"That's just the way life goes
I like to slam doors closed
Trust me, I know it's always about me
I love you, I'm sorry."
....

I kinda feel like an idiot coming back to the music club. Everyone kept asking me why I didn't show up all those days. I didn't know what to reply so I ended up saying that I just didn't feel the vibe anymore.

I hear Kyle chuckle behind me and I turn around and shoot him a glare. Fortunately, the club still wanted me back and everything resumed as normal.

After practice, I see myself walking into the music room. I know Kyle would be there. He probably spends more time there than he does anywhere else.

Everything is still awkward. I still can't speak to him normally, not like I used to before. Not even to tease him. Everything I say is calculated and I'm always careful with my words. I don't know why.

Honestly, I want to talk to him about the whole thing. Our friendship has obviously been ruined and made all weird. We can't possibly just go back to the way it was that easily. I just wanted us to be fine. Nothing weird. But I knew that would be hard because I still liked him and I knew he still liked me back.

Oh well…this would never work.

There's no music competition to talk about or practice for. There's really nothing we can talk about now except make nonsense small talk which I absolutely detest.

Luckily, Kyle is bold and would always be. Although, I'm skirting around the whole situation, he mentions it.

“Star, do you feel comfortable with me?” He's looking at me with hopeful eyes.

I decide to think about my reply but then I stop myself. No. I want to be honest about my feelings. I always want everyone to be so I should start by doing so myself. I won't think too much about what I'm going to say. I'll just be honest.

I chuckle softly. “Kyle…this sounds crazy but I think, I mean besides all this weirdness right now…I think I feel the most comfortable with you.”

His eyebrows rise in surprise. I wasn't expecting it either. I guess I'm going to get surprised by the things that will be coming out of my mouth.

“Are you sure? What about your family? Your best friends?”

I shake my head with an amused smile. I'm sure I even look a bit surprised because I didn't expect I either.

“I don't want to talk about my family. My best friends…I've been with them for a long time and yes I'm so comfortable around them but Kyle…did you know that I wasn't able to feel before? Like I wasn't able to feel like a normal person…until I met you. I just have this feeling of safety around you…and I know I sound crazy saying it. I just can't explain it.”

He's silent for while, digesting everything I've said. He finally speaks up.
“You have no idea how that makes me feel Star.” He chuckles and goes on. “Star it's okay to be confused about what you're feeling. I'm confused about what I'm feeling all the time. Heck…I don't even talk about my feelings. Like…do I seem like that kind of guy?”

I laugh at his question.
“But you're so…you seem so sure of yourself and what you're doing. If you want something you get it…you're so direct about stuff even if it gets you hurt. You don't seem confused.”

“Star, no one really knows what they're doing. It might seem like some people do but no one really does. It's just easier if we're honest and real.”

I nod.
“You changed me a lot. I never like anyone like that. Lots of guys have come up to me, tried to make me like them and I've never but you…it was so effortless. You didn't even have to try much. And I don't know what to say about that…” I run my hands through my hair. I'm glad we're talking about all this. I really want to get it all off my chest.

He gives me an adorable smile.
“Don't raise my ego more than it already is, Star.” I laugh. “You know you changed me too right?”

I tilt my head. “How?”

“I've never seriously liked a girl before. Until you. I didn't think I could like someone like that. It really scared me but at the same time…it fascinated me. And what made it even worse was that you were the one girl who didn't fall on top of me the second they met me. You really fucked with my head.”

“Oh…wow I feel so powerful,” I joke with a laugh. He laughs with me and then his face becomes serious.

“What?”

“I've never felt so scared of losing someone before.”

I look at him, my face more serious than it usually is. I suddenly realise than I've also never felt so scared of losing someone before.

Why are we even talking about this? We're supposed to stay friends. This isn't necessary. This would just mess things up.

“Hey Star, now we're talking about things, can we talk about the whole music competition stuff? Please?”

I sigh and run my hands through my hair, shifting it out of my face. “Fine.”

“It was actually my friends that started it.”

“What?”

“Yeah…they said they didn't want to lose me to you so they had to make me do something that would stop us from being close. So they talked to May. May wasn't completely over me and when she found out I was always giving most of my attention to this new girl…she agreed to go on with the plan.”

“Your friends…”

“Yeah,” he says with an exhausted sigh. “I left them.”

I widen my eyes at him. “Left them like…they're not your friends anymore?” My head spins in shock.

“They're not good friends. I…remembered the thing you said to me one of those first days. If I was being so cocky because I thought my friends would leave me? You were right. I've been thinking about it for a long time.” He lets out a short laugh and runs his hand through his hair.

“Look…I was stupid for agreeing to do the thing with May. I–”

“No, no…I'm just realising something now. You really did it for me.”

He smiles at me. I give him one back. Omg, I'm so stupid. I'm just realising that Kyle really cares about me. More than I thought. He left his friends that he's known since the seventh grade? Because of me? The thought warms my heart.

“You cared about us singing our song together. It was a special thing we had and you didn't want to ruin it. But you didn't think of everything else that would happen. The consequences. You were just focused on the competition. Which was stupid.”

He laughs. I'm standing in front of him while he's sitting so he grabs my hands and pulls me closer towards him. My heart begins to thud in my chest.

What happened to the whole just friends thing?

“You made me stupid,” he whispers as he looks into my eyes with such intensity I feel like my knees would buckle.

Before I can stop myself or take note of what's about to happen, we move towards each other and our lips connect. The second time feels even better or is it worse, than the first time. My heart is pounding so hard in my chest and my head is spinning. And warm, cosy sensation courses through me and I shudder slightly.

He pulls me in more and deepens the kiss. My hands instinctively reaches up to his hair and I run my hands through those curls that I've always wanted to touch from the moment I met him. He pulls me in more before I realise myself and pull away from him. Our breathing is a little ragged and we're staring at each other not saying anything.

“Do you–” he starts to say.

“Yes,” I blurt before I can finish and he laughs at me.

***

We're sitting side by side behind a piano and as crazy as it is that I'm back together with him, I feel like it's the right thing. It feels so right. So good.

“Hey…we never got to really know each other you know?” he tells me as he plays.

“Yeah that's true,” I say with a chuckle.

“Lemme start. Who's your favourite singer and what's your favourite instrument?” I ask.

“I love Noah Kahan and my favourite instrument is the piano…I mean I thought that was obvious.”

I smile. “Was just making sure. So you're a country boy? Didn't seem so obvious.”

He shrugs. “I love multiple genres though. What about you?”

“Favourite instrument is the guitar and…my favourite singer is Conan Gray. If you don't know that you don't know me.”

He chuckles. “Well then nice to meet you Star.”

I laugh. “What do want to be when you grow up?”

His face darkens. “...I'm not sure.”

I tilt my head at him since he's not looking my way. “Are you for real? Nothing music related?”

He shakes his head and says tightly, “Anything but music.”

I'm stunned. “Why?”

He runs his hands through his hair and sighs. “It's really stupid but my father got killed because of of something music related.” He rushes it out like he doesn't want to say it longer than he has too. His voice also sounds strained.

“What do you mean?” I ask quietly. My heart twists at the news I've just received.

“My mom and dad were in a band when they were younger. They liked each other of course but there was also a guy who liked my mom. But when he saw that my mom liked my dad, he, you know…”

I clamp my hand over my mouth. I'm suddenly reminded of the day we were at his house and he said the name Henry. Must be his step father.

“I'm so sorry,” I mumrur giving him a hug.

“It's fine,” he says with a sad smile. “I don't blame my mom. She gets paranoid for everything music related. She agreed to let me have it as a hobby but she just wouldn't let me pursue it as a career.”

“But…with all due respect,” I begin. “That doesn't make sense.”

“I know.”

“What are the chances of that happening again?”

“0.000001% so still possible,” he says with a lazy smile.

I shake my head. “Kyle…when I see you, I see music. I can't even picture you doing anything else. I can clearly see music runs in your family. You're meant to pursue music! No matter what–”

“Star, I know that but–”

“No, Kyle listen to me. Look at me.” He freezes and then turns to me slowly. His eyes are piercing into mine. It's like whenever he looks at me, he can't help but look at me in that manner.

“You’re going to regret it if you don't.”

He gives a warm smile and then bites his bottom lip while he stares down. “I'll think about it.”

A grin spreads out on my face.

♬♬♬
I love you, I'm sorry - Gracie Abrams