"You can try
To get under my, under my, under my skin
While he's on mine
Yeah, all on my, all on my, all on my skin."
....

I'm frozen. And scared. He's wheezing there on the ground and I can't do anything. I should do something. My friend would die if I don't do something.

Luckily, someone finds his inhaler in his locker and seconds after he takes a puff, he's leaning against the lockers, taking deep breaths. Normal deep breaths.

Almost everyone is standing around, staring at him as he sits there, trying to get himself back.

"Omg Sam!" I hear a familiar voice cry. Emily pushes through the crowd and runs towards Sam on the floor.

I get over the initial shock and run over to them. I tell Emily to give him some space. She does. We try to ask him questions. He quietly tells us that he's fine.

Our moment with him doesn't last long because the school nurse arrives and tells Sam to follow her. He gets up shakily and trails behind her before the crowd of students murmur and disperse soon. The bell rings.

Ah fuck.

It's time for extracurricular activities. Which means music club. Which means I have to face Kyle.
I'm not ready. I'm already shaken about the whole Sam thing. I don't have the energy to face Kyle.

But I know the longer I pretend it never happened, the worse it gets. I just have to talk to him.

None of the other members have arrived yet when I enter the music room. Not even Mr Simon.

I pause and listen for any sounds coming from the instrument room but I don't hear anything. Strange.

I walk over slowly and push the door open. Kyle is sitting casually by the wall, scribbling in his songbook. When he notices me he looks up and is startled yet not surprised to see me.

I don't know what to do at first but the words tumble out of my mouth before I can stop them.

"I'm sorry for running off like that."

His face scrunches up in confusion.
"Huh?" He gets up. "Star, I should be the one apologising. I shouldn't have done that."

I stare at the ground in thought. He's right. He shouldn't have done that.

"I'm sorry for kissing you without your permission. I-I don't know what came over me. I wasn't thinking straight."

"Yeah," I say, finally looking up at him. "You shouldn't have done that."

He walks up to me and I take a cautious step backwards. This boy could do anything to me at this point.

"Are you scared of me?"

I shrug.

His face falls. "Star, I'm sorry. I really am. I swear, I'd never do it again. I would never do anything to you again, anything you won't like. Please, just don't be scared of me."

I raise a brow at him. "You promise?"

"I promise."

I stare at him for a few more seconds. I think about all the hours of thinking, all the emotions I went through, the panic attack I almost had all just going to be forgotten in a few seconds. Then I think about the song, the competition, my friendship with him. Do I want to throw it all away?

"Fine, I forgive you."

I see his chest heave in relief. "Thank you."

Awkward silence.

"Hey, it's alright if you don't want to speak about it. We can just pretend like it never happened."

"Yeah...of course. That's a good idea." I didn't want to pretend like it never happened. I liked the fact that he kissed me. The fact that he wanted to. The fact that even after doing it and realising that I didn't like it, he still wants to be friends with me. It means he genuinely likes me. Right?

"So, do you want to...work on the song?" he asks carefully.

Yeah, let's just pretend like everything is fine and normal. Let's work on the song. Sure.

"Well...practice would soon start at any moment from now so..."

"Oh you didn't hear? Mr Simon would be busy today so no practice."

"What? When was this announced?"

He scratches the back of his neck. "After you...ran off. And I would have texted you about it but you were not...you know."

"Yeah...I know. But...at least I know now. I guess we could work on the song then." I give a strained smile.

I follow him to the piano and we sit behind it. This time I make sure to stay a good distance away. He notices but he doesn't say anything, although he seems bummed about it.

"So the competition is next week?" I ask again just to make sure.

"Yeah, on Sunday. You ready?" he says with a smile, trying to liven up the mood.

I'm sorry Kyle but we would never remain the same.

"I'm...I don't know. Do I have to be ready?' I twirl my ring absentmindedly.

He laughs. "I think it's best if you are."

"What about you? Are you ready?"

"I think I am...although I would admit that I'm both nervous and excited."

I laugh.

"I just really want to win. I don't know why."

"Hey, who doesn't want to win? Reason or no reason."

"You're right." He runs his hand through his hair and then after a short pause, he turns to face the piano.

"I know you'll win."

He faces me with a quizzical expression.

"What?"

"You're gonna be singing up there with me. If I lose, you lose. If I win, you win. You say it like it's just me and you're just supporting me."

"Yeah, sorry I forget sometimes...I still find it crazy that I'm going to be doing something like that with you," I say with a chuckle.

His face falls and he turns back to the piano.

"Why don't you like me?" he asks suddenly and I'm caught off guard. "I'm always trying to make you like me but it's like that's not possible!"

His words stun me for a moment.

"What do you mean?" I manage.

"I mean..." To my surprise his voice is strangled as he speaks. "I really like you Star. I always have since I first saw you. And I've...I've never liked anyone this way before and I still mean it."

He's already told me this before so I'm not supposed to be surprised yet I am. And I'm so stunned, I don't say anything. He goes on anyway, his voice strained.

"All my life I've always been the type of guy who is always chased around by girls. I'm used to it. So used to it that it got into my head, it turned me to the cocky person you see me as. But the worst part is that I've never ever been serious about anyone before. I've liked some girls but I've never felt something as intense as...as the first time I saw you."

He sighs and I'm still mute but he goes on. He's so determined and he looks so exhausted like he wants to get everything out of his system.

"I know it sounds stupid and cliché and I promise you I feel as stupid as I sound but I can't help it okay? I don't know if you understand but I feel like you've changed me. And it was so fucking scary at first. I didn't know why I cared about you so much. I didn't understand it, but being with you just felt nice. I wanted you to like me back. I wanted to have time to spend with you, that's why I made sure you got into the music club. I asked you to write a song with me, I asked you to partner up with me for the competition and I tried to act in a way you'd like, in a way that you won't look at me the way you did that first day.

"You started to warm up to me. You came here on your own to talk to me, you laugh with me, you don't look at me like I disgust you. I felt like you started to like me. And it felt nice. Yet it doesn't change the fact that I feel crazy, like I'm losing my mind anytime I think of what you're doing to me. It's...it's like I'm going crazy but in a good way you know? I know I can't force you to like me. I've accepted it. But I'd like it if we were friends at least."

Oh right, I have to say something now.

I take a deep breath. Jesus, all that I've heard from the past few seconds really turned my brain and my insides around. I never expected Kyle to say all these things, knowing the kind of guy he is. And the way he described his feelings of being scared because of this feeling that is all new and different?

I think I'm going crazy. I'm definitely going crazy but I think I'm going to tell him that I like him too. He sounds so genuine, so vulnerable, so honest. He opened up to me, he poured out all his feelings to me. Told me the things that scare him, told me in the most raw form he could probably say it in. And knowing the kind of guy he is...he has probably never been so raw with his feelings before.

My heart thuds in my chest as I think of what I'm about to do.

Am I going to regret this?

I've always loved honesty. It was important to be honest with everything and everyone. And especially when they seemed so honest too.

"Kyle...I..." I begin, my voice shaking. I try to ignore the embarrassment, the anxiety, all the feelings swirling in me, forcing me to stop. "I like you too."

I've never seen him so shocked. He looks down at me. The room is silent. I'm screaming at myself for saying it, until he speaks.

"Are you being serious with me?" he has to ask. He looks so confused, so unconvinced.

"I am," I whisper, not having any atom of courage to look him in the eye. "I always have. Everything you said about feeling scared about these new feelings, I feel them too. I know I act like I hate you. Well...I did hate the initial Kyle I met. But this Kyle that's sitting in front of me...I like him. I really do. And I've never liked someone before."

Silence again. Very awkward, heart wrenching silence. I wish he wouldn't go silent when I say something like that. He does something even worse than being silent.

"I know this sounds crazy," he begins. "But do you want to be my girlfriend?"

My eyes widen and my guts twist in shock.

It is crazy, Kyle.

But I want to say yes. I know we should've given it more time because I was still figuring out these feelings but I really wanted to say yes.

"Yeah..." I whisper.

He gasps softly. He looks so relieved, it's kinda amusing. I smile.

He turns back the piano, giddy.
"What the fuck..." he whispers, smiling like crazy. "Star is my girlfriend."

I raise my eyebrows at him. "Hey don't get so cocky so fast."

He chuckles. "I'm not being cocky, I'm being surprised."

I laugh. We both laugh.

"Do you want to do the honours and play the piano while I sing?" he asks with a smile.

"We're both doing both right?"

"Oh...yeah. I just..."

"Alright."

"Did you know?
I hate that you're here now
Hate that you don't know how
You can just bring me down

Feeling cold
Is something that I'm so used to
It's something that I'll always choose
Over guessing if I'll win or lose

But then I felt the heat today
And it burns when I touch the flame
But I don't want to pull away
Cause the warmth is worth the pain..."

***

I feel giddy as I walk out of school alone. Sam went home early because of the whole asthma situation. Emily left early too because...well she doesn't have any extra curriculars.

I still can't believe I just told Kyle that I'll be his girlfriend. Am I crazy?

What came over me? Love? Madness? They are related anyway so it could be both.

I stumble into someone on my way out. It takes me a few seconds to realise who it is.

The gorgeous, long haired girl Kyle was flirting with the other day.

Shit. I should've asked him about her. I'm already starting to think agreeing to be his girlfriend was a bad idea when she starts to talk.

"Are you stupid?" she asks, folding her hands. I blink.

"Uh...hi to you too."

"I don't need your hi's. I only need to advise you, Star."

I'm taken aback. How does she know my name?

"Yeah, I've heard all about you." She flicks her long hair backwards. "I just want to tell you that Kyle doesn't actually like you. How can't you see that he's playing you?"

I stare at her, dumbfounded.

"Look, babe, Kyle loves a challenge. He'll make you feel so important. And then once he's won, he doesn't really care about you again. That's how he works. He's always worked like that. But I'm the only girl he's ever taken seriously. Kyle is mine...so don't be stupid."

Then she waves at me with a cute smile and walks off.

♬♬♬
Skin - Sabrina Carpenter