fun fact this story is gonna be Bad and like usually i censor myself but i'm not gonna in this one so uhh nsfw warning trigger warning etc ok continue

---

phil tangled his fingers in her hair, tugging roughly. he watched her with eyes full of fire; not exactly desire, almost hate, even. some wild form of passion.

when she came back up, gasping for breath, her eyes were red and watering. her dusty blond hair fell over her face, the parts of her hair that weren't tangled between phil's fingers.

her face was like sugar, warm and round, and her gaze was loving. phil almost wanted to lean in and drag his tongue over her skin, just to taste. his eyes flashed with the haunting pleasure in his lower stomach.

"was that alright?" the girl breathed, peering up at him with adoration in her blue eyes. her voice was like melted chocolate, a bit raspy from their... well... activities.

this was the girl he had been with for a year. she had been there for him, waiting, when he got out of rehab, she had always told him it was okay and she was still proud of his progress whenever he made a serious lapse in judgement. she was a good source of constant protection for him, the only real home he had ever known.

his heart pounded with anticipation and he licked his lips.

"it was good," he replied to her, his voice lower than usual. she smiled, her face flooding with pride. she always seemed so proud of herself when she made phil feel good.

phil had fallen in love with her, and yet, he could hardly remember her name.

his lips twisted into a cruel smirk and he touched her chin, dragging her into a deep, messy kiss.

"i'm breaking up with you," he whispered against her lips, a rush of sick pleasure washing over him. she froze, her lips still half touching phil's.

"w-what?" her voice cracked in confusion and phil watched her facial expressions change like the seasons on her pretty face.

he nodded, staring her down. "i'm leaving you."

she let out a choked noise that was almost like a sob, but more baffled. her pink champagne lips parted, her ocean eyes wide and frozen in surprise. phil thought that, by far, that was the prettiest expression she'd ever made. he grinned meanly.

"wha- wh-why?" she got out, her voice shaky and heavy with pain. "d-did i do something?"

phil didn't answer, standing up and zipping up his jeans. she watched him, shocked, her eyes slightly glazed over.

"wait," she whispered, standing up as well, staring at him. her thin eyebrows folded in on themselves in a frown. "w-we can talk about this, phil, please..."

he didn't speak, only pushed past her, starting for the door of her bedroom. he could hear her following him but if she said anything, he couldn't process it, as if he had closed her out entirely in the past ten minutes.

his lips curved against his sunken cheeks as he walked down the stairs, right out the front door. the icy air hit him like a slap in the face, but he welcomed the feeling, grinning to himself.

he didn't look back, although the girl was probably standing on her front step, staring after him. the pain in his chest, the stabbing pang of loss in his gut, reminded him he was alive and he had control. he was the one who decided whether or not to break her heart, and his own by extent, and he had done it.

he had been waiting a year to shatter her like that, ruin his own life so he could put back together the pieces and then do it all over again.

and it felt so horribly awfully painfully wonderful.

he pulled his dark jean jacket tightly around him to protect himself from the cold, reaching up to mess with his lip ring that had gone askew from kissing her. then he ran his thin fingers through his hair, pushing it back.

now all he needed was another target to love.

he could hardly wait.