"As much as it seems like you own my heart
It's astronomy, we're two worlds apart."
....

“I know it feels like I'm pushing you away·”

“You are…”

“But I'm just doing the right thing. Trust me, you'll understand why I'm doing all this soon.”

“Understand what Jordan?!” she cries, her worry and hurt finally exploding into anger.

I blink at her and wait patiently. At this point, I don't even have the energy to express or feel any emotion. I just want to be clear with her(even though I've been trying for past few minutes) and leave.

It's going to happen anyway so there's no need to waste any more time than necessary. I just want to get it over with.

“Star I'm going to say this for the last time,” I say, letting out a frustrated sigh. “We’re not friends anymore, okay? We're not hanging out anymore.”

She lets her tightly folded arms fall to her sides and rest there limply, glaring up at me.

“You just wasted my time.”

“I’m sorry. I know I did and I know I hurt you and that I'm…hurting you. That’s why I don't want us to keep hanging out. I'll just hurt you more and I care about you too mu–”

“Don't…say you care about me. Don't say that,” she hisses.

“But I do,” I murmur, my voice strangled.

“No you don't! You made me like you so much and now you're pushing me away! Is that what people do when they care about someone?!”

She's yelling now and a few people are staring.

“Star, calm down,” I say, but she keeps yelling so I reach out for her. She tries to dodge but I'm faster and in a few seconds she's locked in the grip of my two arms, in front of me. My hand is placed over her mouth.

“Let me go,” she mumbles against my hands and it causes my skin to tickle and my heart to flutter.

“I will,” I admit, sadly. “Eventually. But you have to promise to stop yelling.”

“Fine.”

I let go of her and she begins to move away but she doesn't move any further. Instead, she turns around slowly and stops, facing me.

We're so close that our faces are almost touching. I’m taller than her so she's actually looking up at me. Her expression is hard but I don’t look away.

“I like you Jordan,” she confesses, not taking her eyes of mine for a second. My heart drums in my chest at her words. “A lot.”

She's making this even more difficult.

“I’m going to hurt you.” My voice falters for a moment but I clear my throat and stand my ground.

“No you won't.”

“You don't know that! God, are you always this stubborn?! And fiesty?!” I add.

She doesn't even blink at my outburst. My fingers rake through my hair for the thousanth time.

“Yeah, actually I am.”

“You can't force me to–” My breaths hitches as she pushes her self forward, causing our bodies to come together. There's literally no space between us now. I can almost hear her heart beat and I'm pretty sure she can hear mine.

I feel her soft hands run up the nape of my neck and get lost into the forest of curls on my head.

My eyes shut and I take in a deep breath, enjoying the sensation of her fingers as she plays with my hair.

I manage to open my eyes and find out that she's still staring at me, unblinking and she looks so innocent, like she doesn't know what she's doing.

I should do something. Why am I not moving?

All the seconds that I waste not moving backfires because now she's leaning in. I can't believe this is happening again.

Is it possible to avoid this?

We're so close together, our faces centimetres apart, so close that I can see her damn pupils clearly. I really focus on her pupils because I don't want to focus on something else.

Like her goddamn lips. They look so kissable.

Dude, no. Stop.

I really really want to kiss them so bad. I really really want to kiss her so bad…

But I can't.

I slowly push her away from me. Pain flickers in her eyes as she moves backwards.

“I'm sorry.”

She bites her lips and finally a look of surrender settles on her face.

“Okay.” She nods slowly, finally understanding that I'm being serious.

“I'm sorry,” I say again, feeling really relieved amidst the immense pain in my chest.

“Goodbye, I guess,” she says and turns to leave.

“Promise me you'll make up with your best friends,” I say, my voice barely audible.

She halts and stands there for some time until she nods. “I promise.”

After she walks away, leaving me standing there, I let out a long shaky breath.

That was so tortuous.

But necessary.

I guess this is how my life is going to go. It's not like I'm not used to it. Many people have come before Star and many people will come after her. And it's going to keep being that way.

I'll handle it. I can manage it. It's better this way. Right?

I don't need anyone. I'm fine on my own. I don't need to drag anyone into the mess that is me.

It doesn't make it hurt any less though. It always hurts…but I get over it. I'll get over it.

Yet, from the way my heart aches, I don't think it's going to hurt any less soon. My whole body trembles and I try my best to keep it together until I get home. As I get to my room, I lock the door, fall on my bed and have probably one of  the most painful cries of my life.

I didn't spend enough time with her, I didn't get to do things I really wanted to do with her. I just want to be with her…why I can't I just have that?

What did I ever do to the universe?

And why do I really really miss her already? Is this how it's going to be?

I won't say I've had a lot of heartbreaks but this definitely is always going to one of my worsts. And at this moment is when I do realise that I really have nobody.