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APRIL

His confession doesn't affect me as it should.

There were meant to sound more of him wanting me, but all I heard was different.

It sounded more like him having a duty to fulfill than want.

Or perhaps there's more to it and I'm thinking the way my dark thoughts desire of me, sucking the negative in and refusing to release the toxicity.

We're heading back to the house now. He's upfront, passing a curved rock that I've seen throughout my runs which indicates that any seocond from now, I'll be inside the house, trying to explain to Dad how this Mighty of an Alpha is my fated mate.

I need a drink.

Neither of us says a word, the only sound being the crunch of dry leaves beneath our shoes.

In my head, Athena is completely quiet. Amongst the times she disappears now had to be the time. Perfect. That means I'm seconds away from spiraling.

I desperately need her. I have absolutely no one to talk to about this.

I know I have my family, and I know Lori is always ready to listen, but it's just not the same. If I tell them, I'll just get the same predictable words of encouragement, the same pitiful frowns, and the same empty promises that 'everything will be fine" that certainly won't be fine.

Those phrases have been playing on a loop in my head for years, haunting me like a mockery.

That is the last thing I want to hear right now.

As the house comes into view through the trees, Alpha Arik glances over his shoulder, checking to make sure I'm still behind him. Can he feel how deeply distraught I am? Does he know that I am on the verge of completely falling apart?

Because our bond isn't complete, I don't actually know the extent of what he can feel through it. But I do know one painful fact: because I haven't shifted, we can never share a mind link.

What is the point of him keeping me? He must have important reason aside from the bullshit he stared.

I don't trust his sudden declaration. I don't trust him.

The low murmur of voices cuts through my spiraling thoughts as Arik opens the back door for me. I step inside and immediately stiffen. Matt and his wife, Kiara, are seated in the living room with Dad.

Their eyes instantly shift our way, and a sharp pang of nervousness hits my stomach. Shit. I didn't expect them back from the pack hospital so soon. Kiara has been dealing with severe lower back pain, so they've been going for daily examinations to make sure there aren't any serious complications with the baby.

"Alpha Arik," Matt says, standing up. He doesn't look overly surprised to see him; Dad must have already told him who was visiting.

My mate offers a tight nod of acknowledgment before fixing his intense gaze on my father. "I need to have a word with you," Arik states, his eyes briefly flicking over the rest of my family. "In private."

"Not a problem," Dad replies, his expression grim as he stands up and gestures toward his hallway office.

The moment they disappear down the corridor, Kiara lunges forward and pulls me down onto the couch beside her. I winces slightly; for someone who is heavily pregnant, she has a remarkably terrifying grip.

"What's wrong?" Kiara asks immediately, her eyes searching my face with intense worry. "Why did Alpha Arik call you out there? What did he want?"

Before I can even open my mouth to fabricate a lie, she pauses. Her nose twitches, and she leans a fraction closer, taking a sharp sniff of the air. Her eyes widen in absolute shock.

"You have his scent," she breathes, her voice dropping into a stunned whisper. "Why do you have his scent, April?"

"Seriously?" I gulp, my throat tightening as a cold sweat breaks out across my neck.

How do I say this now?

It's supposed to be a happy thing, right? Matt and Kiara will be happy that I have a mate like they do. Well, not technically like them, but almost.

Matt's brow furrowed in a deep, protective line as he looks between me and the hallway where they went. "Yes, April. It's incredibly strong. What's happening, kiddo? What did he discuss with you?"

I shake my head rapidly, desperately trying to keep my breathing steady. "No. No, I'm fine. It's just..."

Take a deep breath, I tell myself. Just tell them. Get it over with. The truth is going to come out anyway the moment Dad and Arik walk out of that office.

"He had to see me because..." I trail off, my courage faltering.

"Because?" Kiara jumps in, practically vibrating with impatience.

I swallow the massive lump in my throat and force the words out. "He's my mate."

At first, their expressions stay completely still. It's expected. It is a lot to process.

​Then, after numerous rapid blinks, Kiara finally breaks the silence. "Could you... repeat that?"

I sigh and rub my forehead. "Alpha Arik is my mate." The words still sound strange every time I say them. "I know it might sound bad-"

"​No, April..." Matt cuts in gently, placing his hand over mine. "It's just a massive surprise, that's all. Right, babe?" He looks at Kiara, nudging her shoulder. "We're happy for you."

Kiara immediately forces a smile. A terrible one.

"Yes," she says, swallowing hard. "Happy."

I let out a scoff. "You two are terrible liars." I pull my hand away from Matt's. "You don't have to pretend to be happy for me."

Kiara's frown deepens. "Don't get it wrong, April. We are happy that you've found your mate." Her expression softens. "Trust me, aside from praying to the Moon Goddess every night for a safe delivery, finding your other half is one of the things I've always wanted for you."

My heart melts a little at her words. "Kiara..."

"So believe me when I say I am happy. It's just..." Her voice trails off. "He's the Alpha of the Bloodveil Clan. You know the history with his former mate."

"And he has a daughter," Matt adds quietly. Unlike Kiara, he doesn't bother hiding his concern. "This isn't how we imagined you'd find your mate."

My heart sinks because they're not wrong. Nothing about this is normal.

"I know." I stare down at my hands. "That's why I asked him to reject me."

Kiara gasps. "April." Horror fills her face. "What did he say?"

A bitter laugh escapes me. "He said no."

"April, you can't just ask an Alpha to reject you," Matt says carefully. "Especially not him. Do you know what that could do to both of your wolves? I mean, you might not fully understand because-"

"Because what?" I interrupt.

Regret instantly flashes in Matt's eyes as he realizes what he's about to say, but the damage is done.

"Because I'm incomplete?" I stand up abruptly. He pushes himself up too, trying to stammer out an apology, but it's too late.

"April, that's not what I meant."

"Really?" I laugh, but it sounds broken. "You think I don't know that already? That's exactly why I wanted him to reject me. Being a late bloomer wasn't enough. Not shifting wasn't enough. Somehow being paired with a widowed Alpha still isn't enough."

"Please, listen to me."

"I am listening."

"Then hear me." Matt runs a hand through his hair. "I'm trying to protect you. Your mate went through hell when he lost his Luna. There were rumors that he nearly lost his wolf too. It was that bad."

The anger inside me weakens slightly.

"A Luna isn't just a mate to an Alpha," he continues. "She grounds him. She helps hold the pack together. And now you're paired with him. Don't you see how unfair that is to you?"

I don't answer.

"How will it be when he takes you to his pack house and they treat you like you don't belong? Like you're not accepted to be their Luna? This is exactly why second mates aren't wished upon."

A bitter laugh escapes me. "You're worried they won't accept me?"

Both of them look confused.

I shake my head. "If that's the case then I'll fit right in. Here and there won't be different since my own pack treats me like a bloody disease and my pairs mock me." I swallow hard. "All because I can't fucking shift."

Neither of them says anything.

"Matt, I won't deny that your fears could happen. But couldn't you have been happy for one second? Just one second before reminding me why this won't work."

"April..." His voice softens, but before he can continue, his eyes suddenly move past me and his body goes rigid.

The change is so sudden that I turn around.

Dad is standing at the hallway entrance, and my mate is right beside him. My mate instantly locks onto me, filled with a raw, undeniable worry.

​"What's going on here?" Dad asks, looking between all of us. "April?"

​I lick my dry lips, my head pounding violently. Bad thoughts invade my mind, crashing in wave after wave. I shut my eyes tightly for a second, trying to ground myself, but when I open them, Arik is still staring at me, his intense gaze fixed on my face.

He shouldn't be looking at me like that.

He shouldn't care.

He shouldn't have come here.

"Reject me," I whisper, the plea tearing from my throat. I look right at Arik. "I'll do it, I'll reject you if you don't."

Shock ripples across his rugged features.

"April!" Dad shouts, his voice booming as he tries to snap me out of whatever spiral I'm in.

But I can't stay in this room for another second. Before anyone can stop me, my feet are moving. I sprint past them, moving faster and faster until I'm flying up the stairs, throwing myself into my bedroom and slamming the door aggressively, the sound loud for them to hear.

Athena. I call her name silently, desperately, but she doesn't respond. Please, I need you. Athena.

Her voice isn't there. Her presence is completely missing from my head. Hugging my arms tightly around myself, I walk back over to my bed, needing to drown out the suffocating weight of my feelings. I bury my face into the pillow, squeezing the fabric tightly as though the sheer force of it could somehow rewrite this entire day.

This is not the sweet, fated moment I always thought I'd have when I met my mate. This is nothing like the dreams that used to keep me company while I cried myself to sleep at night.

I want to break down, but sobbing right now isn't the wisest decision. My mate is still outside by his car, and with his alpha hearing, the last thing I need is for him to catch me crying. Showing that kind of vulnerability wouldn't exactly look attractive-especially not after straight up demanding that he reject me.

If only he had been a normal wolf, then this rejection would have been easy. He's been too damn stubborn.

Matt is right. As much as his words sting, there weren't far from the truth.

How could I ever show up to his territory, with him announcing to hundreds of fierce warriors that I am his new mate? That would make me their Luna. A fucked-up Luna with a massive identity crisis.

It's either I accept being his mate and face humiliation or beg him to break the bond and still face humiliation while dying Inside.

It's hopeless either way.

The quiet fills in my room and a traitorous thought slips through my defenses: I wish he would come up here and hold me.

I'm pathetic.

I don't even know him, yet the idea of his strong arms hugging me from behind, feeling the heat of his breath against my skin doesn't sound bad in the slightest.

I highly doubt it. To him, I am probably just a duty. A biological necessity to keep his wolf from tearing itself apart.

​Sooner or later, I am going to have to pack my things, leave my home, and head to his pack. My stomach violently turns at the mere thought of leaving my family behind.

​"April," Matt's voice whispers from the other side of the door, accompanied by a soft, hesitant knock.

I let out a muffled groan into the mattress. "Go away."

​"I'm really sorry," he says, his voice thick with guilt. "I shouldn't have said those things. I just... I really don't want to see you get hurt, kiddo."

​I quickly wipe a stray tear falling down my cheek, angry at myself. Why am I being so emotional right now? I need to stay strong.

​"You don't have to apologize, Matt. I understand what you were trying to tell me," I call out, my voice tight.

A sudden chill sweeps through the room, making me notice that my window is still cracked open. I push myself out of bed and walk over to shut it against the cold. But before I can grab the latch, my eyes lock onto the driveway below.

Alpha Arik is standing by his sleek, black SUV. Jacob appears out from the passenger's seat, clearly shown that he's been sitting there waiting for his Alpha to return. Judging by the deep frowns on their faces as Jacob talks to him, they are locked in what seems to be a serious conversation.

Maybe it's the pull of our bond, or maybe it's just the fact that I am staring at him like a creep, but Arik suddenly stops speaking. He looks directly up at my window and I almost stop breathing.

His gaze locks onto mine with such fierce intensity that Matt's continuous apologies through the door instantly fade into background noise.

​I can't look away. Neither can he.

It feels like we are caught in an invisible, magnetic pull that desperately wants us together. And the longer he looks at me, the more it feels like he is trying to communicate something through the glass.

I'm not rejecting you.

The words whisper clearly at the very back of my mind. It's his voice. Rich, deep, and gravelly. And as if he knows exactly when the words hit my brain, the hard line of Arik's mouth softens into a faint, gentle smile.

What the hell?

​Panicking, I violently thrash my curtains closed, blocking him out. I step back from the glass, my heart hammering against my ribs as I drop back onto my bed and grip my pillow tightly against my chest.

​Did he... did he just talk inside my head?

​That shouldn't be possible. I must be losing my mind. I can't even share a mind-link with my own father or brother, and my bond with Arik isn't anywhere near strong enough to forge a link like that. It has to be my own dark, desperate thoughts fucking with me.

​"April...?" Matt's voice interrupts my spiraling thoughts again. "Are you still mad?"

​"Uh? Um... no," I stammer, trying to sound normal. "No, it's fine, Matt. You can go."

​He pauses at the door for another second, and then I finally hear his heavy footsteps heading back down the stairs, leaving me alone with the phantom echo of my mate's voice in my head.

I'm not rejecting you.

....

​A week has passed, and Dad and Matt are rarely home nowadays. Each morning, they head out to the pack grounds and stay there until ten at night. The grueling routine just keeps going.

​According to Mum, the Rogue Queen had attacked a pack clan on the west side, kidnapping young male wolves to build an army for her service. Because of the threat, our pack hardly slept. Whenever I walked around on some days around the territory, all I saw was training.

Wolves look ready to fight and die for our people at a moment's notice. They are pushing themselves too hard, to the point of drawing blood.

​Lori has been running herself around taking care of the injured. She'd been telling me about the horrors she'd seen, almost breaking down in tears when she mentioned that her own mate wanted to join the fighters.

​That is why I am entering the clinic right now. My friend needs a little encouragement.

​It doesn't take a minute after I step inside for the chaos to hit. A wolf shifts back into human form right in front of me, his clothes half-torn to shreds. Deep, claw marks strip across his stomach, spilling an alarming amount of blood. He groans in agony, excess sweat pouring off his body as though he's on the verge of giving up on life.

Opposite him sat another man, coughing up blood. The metallic stench grows uneasy in my gut. A woman sits next to him, sobbing and shouting.

​"I told you to take it easy, but you never listen!" she cries.

Lori's dad emerges from his office, three nurses rushing out behind him. They take one look at the chaotic scene and immediately swarm the man with the claw marks. Even with a werewolf's accelerated healing, it looks like his inner wolf is struggling to keep him alive.

​"Take him in!" Lori's dad orders, rushing over to help the other man-the one the woman is shouting at. As they walk, the man's knees buckle and he falls to the ground.

​I rush forward to help support his weight. Lori's dad looks up, surprised. "April?"

​"Don't worry. I can help," I insist.

​He doesn't have time to argue; another injured wolf has just stumbled through the clinic doors, demanding immediate attention.

​"​Okay, let's go in there," he says, pointing toward an examination room. We haul the man forward with everything we have. Halfway there, the man gags and coughs up more blood, some of it splattering onto my skin and clothes. I ignore the revulsion, keeping my grip tight as we move.

​Lori's dad opens the door but stops me at the threshold. "Don't come in just yet."

​A nurse suddenly appears, slipping past me to help him wheel the patient inside. The door slams shut in my face, leaving me standing in the hallway, covered in blood.

​A mild throb aches in my head, blurring my vision until the door in front of me becomes an unclear smudge. I blink rapidly for a second until my sight finally returns. This has been happening since the day I told my mate to reject me.

At this point, I'm sure Athena is deeply disappointed in me. Our internal link doesn't usually go silent for this long, and my worry grows with every passing hour. I can't tell whether the bond is fading slightly, or if she is just refusing to talk to me.

​Or maybe I'm actually getting physically sick.

​"April?"

​Lori's voice snaps me out of my thoughts. She stands next to me, her face a pale, messy portrait of exhaustion, her eyes dull and heavily lined with dark circles.

​"Lori," I breathe, stepping forward to wrap my arms around her. She tightens the embrace instantly, clinging to me like a lifeline. "How are you holding up?"

​"I'm so glad you're here." She pulls away, swallowing hard and looking down to keep herself from breaking down. "Let's go to the back."

​"But-" I glance over my shoulder at the main lobby, where more people are storming inside with gruesome injuries.

Before I can protest further, Lori wraps her fingers around my wrist and drags me deeper into the clinic. We head inside her dad's private office, and she gently pushes me down into a chair.

​"How do I tell him not to go?" she starts, immediately pacing the length of the room, her hands gesturing wildly. "We just met less than two weeks ago. I don't know much about him other than he gives incredible head, loves dogs-well, no surprise there, being a wolf-and looks unbelievably cute when he's on the verge of orgasm-"

​"Lori."

​She pauses mid-stride. "Sorry. I'm going way off track."

​"You think?"

​A small, breathless chuckle escapes her lips as she finally sinks into the chair opposite me, leaning closer across the desk.

"I just... have you seen how crazy everyone is practicing out there? I mean, I might not fully understand how extreme this Rogue Queen is, but for wolves to be breaking their own bones during training? It can't be that bad... or can it?"

​I lick my dry lips, desperately trying to think of something reassuring to calm her spiraling thoughts. "Has he completely made up his mind?"

​"Yes. He said he was already thinking about joining the guard before we even met. But look at him! He's not built like the other wolves. He isn't some hyper-muscular brute, and I love that about him. He's supposed to be a hot nerd, not a hot warrior."

​One specific word freezes my thoughts entirely. "Love?"

​Lori's cheeks instantly flush a deep crimson. "Is that a bad thing?" Her hands fidget nervously in her lap. "Maybe it's too quick for me to say that. It's just... it isn't hard to like him. I don't want to sound dramatic, but staying away from him makes me feel physically dizzy somehow."

​"What do you mean?" I ask, tilting my head, a strange realization beginning to dawn on me.

​"Well, I asked my mum about how it felt when she first got her bond with Dad. She told me that during the first few weeks, your wolf is completely needy. She claws at you to be around your other half." Lori shrugs, though her expression remains tense. "I thought she was joking, but it's like I'm sitting here right now, but my wolf is dying to run off to my mate's side just to be near him."

​"So, your wolf right now wants you to see him?"

The question echoes in my own mind. Is that what Athena wants from me? Is that the real reason I'm feeling so incredibly weak and dizzy?

Athena, Talk to me. Is that what you want? Is that why you feel far away from me? Come on, you know you can't shut me out this way.

Silence. Absolute silence.

Lori nods, pulling me out of my trance. "Yeah. But right now, she's completely quiet. I know she's probably mad at me for staying in the clinic. Don't worry about it, though. Once I'm done here, I'm heading to the pack house and then I'll go see him."

​"You're going to the pack house?" My heart suddenly leaps into my throat, feeling alive for the first time all day.

​"Yeah, Dad wants me to hand over a few medical documents to Alpha Haden. He wants to check the numbers on the injuries the warriors are experiencing during training."

​"Can I come?" I blurt out, the words escaping so fast I almost twist my tongue.

​Lori's dull eyes widen, lighting up with instant excitement. "Yes! Oh my god, I was just thinking about how boring the walk would be alone. Let's go right now."

The walk to the pack house was nice. I desperately needed the cool air brushing against my skin, but even with the chilly breeze, my body feels feverish and exhausted.

Lori keeps chatting, asking how my week has been. She sounds so sad that we haven't had time to spend together lately, entirely oblivious to the fact that I'm the one running away.

Guilt twists in my stomach. I haven't even told her that I'm mated. Meanwhile, she told me the exact second she found hers.

​The security guards smile warmly at Lori as they open the heavy gates, but their expressions shift, staring at me with a cold, strange detachment. Because of my lack of scent, I'm basically a human to them. Not needed. Not wanted. Just an outsider.

​"You okay?" Lori asks, pausing just as we reach the massive front doors. "Your face looks really red."

​"It does?" I press the back of my hand against my cheek. She's right; my skin is burning. "Maybe I just need some water. I'm alright."

​She nods slowly, though her eyes linger with worry, before knocking on the door. One of the pack helpers opens it, stepping aside to let us inside the grand foyer.

​"Okay, give me just a minute and we'll head back," Lori says, trying to cheer me up. "How about we grab something to eat later? I'm craving a massive steak."

​I force a weak smile, my head throbbing violently now.

​She takes the stack of medical documents and heads down the corridor toward Alpha Haden's office. The moment she turns the corner, my strength evaporates. I lean heavily against the wall, gripping my forehead. I squeeze my eyes shut, clenching my fists so tight my nails sting against my palms.

​Athena. Athena, please come back. I... I can't feel you.

​"Reya!"

​That voice.

​I didn't even realize my eyes had closed completely until I snap them open. Reya is rushing straight down the grand staircase, clutching her favorite doll tightly to her chest. Her eyes are brimming with tears. She stops at the landing, and our gazes lock.

​"April!" she cries, sprinting toward me. I try to force another smile for her, but it slips. "Why are you not happy? You're so sad. Should I call Daddy?"

​"What?" I whisper, my voice cracking.

​"Reya!"

​The booming voice calls her name again. Suddenly, a wave of profound dizziness crashes over me. My legs turn to water, my body feels entirely too heavy to carry, and the world tilts sideways as I collapse toward the floor.

​"April!" Reya shouts, her panicked cries echoing, sounding incredibly loud and far away at the same time.

​The thundering sound of rushed footsteps vibrates through the floorboards. Before I can hit the hard ground, a pair of strong, powerful arms catch me, gently lifting me up. Instantly, a rich, intoxicating scent I've never smelled before invades my senses, flooding my mind.

The moment I breathe it in, the agonizing headache eases just a fraction.

​What is this incredible warmth?

​Seeking relief, I instinctively snuggle deeper into the embrace, burying my face against his chest.

​"April, wake up." His voice vibrates against my cheek. It's so deep, so soothing, yet laced with pure panic. "Can you open your eyes for me, darling?"

​Slowly, with a monumental effort, I force my eyelids open. I look up and lock into his eyes.

​So bright.

​So breathtakingly beautiful.

​"A-Arik?" I breathe.

​"Yes, I'm here. Keep your eyes on me," he says, his deep voice thick with a fierce, protective urgency.

Before the darkness can claim me completely, I feel myself being hoisted effortlessly into the air. He carries me close against his chest, his powerful arms completely enveloping me.

With what little strength I have left, my fingers twitch and curl into the fabric of his shirt, gripping him like a lifeline. As he walks-hurrying toward who knows where-the agonizing pressure in my skull begins to dull, soothed by the intoxicating warmth of his scent.

Unknowingly, just being this close to him is taking the pain away.

​"Keep holding me," I mutter under my breath, the words barely a whisper. "You're cold."

​Please, don't let me go.

​"Dad, is she alright?"

​Reya's voice cuts through the fog in my mind. She's crying. The sound breaks my heart. Please don't cry, sweetie. I'm fine.

​"I'm fine," I try to say out loud, but my voice completely gives out, leaving the reassurance trapped in my throat. I'm fine...

​I sink deeper into his embrace, letting his scent wash over me one last time.

And then, the light completely fades, and everything goes dark.