"Yeah, I just needed company now
Yeah, I just needed someone around."
....

“Emily!”

“I'm sorry, I'm sorry.” She runs her hands through her face and takes a deep breath.

I stare at her, annoyed.
“Okay I'm alright now. Star…”

“Yeah?” I say with a sigh. I'm still feeling a bit sad after the whole thing and I'm also drained. It's been a stressful day.

“I really don't know what to say. Maybe I should scream again–”

“EMILY!”

She freezes.

“I'm serious you know. And I came to you to talk to you. I'm the one who's supposed to be screaming and you should be telling me to calm down, that it's fine.”

“Right, right,” she says and flicks a strand of her hair away from her face. “Well, I'm not Kyle so I don't know if he's being honest or not. I don't know him well enough to even try to guess. So I can't tell. It may be true. But I don't know.”

“So what should I do? Pretend like he never said it and just go on with my life like that?” I ask. “We're working on a song that we're performing together for a competition–” I pinch the bridge of my nose and shake my head. “How did I even get myself into that situation?”

Emily laughs.

“Anyway, what I'm saying is. Both that and the fact that we're in the music club together makes it totally obvious that one way or another, I'd have to face that, face him. It would be so awkward! What should I do?”

“Tell him you heard him,” she says.

“Huh?”

“Tell him that you have heard him. And that he has every right to feel that way–if he really does feel that way –and there's nothing wrong with it. But you don't like him back.”

I don't say anything so she goes on.

“And then if he still wants to talk to you, you guys would keep talking and working on the music stuff together. And everything will be fine.”

I nod slowly. “So it doesn't matter if he honestly likes me or not?”

She raises a perfectly plucked brow at me.
“Uh…has it ever mattered?”

My cheeks go hot and I'm sure I'm blushing from embarrassment but luckily my hair is all over my face and she's looking down at her nails now anyway so she doesn't notice.

“Uh…no. Of course not. It's just…imagine if it was true. Imagine if he actually likes me. Remember he said that he's never felt that way before. It all does sound cheesy but still. Imagine if it was true…”

Emily cocks her head to the side.
“I thought you didn't care? You specifically said that if Kyle changing because of you is supposed to make you feel special, it doesn't. Why does it matter now?”

“I didn't–” I start to say, feeling a bit anxious but the anxiety is replaced by something else. Something sour. I can tell my face is scrunched up in irritation because Emily looks slightly alarmed.

“What? Did I say something wrong?”

I shake my head. “A few days ago…I was walking out of school to meet you guys. I saw him and this really pretty girl with really long hair outside. They were flirting and laughing and I was reminded of the thing you guys said. And suddenly the next few days, he's telling me that he likes me. What happened to the girl?”

“May.”

“That's her name?”

“Yeah…she's Kyle's ex. At least that's what I know. I don't know if they're back together now. It could be a possibility. I think of all the girls Kyle had been with, she's the one who he likes the most. So she's been around for a while. But they broke up in tenth grade. I don't know, maybe they’re back together now.”

My heart clenches at her words. At the possibility of that. I remember Kyle's words again. I've never liked someone that way before…

“I mean, although he likes her the most out of all of the girls he's been with, I don't think he likes her more than she likes him. When they were dating last year, she was so crazy about him. Kyle acted pretty casual with her but she followed him around like a fly. It was like she was obsessed with him.”

I chuckle.

"Girl, it was so embarrassing."

“So they're probably together and he's telling me he likes me?”

“It's possible but I'm not sure. I mean anytime Kyle is with a new girl, everyone at school knows. I don't know how. Everyone just knows. And I haven't heard anything about it yet. Still though, it doesn't change the possibility.”

“He's a dick if they are then,” I say bitterly. My heart twists in pain just at the thought.

“Yeah…a real, playing, heartbreaking dick. But why does it even –”

Then she pauses. “Star?”

I look up at her. “What?”

Suddenly her eyes light up like lightbulbs and a huge grin spreads out on her pretty face. Her expression really scares me a little.

“What?”

“Omg star do you like Kyle? Is that why you care so much?”

My face gets hot and I'm sure I'm blushing like crazy because she clamps her hand over her mouth and her eyes want to pop out of their sockets.

I pick up a pillow and use it to cover my face while she screams.

“WHAT OMG OMG OMG OH MY FUCKING GOODNESS WHAT?!”

“EMILY!” I scream through the pillow.

“Sorry…it's just...” She grabs another pillow and screams into it.

I'm already so embarrassed about this and I wish she'd stop already. She didn't think I found it crazier than she did? I was the one feeling it. I was the one who found the probability of it happening in the first place to be a solid zero. I know what I've gotten into, her screams don't need to remind me.

“Are you done?” I ask, lowering the pillow.

“Yeah…yeah,” she says taking a deep breath.

“First of all…OMG SHE CAN FEEL!”

I actually laugh at her because her reaction is hilarious.

“Second of all…how did Kyle even do it? A whole Star.”

“He didn't do anything. It just fucking happened okay?!” I say irritatedly. What's so special about him? Nothing. It just happened. These things just fucking happen. I'm sure. The same guy that almost every girl he goes up to likes has nothing special about him…right?

“Girl…I am so sorry.” She moves over to my side and gives me a hug. I nod in understanding.

“I really don't know if I should be happy or sad about this.”

“Me neither… wait no actually I do and I'm neither. I'm enraged about this.”

She chuckles and shakes her head. “I don't know what to say. I don't want to be a bitch I promise.” I raise a brow at her. “I love you star but you should get ready for serious heartbreak.”

My face falls and I drop my head onto my palm. I know she's right. She doesn't have to tell me. I know I'm in trouble.

“Heartbreak is just…it’s inevitable somehow anyway.” I look at her. Her face is slightly darkened and I notice her change in tone. She sounds sad? hurt?

A thought suddenly pops into my head.
“Where's Sam?” I blurt.

Her eyes flicker with something. Guilt? Sadness? Hurt? Anger?

“Omg you guys broke up…?”

She nods and takes a deep breath. “I followed your advice. We talked about it. And we agreed to take a break.”

“A break?”

“Yeah…Sam didn't really want to break up. But he said that if I thought we weren't okay now, it's best if we take a break. And then we'll see. He wasn't happy with it though and I feel guilty.”

“What do you mean?”  I'm genuinely scared about what this means for our friendship. It's what I've been scared of for a while and now it's literally happening. And the worst part was that it was my idea. If our friendship ends, it would be my fault.

“Remember when I told you that we both know something is off but we haven't said anything about it? How I felt that we just both know…well I was wrong. I mean, he noticed I started to act weird but he didn't really feel like there was something wrong with us you know? And then it felt like it was just me…that I just wanted to leave him for no reason. Because there is no reason.”

“Come on Emily. You did nothing wrong. If you don't feel comfortable with someone or a situation, you have every right to cut yourself off from whatever it is. And besides, you guys talked about it. You both agreed. It was mutual right?”

“I guess so. But…it didn't really feel like that. It felt like I really wanted to leave and he was just trying to make me feel happy so he just agreed for the sake of it.” Her voice shook and I noticed tears begin to well up in her eyes.

Tears welled up in mine as well because I cared about Sam. He was so sweet and bubbly and silly and lately things just haven't been going right for him and he didn't deserve it. First, his hospital appointments got more frequent because the asthma attacks got a lot more serious, then he got kicked off the team and now this?

I moved over and gave a hug, squeezing her tight. She gave me one back, her grip loose but I didn't matter.

She cried on my shoulders and I tried to comfort her amidst my own tears. I stroked her hair and whispered, “I hope nothing happens to our friendship.”

“Me too.”

♬♬♬
Comfort crowd - Conan Gray