Honestly been wanting to upload this book, I might not update now but just wanted to see what you guys think.

Enjoy.

A P R I L

"APRIL, you need to stay focused."

I wipe the sweat from my brow, panting heavily as I glare at Dad, recalling the several hits I've absorbed in the last hour. He insists on being my trainer today, even though it's supposed to be Matt's turn.

He said it would be fun.

This is not fun.

I wince, still feeling the sting from when he tossed me over his back, sending me crashing into the dirt. The impact is still fresh, and so is the moment he struck me with the hilt of his dagger, forcing me to dodge at the last second. I barely pull out my own blade to retaliate before he reads my move-his wolf senses already activated-and knocks me down before I can even think.

"Hey, Kiddo!" Matt shouts from the porch, clearly enjoying how my ass is getting handled by our dad. Amelia, his daughter, is having a blast, laughing each time I hit the ground. She's only five, yet she loves watching these training sessions-especially when anyone in the family gets defeated by Dad.

"Are you seriously letting our old man kick your ass?" Matt teases, and I roll my eyes.

I growl low in my throat, glaring at both of them. Old man? Yeah, right. Dad is nowhere near old when he's in full combat mode. I can feel bruises forming all over my body from his relentless attacks, and since I'm not fully wolf yet, the pain lingers longer than it should.

"Keep shut, Matt," Dad says with a chuckle, crossing his arms as he stands over me. He barely looks winded while I feel like I've run a marathon. "Unless you want to be next... in wolf form."

That shuts Matt up, earning a smirk from me. He clears his throat before sitting up straight. "Sorry, Dad."

Dad grins for a second before tossing my dagger back to me with full focus mode.

I catch it mid-air, then stare back at Dad, who gives a brief nod, implying we continue.

I square my shoulders, pushing the exhaustion to the back of my mind. If I want to be as strong as the others in the pack, I can't afford to give up just because my muscles are screaming at me.

We circle each other, the tension rising with each step. This isn't just a sparring match anymore; this is a lesson. I have to learn to fight through the pain, to push past the limits of my human wolf.

Ever since the announcement about the Rogue Queen reached our pack, everyone has been on edge. Training sessions are more intense, with each wolf pushing themselves to the limit, preparing for whatever might come. And I'm no exception. I've thrown myself into the drills, ignoring the pain. After all, I'm used to it by now.

It's been four years since I failed to shift into my wolf form. Most wolves get their first shift at eighteen, but not me. I guess I wasn't one of the lucky ones. While others transform seamlessly, gaining full access to their wolves, I'm left in the dark, struggling to connect with mine.

Athena, my wolf, comes and goes. Some days I can feel her, hear her voice whispering in the back of my mind. Other days, it's like she's completely gone, leaving me alone in this half-shifted state. It's a frustrating, on-and-off relationship, and no matter how hard I try, I've never been able to fully unlock that bond.

But I keep training. It's all I can do.

My focus comes back as Dad lunged, his movement swift and calculated. I barely had time to react, dodging to the side as he came at me with a flurry of punches. I blocked the first two, but his third strike hit me square in the ribs. The air left my lungs in a painful gasp, but I didn't go down this time.

With a snarl, I slash forward with my dagger, aiming for his arm. He sidesteps effortlessly, grabbing my wrist in a tight grip. Before I can think, he twists me around, locking my arm behind my back.

"Come on, April," he growls in my ear. "You're stronger than this."

Lies. I told myself. I can never be as strong as a real wolf.

I can never belong in this pack, no matter how I try.

I should give up.

Frustration surges through my veins, thick and suffocating, as dark thoughts creep into my mind like a storm cloud. I can feel myself detaching from the training, my focus slipping away. I meet Dad's eyes, trying to hide my emotions, but he knows that look too well.

"Dark thoughts?"

I nod. "Yeah, dark thoughts."

He sighs, dropping the dagger he holds onto the ground, the clatter of metal against dirt barely registering in my mind. He steps closer, pulling me into a tight embrace.

"It's gonna be alright, dear," He repeats the same words I've heard since I couldn't shift and my reply is always the same.

"I know Dad. I know."

That is the only good reply I can give him, and deep down, it hurts him too. But I can't tell him what kind of thoughts my mind conjures-how it desperately wants me to scream and curse at the Moon Goddess, demanding she give me my full form before hatred consumes me.

Ever since that night, I haven't been able to look at myself the same. It's like a shadow has wrapped around me, throwing away the happy girl I once knew.

Dad being the Beta of the pack only makes the way I see myself worse. Growing up, he wasn't just my inspiration-he was a second father to everyone around. I dreamed of the day I'd finally shift into my wolf, imagining how proud he'd be. But that dream shattered, leaving me on the outside while my peers looked at me with pity in their eyes.

I despise their stares.

It's not just about the shift-it's about everything that comes with it. The transformation after the shift is a glorious sight, and seeing how everyone changes into a better version of themselves was the dream I had.

The females of the pack-my peers, the ones I played with as a child-no longer see me as their match. I am an outcast, even though Mother always told me never to use that word. But it was the truth she didn't want me to see then.

It's funny how I feel this way when I'm not the only one in the pack who's had trouble shifting. But most wolves hit their limit by twenty.

I'm twenty-three now. They call me a late bloomer.

I've thought about running-more than once. It would be easier, I tell myself, to disappear into the wilderness and free them from the shame I bring to our family. With the Rogue Queen lurking, killing and abducting wolves, maybe it would be better if I was just... gone.

But something keeps me here. A need to prove to myself-to them-that I can still belong.

So, I stay, hoping that one day I'll be able to understand why I can't shift. Until then, I have training to motivate me-training that I know won't entirely help when faced with a real problem, but it's better than having no clue how to weaken a wolf and getting killed in seconds.

Matt suggested therapy last week, and the idea grated on me. Therapy? I'm not sick. All I need is a strong connection to my wolf and the ability to fit in-not talking to someone about not being good enough and hearing them say I need to "self-discover."

I clear my throat and step back from Dad. "Um, Dad... can we take a break? I think I'm hungry."

I'm not, and he knows it, but he gives a small smile and slings an arm over my shoulders.

"Alright, let's go. I'm sure your mum's cooked up something good."

"She has!" Matt reminds us that he's still here and stands up, carrying Amelia in his arms. "Come on, let's eat. All this fighting's made me hungry."

As soon as I step into the house, I excuse myself and head to my room for a quick shower. If I try walking into the dining room smelling like a training session, Mum will chase me out before I can even sit down.

Inside the bathroom, I peel off my sweat-soaked clothes and glance at the bruises and cuts littering my skin. It always takes time to heal-dragging on like forever.

I trace a particularly deep gash that's finally starting to fade, and a thought runs through my mind-if the Rogue Queen shows up and the pack has to fight against her men, will I be able to help my pack?

"Pretty sure I wouldn't survive it," I scoff at my silly hope of actually helping them instead of running for my dear life.

After the quick shower, I threw on a comfortable top and joggers and headed downstairs to join the others in the kitchen where I saw Mum setting the table, the smell of tasty filling the air.

"What's the occasion for?" I sniff the air dramatically, drawing Mum's attention as I step into the kitchen. "Something smells amazing. What is it?"

"Well, it's definitely not you." She chuckles, reaching over to ruffle my half-dried hair. "You still smell like training session."

"Seriously?" I smell myself but didn't get an indecent scent on me. "But I just took a shower." This is one of the reasons why I need to become a full wolf. The ability to smell was a blessing and also a curse I
That i'm ready to accept.

Mum's brown eyes twinkle with amusement, but she just shrugs, her lips curling into a teasing smile. "Maybe you need to shower again."

I roll my eyes but decide to let it go, heading over to the table. "Maybe later, I'll just eat." But before I can sit down, a knock sounds at the door.

"Lori's here," Matt calls over, casually tearing into his steak beside Dad.

I blink. "How do you know?"

He shrugs, tapping his nose without looking at me. "Wolf senses."

"Right." I press my lips and not saying anything further as I opened our entrance door and found my best friend, Lori, standing there, her face lit up with a grin that could rival the morning sun.

"What's in your bubble today?" I tease as I invite her inside and she greets everyone before dragging me upstairs to my room.

"Hey, Lori!" I chuckle, trying to match her enthusiasm. "What's going on?" This must be something good for her cheeks to look that red.

"Come on, spill!" I urge her the second we enter my room. I sit on my bed, waiting for her to tell me, but she looks so shy right now-which is the complete opposite of Lori.

"Okay, tell me now, I'm already dying of suspense-"

"I've found my mate."

"No way!" I jump out of my bed, trying to hold back my excitement but failing miserably. "Really? How? When?"

Lori giggles, tucking a few stray strands of her red hair behind her ear. "Well, he was a patient at the clinic, and Dad was busy with other patients, so he asked me to check on one of them while the other nurses had more important stuff to do. That's when we met, and I felt it."

"The spark?" I ask, my heart racing at the thought. I've heard it's the most beautiful feeling gifted to us wolves by the Moon Goddess, and judging from Lori's look, I must say she couldn't agree more with that conclusion.

She nods, biting her lip as if trying to hold back the wave of emotions surging through her.

"Yes. And Alex..." She sighs, her eyes glazing over as if lost in a daydream. "It was the most amazing thing ever. You know how they say it's like electricity coursing through your veins? That's exactly how I felt-but ten times a butterfly feeling."

That feeling. I want to feel that so badly.

"So..." I clear my throat, trying not to show any sign that I feel bad for myself. This is her moment, so she deserves my full attention. "What did he look like?"

"Perfect. Simply perfect, April." Lori smiles so hard I worry it might leave a wound in her gums if that were possible. "You know how I love a cute, shy nerd? He was so cute I desperately wanted to kiss him and tell him to claim me right then and there." She wiggles her eyebrows, and I burst into laughter.

"Please tell me you didn't tell him that."

When she doesn't say anything, my eyes widen. "Please say you didn't!"

I wouldn't say I'm surprised, given she's more outspoken about this kind of stuff. She always talks about how she wants her mate to give her all the positions when they meet-but her saying that when her father was just a few miles away from her?

That's nuts, even for her.

"Oh, come on, I wouldn't tell him that." She waves her hand dismissively. "My father was around the corner. What would I tell him? That I got horny the moment I saw my mate and wanted him to pounce on me?"

Something tells me she could say that, but I don't tell her that. Instead, I nod. It's no surprise how wolves instantly crave pleasure from their mates when they first meet. It's like a normal tradition-which I find entirely weird.

"So, what's next? Are you two going to mark each other?"

"Oh no. We're taking it slow. But I can't wait to explore what this means for us! I just-" She suddenly pauses, her eyes searching mine before pressing her lips together. I see the excitement dying down slowly.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry," she says, her words tumbling out in a rush. "I've been blabbing about how I met my mate without considering your feelings..."

"Okay, stop right there." I place my hand on her shoulder. "Don't ever think you can't share something good in your life because of my problems. It's not your fault, okay?"

"But-"

I shake my head, giving her a brief smile. "No buts. Please, don't think that. If you do, you're hurting me too. Lori, you have every right to be happy. You found your fucking mate." Her smile slowly grows at the mention of her mate. "It's a huge deal, and you sharing it with me means the world. So don't think I won't be happy just because you have a best friend with a default-"

"You do not have a default," she frowns. "Don't ever think that. You're gonna find yours too."

I highly doubt that, given how mates usually find their partners when they turn twenty, and my twentieth birthday was three years ago.

I gulp. "Sure."

"April..."

"Let's forget about it, okay?" I plead with her. "Today is your day. My problems are for later. Now..." I hold her hands, leading her to my bed and sitting her down. "Tell me what your dad said when you told him."

She's about to say something, but the look in my eyes must stop her. Instead, she gives my hand a tight squeeze before continuing.

She talks about her mate and how happy her father was-so happy that he called her mum, and she came rushing to the hospital. That must have been so embarrassing but in a cute way.

Her eyes keep glowing every time she talks about her mate, and if I had the ability, like all wolves, to hear her heartbeat, I know it would be pounding like a drum.

Would I ever experience that kind of joy?

I hope I do.

Even though I'm technically a half-wolf, incomplete, and an easy target for others to kill, I hope he accepts me and gives me the same look Lori talks about when she says her mate couldn't stop looking at her.

But if he doesn't?

If he regrets me... I'll... I'll give a smile and thank him for the brief moment of knowing how it feels to be with a mate.

For knowing the Moon Goddess didn't forget me and actually wants me to have one.

I'll be happy-even though my wolf will ache and fall into bitter misery.

I'll be fine. Athena will be fine as well.

All will be fine. It has to be.