dan couldn't have told you why he was kissing phil lester, but he was, like it was the only thing that mattered. he tangled his fingers in phil's hair, tugging roughly and listening to the noises phil let out.

he had this feeling in the pit of his stomach, this feeling of guilt and arousal and annoyance and want. but dan didn't care what the feeling was as long as it was something.

the way phil was touching him drove him crazy; it made his skin crawl, and he dug his nails into phil's shoulders.

"please," he breathed against his lips, a sort of broken whisper. he could feel phil grinning, his cold fingers playing an unheard rhythm on his sides.

"please what?"

"hurt me," dan said before he could even think about it, but as soon as the words left he knew that was what he wanted.

phil didn't hesitate; he fingers slid into dan's ratty hair and tugged it hard, his mouth latching onto his throat. dan let out a noise he hadn't known he could make and phil sucked and bit down, surely leaving a mark.

dan felt weak and he relied on phil to hold him up, clinging on him as much as he could manage. it was intoxicating to feel so much all at once, after so long of white noise, and he felt dizzy.

phil's hands slid under his pants and dan whined at the feeling against his bare skin mixed with the biting pain in his scalp and neck. it felt like when you're on the verge of falling asleep, and you feel like you're falling, but in the best fucking way.

"phil," dan whimpered, hearing his own voice as if it was far away.

phil didn't answer, only grunted softly, kissing him on the mouth again before letting him slide down the tree trunk to the ground. dan was breathless and he rested his head against the wood, his eyes glassy.

phil sat next to him, and dan listened to his breathing. he wanted to climb into his lap, kiss him until he couldn't breathe anymore.

"we're kind of fucked up," phil said after a second and dan grinned uncontrollably, biting his lip hard enough to taste blood.

"speak for yourself," he spat, even though he had never agreed with a statement more.

phil looked at him, his face rather dreamy. "i have an idea."

"yeah?"

phil shifted, moving so he was on one knee, the other foot planted on the ground between dan's legs, leaning over him. dan had never felt more self conscious about his baggy ripped jeans that he had rolled up at the hems so they wouldn't get caught on his shoes.

dan couldn't resist, he leaned in and bit phil's lip ring. phil leaned in and planted their lips together for a moment. dan could feel the metal against his skin.

"this summer, lets die."