I can't go back to sleep. Not when every time I wake up, I seem to make reality worse. The panels are assembled and all I need is to wire them together. Stepping back from my work, I survey the instruments I had perfectly placed in the dash and all their dead wires tangled inside the consoles. This will require an understanding of electrical engineering I don't possess.

If this thing was an engine, I'd be fine.

But it's not.

Scooting closer to the wires, I grab hold of the mess and try to make sense of what to do next.

I run my finger along the bunch that snakes through the gutted machinery and remember days in the orchards--Dean sitting cross-legged on the grass across from me as Warren tinkered with the reflective greenhouse devices. As kids, we observed his work and listened to him grumble about backward tech and how far humanity had fallen. I should have paid attention. Years later, it would be me stretched out on the grass alone as Dean would climb the ladder, fixing his father's panels.

Dean. I backpedal, shut my brain down, and try to think about literally anything else.

It's no use.

Elias has gone to sleep and no one is here but him.

Maybe I can put in a work-order with the ship and wait until a specialist has time to come down and wire my panel together. But Lady knows how long that will take.

I drop my head into my hands and massage my temples.

Every second is precious.

Goddammit. Fuck. Dammit. Shit. Fuuuuuck.

"Ledi," I say quietly to the empty cabin. "I need your help."

The sound of large boots and heavy steps echo through the cabin. It's the gait I know, the torturous shadow stretching across my vision that rips my heart again.

"What's up?"

It hurts. It hurts so much I can't look at him. "I need you to do the electrical for me."

"Is the great Janika Lorn saying that—"

"Stop." I stand and face him, staring the perfect replica of Dean's hazel gaze. "If you refuse to lose his form you can't use my memories to act like him. Don't look at me like you're him. Don't talk to me like you're him. Do you have any idea what you're doing to me?"

"No, I can't imagine. I can only mimic what I've processed."

"It's killing me. It hurts so bad, I can't breathe, Ledi. That's what it's doing."

"Your mind is full of memories of him." He kneels in front of the console and pulls a pair of needle-nose pliers from his back pocket. "I thought you'd be happy to see him again. There are only a few recent images where you weren't happy in his presence, but compared to the good, they're so small."

"I'm not happy."

He looks up at me as I stand next to him. "That's too bad. You know, one of my favorite parts about your Dean is that he doesn't care."

"Of course he cares."

He buries his hands in the console. "Oh yeah, Dean cares about you. But one of the best traits I've discovered while sifting through your head is that he dedicates himself to what's important to him. While I'm happy to help where I can, Nika, you are not what I want."

His lips form the words and his voice delivers the blow. Even though my head knows it's not Dean, my heart doesn't get the message. It rends in two. I need distance. I fall back to the aft and begin construction on my airlock system.

I flip my goggles back over my eyes, pull my thick work-gloves on and dive into autopilot. I don't think, don't let my mind wander and don't allow my eyes to find the Dean-shaped being kneeling twenty feet away. By the time I've erected the hatch on my own, Ledi in his Dean body walk toward me, the same goofy smile on his face.

"All set. Want to take a tour?"

I brush past him and stand in front of the controls. I can't look at him. I can barely stand hearing his voice.

"Ignition is here..." he points to an ignition switch over my shoulder.

I reach out to switch it, but he grabs my hand.

"What are you doing?" His eyes widen.

"I want to start it." And get the fuck out of here.

"We're inside the HMS Valediction."

"So?"

"You've never flown before, have you?"

"So?"

His chest rises and falls as if he's taking a deep breath and gathering his patience. I know he doesn't have lungs, but it looks so real.

"You can't start it in here like that. There are protocols."

"Who died and made you boss?" I slap his hand away from my wrist. "No better place to figure it out-"

"—than while I'm here to recover your broken ass when this all goes wrong?" he finishes.

My head spins. Our banter is so easy, it's exactly what it used to be when we were on Earth. It's Dean. It's not Dean. It sounds like Dean. It's not Dean. It talks like Dean. It's so much like a moment dropped from the millions of moments in our life. I can't stop myself from slipping into that silky comfort of being with my best friend.

"Yeah." I remove my hand from the ignition switch and rub the frustration from my face. "This is too weird."

"If it's so easy to fall back into habits, why are you fighting it?" He crosses his arms again. "From what I saw, you were happy together. It was so easy for you."

"It was." I smile at the warm glow emanating from the memories stored in my heart.

He steps forward until the back of my head rests against his chest. "It can be easy. I'm not asking you to love me. Just let me be, Nika."

I wince. "It hurts."

"I just want to be your friend. That's all I want. To know love the best way I can—to have the idea and the images of what it feels like. I don't need to experience it. That kind of thing isn't done. I don't feel it. I can't. But having your memories is enough to satisfy me because I'll finally know what all of them are talking about."

"All of who?"

"Captain Moon. Teeno. First mate Nuna. The other six thousand humans aboard this ship. It's been some big secret they've all kept from me, but now I get it."

"I'm not going to be here for long," I say. "So maybe this could be fine. I won't see you here like this. I'll return to my Dean and you can be the Dean over here."

"Exactly. And I think this could be beneficial for both of us." When he wraps his arms around my shoulders, I can't help myself.

I lean into him. "Oh yeah? What's in it for me?"

He spins me around to face him. Lifting my hand, he presses my thumb against his lips.

"For the first time since you've stepped aboard this ship, your vitals are within a normal range. Your cortisol is leveled. You're calm."

The cloud-like peace returns. I'm home. And if I'm honest, I could use a little bit more of that. And I could use the extra hands.

"Okay," I say. "It's fine. Do what makes you happy. I'm pretty sure Dean would say some stupid, sappy shit like that."

He kisses the top of my head. When I close my eyes and expect to smell the rich, wet orchard around me, I detect nothing but oil. Oil and my own sweat. I relax. Maybe this will work.

Maybe. Maybe I need to be sure. I need to get the idea that this is Dean out of my head.

This is not Dean.

"Kiss me."

He furrows his brow. "Really?"

"Yep. Kiss me. Just do it. Prove you aren't Dean."

He lifts my chin until our eyes meet. I close them—I can't look.

His lips brush mine.

Nothing.

I lean in and wrap my arms around his neck.

Memories flash through my mind as bright as a movie.

Our first hesitant peck on the lips the day we found out we were contracted.

The thousands more we shared in the private corners of the URE.

The fire-charged devotion we exchanged after the first debacle with the HHP. The memories are so vivid behind my closed eyes, I forget that his lips taste like steel. Instead, I focus on the warmth of his hands wrapped around my head, the fingers running through my hair, the press of his hips against my stomach.

Heat rises. It's a sting only Dean is capable of stirring. I can't help it. I crush my lips against his.

He lifts me off the ground and pins me against the bulkhead. Strong arms anchor me in place. I wrap my legs around his waist. A perfect fit. My hands rush to unbutton his shirt.

Dean's body is ripped away from mine. I crumple forward, landing on my stomach, the wind knocked from me as Dean flies across the ship and out the hatch where he clatters against the hangar wall.

"What the fuck is going on? Who is that?" Moon charges after Dean—no. Ledi. Ledi. He charges after Ledi who stands immediately.

"It's Ledi," I shout. I grab fistfuls of his jacket as he storms away. He rips his coat from my grasp.

"Do you think I'm stupid?" Moon shouts. He grabs Ledi by the throat. Dean's features contort.

"Yes! I think you're the biggest fucking moron in this universe. That' is your robot who suddenly took a liking to my contracted partner."

Still clutching Ledi's throat, he gawks at me over his shoulder. "What the hell does that mean? How could you have possibly, in the agonizing yet brief time you've been aboard my ship, managed to turn MY AI into your own personal sex toy?"

"That's not what happened. Holy fucking Heap let him go." I pull at his arm but it's immobile like his body is cemented in that position.

Moon releases Ledi. In Dean's body, he stands nearly a foot taller than the captain. Ledi overshadows Moon, but Moon, still the imposing figure from before, holds his ground. He scans Ledi from his boots to his hairline.

"Ledi?"

"Yes, Captain."

"Jesus Christ. What the fornicating fuck has she done to you?"

"Hey!" I cross my arms over my chest. "I didn't do anything."

"Then why is he like this?" Moon gestures at Ledi's new body.

"Nika agreed to show me images of her past. I was curious, so I scanned her memory and found a favorable form in her past lover."

Moon quirks the eyebrow over his organic eye. "Nika, is it, now?"

I point between his eyes. "No. You're never allowed to call me that. Ever."

Moon chuckles. "Nika? This is rich. So, what, you thought it would be a good idea for him to take your lover's body so you can have all the—" Moon gazes at Dean's crotch and smirks—"perks, while you wait for your big reunion in the cozy mansion of your dreams on Lorit Neb?"

"Lobit-what?"

"Give it up, Nika," his malicious grin widens. "Your hand was nearly wrapped around what I assume you expected to be a formidable girth. The only reason I don't believe you reached it is because our animatronic friend here is anatomically... incomplete."

"I wasn't going to touch anything."

"Sure. What you do in your spare time is your business, I understand."

I clench my fists at my side. "I said, it's not like that."

"I merely came to tell you that we've received a transmission that we thought you'd be interested in. But if your priorities extend to who or... what... can get in your pants, then please, be my guest. Fuck my robots and seek me out when you're ready to face Juno."

My body snaps to attention. "Take me there now."

"Are you sure you wouldn't rather—"

I want to slap his stupid face, jab him in the cheek with my elbow. I want to grab him by his collar and shake him. I reach out, flex my fingers, retract them, and extend a few more times, forcing myself to calm down so I don't end up in the brig for another week or clyk or whatever because I can't stop myself from bashing the captain's head in. "Just. Take me."