“Now all I think about is how
My world turned upside down
Ah, I lose my breath when you're walking in
'Cause when our eyes lock, it's like my heart stops.”
…

“... right after?” I ask as I hold on tightly to the phone that's pressed against the side of my head.

“Yeah, immediately after. I'll meet you there in about an hour after it ends…I promise.”

“You sure?”

“I'm sure, I promise.”

“You sure you're not ditching anyone or skipping anything Star?”

“I PROMISE! Jesus, Jordan.”

“Hey, don't yell at me, I wasn't the person who made the mistakes in the past.”

She only chuckles and I can imagine her shaking her head behind the phone.
“Shut up Jordan. I'll meet you in a few hours. Don't do anything stupid until then.”

“What…? Hello?” She hangs up.

I sigh as I head to my bathroom.

Sometimes I wonder why I like this girl so much and then I remember it's mostly for this exact reason.

I drop my phone and stare at my reflection in the mirror. A genuine smile plays out on my lips. It's so apparent how much better I'm looking these days. I look healthier, less thinner, the dark circles under my eyes, though not gone completely, are noticeably lighter. I run my hands through my curls that have grown thicker and looks more golden in the dim bathroom light.

I've never been more happy.

I stopped going to see my therapist, my medications have reduced to only the ones for my anxiety, I've had more free time to rest and there's just this balance that has been restored within me and around me.

I never knew it could be possible for me to feel this way. I always felt like it would be the way it was: feeling depressed, unloved, incomplete, wrong…

This feels nice and I hope everyone gets to feel this way because it has to be the main point of life. You don't need to suffer. You don't, no one does. It happens and it's unfortunate but you don't need to be unhappy for you to have lived.

It's all about happiness, doing what makes you happy, being with people that make you happy, feeling happy. That's all that truly matters and I'll always stand by that.

Star and I decided to go on a first official date. Like one in which I'm not questioning if it's actually a date or not.

We were planning on what to do and she thought of the usual dinner in a restaurant but I preferred having a picnic out on a field as we watch the sunset which is obviously a hundred times better and more romantic. She still insisted on the dinner, which was actually surprising to me because I didn't see her as that type of girl. After much banter, in the end we decided to do both. After we have an early dinner we go out and watch the sunset. It sounds perfect to me and I don't really care what we do, it's being with her that matters anyway.

I try to keep my eyes literally anywhere else when she walks into the restaurant. I mean, I expected her to look beautiful but like…I didn't expect her to show up in the dress she wore.

It was a simple yet stylish black dress with an off shoulder, a tiny belt wrapped around her tiny waist, and most important of all is fitted. This means that it hugs her body perfectly, showing off all her curves that really makes me lose my breath.

Damn, she's been hiding this under sweatpants and hoodies?!!

What the fuck, she's so hot.

And the fact that she acts so nonchalant as usual is making it worse to be honest. It's like she doesn't even know how she looks.

She doesn't apply makeup, as expected, and her straight, shiny brown hair is left to fall down the sides of her beautiful face and rest on her shoulders. On her feet are really cool, black doc marten loafers.

“Wow,” I murmur as she takes a seat and she only chuckles.

Most of the people in the restaurant turn back around to face their tables after all the gawking they did seconds earlier.
It baffles me how little she seems to care.

“You look amazing Jordan. Black really suits you, makes you even more handsome,” she says in response and I don't even try to hide the blush that creeps up the sides of my face. I have on a simple black button down shirt with dark blue jeans and a really nice pair of black slip on sneakers. I didn't think much of it.

“Thank you, and you look…hot,” I manage and she lets out a laugh.

“Really? I never see myself as hot, more of cool.”

“You can do both, darling,” I tell her with a smirk. “You really blow my mind.”

“Aww,” she coos in response with a pout. “You're sweet. So…”

“So indeed. Um…what do we order? We have to leave here early so we won't miss the sunset.”

“Oh yeah, of course,” she says as she picks up the menu. “Lemme see what they have on here…”

I bite my lip as a question pops up in my head, a question that has been bothering me for a while now.

She looks up from the menu with a raised brow. “You okay Jordi?”

I blink as the nickname registers. Emily used to call me that and it honestly made me uncomfortable but hearing it from her makes my insides warm.

I bite back a smile and scratch the back of my head.
“Um…I don't know if this sounds stupid but…I mean, we've been hanging out for a while now and you know…”

“I don't know…”

I let out a nervous chuckle.
“Um, I just don't want to assume. Are we…dating? Like are you my girlfriend and am I, you know, your boyfriend?” I don't give her eye contact for the entirety of my question.

She facepalms and I cringe.
“Have we kissed in the past few days? Do we hang out almost all the time? Do we like each other? Are we on a freaking date?”

“I mean yes, but–”

“Oh of course we are dating you idiot,” she says with an exasperated sigh.

I laugh at her reaction and feel my face burning up in embarrassment.
“I just wanted to make sure, jeez.”

She chuckles and then tilts her head as she faces me. “God, you are so cute.”

I blush even harder and I really don't know what to do with myself but luckily the waiter comes over to the table to take our orders.

***
I can't help the laugh that escapes my mouth. It's so loud and hearty and uncontrollable.

“I swear I can see green up there!” she cries as points towards the sky amidst her own laughter.

We're sprawled out on the grass at the park that evening. Luckily for us the park is mostly empty and the weather is nice. I keep switching my gaze from Star back to the sunset because I can't decide which is more beautiful.

“Star there is nothing you can do to convince me that there is a green colour somewhere up in that sky alongside the rest of those colours.”

“Okay, what colours can you see?”

“Part of the sunset or in general?”

“In general.”

“Okay, um,” I hum and adjust myself on the grass, trying to ignore the prickly sensation under me. “Blue, pink, purple, orange, salmon, red…”

“Green…”

“Oh God Star…”

She turns over on the grass and my head immediately snaps towards her direction. She gives me a sweet smile before deciding to inch closer to me.

Am I complaining? Am I moving away? Nope.

I can't help but admit that I get flashbacks of the times she used to lean in to kiss me and I'll step away from her. I can still lucidly recall the heartbroken look that she holds in her eyes anytime it happens.

She moves slightly on top of me and places her soft lips on mine. I shut my eyes for a moment and my hands move up to her face, my fingers caressing her cheeks slowly and I kiss her back gently before she pulls away, quite frustratingly for me.

A small mischievous smile plays on her lips as I stare at her slightly lightheaded.

“Can you see a green up there?” she asks and blinks at me adorably.

“So many shades…” I murmur and pull her back into another kiss.