i don't wanna play a sick twisted game
of who can do worse to the other 

Aurora Holland

"Why are we sitting outside today, exactly?" Layla asked as she sat down at the table with Bailey. She sat between Cameron and Bailey, and I could feel the awkward tension when she and Cameron made eye contact.

There's definitely something on between the three of them. I've noticed it before, but never said anything as it's really none of my business. But the tension's too much, I won't be surprised if Elijah doesn't say something once he notices, as he's just as blunt as Layla is - if not more.

Our group was pretty big. Despite not all of us being on good terms, we still seem to sit together at lunch. Right now, it was me, Katherine, Elijah, Cameron, Griffin, Quinn, Guin, Z, Naia, and now Bailey and Layla as well.

Carter was running late, having to stop somewhere before coming to meet us at the outside tables.

"We just figured we would since it's getting to that perfect time of the year," Z said. "Or that's more of Logan's words than ours."

"Well, we all know how Log is," Cameron spoke up, scooting his cookie over to Naia. She gratefully smiled at him, taking the sweet treat. "When it gets to being close to Halloween, he goes ballistic."

"Really?" I couldn't help but ask, surprised at the confession.

"Well, you know how Logan's a big party thrower," Guin explained, "And what's a big thing when it comes to holidays?"

"Parties!" Elijah and Layla exclaimed at the same time, the girl rolling her eyes at the British boy, who just giggled in return.

"Right," I said.

"Every year for Halloween, his parents go out of town. He throws a big Halloween Bash to which almost every student in the school is invited. Whether they're part of the friend group or not," Naia explained kindly.

I smiled at her, showing I listened to what she said. I don't talk to Z hardly at all, I only ever see him whenever he's around Naia or one of the others. Naia, however, has opened up to me more since we've run into each other during classes, and I couldn't be more glad that I was beginning to get closer to her when she's one of the few I hardly ever interact with.

My attention was quickly diverted from the talk of Logan's famous Halloween bashes as I saw the familiar black car pull into the parking lot. It was a perfect view from the outside tables we were sitting at, and I found myself glad that Logan asked the group to sit outside for lunch today instead of inside.

It let me see that Carter had arrived back at the school from wherever he'd gone. He didn't tell me where he was going, and I honestly didn't even know he left the school grounds.

That's one of the big differences here at Riverway instead of Point Prep. Even the seniors weren't allowed to leave school grounds unless they didn't have classes, but even then, that was rare. We all sat in the tiny cafeteria for lunch, the only way we were able to leave was if parents checked us out for that time, but as before - it's rare.

Here at Riverway, they're very big on giving us our own freedom. Seniors can leave whenever they want, for the most part, especially during lunch. They can go get their own lunch or go home for lunch, depending on what they want to do. Anyone in the school can choose where they sit for the duration of lunch: the cafeteria, the common room with all the tables, or even outside. There are multiple stations for you to drop your trash or your lunch trays, and I'm assuming the staff go through after the end of lunch and gather everything because it's usually cleaned up by the time I get out of homeroom.

"You hear me, Rory?" I looked over to see Quinn talking to me, which immediately made me feel bad because I'd been too focused on Carter arriving.

"Sorry, what?"

"I was asking if you were still planning on that study date with Miles." She commented, "I usually see you two in the library after school and on the weekends."

"Oh, yeah!" I exclaimed quickly, my cheeks flushing as people were watching us talk. "We usually meet whenever we're both free after school. He's been helping me with a lot of the work here at Riverway."

"Is it really different from Point Prep?" Naia asked.

"For me, yes. There are things I already know how to do that I'm having to relearn because we were ahead of the studies there, but then there are things we haven't even touched on, and since I came a few weeks or however long it was behind, it's harder for me to catch up. So he's kind of like a tutor." I shrugged, taking a drink from the water bottle I brought with me.

"Maybe I can join you sometime? I just figured I'd ask because I'm always there as well, and it'd be nice to study with people who actually do their work." She sent a look to Griffin, who looked mock offended.

"Hey!"

"Just saying. I tend to goof off more than actually study when we're at the library, which kind of defeats the entire purpose." She laughed, her beautiful smile basically lighting up the room.

I hadn't seen Quinn smile very often, but she's a lot like Naia and very closed-off. She's not at many of the hangouts or events we do together, so when I do see her, it's always a good surprise. And seeing her open up - just like Naia - is a nice feeling.

Especially because out of all of our friends in the group, I'm more like them than anyone else.

"Well if it isn't Mr. Carter Jackson!" Elijah exclaimed, causing me to look over.

He'd walked up to the table by now, which I didn't even notice since Quinn had been talking to me. He stood at the edge of the table by my side, a bag of takeout in his hands.

"Great! You brought yummy food!" Elijah stood from his spot next to Katherine, grabbing at the bag.

"Back off, dickhead!" Carter exclaimed the first words he'd said since he walked up. He stepped back so Elijah couldn't grab hold of the bag, and the other boy pouted in response. "This isn't for you and you know it."

"You suck ass," Elijah grumbled, sitting back down next to Katherine. She just silently offered him one of her fries from the cafeteria. He smiled as he took the fry from her hand with his mouth, winking at her. "Thank you, love."

"Sorry we're late!" Another voice echoed through the air, and we all took our attention away from Carter and to where the voice had come from.

I looked to see Logan walking up, Alexa and Paige trailing behind him. I only ever see Alexa around when she's with Logan, much like with Z and Naia. This wasn't a bad thing, I just noticed she tends to be off with her own group of friends when she's not with her best friend.

Paige, on the other hand, is always with that Cindy girl I was told about. I don't know much about her, just that she's like Paige but worse. I've even heard someone compare her to Ashley, which is never a good comparison.

My gaze was torn away from Logan as I felt a body shift in next to me, and I was quick to notice the feeling of an arm wrapped around my waist. I looked over to see Carter watching as his brother walked up to the table.

"We were making the rough drafts of the invitations for the Halloween Bash!" Alexa exclaimed happily. She held a couple of sheets in her hands, ones that were multiple colors.

"Speaking of-" Logan stopped as he scooted into his spot at the table, Paige and Alexa finding different spots as well. "We need opinions."

"You realize how long we have until Halloween, right? Mom and Dad haven't even begun planning their trip yet." Carter spoke up. He used his free hand to take out some of the food in the bag, setting some of it in front of me. "I didn't know which sauce to get for your nuggets, so I got some of each."

The last part was whispered in my ear, and I immediately felt butterflies erupt in my stomach at the feeling. "You got me food?" I asked, looking over at him.

"Would you rather eat the shitty cafeteria food? Why do you think I'm never here for lunch?" He smiled softly at me.

"Carter, I didn't ask." Logan snapped to his brother, interrupting whatever moment was going on between us. "Besides, it's nice to begin planning. There were a few mess-ups last year, plus we didn't buy the right amount of cups we needed. It's always good to be prepared."

"True. Besides, the more time we have to get alcohol, the better." Layla shrugged. "What are the options?"

Alexa laid out the pages, and everyone immediately looked at them and gave their opinion on what the best rough draft was. I didn't care, however, and apparently, neither did Carter, as he didn't rush to look to see what his favorite was.

I began to eat the food he'd gotten me, ignoring the weird looks from Paige down the table. She'd been staring a lot more than normal, her texts and calls doubling, saying she really needed to talk to me.

I don't care, and I have no intention of talking to her. She's just going to tell me I'm overreacting and that she's the best friend I've ever had and blah blah blah. I don't care, and I can't go back to the way things were.

I'm finally discovering who I want to be. Not Paige's shadow, not being the girl who's always seen with Paige Holland, or who's known as Paige Holland's loser of a cousin. Sure, I still get those comments here and there, and I even get comments about being the girl Carter Jackson's always around or that Logan's seen with. But it's nothing compared to how it was at Point Prep, and I don't want things to go back like that.

I like the friends I've made, with and without Paige's help. These people like me for me, not for who Paige and even my mom want me to be. Why would I change that?

"I'm coming to your homeroom today," Carter said, catching my attention. "I have Calculus, so I told Mr. Maroni I wanted a pass to come to work on some homework."

"Are you actually going to work on homework?" I asked.

The corner of his mouth lifted, showing he was trying not to laugh. "Of course not."

"You're crazy," I mumbled, putting my focus back on my food.

The rest of lunch was quiet for the two of us, my eyes avoiding Paige as I listened to whatever Logan said his plans were for the popular Halloween Bash. He was excited - I could tell, and it made me understand the conversation earlier about him loving this time of the year.

"We should get going, yeah?" Carter asked as he noticed that I was finished eating, and I nodded as I tossed my trash into the bag he brought with him.

We both stood from the table, the others looking at us as we began to leave. "We're heading to class," I mumbled as Carter took the trash from my hands.

"Let me know when you're heading to the library with Miles, and I can meet you there." Quinn smiled at me, finishing our conversation from earlier.

"Of course," I said.

We began to walk away, but the feeling of cold fingertips wrapping around my wrist caught me off guard. I turned to see Paige standing in front of me, her eyes sad as her lips parted to say something.

"Paige, I really don't want to-"

"We need to talk," She said, cutting me off. "Fuck the apology, fuck hearing each other's sides."

"Paige, I don't care." I yanked my hand from her tight grip, holding it with my other hand. "You keep trying, and the more you do, the more I want to get away from you. Don't you get it?"

"Rora, I-"

"No, don't 'Rora' me!" I couldn't help but exclaim. I realized how loud I was being and cleared my throat, looking back at her. "I get that you think I'm overreacting and God knows what else, but you need to understand I've dealt with this for so long that I just can't take it anymore."

"Aurora, it's not about that!" She exclaimed this time, not caring that other people were beginning to look.

This included our friend group, and it wasn't long before I felt someone grab my hand. By the butterflies, I immediately knew that it was Carter, so instead of looking at him, I just maintained eye contact with Paige.

"Paige, stop trying. It's useless." I spat, my cheeks flushing. "You're doing nothing but causing attention, you know that. Why do you need me following you like a shadow all the time? Why do you need me to have as a little minion? Is it cause I'm easy to manipulate? Because I'm not. Not anymore. I'm done doing every little thing everyone asks of me. This is my life, not yours."

"It's not about the attention! God, can you stop to think this isn't about your little pity party for one second?!" She exclaimed. She ran her hands through her unkept hair, which was a rare look to see on her.

Instead of focusing on that, I looked back at her face. She looked very stressed, and although that little part of me feels bad - a bigger part of me doesn't. Tears clouded my vision as I tried to ignore them, knowing that deep down, everything she said was going to get to me.

I just can't let her see that it bothers me, not when I've done so good at keeping her away.

"Funny for you to say," I heard from next to me. It was Carter, and he had a look of disbelief on his face. "Paige, you've done enough to her, don't you realize that? You repeatedly confronting her in front of other people does nothing but hurt her more, and yet you still do it and have the nerve to say something like that."

"Carter, you guys need to listen-"

"No, bye." He was quick to cut her off, saying something I'd been too afraid to just up and say.

He linked our fingers together and gently pulled me away, leaving Paige in the middle of the courtyard. Eyes lingered on her, while others lingered on us.

Instead of leading me inside the school like I thought he planned to, Carter turned and made a beeline to the parking lot where his car was parked.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"Home," He said.

"But we still have-"

"Baby, please." He cut me off. He stopped and turned to me as we approached his car, resting his warm hands on my cold cheeks. "I see the tears in your eyes. You're not going to sit and cry in class."

I sniffled, nodding. It was useless to argue with him, and we both know it.

Part of me worried about what would happen for skipping homeroom and last block, but a bigger part of me told me to not care. I've already changed so much since moving to Riverway, it won't hurt to do this as well. It's not like I plan to skip class every day, and with how lenient Riverway is, it'll be extremely easy to do so.

And with Carter's parents being like mine, where they're not home a lot, it'll be easy to just go home and not get in trouble for skipping.

He held the car door open for me, and I climbed in, buckling up as he ran to the other side to get in. He buckled up - something he's been doing a lot more lately when I ride with him - and quickly drove out of the parking lot, the tires screeching slightly from how fast he left.

The car ride was silent. It consisted of me switching between twirling the ring around my index finger and scratching at my skin, and when Carter noticed - which didn't take very long - he put his hand over mine to stop me.

It calmed me immediately, and I just shut my eyes as we finished the ride to his house. I knew we were there when the car was put into park, and I looked to see that he had parked in the garage instead of in the driveway like usual.

When we got out and inside, it was quiet as it usually was. It reminded me a lot of my house - quiet and empty most of the time.

Carter's room looked just as organized and neat as it usually did when I came over. It wasn't often, as it's more of him sneaking in my room late at night when my parents aren't aware, but I still was over a lot more often than I thought I would be when we started whatever was going on between us.

I'm still unsure whether we're dating or not. We're constantly hanging out, whether it be with Katherine and Elijah - much like a double date - or on our own. Sometimes we go see movies or just stay in, but he's yet to ask me to be his girlfriend.

Then again, I haven't asked him either. Is he expecting me to? Carter doesn't seem like the type to prefer to be asked, but then again, he surprises me a lot with the things he does. And either way, I really hope my first boyfriend asks me out, just because it's something I've always wanted.

I stood in the middle of Carter's room, tapping my fingers together. I stared at the ground, tears still clouding my vision as the conversation with Paige replayed in my head over and over again.

"Rory," Carter softly said. I looked up to see that he was standing right in front of me. His face was blurry due to the tears, and I just sighed deeply as I felt one fall down my cheek.

"Why does she like to hurt me?" I asked softly. My voice broke due to my trying not to cry, but ultimately - as usual - I was failing.

"She's not a good person, and she's not used to you sticking up for yourself," He said. He rested his hands on my arms, gently trailing down to my hands. He grabbed onto my fingers, squeezing lightly.

"I didn't even stick up for myself, you did it." I sniffled.

"I said one thing and pulled you away. You probably would have said something to ruin her big ego had I not said anything." He responded, "Don't let her make you feel bad because you refuse to get over how much she's hurt you. She's done worse things - here and before she moved here."

"But she's Paige." I shrugged.

"So? Fuck that. I don't care if she's Paige or someone else. Nobody can treat people like that and then play the victim card when they're called out. If you ask me, she's gotten off easy." I moved one hand to my face, wiping the stray tears. "She's a horrible person and cousin. She's not worth any of these tears."

"Thank you," I mumbled. I don't believe anything he's saying, but as before - trying to argue with him is pointless. If anything, it'll just make me feel ten times worse because he'll grow frustrated that I'm not agreeing with him, and that's the last thing I need right now.

He pressed his lips to my forehead, the shock causing the butterflies in my stomach to go crazy. My eyes shut at the gesture, my breathing deep to get my feelings under control.

"Let's watch something, yeah? Or would you like to paint?" He asked as he pulled away, tugging at my arms lightly to pull me toward his bed.

"I just want to lie down," I told him honestly.

"We can do whatever you want, okay?" He asked softly.

I nodded as I kicked my shoes off, not caring that they landed on two opposite sides of the room. I'm sad and hurt that Paige is still trying to mess with me. It's been weeks of this, isn't she tired yet?

Carter kicked his shoes off as well, not bothering to look where they went. He pulled me onto the bed and pulled back the covers, holding them up while I climbed underneath.

As I lay down under the cool feeling of his black comforter, I watched as he discarded the hoodie he was wearing. He grabbed the TV remote from his nightstand on his side, turning the TV on. 

He put the remote in my hand without another word, signaling he wanted me to choose what we watched. I scrolled through the options as he climbed under the covers with me, pulling me close enough to where his body heat warmed me up quicker than the blankets did.

After choosing, he took the remote and set it back on the nightstand. It was silent as he wrapped his arms around me, one hand playing with the ends of my messy hair while the other rubbed circles in my sides.

"It's going to be okay, Rory. I promise."