"Whoever you are, please wake up..." Annie whispered, standing close to John Doe's bedside scanning his sleeping figure.  He was newly changed into a hospital gown and a white bandage was wrapped around his head.  The monitor beeped every second with his heartbeats.  He was still connected to an IV drip, which administered pain medication and nutrition to prevent dehydration. 

A throat behind her cleared, a startled Annie jumped in place, she could hear her heart beating loudly in her chest as she clutched her shirt.  "You scared the hell out of me Mark, I didn't even hear you enter."  Releasing a deep breath to calm her nerves. 

"Sorry! I didn't mean to startle you.  I need to talk to you privately before John Doe's family arrive, they've been notified."

Mark was nervous.  He caught the concern on her face while she looked down at him—Julien. She hadn't noticed he was watching her from the door. 

"Sure."  Annie's eyebrows furrowed in confusion, following Mark down the hall to his office. 

Once they entered, Mark closed the door. 

"Have a seat."  He gestured to one of the chair's in front of his desk.  Instead of sitting in his chair, Mark stood in front of her, leaning against his brown polished desk. 

"I don't know how to tell you this..."  He begins, releasing a deep breath.

Annie sat up in her chair, stick rod straight.  Panic started to set in the pit of her stomach.  She knew he was not going to deliver good news. Mark's body language was too wound up, hesitant, his anxiety evident.  The bad feeling inside of her intensified to a point Annie was clutching the collar of her scrubs in desperation. 

"What is it Mark?  Something is wrong! Just spit it out!  I'm going to have a meltdown before I even know what you're going to say!"

"John Doe is no other then...Julien St. James."  

At first Annie thought she did I not hear Mark right, but the expression on his face was solemn and filled with pity. 

The color drained from her face. Annie blinked several times, her vision blurring and a faint ringing started in her ears.

No...Julien...!

Annie could not breathe. Her throat muscles constricted the lack of oxygen from entering her lungs. Desperately, she gasped for air, panicking as an anxiety attack over took her body feeling herself freeze up, her limbs in lockdown. It was painful, like a thousand daggers piercing her skin.

Mark jumped up and grabbed her arms pulling her up to a standing position.

"Breathe Annie, just breathe!" He shouted, shaking her immobile body.

Annie collapsed in Mark's arms and sagged against him. He stumbled awkwardly carrying his weight and Annie's but managed to safely drop to the floor with her in his arms.

She tried to regulate her breathing, it was difficult but she managed to gulp large breaths into her lungs. Her hands were in fists, still frozen in place against Mark's chest. His hold was tight as he rocked her back and forth on the carpeted floor of his office.

"I'm sorry, Annie I know it's hard. But please keep it together. Stay strong." He pleaded.

Saying it was hard was an understatement. The man she was caring for was the love of her life. And he was on the hospital bed, unconscious, hurt, battered and bruised.

Julien was with her the entire time.  She now recognized why she was affected by the well being of the unknown male. Annie sensed him without realizing it.

The heart knows.

And now he was fighting for his life.

The need to cry suddenly hit her like a ton of bricks. The sense of loss and dread engulfed Annie, the pain making her heart break in half.   

She felt her eyes start to mist but stubbornly held the tears at bay.  She woudn't cry no matter how hard it hurt.  Closing her eyes, she leaned her head against Mark's chest trying to collect and control her emotions, taking deep labored breaths.

Julien was supposed to pick her up when her shift ended. She was supposed to see him later not now.

The horror of the accident and the agony Julien felt threatened to undo her. 

Her pain intensified, constricting her chest in a tight vice grip as she hurt for him. Wishing the pain he endured was her's. A great burden lay heavily on her chest as her heart weeped for Julien.

Annie shuddered involuntarily, as a cold sensation swept through her veins, turning her entire body to ice.  She felt cold, shut down, hollow and numb.

The urge to scream nearly tore passed her lips.  The pain and frustration bottling up inside her.  But she could not afford to feel weak right now. She needed to be strong for him and herself.

It took great effort to stay conscious from the onslaught of emotions coursing through her. But the more she fought the heavy weight of her eyelids the battle was lost as a pit of blackness engulfed her. 

"Annie! Annie! Come on, stay with me," Mark shook her immobile body.

He laid her down gently and rushed out of his office to grab some smelling salts. He came back, holding them under her nose.  Annie's head twitched as her body jerked involuntarily away from the foul smell. 

"Thank God!" 

Mark managed to waken her, blinking several times to clear the fog in her head, she was dazed but stable.  The shock set in as she lay there pale and lifeless. 

"You went into shock." He said to her exhaling in relief.

Her anguish was consuming, heart wrenching, and overwhelming in it's force as it came rushing back. With a strength she did not know she possessed, she managed to stand up on shaking legs.  Mark kept a hold of her as he sat her back down in the chair.  He left her briefly to pour her a cup of water. 

Forcing her to swallow, Annie felt the tightness in her throat. 

"Will he make a full recovery?"  She asked in a raspy voice she barely recognized as her own while grasping the glass cup tightly in her hand.

"Yes.  I think he will make it.  Again, the sooner he wakes up the better his prognosis. His family are on there way, they were notified just before I talked to you."

Mark pager went off, taking it out of his pocket he looked up at Annie with wide eyes. 

"It's Julien. He's conscious." 

Julien was awake from his self-induced coma. 

Annie perked up instantly, adrenaline spiked in her blood as she raced behind Mark to Julien's hospital room. 
*****
"Do you know who I am Julien?" Mark asked his carefully.

Julien blinked several times.  But he did not answer.

"Julien?"  Mark tried again. "Do you recognize me?"

Julien closes his eyes.  For a moment, he appeared to have lost consciousness once more. 

But then he opened his eyes slowly.  His lids were heavy lidded as if he was struggling to stay awake. 

Annie held her breath wanting to intervene and demand Mark leave him be.  Julien was not fully aware of his surroundings.  He was not ready to respond. 

"Mark. . ."  She began. 

"No." Julien replied hoarsely.

His speech slurred but audible.

Mark looked up to Annie as she swallows heavily, the thick lump forming in her throat making it difficult to breathe.

If he didn't remember Mark, he was not going to remember her. Her legs nearly gave out as she stood there still as a statue trying to wrap her head around everything she just learned.  And it nearly killed her.

The look of confusion swirled in his eyes as he looked right passed Annie, not giving her any indication or inkling of recognition.  He didn't even spare her a second glance.

Annie's composure was scarcely held by a thread, threatening to crumble and destroy her resolve to stay strong. She didn't know how she was able to stand there instead of run out of the hospital room and scream.

Mark continued to preform various tests and asked Julien countless question's.

It was a miracle and rare for a patient to wake up so soon after head trauma.  For someone in his condition and his near death experience, he was surprisingly alert but disoriented and exhausted which was a positive sign of recovery. 

Despite it all, Annie was grateful he was conscious and trying to speak.  What she was feeling was of no concern knowing he was alive and communicating. 

It was eventually ruled out that he indeed had partial memory loss.  The last he recalled remembering when he was in London making arrangement's for the move to California and everything before then. 

And they did not know if he'd ever get his memories of the last few months back.  It may take weeks, months, years, or he may never be able to retrieve his memories at all.  Ever.

But most importantly he was expected to recover fully from his injuries.

Annie fisted her hands as she fought her internal shaking, her stomach twisting with nausea. She could not afford to pass out again or even have a meltdown which was just above the surface. No one seemed to notice, though; they were distracted with their sole focus on Julien.  He was the one that was suffering and in pain. 

She stayed with Mark and the others as he spoke to his family.  A look of indifference stayed etched on her face, facading her inner turmoil. Her look of professionalism fooled everyone, including her parent's and Cici who were informed of the accident Julien was involved in, rushing to the St. James' side in support. 

Nobody noticed how she fought herself, everything in her tearing apart into shreds especially when she heard Mark advise his family not to introduce his new life in California but instead slowly transition him into it so he wouldn't become overwhelmed.

They were firmly warned his mind might relapse and reject his suppressed memories. It was a very delicate time and the only way to retrieve what was lost was allowing it all to come back naturally. Any wrong trigger would never help him heal. 

Annie was left devastated because it meant she had to keep the time they shared together to herself.  Hearing the news left a gaping hole in her heart leaving her reeling from the pain and injustice of their fate.

With no choice left for her, she stayed professional, that backbone of pride of hers stiffening her posture, doing her job at the hospital until her shift ended, never going back to Julien's room.

It was the hardest thing she had ever had to do.

She was erased from his memory. Everything they did, all the brief times they were together, the kisses, the caresses, all of it erased from his memory.

Nothing was left. It was the end of a beginning.

History.

Having no memories is a small sacrifice compared to what may have happened which was death. He may never remember her.  And the hardest part was she couldn't say anything to him. 

Annie numbly made her way back home in a taxi. She did not see anything, nothing registered past the haze that surrounded her. It went by in a swift blur until she found herself in front of the gates of her home.

Closing the door to her bedroom, Annie shuddered, her eyes closed as a small moan of anguish escaped her lips slamming her hand against the door. Cold swept through her veins, turning her entire body to ice. Her fingers dug into the flesh of her arms as she hugged herself tightly.

Her pain blinding her momentarily, her hands flattened against her lips, trying to hold in her sobbing.  Sinking to the floor, Annie bent over hugging her middle, while her other hand stayed glued to her lips trying to trap her anguish. 

Her eyes finally released her pent up tears, betraying her. 

"Why?"  she asked herself as she sobbed, letting it all out. 

Julien almost died.

Their love was forever gone.

She was so close at finally finding happiness and it was all taken away so suddenly.  It was what she was afraid of. She knew something would happen—it was too good to be true.   Love is a strong emotion and when it's lost before ones very eyes was devastating. 

It was a new experience—these foreign feelings of losing love, it was what she had tried to stay away from, the heartbreak. 

All her hopes and dreams went up in flames.

Thankfully nobody was home yet to hear her cries of suffering. Until she couldn't feel her numb legs from beneath her, Annie stood slowly leaning against the wall for support and made her way to her bathroom.

Switching on the light, Annie met her reflection in the mirror. Her tears were silent this time as she assessed the bloodshot eyes starring back at her. She looked pathetic and broken. The light twinkle of happiness gone from her eyes, replaced with a great sadness that burned through her soul.

The diamond necklace Julien gave her caught her eye as it twinkled happily.  With trembling hands, she unclasped it, and removed the pink studs as well, laying them on her bathroom counter.  It was only thing she had left of him.  The reminder was painful of what will never be. 

Taking a deep breath, Annie looked away not being able to withstand the stranger in the mirror.

The hot water was scalding her skin, but she didn't feel it. She felt so numb and cold she didn't care. It hurt, the pain, the loss. Annie kept crying in the shower until she couldn't stand anymore.

It could have been minutes or hours before she emerged from her shower.  Wrapping a towel around her body, Annie brushed her hair with shaking hands then wrapped a robe around her. Sweeping the necklace and studs in her hand to lock up in her jewelry box, she opened the bathroom door. Turing around after safely placing the pink diamonds in her box,  she noticed a movement out of the corner of her eye.

Charlotte rose and cautiously approached her. A look of concern and love shone from her eyes as she carefully and slowly came forward. Annie's face was red and her eyes were puffy and swollen from the pressure she exerted on herself. Her posture was stiff and unmoving as her mother finally engulfed her in a delicate hug. She sunk into her mother's embrace and started crying again, her sobbing wracking her body uncontrollably.

"Shhhh. I know sweetheart. I know." Charlotte's own heart broke upon feeling her daughter's painful cries.

"He's gone, mom...f-forever." The anguish in her daughter's voice, her pain beating against her, Charlotte couldn't help but cry with her.

"I'm so sorry Annie. I know he loved you very much and if he saw you he wouldn't want to see you suffering like this for him." Trying to console her but it only made Annie cry harder, clutching her mother's shirt desperately.

The door to Annie's room opened revealing Cici who's eyes widened in surprise and quickly turned to concern witnessing Annie hanging on to their mother for dear life. Charlotte met Cici's eyes and she quickly came to them and embraced them both. Charlotte and Cici cried along with Annie, her pain and suffering was now there's as they were engulfed in her torment.

An hour later, they were able to get her into bed. She was so exhausted and weak she could barely open her eyes. The pounding headache against her temples caused so much stress on her she could barely think. It felt like her head was splitting in half as she clutched her head. 

"Annie, honey, what is it?" Her mother asked worriedly. Cici tried pulling Annie's hands away from her head but she wouldn't let go as she moaned in pain.

"My head hurts so much, I can't take it..." She moaned, her voice sounding hoarse to her ears.

"I'll be right back with pain killers. Hang on Annie..." Cici sped out of the room and quickly came back with medicine and water.

They helped her up into a sitting position and had her open her mouth. They even helped her drink water as she was unable to hold the water bottle. Water dribbled from the sides of her mouth as she drank.

Annie's eyes were so puffy now she couldnt open them anymore. Cici and Charlotte laid her back down gently and kissed her forehead lovingly. "Sleep now, my love." Her mother whispered against her forehead kissing her tenderly once again as she went unconscious almost immediately.

Cici and Charlotte stood at the foot of Annie's bed and stared at her sleeping figure. She looked so fragile, like a porcelain doll, easily breakable.

"She doesn't deserve this."  Said Cici, breaking the silence.  Her heart broke watching her sister break down.  Not being able to imagine half of what Annie was feeling. 

"She's strong, she'll get through it.  It will take her some time and a lot of support from us..."  Charlotte replied sadly.  

"Mom lets keep what happened here tonight between the three of us for now.  Annie wouldn't like anybody knowing her moment of weakness.  She wouldn't be able to live with herself if anybody found out what happened here today. The pitying stares would be unbearable.   She would want everybody to think she was fine."

"I agree.  I'm not even going to tell your father.  I only pray Julien gets his memories back before it's too late."  Glancing back at Annie's sleeping figure.

"You heard what they said, he may never get it back!  Only time will tell...You never know, he might gravitate toward her naturally like the first time they met."  Cici replied with hope.  Praying it would happen.  Everybody deserved happiness and love especially Annie, the most loving, caring, and most unselfish person she has ever known.

"I hope so my dear, I hope so..."

********
Life was unfair at times, with it's up's and down's.

It's been three weeks since the day of Julien's fatal accident. He was released from the hospital just after ten days of recovery. They told him it was a miracle he was alive and interacting at such a fast rate.

Doctors instructed him to slowly transition into his daily routine and to not overwhelm himself. Julien was slowly adjusting to his new life, his new surroundings, and even went to work to continue as he usually did just two week's after his release from the hospital.

Victor and Duncan explained and updated him on all the information he needed to know about their accomplishments so far, business wise–the main headquarters, his office, the employees, what projects they were working on...

He met Patrick Terverron again, for the second time along with his children Cici and Michael. He was informed another of his children worked with them as well but she supposedly was always occupied. Patrick's entire family was very welcoming and accommodating. He learned both their families were quite close in such a few short month's.

The Taverron's lived across the street from their own home paying them several visit's in the past several weeks-quickly learning why his family spoke so highly of the notorious family.

But since the accident, Julien was emotionally torn and confused. Since his release and learning about his new life–nothing had triggered his memories.  Months worth of memories erased caused him a considerable amount of irritability and frustration.  When he tried to recall and concentrate, a splitting headache would start, momentarily detouring his train of thought.

He sensed he was missing something greater than what he was told by his family. A big piece of his life was missing. He could feel it. Everything was not as it seemed. It felt as though a big secret was being withheld from him and he had yet to figure it out.

******
The days, minutes, and the hours, ticked by, just like the sands of an hour glass....

It was so hard.  Annie missed him.  Her mind could not help but wander, thinking of Julien. She tried forgetting, moving on, but he occupied her dreams when she slept, and her thought's when she was awake. 

And in result, in the past week's, Annie's lost weight, felt helpless, depressed, and lonely.  Sociably detached from her family and co-workers only heightened the dilemma of her emotions.  She moved around robotically during the day, doing what was expected but never what she wanted, and what she wanted was to curl up in her bed and never leave her bedroom. 

It's been weeks since she's last laid eyes upon Julien in his hospital bed.

She went back to the hospital once, in the middle of the night to check up on him without being seen.  He lay there sleeping soundly, the bruising had lessened, revealing his handsome features.  The large bandage around his head was also gone,  in place was a smaller bandage to the side of his temple.  He was pale and still battered but his heart was beating strong and steady. 

It was the only sound in the room.

Annie never dared touch him. Watching him carefully from a distance.

She left that night with a heavy heart, deciding to make the worst decision of her life.

The next morning she asked her mother to relay a message to the St. James family before Julien's release from the hospital. She requested they not to reveal their previous relationship or of anything he's said or done concerning her in the last few months of their meeting. To make it look like they were never close. At least for now. 

She warned them, if she was introduced to him so soon it may have an adverse reaction on his recovery. 

They accepted her request Charlotte informed her, but they were not happy about it, nonetheless.

Although nobody knew much about the extent of their relationship but her, she wanted to leave him be to recuperate and find his way in this difficult time. Annie didn't want to influence his feelings, nor make him feel obligated towards her.   He had so much to catch up on and he did not need her as a distraction.  She had to let him go.

For the first time in her life she truly understood what love between a man and woman really meant. Because of it she put Julien's well-being ahead of her own, knowing even as she did so that, however painful the outcome, she was doing what was best for him.

The brain is a very sensitive organ, and his amnesia had not shown any progress.  He's still missing months of his life and for her to step in and inform him of their relationship, did not seem right or appropriate to Annie.  It felt selfish, only to cause him more distress and confusion–he could very well push her away and she didn't know if she would be able to handle the loss...again. 

Secretly she was afraid of rejection, and she knew her heart couldn't take it. Giving him the time and space he needed nearly killed her. She only prayed he would find his way back to her. That he would wake up with his memories and hold her in his strong comforting arms.

Although she was desperate, she would never show how badly she needed to hear updates—any information about him that fed her gnawing concern. However, knowing her all too well, without having to ask, her family provided her information of Julien and his progress.

According to what they shared, he was in good health and was taking one day at a time. Julien eventually went back to work continuing his daily routine, and since his return Annie avoided being seen by him in the same room, hallway, elevator, street...she was not mentally ready to see him yet. She was being a coward, hiding away but it was the only way she could cope.

And as much as she tried avoiding him,  a little part of her hoped they would accidentally bump into each other–a simple glance just to feed her starving eyes.   She missed his sexy, cocky smirk. His dominance, his gentle caresses across her skin, his demanding kisses, his strong arms wrapping around her.

Her sadness eventually turned into anger at herself and the world. If she stayed angry, she could make it. She refused to shed one tear after her embarrassing breakdown in front of her mother and Cici.  They did not talk about what happened. Not that night, nor any of the days and nights afterward. Annie vowed to be strong and not look back and dwell on the past. 

And she did, but not without difficulty.  

Annie sighed as she swiveled in her chair to stare out her office window.  Love hurts, she thought bitterly.  It was the reason why she was afraid to love him and constantly fought him.   She recognized now how she suffered from a physiological ailment –philophobia, someone who fears falling in love, refuses to open up and allow anyone close enough to hurt them. When she had eventually surrendered everything to him, she was acutely reminded of all the reasons she had been so terrified to give in from the beginning.

The pain. The vulnerability. 

What was her mission, her goal in life, was now her enemy.

For a brief moment, pain blazed forth again, tears burned her eyes and the hard lump in her throat made it difficult to breathe. Annie blinked several times forcing it away, feeling the pain dwindle down again.

She was broken She felt dead inside. 

No life, only misery and loneliness.  It was tearing her apart to be separated from him.  What they shared was more then just physical, it was deeper and spiritual.  The old saying was true: you don't know the value of something until you lose it, she thought sadly.

After everything she's been through, the biggest regret of her life was fighting Julien and her feelings for as long as she did. Maybe everything would have turned out differently. Maybe he would not have been in the accident and now suffering from amnesia.

What if this was all her fault.

One action leads to another....

If she had the power to turn back the hands of time, she would cherish every second she spent with Julien instead of pushing him away and fighting her feelings.

Annie rubbed her temples as she suppressed a yawn.  Reaching for her coffee mug, she took a sip. Caffeine was what helped her stay awake during the day when she had no energy to sit up.

Shuffling some papers and filing them to clear her messy desk, her calendar started to come into view. She glanced down and what she saw scribbled down made her heart almost stop.

Dread filled her insides.   "No!" She moaned.

Michael and Sheila's wedding was right around the corner in a few days time.  She was so engulfed in her own little world she completely forgot. 

Annie rubbed her eyes tiredly and folded her arms on her desk top, leaning her head down in defeat.

Everyone was going to be there, especially Julien. 

It was unavoidable. 

Their paths were bound to cross but Annie was terrified.

What would she say?

Would seeing her trigger his memories?

Would all that she's tried to suppress all these weeks come rushing to the surface?
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This chapter by far was one of the longest chapters of this story, little over 4,500 words. It was difficult to write the very sad and emotional ending of their love story. Do you think Julien's memories will be triggered when he sees Annie for the first time?

Thanks for reading and everybody's continued support.

Please don't forget to VOTE and SHARE.

Thanks, Shaz