Roll in the incorrect quotes!!

(Edit: guys I used the stubbing toe quote twice...)

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Based on someone I heard 😂

Gemini: Look! It has my name on it, it's so cute!!
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Xisuma: Let's go brrrrr! let's go brrrrr.
(He actually said that 😂)
——-

Scar: You know how I roll.
Scar: And I'm not talking about that time I fell into a pile of dung at the foot of a hill.

——

BDubs : Please, I'm begging you go to a doctor.
Doc: I'm sorry is this OUR stab wound? Stay out of it.
——-

Bella: Is something burning?
Etho: Just my love for you.
Bella: Etho, the toaster is on fire.
————

Bella: *Stubs their toe* FUCK!
Xisuma: Mind your language!
Bella: What else am I supposed to say, "Woe is I"???
Xisuma:
Bella: You have to accept that swear words are necessary sometimes.
———

Keralis: Ok, maybe playing 'whose family is most dysfunctional' wasn't the best idea we've had. Xisuma's been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get them out...
——-

*Iskall and Stress are doing something absurdly dangerous*
Iskall: I think Houdini did something like this once! Why, if I recall correctly, he was out of the hospital in no time!
Stress, deadpan: Well that's encouraging.
———

*Mumbo and Grian skipping stones on lake*
Mumbo: It's such a beautiful evening.
Grian, whispering: Take that you fucking lake
———

Mumbo: God, give me patience.
Grian: I think you mean 'give me strength'.
Mumbo: If God gave me strength, you'd be dead.

———-

Etho: You can de-escalate any situation by simply saying, 'Are we about to kiss?'
Etho: Doesn't work for getting out of speeding tickets, by the way.

———

Xisuma: Well, well, well... if it isn't my old friend: the dawning realization that I fucked up bad.

——-

Iskall, in a meeting: My policy is if you see something, say something.
Scar: I saw a squirrel in a tree today!
Iskall, with the tone of someone who is used to Scar: Outstanding.
Iskall: This is what I'm talking about people.

———-

Iskall: Do you have any skeletons in your closet?
Etho: You mean literally or figuratively?
Iskall: Honestly, the fact that I have to specify...

——-
(Not even a incorrect quote)
Grian: I'm Mary Poppins Y'all!
———

Keralis: Are you sure this is the right direction?
Ex: Certainly, I'm as sure as I am honest!
Xisuma: In that case, we're definitely lost.
————

Bella: Etho, keep an eye on Beef today. They're going to say something to the wrong person and get punched.
Etho: Sure, I'd love to see Beef get punched.
Bella: Try again.
Etho, sighing: I will stop Beef from getting punched.

———

Tango: While I'm gone, BDubs, you're in charge.
BDubs: Yes!!!
Tango, whispering: Keralis, you're secretly in charge.
Keralis: Obviously.
———

Grian: petition to remove the 'd' from Wednesday
Etho: Wednesay
Grian: Not what I had in mind, but I'm flexible
———
Grian: *Stubs their toe* FUCK!
Scar: Mind your language!
Grian: What else am I supposed to say, "Woe is I"???
Scar:
Grian: You have to accept that swear words are necessary sometimes.
——-

Grian: What's up guys? I'm back.
Scar: What the- you can't be here. You're dead. I literally saw you die.
Grian: Death is a social construct.
———-

Cub: *Gets down on one knee*
Scar: Oh my god, it's finally happening.
Cub: *Falls over*
Scar: The poison is kicking in.

(Basically 3rd life scar)
———

Scar, trying to cheer the group up: Things could be worse, you know!
BDubs: How?
Scar: How what?
BDubs: How could they be worse?
Scar: They couldn't, I lied.
BDubs:
———

Scar: Treat spiders the way you want to be treated.
BDubs: Killed without hesitation.
Scar: No.
———

Bdubs: Doc, stop! This isn't you, you've gone mad with power!
Doc: Well of course I have.
Doc: Have you ever tried going mad without power?
Doc: It's boring.
———-

Doc: *Accidentally hits Bdubs in the face*
Doc: *Trying to decide between saying 'I'm fucking sorry' and 'Are you okay'*
Doc: ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY?!
Bdubs: What's wrong with you?!
————

Mumbo, talking to Grian on the phone: Did you preheat the oven like I told you to?
Grian: You bet!
Mumbo: At what temperature?
Grian: 535.
Mumbo: That's the clock.
Grian:
Mumbo:
Grian: 536.
———

Stress: You really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast?
False: Several traffic violations.
Gemini: Three counts of resisting arrest.
Pearl: Roughly thirteen cans of energy drinks.
Bella: Also, that's not our car.
————-
Stress: Poison is a magic transmutation potion that turns people into corpses.
False: This knife is actually a magic wand.
Gemini: Meet me in the Denny's parking lot for a wizard duel.
Pearl: *cocks gun* Magic missile.
Bella: What the fuck is wrong with you people.

———

Iskall: Hey Mumbo,
Mumbo: Yes?
Iskall: Can a person breathe inside a washing machine while it's on?
Mumbo:
Mumbo: Where's Grian?
———

That was fun!

Happy reading- Bella