"All I see outside is problems

I been hidin' in my room

I don't think I'm gonna solve 'em

But I can try, you know I do"

- "Problems" by Bryce Vine

***

Laying in bed, I allowed my head to roll over so that I could get a view of my alarm clock. It was nearly eleven o'clock in the morning. I groaned in frustration with a shake of my body for dramatics. If I wanted to meet Icarus, I had to get a move on sooner rather than later.

I made no attempt to get up. I was stuck in an endless cycle with no courage or strength to get up. It was nauseating. 

"Grace?" My father knocked on my bedroom door, respecting my privacy and not just walking in.

An exhale escaped my lips. He rarely came to my room, unless it was an emergency. I was not ready. I needed more time to decompress and find some way of understanding what happened in the previous night - and more presently, the issue was deciding if I was going to go. 

"Come in," I spoke up after a moment. I was not just gonna leave my father outside my bedroom door. 

My dad twisted the knob and pushed open the door. His head stuck through a small crack he created. "I wanted to check up on you after yesterday. You didn't say much when Walker dropped you off last night."

Not saying much was an understatement. I didn't say a single word when I got home. Instead, I went straight to my room, let Turtle in, and pretty much passed out. I left no room for a conversation to be had or even for my thoughts to consume me.

"Yeah, sorry about that. I just . . . Needed space."

Dad opened the door a little more. "I understand. It was a lot to take in. If you want someone to talk to, I'm here."

My father could be one of the most caring people I know. "She cheated on you, had a kid, and lied about it for years. What's there to talk about?" I attempted to not sound salty about the situation but failed. I gave my father an apologetic look but did not say anything else.

Sighing, Dad gave a nod. "True but I don't blame her entirely. You and Ryland weren't born yet, Walker was too young to remember but your mother was extremely depressed. I tried to get her to go to therapy and get her on the right meds." Dad leaned against my door frame, almost as if it elevated the weight of the conversation.

"I knew she was hanging out with that Jeremy guy. I convinced myself they were just friends for the longest time but I always knew it was more . . . when Becca - your mom," Dad corrected himself as if I did not know my mother's first name, "came back from taking care of her mother - or so she told me - and everything was different. It was like her and Jeremy never happened. It felt like when we first met and married, but dare I say better.

"At the time, I put the past behind me . . . I guess it's true, the past catches up with you," Dad muttered the last part to himself but just loud enough for me to hear.

"If it's any consolation, I do believe that Jeremy saved her life. Which, I'm thankful for - especially since you and Ryland were born because of so."

I smiled. Sometimes my father was just too perfect for this world. He always found the positive in every situation. It was admittingly inspiring and at times borderline irritating.

"Thanks, Dad." I gratefully replied with the corner of my lips still curved upwards into a smile. Inhaling, I gained the courage I was looking for all morning. "Do you mind dropping me off at Skyland Park?"

My father raised an eyebrow. "Are you meeting up with some friends?"

"A friend, yes." I was vague but hope that my answer would be enough. I was convinced I was in the clear, my father was not the prying type. The only worry I truly had was if he was available to drive me to the park.

Dad thought about it for a minute. I realized that if he said 'no', it was fate that I shouldn't go see Icarus. After all, I was already looking for any excuse not to go. It's a very conflicting battle. 

Ultimately, I did want to see Icarus. I always enjoyed my time with him. He was kind and a breath of fresh air. However, he was not the kind of person I should ever associate with. He was the definition of danger.

"I don't have anything planned for the day," Dad said, breaking my train of thought. "Why don't you just take the car."

I was shocked that my father was so willing for me to take the car. I had my driver's license for over a year. Still, I rarely drove - much less alone. 

My lack of driving experience wasn't because I was a bad driver or didn't have the opportunity, I just never saw the need to get a car or ask my father to use his. "Really? Are you sure?" I had to ask to make sure my father was serious.

Dad nodded. "Yeah. Just be home before midnight."

***

I sat in the parking lot parallel to the park. Icarus was sitting on a bench about twenty yards away. His back was to me and he appeared to be watching people run the tracks. 

The time on the dashboard read five minutes past noon. I reached the park a few minutes early but the sight of Icarus caused me to stayed rooted in my seat.

I was aware that I could reverse the car and pretend I never came. 

Turning off the car, I told myself that it would be easy to drive away and put Icarus in the past.

My father's voice echoed in my mind as I opened my car door and got out - the past catches up with you.

I rubbed my sweaty palms on my jeans before closing the door and locking it behind me. You can do this, Grace.

When I started to walk my legs felt as if they were made of lead. I was unsure if I had done the right thing in showing up.

As if sensing my presence, Icarus looked over his shoulder.

***

Holden:

Want me to pick you up?

I gave a small gasp as I saw Holden's text. I had forgotten about Holden wanting to hang out with me, even though we had texted early in the morning to confirm our plans.

"Is everything okay?" Icarus asked me in concern as he placed his hands on my thighs.

I looked up from my phone to see Icarus, still where he was before my phone dinged to alert me that I received a text. 

Icarus was standing in front of me, as I sat on the edge of a tall platform that was part of the jungle gym. We had not left the park the whole day. Even though it was the middle of winter, it was an oddly warm day.

When I got the message from Holden, it was around twilight time. All of the children and their parents were gone. There were a few people running around the track but they were paying as little attention to us as we were to them.

"Yeah, everything's fine but I have to go." I stood up quickly and grabbed my jacket that had been sitting on to protect my bottom from the germ-filled platform. I folded the jacket, knowing I would not wear it again until it was washed.

"So soon?"

I gave a small laugh as I walked off the jungle gym. "We've been hanging out all day." At the thought, my stomach gave a growl. I had not eaten all day and was glad Holden planned for us to go out to dinner first.

"What if we went to dinner?" Icarus suggested as if he had heard my stomach's protest to being empty.

I stopped at the base of the jungle gym and looked at Icarus with a grin. He wanted to continue hanging out. "I-I...I have plans with a friend," I tried to provide the truth and spared saying 'no'.

"Oh, I see." Icarus took steps towards me and I made no move to create distance between us. "I want us to have dinner at some point though."

I blushed when Icarus stopped a few inches from me. "Are we allowed to? After all, I'm apparently claimed," I said with an eye roll.

Icarus' facial expressions said it all, the conversation had taken an unwanted turn. "You're right," Icarus took a step back. "It's dangerous for us to be seen together."

His words were beyond true.

Taking a step back, again, Icarus allowed a large gap to form between us. I felt Icarus retreating at the realization that we should not be together. "Would it really be bad for us to just be friends?"

Icarus sighed. "I could never be just friends with you."

The air inside my lungs left. I was speechless at his boldness. It warmed my heart that someone like Icarus thought of me as more than a friend. Not wanting the moment to end but knowing I needed to go, I decided if Icarus and I were going to hang out again I needed to say something.

"Next Friday, I get off of The Maine Tearoom at eight. If you want to go to dinner after, we can." I looked at Icarus with hopefulness.

"Lynn," Icarus said, calling me by my last name, however, I cut him off.

"Don't say anything. You showing up or not will be the answer," I gave a grin. "See you later . . . Or not," I joked and then walked away. I knew there was so much left unsaid between us but I just hoped that Icarus would show up the following Friday.