001

As I had been promoted this year, I had to go overseas frequently for work purposes. As a result, more often than not, by the time I arrived home, Mr. F would already be gone, whereas the moment he arrived home, I'd have already left. The longest period of time both of us spent without seeing each other was two entire months.

One night, after being caught in a meeting till 11PM, I felt a sudden urge to call him.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm having a meeting, what about you?"

"I just had a meeting too."

Ah, I'm totally at ease – we're a couple too busy to engage in extramarital affairs.

002

I was about to go on another extended work trip overseas. Before I left, I hugged Mr. F and wailed, "I, the Emperor, am due to personally lead the army down South this time, with no clear sign of return at present. My dearest concubine, hurry and give your Emperor a kiss!"

He rolled over lazily, and replied without even opening his eyes, "Stop acting, and remember to call me when you reach."

"Oh, okay." I hopped off the bed resentfully, and grabbed my luggage.

Just then, he suddenly spoke up, "Is the Emperor still here?"

"Here here here! I'm still here!"

"Bring the rubbish along on your way down."

......

003

As the team I was assigned to had a sudden change in plans, the business trip that was originally meant to last for two weeks had morphed into one with no definite return date. When Mr. F learnt about the new changes, he was extremely unhappy, and launched into a series of complaints over the mobile phone. At that time, I was tremendously busy with my work; thus, I started squabbling with him, and angrily accused him of being inconsiderate of my feelings.

"You didn't consider my feelings either!" He remarked before continuing quietly, "I miss you."

I nearly cried on the spot.

004

My company dispatched a secretary to me; the young lady had just graduated, was reliable, and filled with youthful vigor. Both of us managed to get along quite well.

One day, she asked me, "Older sister, why did you marry at such a young age?"

"Well, since I met a compatible partner, I decided to marry."

"But how were you able to tell that your husband would be the most suitable person for you?"

I thought over it before responding, "Let's say we disregard our relationship – I'm not your immediate superior, and you're not my subordinate – in such a situation, what do you actually think about me?"

"Well, you're capable, experienced, professional, great at what you do, and the key thing is, your personality is super nice."

I replied, "But my husband doesn't think that way – in his eyes, I'm childish, naïve, clumsy, and am forever unable to grow up."

"He totally doesn't understand you!"

"That's not true," I smiled, my eyes crinkling in the process, "He is the one who knows me best."

At night, I called Mr. F as per my usual routine. Upon recalling the conversation I had with my secretary, I decided to raise the issue with him, "Why did you decide to marry me so early?"

"A long night is fraught with dreams – undue delay may give rise to numerous hitches. Thus, it's best to save effort by simply eating you into my stomach as soon as possible."

Me: "..."

005

The night before I was due to return home, Mr. F called me, voluntarily confessing his crime, "I accidentally knocked over your nail polish just now."

"And then?" I asked him warily.

"Then I poured a bottle of nail remover on the floor to remove the polish."

"You only dirtied the floor?"

He remained silent for a while before saying in an extremely small voice, "Your favourite necklace as well."

....... I was so angry I nearly fainted, "Why did you suddenly decide to touch my bottles of nail polish??"

He retorted righteously, "I was conducting military training for them, when nail polish student fainted due to his weak constitution......"

006

I met an extremely unreliable co-operation partner at work who called off our meeting at the very last minute. Unaware of the cancellation, I attempted to drag my luggage to the airport at 12 AM in the morning in order to return in time for the meeting. However, due to the heavy rain, there were no cabs to be seen and I was reduced to trampling in the rain for an entire two hours before Mr. F called to deliver the news of the cancellation.

When I received Mr. F's call, I furiously declared my intention to quit my job. He didn't say anything in response, and simply helped me to purchase a return ticket to Beijing. I managed to catch some sleep on the plane, and after thinking over the matter, I realized that it wasn't as big a deal as I had initially thought.

When Mr. F came to pick me up from the airport, he asked me, "Have you written your resignation letter?"

Embarrassed, I replied, "Well... after thinking about it, I don't feel like resigning anymore."

"Oh? But you were close to tears when you were speaking to me over the mobile phone.'

"Well, isn't there a saying that goes like this: When God closes a door, he opens a window? I was too upset then and felt that God had either forgotten me or had given me a window that was barred from outside."

"What's a window with bars?" He said in all seriousness. "Our little Joey is no ordinary man – even if you close all the windows and doors, she would still manage to blow the roof off."

I nearly died from laughter.

007

On the flight back to Beijing, the person who sat next to me was a rather old lady as old as my mum. She was extremely friendly and chatted with me throughout the entire flight. When the plane touched down at the Beijing airport, Mr. F was already there, waiting for me. The old lady commented that the young fellow had great energy and spirit, and inquired who he was.

I giggled and replied, "He's my brother. Auntie, if you know of any suitable ladies you can introduce them to him."

Mr. F was used to me speaking gibberish, and didn't bother to expose me. Instead, he silently grabbed my luggage and began walking forward.

The old lady replied disbelievingly, "That's your husband, isn't it?"

"You're able to tell?"

"Obviously, your eyes lit up when you saw him."

Now that I think about it, there's some truth in what the old lady said – no matter how tired I am, or how unhappy I'm feeling, I always manage to cheer up whenever I see Mr. F. Using the words of our dorm leader, the way I look at Mr. F is similar to the way the dog in her house looks at a sausage – all that's missing is us wagging our tails in delight.

When one person loves another, it's something that can never be hidden. If you don't believe this, go watch Stephen Chow's A Chinese Odyssey – when Immortal Zixia looks at Monkey, her eyes are filled entirely with love.

008

Perhaps I had been away from home for far too long, but in any event, I have been unable to get a good night's rest ever since I returned home, and frequently suffered from insomnia.

When Mr. F learnt that my parents had never ever read bedtime stories to me, his heart became filled with pity, and he volunteered to read fairy tales to me every night in an attempt to coax me to sleep. Since it was such a rare occasion whereby the Male Capricorn tried to do something that was vaguely romantic, I was extremely touched.

The first day, he read 'The Princess and The Pea'; the second day, he read 'Thumbelina'; and on the third day, he was supposed to read 'The Little Mermaid', but by then, he had already lost patience with the project. I told him that men ought to keep their word. Having thought over it, he sat down next to me and picked up the storybook before reading aloud in a righteous tone, "A long, long time ago, there was a mermaid. She liked to stay in the sea, and didn't wish to explore other areas. As such, she blissfully lived out the rest of her life in this manner. End."

Anderson would be so mad that he'd crawl out of his grave!

009

As it was a rare occasion that both of us were at home, I woke up early during the weekend to prepare breakfast. When I was in Primary School, whenever the final exams were nearing, my mother would always prepare a meal comprising of two eggs and a sausage in an attempt to symbolize the scoring of 100 marks.

I asked Mr. F whether he had this experience before.

He shook his head, "No, my meals were always prepared normally; there was no variation."

I laughed at him, "Your childhood was so boring."

He wiped the corners of his mouth, before telling me gently, "I don't have to eat eggs and sausages in order to score 100 marks." Glancing at me, he continued, "But you're different."

010

One night, when we were on the car driving past Chang An Street, I suddenly recalled the period of time when we first ascertained our relationship. Since he decided to send me home, we both boarded the double decker bus and sat in the first row. The psychedelic neon lights on Chang An street were shining brightly, and the evening autumn breeze was gentle and cooling.

There wasn't many people on the bus, and everything seemed perfect. Suddenly, a thought flashed through my mind – It is a perfect time to kiss right now. Without thinking it through, I blurted out my inner thoughts, "Shouldn't we kiss right now?"

He was stunned into silence, and stared at me in surprise.

As the traffic light turned red, the bus gradually came to a stop. I started counting down in my heart, planning to kiss him the moment the light turned green. Meanwhile, my eyes darted to the dwindling numbers beside the traffic light.

"5 – 4 – 3 –"

All of a sudden, he leaned forward, his mouth gently touching mine. My brain went into a state of shock, and I responded to his kiss out of pure instinct. It was as though a feather had lightly brushed the tip of my heart, causing my entire body to tremble in weakness.

Subsequently, my face reddened in embarrassment, and I chided him for being shameless. He lowered his head and laughed, admitting confidently, "Yup, I'm just shameless."

That was our first kiss.

011

I was replacing the bed sheets in the afternoon when he offered to help. After I completed replacing the bed sheets, I dived headfirst onto the bed. Sniffing the scent of sunlight on the blanket, I sighed blissfully, "I'm so blessed!"

Despite chiding me for being childish, he nevertheless lay down next to me. I wriggled into his arms immediately.

012

As a direct consequence of writing this book, I have been recalling the small and minute details of our dates rather frequently as of late.

Yesterday, I asked him, "Do you remember what was the first thing you ever said to me?"

He asked, "What is it?"

"After our mid-term test, there was a change in the seating arrangement. I took the initiative to sit next to you, and tried to make small talk by asking whether you were listening to Jay Chou."

He smiled, "I remember now."

"What was your impression of me then?"

"Not much of an impression."

Initially, I was still fantasizing that he would feel as though he had been struck by lighting and fallen in love with me at first sight. However, after giving it some thought, I realized that his reaction when he first saw me was about right – after all, even I myself hadn't thought that one day, this arrogant and insufferable youth would one day become my husband.

"In any event, that should be the first time that we spoke."

He shook his head, disagreeing with me. "The first day of school, our entire class had to do spring cleaning. Do you remember the lightbulb in our classroom being blown?"

I nodded my head.

"You tried to show off by voluntarily climbing onto the table and changing the light bulb. When you were trying to get down from the table, you nearly fell off. At that time, I was the one who helped you steady yourself."

Having thought about it, although I do have some distant memories about this incident, I had absolutely no idea that the person who helped me to steady myself was him. Ah, it turns out that our fated meeting happened earlier than I thought. Whatever I fail to remember, he would help me remember.

013

One day, I suddenly received a call from my ex-boyfriend at 2AM in the morning. He was clearly drunk and confused, and was harping on endlessly. As a result of the noise, Mr. F awoke. When he asked me who the caller was, I answered honestly that it was my ex-boyfriend.

Mr. F's expression darkened immediately – he always took the fact that I had entered into a relationship during the four years he was overseas to heart. However, in actuality, I had only been together with that guy for less than a month.

I placed the phone on loudspeaker, and that fellow's voice rang out. He mumbled disconnectedly, "Our director is just a stupid dumbass. However, he thinks extremely highly of himself, and always thinks that he's some sort of genius. But I never ever thought that he was smart... I support Google's acquisition of Motorola... In my opinion, one of the issues that the United Nations ought to discuss is the prevention of South Korea from claiming credit with regards to the creation of tea eggs..."

Mr. F was stunned into silence, and didn't know how to respond. According to my analysis, Mr. F probably intended to execute a 'big move' that would KO the other party instantly, but he ultimately realized that the opposing party wasn't even on the same level as him. It's as though Iron Man had put on his full armor and dashed out, willing and ready to kill the enemy – only to discover that the other party simply water spinach.

I said, "He's facing some trouble at work recently."

He smirked coldly, "If he was my subordinate, I'd have fired him a long time ago."

I replied, saying that there was no way his superior could fire him – after all, the Company was owned by his father.

"If he was my son, I'd have chased him out of the family and broken off all relations with him a long time ago."

Me: "......"

I turned on the mute button and threw my mobile phone to one side. Mr. F wasn't done, and continued critiquing me harshly, "You're too flippant in how you choose your partners!" When he discovered that he had, by accident, scolded himself as well, he amended his statement, "Well, at least you realized your errors and mended your ways."

I admitted my mistake whilst repressing my laughter, and expressed my gratitude to the superior for being so forgiving and letting me off so lightly. I then dragged him back to bed to continue our sleep.

The next day when I woke up, I glanced at the phone and saw that the call lasted a grand total of 3 hours and 23 minutes. Exactly how many grievances did this fellow want to confide about......

014

Speaking about my ex-boyfriend, that fellow can definitely be termed as a great and rare talent. Let's just call him Young Master. In order to describe Young Master in his entirety, only four words are necessary – Gender: Male; Likes: Female.

When I first met him, he was chasing an American exchange student in our University. As the American student loved Chinese culture, he would wake up at 6AM in the morning and head over to the Block where the relatives of the Teaching Faculty stayed in order to learn Tai Chi from a group of old ladies. Basically, he invested his life's energy in chasing and flirting with girls. I have some evidence to ground my belief that when Young Master turned his attention towards me, it's entirely because he needed to satisfy his obsession of 'stamp collecting'[1].

That said, putting aside his frivolous manner of handling relationships, Young Master is actually a rather interesting fellow. In the past, he would always fall into a daze when attending class. The teacher would then throw the chalk at him before scolding him, "What are you thinking about?"

Young Master would respond by looking out of the window and saying his classic line in a melancholic tone, "The weather is so darned bloody good, no more studying let's find food......" Just look at this person's literary talent, the precise nature and accuracy of his words! Doesn't it paint a clear and vivid image of a wastrel living off his parents' wealth?

At that time, everybody in our dorm frequently engaged in midnight chats. When I told them about Mr. F, everybody expressed their regrets and comforted me by saying that perhaps we simply weren't destined to be together. Subsequently, when Young Master confessed to me, my entire dorm encouraged me to agree to his request. They told me that I couldn't live like Wang Bao Chuan and wait in poverty for 18 years before Mr. F's return. After all, my life wasn't a television drama. I was gradually convinced by their reasoning – after all, nobody knew what Mr. F was up to; perhaps that fellow was living the high life now, eating and drinking whilst flirting with Caucasian females! Thus, I agreed to Young Master's confession.

Young Master was the total opposite of Mr. F. He was an Aries, and the only reason why he had a head attached to his body was because he wanted to increase his height. Whenever he came up with new ideas, he would execute his ideas immediately without further thought. One Friday night, he was struck by an impulse to visit Zhang Jia Jie. Thus, he formed a group of six to seven people and managed to get us to purchase train tickets and accompany him on his journey. After playing for two entire days, we returned on Monday morning and headed directly to school. The moment we sat down at our tables, the entire group sprawled on their respective desks and slept. As Young Master frequently engaged in these types of activities, my transformation into a mental case can be largely accredited to him.

Young Master and I had great chemistry together; even my very own brother couldn't understand me as well as Young Master did. However, both of us were strangely unattracted to one another; whenever the two of us stood side by side, we simply felt like siblings. Once, Young Master told me in an extremely sincere tone, "Why do I always fail to feel even the slightest bit of sexual attraction whenever I look at you?" I nearly spit out a mouthful of blood.

Before our relationship could even hit the one month milestone, I suggested ending our relationship as a couple and continuing as platonic friends instead. In Young Master's words, "even though the sale wasn't successfully concluded, the good feelings still remain". After breaking up with me in the afternoon, this fellow somehow managed to hook up with a Year 1 Junior by nightfall.

Despite being an experienced player, Young Master nevertheless entered into a very serious relationship when he was in Year 3. He was extremely serious about it, and even contemplated marrying his girlfriend then – our dorm leader.

[1] When the author refers to 'stamp collecting', she meant that Young Master probably dated her as he had, in all likelihood, aimed to have dated each and every girl he was mildly interested in at least once.