"So, what are you doing this weekend?" Ryan asked. "Anything in particular?"

"Not really," I said. "But I don't want to hang out."

We were in the library together where Ryan had dragged me after school that day. He had said we were going to study and do homework, so I was trying to concentrate on my homework. Unfortunately, Ryan seemed to not notice that fact and kept trying to talk to me.

He gave an overdramatic sigh. "I thought we were past this," he said. "You talk to me, but you never want to go have fun with me."

I shrugged, highlighting a section in my textbook. "Sorry. I don't do well with people," I said and turned back to my homework.

"But, you're talking to me right now. What makes going to another building any different?" he asked. I ignored him and kept memorizing algebraic functions. He bit his lip, a habit I had noticed he does when he is thinking, and narrowed his eyes with a challenge. "What if I could get us into a water park?"

"It's the middle of winter," I said without looking away from my book.

"Amusement park," he tried.

"Not into heights," I told him.

"A whole old house for us to spend the night in alone, scaring the crap out of each other by pulling pranks!" he said, waving his arms for dramatic effect.

I sighed and set my highlighter down. "Ryan, I really don't want to and no amount of bribery will make me change my mind. The only thing you can offer me right now is peace and quiet to do my homework," I said.

He blew his hair out of eyes with a huff and leaned his elbows on the table. He fluttered his eyelashes at me and stuck his lip way out like a child when they want something really bad and the adults keep telling them no. "Pleeeaaase?" he begged.

I wasn't swayed. "No," I said.

His face dropped and he stuck his tongue out. "You're no fun," he said.

"Then go hang out with someone else. I'm busy anyways," I muttered.

To be honest, I didn't really want him to leave. I had found over the past week that no one, besides Ryan, wanted to hang out with the 'crippled kid', as I had heard many of them call me. Though I had told them nothing about myself, it was like they knew about my past and thought I was bad luck or something. Not that I wanted to be their friends anyways. Anyone who spread rumors about others weren't worth the friendship they offered. 

I didn't realize I was clenching my teeth in annoyance until Ryan poked my arm. "You okay? You look like a bull that sees red," he said.

I relaxed my hands and shook my head. "Sorry. I was just thinking," I said.

"About what?" he asked.

I hesitated. "Stuff," I told him.

"What stuff?"

"Personal stuff," I said, trying to lay the big hint that I didn't want to talk about it. He didn't get the hint.

"Like what?" he questioned.

I glared at him. "Are you sure you're older than me?" I asked.

He chuckled and shrugged. "I was just trying to get you to act like yourself again." He smiled lightly. "I succeeded too."

I rolled my eyes and turned away. I didn't turn away because I was annoyed though, I turned away because of his damn smile. During the time I had been with Connor, I had come to the conclusion that I was gay. During that same time, I had come to the second conclusion that I would never give myself away to another man. However, like many thing Ryan tended to do, his smile crushed that resolve in one fell swoop. He'd showed that same smile several times during the past week and I had begun to blush when I saw it. I thought it was a sweet and genuine smile, two things I had begun to think were made-up ideologies.

"Hellooooo? Earth to Jacob," Ryan said. I snapped out of my thoughts and turned back to Ryan who was looking at my worriedly. "What's with you today? You've been drifting into dreamland since this morning."

"I've just got a lot on my mind," I fibbed, ignoring the way he seemed to see straight through me. 

He didn't voice his doubt though, and grinned. "I know what you need! A day of fun with me! What do you say?" he asked like I was suddenly going to jump up with a shout of "Yes!" and go running out of the library with him, hand-in-hand.

I didn't. "No," I said for the hundredth time that day.

He groaned and sat back in his chair. "Come on, I'm really trying here!" he insisted.

"Shhhhh!" We both glanced at the librarian about ten feet away who was frowning at us. We both rolled our eyes in unison as she made a zipping motion over her lips and went back to her work.

I turned back to Ryan as he said in a whispered voice, "Can't we hang out for just a little bit? You can choose where we go and everything."

I hesitated, but then really thought about it. If I hung out with Ryan, I wouldn't have to go home, and if I didn't have to go home, I didn't have to see me dad. Hanging out with Ryan also mean I wouldn't be left alone to the intrusive thoughts the always seemed to seep through the cracks of my brain when I was sitting in too quiet a room with just myself and my mind. Thinking about that, I figured it might not be so bad. The only time I'd hung out with anyone was with Conner and we just... I stopped that memory before it could take root and gave a hasty reply without thinking. "Fine. But just for a little while," I said.

"Yes!" He fist pumped the air.

"Shhh!" the scolding came again from the main desk. Once again, we glanced at the librarian who gave us a look. "Keep it down or leave. There are other people trying to read," she hissed.

I frowned, feeling guilty, but Ryan didn't. He smiled brightly at the woman. "Alright then. We'll leave. Staying in a room, with old ladies isn't any fun anyways." He said it sweetly, but the librarian and I stared at him in shock; and he said I was rude?

Ryan grabbed his things and my arm. "Come on, Jacob," he said. I was still in a slightly shocked state as he pulled me out of my chai. He grabbed my backpack and lead me out of the library. As soon as we were in the street he let go of me so he could smile. "So, where do you want to go?" he asked.

I shook my confusion away and frowned. "I can't hang out today," I said. "I have to be home to help my dad. He's trying to move some furniture."

He frowned. "But you said we could!" he protested.

"Yeah, but I didn't list a day," I said. When he still looked disappointed, I added, "I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"

He sighed, but gave me a smile. "Guess it's better than nothing," he said. He waved and head towards his house as he shouted over his shoulder. "I'll see you tomorrow."

I waved back before heading to my dad's house. The walk was quiet and blissful and I relaxed into an easy gate. However, that bliss vanished when I stepped up onto the porch and came to a stop. Before I even opened the door, I could my dad cursing and yelling on the other side. I paused with the key in my hand. My feet froze to the ground and I felt my stomach churned unhappily as I considered not actually going in. I was used to then yelling, that wasn't the problem. When I'd lived with my mom, the oldest male in the apartment was always shouting, mainly at me whether or not it was my fault. 

I can't be scared of a little yelling, I told myself. Still, I hesitated. I didn't want to be the at brunt of my father's anger the way I had been the at brunt of my mom's boyfriends, but I guessed if my father was going to yell at me, I might as well get used to it now before I had to face it under something that really was my fault. With that weary forethought, I pushed the door open a little and looked in. I didn't see anything at first, but when I stepped further into the house I saw my dad was trying to drag a couch up the stairs by himself.

I rolled my eyes at the task he had apparently decided to do himself and went to help, dropping my bag on the floor so I could go over and lift the opposite end. I pushed the bottom end up and my dad almost tripped. He peered over the other side of the couch to see what had happened and saw me. "Oh, I didn't know you were home yet," he said.

I didn't reply and continued to push on the couch, silently urging his to help me. He tugged from his end and eventually we got it up the stairs, both our backs aching. I rested on the side to took a quick breather. "Why exactly are we putting a couch upstairs...?" I asked between breaths.

My dad glanced at me and gave me an apologetic smile. "Sorry. I'm hoping to make that big room next to yours a game room for your friends to use," he said.

I frowned. "What friends?" I asked, heading for my room.

He chuckled. "Surely, you haven't been at school all this time and not made any friends," he said.

I thought of Ryan, but I wasn't sure if one would call our relationship "friends" so I left him out of that category. I shrugged. "Sorry for letting you down in that department," I said.

My dad frowned. "If you ever expect to make friends you have to at least try," he insisted. I cringed as he ruffled my hair. "Besides, who wouldn't want to be your friend."

I fixed my hair with a subtle scowl. "A lot of people..." I said.

"I bet that's not true. Just give them a chance," my dad said with a smile.

My mind flashed over the first time I had given someone a chance, the only time I had given someone a chance. What an experience that turned out to be, I thought unhappily. I kept my eyes on the floor and shook my head. "I don't want to," I said.

"Why do you say that?" my dad asked. "Everyone-"

"I'm not everyone," I said shortly. Seeing this subject of conversation was upsetting me, my dad started to apologize, but I was already pushing away the idea of my lonely room in favor of the front door. "I'm going to take a walk. I'll be back... at some point." I hesitated over my answer, but quickly headed downstairs and grabbed my jacket.

"I'm really trying here, Jacob," I heard my dad call, but I slipped my jacket on nonetheless and left the house. I walked slowly, taking my time so I wouldn't have to look like I was in a hurry as I went straight to Ryan's. I needed someone to talk to, and while Ryan certainly wouldn't be my first choice if I could help it, he was better than any of the other seven and a half billion people on the planet. 

I walked up to his front door and knocked softly, almost hoping he wouldn't hear me and I would have an excuse to back out of this before I entered. However, a few seconds later Ryan poked his head out. His eyebrows shot up in surprise. "What are you doing here? I thought you couldn't come," he said.

I shifted from foot to foot uncomfortably. "Change of heart?" I tried. Then I sighed at the bushes beside the house. "I need a place to stay for the night. Mind if I sleep here?"

Ryan shrugged. "Sure," he said, but I didn't miss the strange frown he gave me when I stepped into the house.

*******

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