I've been staring at the Rubik's cube for quite a while now. Paano ko ba nabubuo 'to dati? Naalala ko nga, pinagyayabang ko pa sa mga kapitbahay kong bata kung gaano ako kabilis mag-buo eh. Oo, pwede akong mag-search ng tutorial videos sa YouTube o magpaturo na lang ako kay Kiefer pero sa di ko malamang kadahilanan, gusto kong mabuo ulit ito mag-isa. Kinda like how I want to fix myself, by myself.

"Oy Trixie, di ka pa ba mag-a-audition?" tanong sa 'kin ni Asher habang may nginunguya pa siyang burger sa bibig. Yuck. Anyhoo, andito ulit kaming tatlo ni Jin sa rooftop.

"Oo nga, Trix. Ngayon o bukas na lang ang choice mo. Ngayon na lang," dagdag ni Jin.

"Di pa ako ready. Di pa nga ako sure kung tutuloy ba talaga ako o 'wag na lang."

Binalik ko ang tingin ko doon sa cube. Buo na ang first layer nito. Ang inaalala ko ay kung paano mabuo 'yung second. Eto ba 'yung T part?

"Alam ko kung paano buuin 'yan. Eto 'yung gagawi--"

"Hep hep! I don't need help," pagputol ko sa sinasabi ni Jin.

"Okay, you got this."

"Yes, I do. Just support me."

"Go, go Trixie!" sabi ni Asher. 'Yan, ganyan nga. Kailangan ko lang ng suporta, but it's still up to me kung paano ko mabubuo ang sarili ko... I mean, 'yung cube. Whatever.

I think the second layer is the T part, all right. Ang aalalahanin ko na lang ay 'yung steps.

I'll get there. I'll be able to fix this.

–×–

"'Yun na nga. Trixie here is still not sure if she's gonna join."

"She should. I believe she's gonna get that part."

"Same, Kief. Kailangan lang natin siyang ma-convince para mag-audition."

"Tama, tama."

"Okay, so what's the plan?"

Kung pag-usapan naman ako ng tatlong 'to parang hologram lang ako dito. Nakaupo si Kiefer sa upper side ng bed niya at si Asher at Jin nakaupo sa lower. Para silang nagkakaroon ng meeting para sa club nila o something something. Ay nako, di porket busy akong alalahanin 'yung steps para sa second layer ng Rubik's cube ay echepuwera na lang ako dito.

"We'll help her practice. I'll write down scenarios that she'll act. You guys help me think." Inangat ko ang tingin ko kay Kiefer. Hawak-hawak niya 'yung pencil at sketchbook niya.

"Okay, I'll go first. May mami-meet siyang tatlong gwapong lalaki. Anong reaction niya?" suggest ni Jin. Huh.

"Anong pangalan nung tatlong lalaki?" tanong ni Asher.

"Um... Jin, Asher, Kiefer." Wow, ang creative naman po pala.

"Scenario number two?" sabi ni Kiefer.

"Malapit na siya masagasaan ng truck," Asher said. Tiningnan lang siya nung dalawa. "A-ah, you know, near death situation? Hehe."

"Okay sige. Scenario number three. How she'll act when she loses someone special to her," si Kiefer naman ang nagsalita. The heck is that.

"Four! Reunited with her family!" masayang sigaw ni Asher.

"Good idea!"

Bakit feeling ko 'pag i-a-act ko 'yung mga scenarios na binigay nila, I'm just like living my life?

Nag-isip pa sila ng marami pang scenarios. Lahat related sa 'kin. Huh.

So ayun nga, nag-practice lang akong mag-acting all day with them as my feeling directors. I wiped my tears dry after the last scenario.

"Ang galing mo, Trix! Handa ka na!" sabi ni Jin.

"Thanks, guys."

"Ay wait, bilhan kita ng inumin. Samahan mo ako, Jin," banggit ni Asher.

"Okay, boss."

Nung makaalis 'yung dalawa, naupo ako sa upuan sa tabi ng kama ni Kiefer. I sighed. "Kinakabahan ako."

"As expected. I'll be shocked if you're not nervous."

"Paano ba mawawala 'tong kaba?"

"I don't know. Bawasan na lang natin." Kiefer smiled tapos tumayo siya para kunin 'yung gitara niyang nakasandal sa cabinet. He sat facing me then he started to pluck the strings. And he started to sing.

"Hey there, Alyssa, what's it like in, um, Florida?"

I laughed. "Hey There Delilah ba 'yun ng Plain White T's?"

"Nope. It's my cover. Hey There Alyssa by Kiefer Jacinto."

"Ah, creative. Sige na, go on."

"Hey there, Alyssa

What's it like here in Florida?

We're a thousand miles away

But, girl, tonight you look so pretty

Yes, you do

Times Square can't shine as bright as you

I swear, it's true"

I can't say na nababawasan nga ang kaba ko pero gumaganda naman ang pakiramdam ko. His voice is just angelic. How much more can I love this guy?

"Hey there, Alyssa

Don't you worry about the distance

I'm right there if you get lonely

Give this song another listen

Close your eyes

Listen to my voice, it's my disguise

I'm by your side"

I'm just 14 years old. Di ko pa talaga kung ano ang love. In a romantic way, that is. But I know what love is because I love my mom. I love my siblings: Ate Trisha, Kuya Travis and Kuya Trevor. I love my cousin, Sophia. I love Asher. I love Jin. And I love him. I love Kiefer so much.

"Oh, it's what you do to me

Oh, it's what you do to me

Oh, it's what you do to me

Oh, it's what you do to me"

Nginitian ko siya. "What do I do to you?"

Nginitian niya ako pabalik. "What you do to me..."

"Ano nga?" tanong ko nung matapos niyang i-pluck ang strings.

"Well, you make me wish real hard that you'll get the part, because I know you deserve it so much and you'll give it your very best." I felt my eyes water. "And when you got it, I'll be your number one fan, okay?"

"Okay."

"Hazel Grace, is that you?"

Umiling ako. "No, I'm Alyssa."

Nanlaki ang mga mata niya at ngumiti siya na abot tenga. "Inamin mo rin!"

I just rolled my eyes. "Whatever, Kief. And um... thanks."

"No problem. Anything for you, Alyssa."

"You're always doing something for me."

"Would you do something for me too?"

I looked at him eye to eye. "O-of course! Anything, too!" First time 'to ha.

"Really?"

"Yes!"

"Ever heard of dying wish, Alyssa?"

"Ah, o-oo. Pero b-bakit d-dying wish?" Kinabahan tuloy ako lalo.

"Wala lang. To make sure you'll do it."

"Of course I'll really do it!" No need to say it's a dying wish.

"Okay... well... Alyssa..."

"What?"

"I want to see your dad."

Whut?

–×–

Last day ng auditions.

I don't know what I'm supposed to feel.

Mabuti nga't nahahawakan ko pa ng maayos ang Rubik's cube na hawak ko, kahit na sobrang nanginginig na ang mga kamay ko.

Okay, Trixie. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

Argh! Kainis kasi si Asher at Jin eh! Pinasa na agad 'yung form ko eh hindi pa nga ako ready sabi!

Inhale. Exhale.

Bakit ang daming tao? Lahat ba ng mga 'to mag-a-audition? O nag-e-enjoy lang silang pakabahin 'yung mga mag-a-audition?

Okay, Trixie. Masyado kang nate-tense. Inhale, exhale lang. And smile. You can do it.

"Oh if it isn't Trixie. I'm so thrilled to see you here!" Tiningnan ko 'yung nagsalita.

"Oh if it isn't Queen Bubuyog," bulong ko sa sarili ko pero mukhang narinig niya kasi mas umasim 'yung pagmumukha niyang maasim na. Great. Just great.

Pumameywang siya. "So you're gonna audition?"

"Yeah. Why?" Yabang nito ah.

"Don't you watch Disney channel? The actresses there are good role models. You're not a good role model as I can see and as what our school mates see."

Tumayo ako. Excuse me pero matangkad pa rin ako kahit na naka-killer heels ka pa! "So you think you're a good role model?"

"Well, at least I don't hang out with a bully like Kiefer Jay-seen-tow." What? Unbelievable. "Don't act like you don't know what he did to Chelsea. Everyone knows that but you still befriended him. You even dragged Jin and Asher too! What kind of a girl like you? Don't audition, btch! You're just a bad example! You don't stand a chance!"

"What a pathetic girl. Insecure little rat! Oh I know what he did to Chelsea. He wanted to be friends with her. Is that what you call a bully?"

"What a liar--"

"Hep hep! I'm not yet finished. And I didn't befriend Kiefer. He's the one who befriended me. That's how kind he is that no matter how I pushed him away, he still befriended me. And I didn't drag Jin and Asher, it's their choice! And they made a good choice! I am friends with him and if you think that's a bad example, try to take a look at yourself. You're speaking trash about people you don't even know. You're playing dirty by dragging your slaves to attack poor me. And you force others not to audition because you want the role all to yourself. Isn't that what you call a bully, Lady Gaga?"

"Argh!" frustrated niyang sigaw at sinabunutan niya ako. Tae, 'yung pinaghirapang ayusin ni Auntie! Buong-pwersa kong tinanggal ang kamay niya sa ulo ko.

"You are not the one who fixed my hair, you desperate creature!" sigaw ko pero di siya natinag at sinabutan niya ulit ako. Sinugod din ako nung iba niyang kasamahan. Kinalmot-kalmot nila ako at hinila-hila ang damit ko. Grr, hiniram ko lang 'to kay Auntie! At taena, wala akong laban, apat sila! Pinagtutulungan nila ako! 'Yung ayos ko! Sheeet!

"You're a liar, Trixie! Jay-seen-tow bullied Chelsea! He ruined Chelsea!"

"Ugh! Let go of me!" I'm trying hard na 'wag i-ngudngod ang Rubik's cube sa pagmumukha ng mga babaitang 'to.

"Chelsea used to be my friend! I saw how the incident destroyed her! She's not the same anymore!"

Tinutulak ko na sila kasi humahapdi na ang balat ko pero para silang mga lintang ayaw maalis 'yung dikit! "Get off me, slugs!"

"No! You're asking for this, btch!"

"Let go of her!" May nag-alis ng kapit ni Queen Bubuyog sa 'kin. It's Chelsea. Nang maalis 'yung hawak ni Impakta, madali ko lang na natulak 'yung ibang mga Impakta. Pinanood ko kung paano sinamaan ng tingin ni Chelsea si Bubuyog. Hawak-hawak pa rin ni Chelsea ang pulsuan ni Bubuyog at kita kong namumula na ito. "After that incident, I've changed, you're right. I've changed for the better."

"C-chelsea! Wha-what are you talking about?"

"Kiefer is my friend and before you say something bad about him, maybe you should try to know him first. You say he's a bully, huh? Did he ever do something bad to you? Think about it, Korina." Chelsea paused for a while, her gaze is still immovable. "And then think of all the bad things you said about him, the bad things you did to Trixie and all the other students you've done mean stuffs to. Who's the bully now, Korina? Tell me."

Inalis ni Impakta Uno 'yung pagkakahawak ni Chelsea sa kanya at sinenyasan si Impakta Dos, Tres at Quatrong sumunod sa kanya sa pag-walk out niya. Chelsea and I watched them walk away. I hope what Chelsea said help her realize. Kiefer was never a bully.

Lumingon si Chelsea sa 'kin at nginitian ako. "You still look beautiful, don't worry."

"You think?"

Pinagpag ko 'yung damit ko, tinuwid ang mga gusot-gusot. Tinanggal ko na rin 'yung mga tali-tali ko sa buhok at sinuklay na lang ito. Sayang naman ang effort ni Auntie at ang effort kong gumising ng maaga para maayusan niya. Nag-powder na lang ako para matakpan 'yung mga kalmot nung mga impakta. Ewan ko kung pusa ba sila, bubuyog, linta o ano.

"Yes, you're still pretty."

"I know," sagot ko kay Chelsea nung matapos akong mag-ayos.

"That's the spirit! Now, come on, your friends are waiting for you."

Pinuntahan namin ni Chelsea si Asher at Jin. Halata sa mukha ni Jin ang pagtataka, si Asher naman nginitian ako at kinindatan.

"You got this, best friend." At nag-thumbs up pa siya.

"Thanks, Ash."

Hinawakan ako sa balikat ni Jin. "Good luck."

"Xie xie!"

"Um, what happened to your braids?"

"It's a long story!" Si Chelsea ang sumagot. Tiningnan lang siya ni Jin.

"Trixieee!" tumingin ako sa likuran para makita kung sino ang tumawag. Kumakaway si Owen habang may hawak siyang banner na may pangalan ko sa isang kamay, kasama niya rin ang iba naming classmates sa likod niya na may nakapintang ngiti sa kanilang mga mukha. "Good luck!" sigaw niya pa.

Ano ba 'yan, di pa ako nag-a-audition naiiyak na 'ko.

"Thank you!"

I feel... supported.

And it's kinda ridiculous to think of it this time, but I remember now how to solve the second layer of the cube.