Esperanza's pov

"I am so...so sorry. I..." I sputtered out the words which were coated with a tremble. My whole system shuddered with the utmost fear and terror. I couldn't, no- I don't want to acknowledge the actuality.

This is your fault. Reimburse for your wickedness.

They were right. I should have known. I should have. I shouldn't have dreamt for a family. It is a sheer-wild-deceit, an idle fantasy that I created for my own self.

But... But I am a human too. I have a soul too, aren't l? Then, why? Why my life is reaping additional problems and sorrows.

In front of me, the guy who promised that he will give me a family, love and happiness.

He is dead with a pool of blood surrounding him. Looking like a nitwit that he is.

Yeah, for striving to help a lost case like you. My mind mocked at me.

Why am I not calling the police or at least an ambulance?. Well, this may not be the first moment, something like homicide has happened in this home. Maybe this is the third time I am witnessing a death. The only disagreement is that it never happened in my absence.

I made a fool out of myself to the point where I don't find this act repulsive. This is more of tremor and disappointment to me.

Have you ever had this sentiment? You know you would be waiting for that one wish for a while. It doesn't matter, whether it was for a day or a month, whatever. When everything was in your favour but just a single component that forbids that wish from happening. You know the negativity, the hopelessness that you will feel will make you wish that you never wished.

I took a deep breath to calm myself.

I don't have to do anything. I just simply have to go and take a nap. Then, there won't be any corpse in the morning. I have always been bothered with this recurring. I went to the authority and all. But never once I was considered as a mentally intact human. They never took any action except recommending some psychiatrist to me.

I  have never felt loved before. Until Shawn came into my life. Promised something that he would never be able to fulfil.

"Shawn..."

I tested his name on my tongue. I always wanted to do that. To call him that. I often wondered whether our relationship will be like a rat and cat or sweet yet protective. But I never got a chance to find out.

Nevertheless, I can't name this as love. But, I felt something for him.

With this inner turmoil, thoughts pricking and scratching my mind. Heart, stuck in between feeling the guilt, emotions and pain. I moved towards my room.

Tomorrow I will be again troubled in concluding whether am I crazy or my life is.

They say love can heal all. Nonetheless, love is the tabooed thing in my very existence of this lifetime.

As always the murderer left an iris flower near the corpse.

Always remember to see the world in a different flicker, it may not be what it seems like. Everything happens for a reason.

My foot.

I never harmed anyone. I don't even know anyone to harm them. I have always felt the need to be with Someone. Anyone. Being alone no-feeling isolated is what no one can bear.

Humans are social animals.

Regardless, I never had a person to interact. To make jokes. To laugh at something. To take care. To respect. To love. To show my achievements and be proud of it.

The heart always yearns for something that can't be sought. And, they say nothing is impossible. If so, then there won't be any failures.

"I promise to be the best brother in this world."

I chocked out the whimper.

No...don't let your emotions control you. You are just gonna lay down this bed and sleep like a good girl. Morning, there won't be any corpse to weep for. Just forget everything about him. No....you never met him. Yes, you are hallucinating. You have never met him and there is no corpse down there.

No matter how much I deny. It is only prolonging the inevitable. Morning, I will reminiscent every single thing. I will know I am mental.

To instigate my guiltiness. To mock at me that I can't do anything yet knowing everything.

An iris with a blood droplet enhancing the beauty to it in the most sadistic way possible will be resting in the same place.

To make me relish everything in the very morning. To signify that I should be dread of every sunrise for it could be the end of someone's life. To make fun of me that I would never be able to have a family.

Will I ever be proficient enough to get out of this?

"I promise everyone will love you. Your home will be filled with laughs and mischiefs, love.''

With this thought in my mind, I dropped myself on to the bed and drifted into the sleep. Coldness started to spread around my heart and swirled around the room. Unexpectedly, I found solace in that and fell into the hole of complete darkness.

In my case, it is the brightness that I craved for. The only thing in my routine that I truly love and cherish, with no trouble of reality.

Dreams.

Where one could be alone yet peaceful or be with anyone we want without any drama and struggles.

When I woke up. I wish I really do wish that there will be no iris down there. Even if it means that I need psychological help. I really prefer to be hallucinating than facing the actuality.

"Never forget, Esperanza. No matter what happens in the future, always remember that if you could just change your perspective a little, everything will be bliss. Pure-utter-bliss.

Pure.Utter.Bliss.Change of perspective.

Yeah, maybe. Let me try. What is wrong in being me alone in this home? What is wrong in not having friends?

They say it is better to have no friends than having the fake leeches, right?

So, it is good that I am not exposed to many evil in this world. I don't need to have any unnecessary drama. No need to be betrayed or to be the gossip of the weak. I.am.good. I don't get to hurt people. I don't get to meet any vile creature that roams around this world.

That killer may kill people but at least he has the decency to not to involve me in any of the issues. They almost filed a complained against me but at the last moment, a phone call was all it took to cancel that registration.

Chill breeze nuzzled against the skin of a caged bird who is sitting in the bed, my eyes gazing at the door of the room with my thoughts immersed in meeting the outer side of this door. My legs tangled, half-touching the floor. My breath is so soft that no one could decipher that I am breathing.

With the lost hope, I walked to my bathroom and did my routine. With no enthusiasms, I kept my face my face blank devoid of any emotions.

My washed face glistened with droplets that travelled towards my chin and reached their different destination. I didn't bother about wiping it out.

I started walking in the stairs that lead to the hall.

My hands trailing the handle and my legs carrying me to the hall, My heart beats normal with no hurdles and nothing that needs to be worked on.

Any person looking at me would not be able to find any trace of murder.

My foot resting on the last step of the stair, hands tightly clutching the handle, wind dancing through the windows, finally touched me, making my long gown to move in the opposite direction of my gaze.

Yeah, my gaze fixed on the glorious yet the evidence of my suffocating life, an iris with a drop of blood on it.

Like every other murder in my home, there is no retained corpse and no blood. Only the clean tiles that are waiting for me cross over it.

But it seems like, the killer doesn't want me to have any slight peace in my life. There is something else near the flower.

Change of perspective. I remembered the voice.

Yes, it might serve as a clue to find the killer. It might serve as a key to get me out of this cage. It could be the beginning of my true life.

Besides the flower, there lay a piece of paper with a beautiful cursive signature adorning it.

                   __________________

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