I've spent the whole day dodging eye contact like it's an olympic sport. Not that I'm scared of Miles. I just don't trust myself not to say something stupid–or worse, to say too much.

He was almost late to both our morning classes, sitting way across the room. Good. Distance is safer.

I skipped lunch altogether and ate chips in the back hallway near the janitor's closet like a coward. But hey–at least I didn't mess anything else up that way.

Until now.

"I'm behind the field house. Don't bring any friends."

The text is already delivered before I can second-guess it. Before I can convince myself to let this whole thing–and my dignity–die in silence.

But part of me needs to speak with him. Even if I don't know what to say. I just know I can't leave things hanging. Not like this.

I spot Miles the second he steps out of the school building–head down, eyes scanning his phone.

My stomach twists into a thousand knots. He's coming. Part of me hoped he'd blow off my text so I wouldn't have to go through with this. But now it's too late.

I shift my weight against the cold concrete of the field house and keep my arms crossed. Calm and collected. Like I don't feel like running. Like I'm not actually nervous as hell.

Miles's eyes scan the area before he walks up to me. Cautious. Like we're doing something wrong. Maybe we are. Fuck if I know.

He opens his mouth to speak, but I cut him off. I just need to get it out before I have time to think. Or worse, feel.

"I just wanted to apologize for what happened at the party," I say, eyes lowered, thumb messing with a hangnail. "I was wasted and wasn't really thinking about what I was doing. You were just... there. And I let my confusion get the best of me."

"What do you mean, 'your confusion got the best of you?'" he asks.

I exhale shakily. God, this is the worst part. Saying it out loud. "I've been... battling with some feelings for a while." I put a hand up quickly. "Not for you, so don't get ahead of yourself. Just... I don't know. Feelings about guys. The same way I thought I felt about girls."

And there it is. My biggest secret. Out in the air, where it can't be taken back.

He looks stunned. Can't blame him. I haven't exactly been broadcasting it.

"And because I'm gay and I was there, you kissed me?"

That stings.

I look up and glare. "The only reason I went into that room was to get away from the girls crawling all over me. And then there was this guy that was just... staring at me. My thoughts spiraled and I just couldn't take it. Then you were in the room. Right in front of me. And I just wondered if it was any different. Kissing a guy."

He doesn't respond. Not that I expect him to.

"And, in my defense," I add, "you kissed me back."

His face flushes a faint shade of pink. "I was drunk, too. I didn't know what I was doing, and the second I did, I stopped."

"Still, that kiss only confused me more. So, while I figure out how I feel, I'd appreciate it if you kept things quiet. I can't have this getting out."

He nods. "If you ever need to talk, you can come to me, you know. Don't do all this on your own just to save your reputation. I won't tell anyone."

"It's not just my reputation," I say, almost too fast. "It's my family. This town. The entire world. It's not kind to people like... us."

His expression changes–empathetic, maybe. Understanding in a way that I don't want him to be. "I know. But when you find someone you love, it'll all be worth it."

The idea feels so far away. Impossible, even.

I push off the wall and nod toward the field. We should get to practice. Looks like they're already stretching."

He turns to look. I don't wait for him. I just start walking, hoping the conversation stays behind in the shade of the field house.

"Come on. Coach is gonna make us run an extra lap if we don't get down there soon."

—

It's only my second shift and I've already started to make specially requested drinks correctly without Miles's constant supervision.

I overheard the manager–Augusto I think–complimenting him on his training skills earlier. As if he was the one who helped me. I just got stuck in a barista TikTok rabbit hole last night for two hours.

"When you're done with that, can you stock bakery items, too?" Miles asks as I place the last carton of almond milk in the fridge. "Augusto wants us to make room in the walk-in for the truck delivery."

"Yeah, sure," I say, though I was already planning to do it. Now, I really don't want to.

I quickly make a latte order and bring it to the counter, calling out the name.

A curvy blonde bounces up to me. Her hand brushes mine as she grabs the cup–whether it was on purpose or not, I'm not sure.

"I haven't seen you around. You new?" She smiles and tucks a hair behind her ear.

I smirk. "I've been hiding. You just caught me."

She giggles. "Well, maybe I'll see you around more, then."

As she walks away, my smile melts into a frown. What am I even doing? It was only yesterday that I wasn't sure if I even liked girls anymore.

I flirted with her because it was easier. Automatic. Something I know how to do. But I'm not sure if my heart is in it anymore.

But Miles saw. He always does. His gaze burns two searing holes into my back as I clear my throat and call out another order that has been sitting on the counter for a couple of minutes.

I turn to go to the walk-in, but realize too late that Miles was at the counter right behind me. We crash into each other, and cold milk and ice splatter all over me.

For a suspended moment, neither of us say anything. We just stare at each other in shock.

Miles is the first to break the silence. He grabs a towel and pats my apron with it. "Oh, shit. I am so sorry. Let me help you clean that up."

He's close. Too close. I can hardly breathe or speak. Instead, I just grab the towel.

His face flushes, and he releases the towel as he steps back. "Sorry. I'll just go get you a new apron."

"Yes, that would be best. Thank you."

He swallows and spins on his heels to enter the back room where the clean aprons are.

I readjust my hat and watch him walk away. Maybe staying at this job was a bad idea. I didn't know he worked here until my first day and of course he'd be my trainer. I was hoping things would be easy, but...

I look down at the mess on the floor. "Fuck."

Thankfully, our lazy coworker forgot to put the mop away before he left. I pull my apron off and begin mopping.

I'm still mopping up the mess when Miles returns.

"I could have done that," he says as he sets the new apron down on the counter.

"It's okay." I place the mop back in its bucket. "It's almost closing time anyway, so we'd have needed the mop."

It's twenty minutes to close, with only one customer in the lobby. The prospect of being completely alone with Miles again kicks my heart up a notch. It's not that I think I'll kiss him again, it's just that being this close to him makes me think more about my situation.

"I'm sorry for spilling the drink on you," he says, arms full of dirty dishes.

"I mean, it was an iced latte." I shrug, cracking a smile. "I'm just grateful it wasn't hot. Then, I'd have wondered if you meant to hurt me."

He hides his responding smile.

"Look, no harm, no foul. Actually..." I turn as the door jingles with the final customer's departure. I take a breath to steel myself for what I'm about to ask. "You said I could talk to you if I needed someone. I'd like to take you up on your offer, if it's still available."

"Oh?" He quirks an eyebrow.

I shrug. "I mean, I don't know many gay guys. And I'd rather talk to someone I know than a stranger who doesn't know me or the situation I'm in."

"Well, our situations aren't exactly the same," he points out.

"You know what I mean." I grab an espresso towel and break down the extra espresso machine.

Miles has been proud of his gayness since he came out. He's never shied away from conflict and always had a snarky comeback for any jokes or insults hurled at him. He never had this internal dilemma. But he does know this area. He knows how people around here can be–how my family can be.

My family isn't super influential, but my mom works at the Town Hall and my dad serves on the City Council. They're as conservative as can be and hate anything against their beliefs. Or at least, my dad does. I've heard what he says about Miles behind closed doors. He wouldn't hesitate to kick me out.

"Anyway, I was hoping you could help. Privately, obviously. Not even Caballero can know."

"About that..."