Sugawara opened his eyes, taking a deep breath. He felt a searing pain in his chest and groaned softly. "Ow..."

     Daichi looked up from beside him and his eyes widened. "Koushi?"

     Sugawara looked over blearily and smiled. "Daichi. Hi." He closed his eyes at the bright sterile light. "Did I finally do it?"

     "Do what?" Daichi questioned, standing and moving Sugawara's hair from his face tenderly. "What did you want to do?"

     Suga smiled to himself. Death wouldn't hurt so why did his chest hurt so bad? "Did I finally die?"

     Daichi's breath caught in his throat and he looked to Asahi, who was sitting at the foot of the bed. Asahi's eyes watered. He spoke up, not wanting to be too loud. "Suga were you trying to kill yourself?"

     Sugawara hummed thoughtfully. He nodded, still smiling. "An angel touched me. I felt her." He opened his eyes. "I wasn't in pain anymore."

     Daichi's eyes watered now. "Koushi, what are you talking about? What pain?"

     "Just... the pain." He grabbed the blanket and it hit him all at once that this wasn't a dream. The pain he'd worked so hard to escape had finally caught up to him.

     Asahi stood and left, a hand covering his mouth to stifle a sob. Nishinoya peeked into the room before quickly leaving as Asahi began to cry in the hallway.

     Daichi leaned down, worried. "Sugawara Koushi. What pain?"

     Suga teared up. "My head. I just-" he stifled a sob. "I'm so sorry Daichi. It caught up with me..."

     "What caught up with you?" Daichi questioned. He was trying his absolute best to not lash out. Anger pulsed through his veins though.

     "Just. I can't. I can't explain. Daichi-"

     Daichi held up his almost empty bottle of pills. "Explain this then."

     "Daichi," Sugawara pleaded. He tried to sit up, shaking. "I needed them, you don't understand. I really needed them."

     Daichi shook his head. He tossed the pill bottle on the bed. "Suga, this is just a lot right now. How long have you been taking these?"

     Sugawara gulped, tears spilling over. "A year? Maybe?"

     "A year?!" Daichi stood fully. "Sugawara?! A fucking year?!"

     "Don't be like that, please. I can explain."

     "Have you been trying to kill yourself for the past year?! Do you know how serious that is?! You died in my fucking arms yesterday!" Daichi took a deep breath. "Have I been smoking with you and this shit has been in it?"

     "No- well once. But you have to understand Daichi. You don't get it." Sugawara started to really cry, his chest shakily heaving with its broken bones. "I have wanted to kill myself for years and this was the only thing making it stop!"

     Daichi froze up. "I'm taking you to rehab."

     "Daichi please. Please. I won't take anymore," Sugawara pleaded. He put his hands together and bowed his head. "Please."

    Daichi scoffed. "You seriously think I won't send you to rehab? You overdosed. Traumatized the shit out of Asahi. He had to perform CPR on you. I felt you die in my arms. You fucking died!"

     Suga hiccuped, bending into himself. "Daichi please! I'll never take another pill! Never smoke another joint!"

     "No Koushi."

     Someone knocked on the door and both looked up. A police officer stood there, gruff and worried. "Sir may I speak to Sugawara in private for a moment?"

     Daichi huffed and snatched the bottle off of the bed. He walked into the hallway and Suga tried to control himself, staring at the police officer. He'd been caught.

*****

     "YOU STOLE PILLS FROM YOUR PATIENTS?!"

     Sugawara flinched. "Daichi..."

     Daichi laughed, gripping his hair. "I'm done. I'm really done this time Sugawara. First the weed. Now the pills. I can't do this anymore."

     Sugawara stared at Daichi. "You're leaving me?"

     "What else am I supposed to do?! You won't fucking listen to me!" Daichi half shouted at him, shaking with anger. "God Koushi. Life isn't about reaching the next high, it's about feeling alive. Feeling a purpose. Your purpose is not to die! It was supposed to be-" he caught his breath, voice cracking. "It was supposed to be to start a family with me. To grow old with me."

     "We can still do that. I promise Daichi. Just don't shun me like this." Sugawara struggled to sit up. "I love you."

     "More than the pills?"

     "God. Yes, of course." Suga put a hand to his chest and wheezed out a cough. "Please, I need morphine. Tylenol. Ibuprofen. Anything. My chest hurts Daichi."

     Daichi sighed. "Fine. But if you end up high I'm leaving and not coming back until I have to take you home."

     "Thank you." Suga touched Daichi's hand, holding it gently in his own. Daichi pulled away, grimacing. "Yeah I deserve that."

     Daichi left the room and got his nurse, returning with her and a needle. The morphine was pushed through his IV and Sugawara relaxed into his pillows. "You could have told me the depression was getting worse, Sugawara. You know that."

      Suga nodded. He tried to ignore the sting of the words but just couldn't. "Daichi?"

     "What?"

     "I love you." He looked up, eyes pleading for him to say it back. Daichi stared at him, his angry eyes softening ever so slightly.

     "I love you too. Trust me. I love you. But you can't keep doing this to yourself. To me." Daichi sat on the side of the bed and gently took Sugawara's cheek into one of his hands. Suga leaned into it, his breathing a little labored. He relaxed into the familiar callousness of Daichi's hand and took a deep breath. "You do this again, and we're over. I mean it."

     Suga nodded weakly. He closed his eyes and groaned. "Everything hurts still."

"Asahi did a good job. One of the paramedics actually applauded him for his work. Now that he and Nishinoya broke up, he's thinking of taking up the paramedic on a dinner date."

"They broke up?"

"Suga, it was nearly a year ago. They just live together now. It's convenient." Daichi rubbed his lover's hair slowly, taking in his soft smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. He must have been high. "He seems like a nice man."

"Tell me more about this man," Suga whispered.

"Well for one he's extremely scary looking. He has no eyebrows and white hair kinda like yours." Daichi watched as Sugawara fell asleep, his world at peace. Daichi kissed his cheek and sat there for a while, watching closely.

As he watched he noticed the eyebags and the dry lips of his boyfriend. He sighed softly, wishing he had noticed sooner and stopped the addiction from spreading. He knew that Sugawara was addicted to weed and the pills were a scary addition to what was going on. Daichi let go of Sugawara and looked out the window, his head spinning with thoughts of what would have happened if Suga had actually been able to be alone last night. What would he have walked in on? A limp body in the middle of their apartment with blue lips and dead eyes, a body that had once held the soul of the man he loved with everything he had.

Daichi closed his eyes, trying to ignore the fact that he would have had to live the rest of his life without his best friend. He gripped his pant leg and stifled a sob. A world without Sugawara Koushi was a world without the sun.