A/n: This will be non-canon to the original story, just like the original pilot of Helluva Boss, because I mainly want to hear your guy's thoughts on a story like this, since I do also have an idea for Hazbin Hotel, but since Helluva Boss is on YouTube, I can easily write this.

No one's POV

We see a giant office building with a whiteboard in front of it, with a bit of banter going on, as the founder of the place comes into the room, that being Blitzo.

Blitzo: Alright. Now, I know business has been... a bit slow lately, yes. It's no one's fault, okay? I'm not naming any names here... Moxxie.

Moxxie: *Image Below*

Blitzo: Now, does anyone have... any bright ideas on how we can get business drummin' up again?

As an award silence fills the room, as one of the employees, Millie, speaks her opinion.

Millie: *eyes sparkling* What about a car wash?

Blitzo: This is Hell, Millie. No one cares about cars being clean here, okay?

???: I got an idea.

The camera then pans to a girl with wolf ears and a tail, with a firery vibe.

Blitzo: Hit me, Y/n.

Y/n: Street Performers.

Blitzo: How the fuck is that supposed to work?

Y/n: Humans like spinning signs for some bullshit reason.

Blitzo: Maybe... Wh- Ooh! What about a billboard?

Moxxie: *rolls eyes* We can't afford a billboard, sir.

Blitzo: *wraps his arm over Moxxie's shoulder* Helpful, Moxxie. Really glad you're in the room right now. *pushes Moxxie away* Have you guys forgotten what service we provide?

Blitzo then turns on a TV that shows the I.M.P. crew brutally murdering people from the overworld as they are paid to do. Blitzo whacking a man in the face with a mallet, Moxxie being blown away after firing a shotgun through the mouth of a man tied to a chair, Loona swinging a man back and forth in her mouth, Y/n cutting up a woman and man into tons of tiny pieces, and Millie decapitating someone with a harpoon and laughing.

Blitzo: Ahh, those were the good times.

Moxxie: I don't need any reminding, sir. Considering you blew most of our salaries on an obnoxious TV ad last week. One that you then additionally paid to have run for a full three hours on a channel... nobody watches.

Blitzo: Uh, hey. Excuse me? What's "obnoxious" about a super-fun jingle, alright? It's a fun distraction when an advertisement's spittin' bullshit!

Y/n: And I think you forgot two things. One, Jingles are super catchy if they're done right, which is what I got for the company.

Millie: And people LOVE Musicals.

Y/n: It's true. For some people, being in a musical is a childhood dream of theirs.

Blitzo: Exactly, Y/n and Millie! And we're basically doin' a musical. *does jazz hands* Are you gonna crush my musical theatre dreams like my dad did?

Moxxie: Sir--

Blitzo: 'Cause, right now? All I see is just my dad's asshole talking to me! Crushing my dreams of being who I truly am inside.

Millie: Are you tryin' to crush his dreams, Moxxie?

Moxxie: I-- What?

Millie: *flirtatiously* I thought I knew you.

Y/n: And did you forget that Blitzo made you employee of the month?

Moxxie is about to say something, but after Y/n pulls up that last part, his sighs in defeat, knowing he

Moxxie: *defeated* Okay, sir! I'm sorry; a commercial jingle is not comparable to musical theatre. Nobody actually likes the jingles!

Millie: I liked it.

Moxxie: Do not-- *points at Millie* Do not agree with him in front of me!

Y/n: *growls*

Moxxie: Oh for fu- what?!

Y/n: Oh nothing, it seems you forgot that I made the jingle, and the script for the commercial that we did!

Y/n then presses a button, and the commercial that was made appears on screen.

https://youtu.be/fLVQ2LVN1tA

Blitzo: The fuck was with that last part?

Y/n: That was from our most recent one, but since SOMEONE *coughs* Moxxie *stops coughing* shot a kid, I had to rush them to the hospital since I was the one who knows more about the human body than you guys!

*Flashback*

We now see a flashback to a hospital operating room, as the boy from the commercial is wheeled in on a hospital bed by a doctor, a pink-haired nurse, and a blue-haired nurse.

Pink-haired Nurse: *in masculine voice* Doctor, he's not responding!

Blue-haired Nurse: Cool water, stat!

The pink-haired nurse whacks the boy in the face with a bucket of water, doing nothing but leave a large welt on his face, as the boys tongue flops down from his mouth.

Blue-haired Nurse: It didn't do anything!

Doctor: Dammit! I'm not losing another one.

The doctor and the two nurses then put on three defibrillators onto the boy, getting ready to shock him.

Doctor: CLEAR!

They then all zap the boy and he wakes up, gasping for air.

Doctor: Holy shit! It actually worked.

The scene then shows Y/n outside of the office, facetiming Blitzo.

Y/n: Is Moxxie doing...?

Blitzo: He's fine, a bit devastated, but he's fine.

As Blitzo says this, the doctor comes out of the room, holding a clipboard.

Y/n: So...? How is he...?

Doctor: He appears to be in stable condition, but he'll need surgery.

Y/n: Are you serious...?

Doctor: I am. Now, what insurance provider do you have, you young anime waifu?

As Y/n is about to ask Blitzo that question, Blitzo says one thing over the phone.

Blitzo: The FUCK is insurance?

Y/n: ...Oh shit...

The scene then cuts to Blitzo being hanged up instantly by Y/n, with Millie, still comforting Moxxie on what he did. Suddenly, a window breaks and the boy's hospital bed flies out, with the boy still unconscious in the bed, while Y/n is seen holding on for dear life as the two plummet, with Y/n screaming to the ground.

Y/n: I HATE THE AMERICAN HEALTHCARE SYSTEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*End of Flashback*

Y/n: If you didn't fucking shoot a kid, I wouldn't have nearly died! You should be lucky that I have a shit ton of healing magic from one of my previous lives, or I'd be dead right now!

Moxxie: Well then Y/n, I'd like to go on record and say that incident was Loona's fault. Dispatch is supposed to give us the right info on the target. It's very simple.

Loona: *not looking up from her phone, as she's texting* Oh, sit on a dick, Moxxie.

Moxxie: YOU sit! Sit on... a... and the... d-- DO YOUR JOB!!

Blitzo: Hey, now. We don't blame our screwups on Loona, okay?! *hugs and nuzzles Loona, getting a growl from her* She didn't do anything wrooooong~

Moxxie: ...Are you kidding me, sir? She's awful!

Y/n: Yeah, she can be sometimes.

*Flashback 1*

We see Loona at her desk, reading a magazine called "Hellhound Monthly". Her desk phone rings with the sound of a cute puppy barking as the ringtone. Loona answers.]

Loona: *not looking up* Hello, I.M.P.

Millie (on phone, panicked): Loona, I got stabbed! Call Mox--

Loona suddenly hangs up, disinterested in the conversation.

*Flashback 2*

We now see Loona in Blitzo's office as he presents her with a gift.

Blitzo: Happy Adoption Anniversary, Loonie! I got you a little somethin'.

Loona: Is it a cure for syphilis?

Blitzo: I... Oh...

Loona: *snatches the present and angrily slams it on the floor*  THEN, I DON'T WANT IT!

A large swarm of spiders suddenly emerge from the present box and swarm Loona up to her neck.

Loona: UGHHH!

Blitzo: *suddenly hiding outside of the office window* I'm sorry! It was spiders!

Loona: *annoyed, deadpan* Goddammit.

*Flashback 3*

We now see Y/n on his phone, listening to the song Bowsette, as Moxxie comes in with a flyer for "Chub B Gone". Moxxie then taps on Y/n's shoulders, having him take off his headphones.

Moxxie: Um, e- excuse me. Did you just fax me an ad for weight loss?

Y/n: Wait, a weight loss ad? No why the fuck would I send one of those? That actually killed me once! That's begging for death.

Moxxie: Wha-- Then Why- Why would anyone send me this then?

As Moxxie says this, Loona walks past them saying one thing.

Loona: C'mon... You know why.

As Loona leaves, Y/n says one thing.

Y/n: Oh, you bitch! She's the one who sent me that ad for the new pool, knowing damn well that I've died a few times due to drowning!

*Flashback 4*

Loona: Whoever left the fucking... avocado salad in the fridge, I'm taking it, because I have the worst hangover right now!

Y/n: Why the FUCK would you drink on a work night? You know that's not good for you!

Loona: I'm hungover from this morning, dumbass!

Moxxie enters the room and notices Loona with his box.

Moxxie: Isn't that my lunch?

Loona: *drops the box on the floor* Y'know what?! I can't take this assault right now! I need to blow off some fucking steam!

Loona runs out of the break room, after kicking Moxxie's lunch into his face, and out into the street.

Loona: AAAAAAAAAAH!

*Flashback 5*

Loona: Bliiiitzo! That clingy, rich asshole is on the phone! Says it's urgent and wants to talk to you! Sounds a little DTF-y.

Blitzo: *throws his cup of water on the floor* Oh, GOD, it was one time! *crosses arms* If I hadn't slept with that privileged asshole, none of us would have access to the living world.

Moxxie: *stares in stunned silence* ...You what?

Y/n: The fuck?! I need a backstory for this!

https://youtu.be/X95m8gRQ99A

Blitzo: Sooooo, what can I do you for this time, Stolas?

Stolas: There's a political candidate causing trouble up on Earth for a few of my associates. He's trying to convince people global warming exists!

Blitzo: Y/n told me it does exist. So doesn't it...?

Stolas: Well... yes. But, more people die if nothing is done about it. And it gets lonely here~

Blitzo: Okay, well. Yeah, that makes sense.

Stolas: (through phone) You know what happens when I'm lonely, Blitzy?

Blitzo then pulls his phone away and talks to himself, as he knows what's about to be said.

Blitzo: (under his breath) God-fuckin'-dammit.

Stolas: When I'm lonely, I become hungry. And when I become hungry, I want to choke on that red {bleeped) of yours... {bleeped) your {bleeped) and lick all of your (bleeped), before taking out your (bleeped), and (bleeped) with more teeth until you're screaming (bleeped) like a FUCKING baby--!

Blitzo, who's visibly disturbed, scene pans to his with Stolas name listed as "creepy mouth (aka one night stand bird dick) with a call total of 48 seconds. as he hangs up, a knock out noise plays. He snaps his cellphone in half, smashes it with his desk phone, tosses said desk phone away, pulls out a blender, puts the cellphone pieces in it, and blends them. Blitzo turns and hands the blender to Loona, who was standing nearby.

Blitzo: Eat this!

Loona drinks the blended cellphone mixture.

Blitzo: And then y'know that bridge over the freeway?

Loona: Yeah? *raises her eyebrow in confusion*

Blitzo: Shit off it!

*End of Flashbacks*

Blitzo: Look, the point is, Loona is a valued member of our family, and we don't get rid of family.

Loona looks up from her phone and briefly smiles, touched by Blitzo's words.

Y/n: Well she is techinally your daughter, since you adopted here!

Moxxie: But that's only for Loona! We aren't a family, sir! You are the boss! We are the employees! You treat her like she's some troubled teenager! She's more like a meth-addicted homeless woman you let man the phones!

[As Moxxie rants, Loona continues looking at her phone, slowly flipping Moxxie off.]

Blitzo: That is offensive! Without homeless people, *walks over to window and raises blinds* I wouldn't have HALF the joy and laughter I do in this life!

Blitzo puts his face up against the window, cracking the glass, and sees a homeless demon, looking sad and holding up a sign that reads "Monee helps. Satan bless." A succubus is on her cellphone and turns away from the hobo. Blitzo smugly waves at him, before lowering the window blinds.

Moxxie: While we're on the subject of [makes air quotes with his hands] "family", can you stop finding me and Millie outside of work? [Moxxie makes an annoying face at the viewers.]

Millie: Come on, sweetie! It's not that big a deal!

Moxxie: Excuse me... WHAT?!

Y/n: NO! We're not doing another set of fucking flashbacks! That last one was a pain to deal with and remember, so we're not doing it again! This ain't fucking Family Guy!

Moxxie: Then... sir... Just... stop... doing that stupid shit!

Blitzo: *shrugs* I don't see what the issue is! There somethin' you don't want me seein'?

Moxxie: *eye twitches in anger* No!

Blitzo: You a baby-wiener-haver?

Loona: *snickers*

Moxxie: Sir, what you say and how you act is totally *stands up from his chair* INAPPROPRIATE!

Millie: *lays her hand on Moxxie's shoulder* Calm down, Mox! You're gonna have another panic attack!

Moxxie: I AM CALM!

Moxxie starts whimpering in anger while looking back at Blitzo.

Millie: *comforting Moxxie* Shh-shh-shh. There, there.

Blitzo: Look, I don't judge the boring couple stuff *motions his hands to imply sexual activity* you do outside work hours. So, don't... judge me!

Moxxie: Oh, I do judge you, sir! Quite a lot, actually!

Millie: Mox, he's our boss!

Blitzo: No-no-no, it's fine Mills, your husband is just... how do I say this without being offensive...?*smiling smugly* ...retarded.

Moxxie: Does immaturely insulting me make you feel better about your sad, single life?

Blitzo: *leans towards Moxxie* It actually does.

Loona: The only reason you have a wife *looks away from her phone to glare at Moxxie* is because you're easy to manage!

Millie slams her hands against the table, looking at Loona with anger.

Millie: No, he's not, you *deeper tone* BITCH! *flips Loona off*

Blitzo: Do not talk to my receptionist that way! She's sensitive!

Loona: *snaps at Millie* Yes, I am!

Y/n: *growls* You guys, we're getting off what the topic was! We need to-

However, things start getting out of hand really fast, as a giant argument arises five, and as they do, a voice is heard.

 ???: You guys are all fucking assholes.

Blitzo, Moxxie, Millie, and Loona's eye all widen in surprise. They look at the boy Moxxie accidentally shot earlier, as he is fully awake.

Blitzo: Oh, shut up, kid! You're lucky to witness this!

Moxxie: *pinches bridge of his nose* Ugh, this company is such a mess!

Blitzo: Alright, let's get back to talking about my outfit.

Loona: Nobody was talking about that!

Blitzo: Which is why I'm tryin' to get that ball rolling. So, how does it look? It's good, right?

Y/n: Hold on a fucking sec, boss! You've been alive... THIS ENTIRE FUCKING TIME?!

Kid: YES!!! And it's been a literal hell *detaches the tubes of the heart monitor* having to pretend to be paralyzed so you fuckshits wouldn't kill me! But, now I want that. I want death! *points at Blitzo* You are a selfish, greedy clown. And I'm a kid! We're supposed to like clowns! Even the creepy ones!

Moxxie: Hey, now! That's not very--

Kid: If I wanted to hear from a spineless jackass, I'd rip out your spine and ask you some shit.

Millie slams her hand on the table, the other gesturing at Moxxie.

Millie: That's my husband you're talkin' to!

Kid: *laughs* That's your husband?!

[Moxxie and Millie snarl at Eddie.]

Kid: I figured you for a slut. But, I didn't know you needed dick that bad!

Y/n: Oh you're asking-

Kid: And why do you look like a stupid anime character? I mean a Fire Fox? You'd be better off the damn browser than what you are now!

As the kid says this, Y/n's aura starts to leak out, revealing a ton of bloodlust

Kid: And you!

Loona: What? *looks up from her phone* What about me?

Kid: Nothing. *crosses arms* I don't talk to dogs. I'm a cat person.

Loona: *Image Below*

Blitzo: Wow. Ah, y'know, kid, you kind of are a piece of shit.

Everyone, minus Y/n, in unison: *softly* Yeah. He's kind of a piece of shit.

Y/n: And this shows just how fucking bad humanity has become since my first death! They were so nice, but that's been dead for years! I just really want to burn him alive! But he's not the target so-

Loona: Oh, fuck! Guys, I just got a text from our client! Guess he was the right target after all.

Blitzo: Who?

Loona: *points at the kid* Him.

Eddie: M-Me?

Loona: *smugly, without looking up* Yup.

Blitzo: They wanted us to kill an actual child?

Loona: That's what they're sayin'.

Blitzo: ...Well, Christ on a stick. I guess there is a God. Go nuts, Y/n.

Y/n: *evil smirk* With pleasure~

Y/n then pounces onto the kid, and starts tearing him apart with his claws, and using his flames to burn the kid alive. As this happens, a voiceover from Blitzo is heard.

Blitzo: Y'know, folks? With this company, I really wanted to prove that we're capable of doing the same things anyone else can. Like killing people! So, from us here at the Immediate Murder Professionals group, we promise to settle your unfinished business or your money... is gone and you're never getting it back, and you can write us a bad review but we'll play dumb to it, because it's Hell and no one fuckin' cares.

The scene then changes to Y/n putting the body into a garbage bag, with him now having a satisfied look on his face.

Blitzo: Y'know, even though this kid was a target... he's still a child. And it's important that we handle this going forward respectfully.

Y/n: I know... so what's the plan?

*On Earth*

We see the mother of the kid on the news, with her crying with her husband and her two other kids, one female and one male, with the female in college, and the male in high school.

Kid's Mother: *sobbing* Please! If anyone has seen my little Eddie, please contact us at--

As soon as they say that, the kid's body parts are splattered across the entire family, as they all scream out in fear, Y/n and Blitzo are seen on top of the roof, and as everyone looks up to see them, Blitzo says one final thing.

Blitzo: *smiles and waves* You're welcome!

To Be Continued...