be revoked, my record marred permanently. I hope that when I explain the circumstances Vanderbilt won't revoke my admission. I can't even imagine... I've worked so hard to get there you guys. The good news is my parents didn't ground me. They are so supportive and understanding of me. They were disappointed in me to be sure but they also were fuming at the teacher.

So yeah. All I'm worried about is Vanderbilt. I'm seriously going to do some praying tonight. Including a confession to God about letting my temper get the better of me. I'm so worried... Anyways. I need to go to bed. I guess I'll at least be able to sleep in tomorrow. Heh.
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A/N: Yeah, I know. I'm really bad at updating I'm so sorry. In better news this chapter is very long. 😁