i just want to breathe,
is that so hard to believe?

Aurora Holland

"SO I PUT MY HANDS UP THEY'RE PLAYING MY SONG, THE BUTTERFLIES FLY AWAYYYY!" Paige and Bailey screamed the lyrics, not caring if they were off-key.

I let out a giggle at their carefreeness, wishing I could open up enough to be like that. If it were just me and Paige, I'd be singing along, but I was currently smashed in the backseat next to Paige and Cameron.

I guess Bailey's best friend Layla wanted to carpool as well, and she booted Cameron to the back despite Bailey and Cameron living together and starting the ride together. This left him in the backseat with Paige and me. Despite the fact Paige knew these people better than I did, I still somehow got stuck in the middle.

"They're always like this, trust me," Cameron mumbled next to me. It was hard to hear them due to the mixture of the wind flowing in through the windows and the music, but he leaned in close to me to make sure I heard him.

"I know Paige is," I admitted. "I'm glad to see she has friends just like her."

Cameron just nodded, staring down at his lap. He typed a few texts on his phone before putting his attention back to me. "You excited for the party?"

"Nervous, honestly," I spoke, twirling my ring around my finger.

"You shouldn't be. I'm sure if Paige was able to fit in so quickly you will as well." He smiled softly.

As much as I wanted to tell him he was wrong, that it's never been like that, I didn't. He wouldn't understand, as he was very friendly and open just like everyone else. Even Layla, who I hadn't met until just now, was very kind as if we'd been friends for a lifetime.

Surely it was only because I'm Paige's cousin.

"Okay, bitches we're here!" Layla exclaimed, unclipping her seatbelt.

It was then I took in the giant house we'd approached. We had pretty good parking considering we're here to help set up. I guess we're a few hours early as well, but the main reason we left when we did was so it didn't look suspicious.

Yeah, going to a study group at 8 pm sounds sooooo not suspicious at all.

"Do we know who's here?" Bailey asked from the driver's seat. She checked her flawless makeup in the rearview mirror, wiping the corners of her mouth with her index finger. 

"I think just Logan. Unless Carter's lingering," Cameron said. "He didn't really specify in the text."

"Griffin and the others are coming, right?" Layla asked as we all took turns getting out of the car.

"I believe so," Cameron responded.

"Quinn actually had a tournament out of town so she couldn't make it," Paige said. "I've already asked."

"So Guin and Griffin are coming then?" Bailey asked.

"Sounds like it," Cameron said.

"You think Carter's going to show?" Layla asked, fixing her curly hair.

"It's his own house, surely he'll be here," Paige said hopefully.

"He'll probably do like he usually does and stand around for five minutes before going back to his room," Layla said. "The boy doesn't know how to party."

"His problem is he won't give us a chance," Paige told the girl, wrapping her arm in hers. "We're literally party animals, he just needs to stick around for the party to actually start before judging and leaving."

"He just isn't the party type the way Logan is," Cameron said. "There's nothing wrong with that."

"He's the party type. I've seen him party so many times since you guys have been friends," Bailey cut in.

I felt extremely left out. They were talking about Logan's brother, Carter, who I'd yet to meet. Even then, I didn't know the Jackson brothers well enough to judge or know what to say. I just stood behind the group, letting them continue their conversation on reasons as to why this Carter dude doesn't care about partying.

Cameron walked in without knocking, "LJ, we're here!" He exclaimed, his voice echoing slightly through the house.

The house was gigantic. It was the closest thing I'd ever seen to a mansion. Definitely the perfect place for a party, a place I would choose if I were the one throwing it. It was out in the country where no neighbors could complain about the noise. It was surrounded by trees, the sight absolutely breathtaking.

"You like it?" A slightly familiar voice asked, and I glanced over to see the same boy from earlier in the day - Logan.

My brows bunched together in confusion, as I saw he was the only one around me. I hadn't managed to get inside the giant house yet as I was mesmerized by the sight around me. The others had left me and walked in, not that I minded too much.

It's not like I was in their conversation much anyway.

"Oh, I-"

"My parents have lived here for a very long time," Logan said. "Considering my dad's been running his own business for so long."

He was referring to the business his dad does. I don't know what it is, nor do I really care. All I know is my father transferred here only a year after Uncle Murphy did. They're running one building together, a smaller one whereas Logan's dad I guess works a different one downtown.

I thought my dad was bringing in a lot of money, but seeing this...

"We have a balcony upstairs if you want to look at it from that angle," Logan then offered, jabbing his thumb over his shoulders.

"It's okay, thank you." I politely declined, twirling the ring around my finger once again.

"Would you like to come in? I'm sure Paige is wondering where you are," He then said, stepping to the side.

I didn't say anything, knowing she wasn't. She was already caught up in her friends here in Riverway, and I didn't mind. I was used to it.

So I just walked past him, looking at the ground as I walked. My eyes never left my feet, due to the embarrassment of nothing at all. Crazy how embarrassed I can get when nothing's even happened.

"You look great, by the way." I heard Logan's deep voice from behind me as he shut the front door.

My head snapped back, eyes wide. Did... did he just compliment me?

The only compliments I've ever gotten were from my dad, not including the time Paige practically forced Asher to compliment me.

Asher. The boy I thought I was hopelessly in love with until I realized he was using me to get Paige.

You know that movie... The DUFF? The one where there's the group of cute friends and then the one friend that's not considered 'pretty'? Everyone uses her as a way to worm their way into their friend group, wanting to get an insider to connect them.

That's how I feel. That's how it's always been. I'm only ever complimented if Paige forces someone to, or if my parents are the ones complimenting me.

It never feels like a compliment. It feels forced, brushed off, or backhanded.

This, however... this wasn't Paige asking him to speak on how good he thinks I look. This was out of the blue, in front of nobody but me.

So yes, I kinda stood here looking stupid. Eyes wide, jaw dropped, hands sweaty.

"Rora, you good?" He asked. Not only has this boy complimented me, but he's now calling me by the nickname Paige uses.

What is up with today?

"Oh- yeah, sorry. Do- do you have a bathroom?" I asked nervously, "Just directions please, I don't need to be shown."

"Of course. Upstairs to the left. It'll be the second door on your left." He explained as he pointed, "I'm going to head to the kitchen to help get the stuff ready. You think you can find your way down when you get done?"

I just nodded, unable to find my words. He touched my shoulder before walking by and into the kitchen where Paige and the others stood.

I stood there for a moment, shocked. He touched me - willingly.

Remembering I'd asked to go to the bathroom, I tripped over my own feet as I made my way up the stairs. The house was gigantic, from the kitchen to the foyer. It was like twice the size of my house, meaning it was about three times the size of my old house in South Dakota.

It felt like I was in a Labyrinth of some sort. It was a maze, and it was much harder to find the bathroom than Logan had made it seem. My eyes nervously bounced between the left and right sides of the top of the staircase, unsure which way he said to go.

My body leaned to the right at first, before remembering L. Left. I smiled to myself softly as I went to the left. Now if I remember right, he said it was a couple of doors down. But how many?

With my luck, all the doors in the hallway were closed. Knowing how wrong I could possibly be, I could have already gone the wrong way. It could be on the right, and I'm just imagining things by thinking he said left instead of right.

The twisting of the ring on my index finger got quicker as I slowly made my way down the corridor. I looked left and right, before finally just opening the first door.

"Logan, I told you to fuck off-" My eyes widened as my grip on the doorknob tightened.

This was definitely not the bathroom.

I was in the threshold of a giant bedroom. It was very minimal, despite the rest of the house being littered with artwork and portraits. It was mostly black and white, with a couple of articles of clothing sitting on a desk chair.

My eyes met the person taking up the room. He'd been sitting on his bed when I walked in, but now that someone had barged in, he jumped up. He stared at me, a look I couldn't explain resting on his cold features.

"I-"

"What do you want?" He rudely cut me off before I could explain myself.

My mouth snapped shut at his manners. He was tall, with extremely dark hair. It was almost black, but not quite. It could pass as a black-brown color, honestly. His eyes were just as dark, with specks of honey brown. His mouth was in the shape of a frown, clearly unamused that I'd intruded into his personal space.

Remembering how rude he was, I shoved away the thoughts of how attractive he was. I frowned, dropping my arm from the doorknob. "There's a thing called manners, you know that right?"

He smirked, something I didn't expect from the moody boy. He crossed his arms over his broad chest. "You're telling me about manners when you barged into a random person's bedroom?" He questioned.

Realization dawned on me, as he was right. I barged in, although it wasn't intentional.

"If you would have left me explain in the beginning when I tried to, you'd know it was by accident." I held my ground.

Usually, I was shy. I couldn't manage to get out more than a sentence. But something about the way he talked to me right away made me mad.

I get it, I walked into his bedroom or whatever. But, it was clearly an accident and I was going to apologize right away but he wouldn't let me.

The smirk didn't leave his features, and instead, he just stared at me. I felt uncomfortable but didn't move. I was captivated by his beauty, as cheesy as it sounds.

He wiped his hand along his bottom lip, and I felt a feeling in my stomach I hadn't felt in ages. It was different than the feeling I felt earlier with Logan, one foreign yet familiar at the same time.

I hadn't felt it since Asher.

His eyes traveled from my head to my toes, and I shifted awkwardly. It was still silent between us, but neither of us really moved from our spots.

"You're a little early, yeah?" He then asked.

"E-early?" I questioned in return.

"For Logan's big bash or whatever it's called this week." He motioned a hand in the air. He then moved the same hand to the back of his neck.

I couldn't help but stare at him, at the muscles flexing. I don't know what was wrong with me, but it made me even more embarrassed than I was when I entered the room in the first place.

"B-big bash," I mumbled, barely able to form a sentence.

Welp, there goes being able to actually form a sentence around him.

"Rora!" The sudden exclamation from behind me caused me to jump back.

I turned, seeing Logan ascending the staircase. His eyes widened as he saw the room I was in, and he didn't hesitate to make his way over. "I see you got lost," He joked. He stepped directly beside me, and I was able to smell his cologne almost instantly.

He smelled good.

"Speak of the devil," The boy in the room spoke with a smirk, catching Logan's attention.

"Ignore him. He's a bit of an asshole. You're not giving her trouble, are you Carter?" Logan asked him, and my eyes widened.

Carter... Carter Jackson! This was the famous Carter everyone's been talking about since I met them. Logan's older brother. That should've been more than obvious...

"You think I'd do that?" Carter joked, resting his hand on his hip as if to prove a point.

"Yes, I think you'd do exactly that," Logan spoke seriously. It was the most serious I'd ever seen him, but then again I only met him a few hours ago.

"Oh come on, we were just getting to know each other, weren't we-" He stopped, realizing he didn't know my name. Then he suddenly realized something, his smirk only growing. "Rory."

"It's Rora," Logan told the boy. "Or to you, Aurora."

"Aurora," Carter repeated. "Pretty name for a pretty girl."

"Okay, we're out of here," Logan said. "Have a good night wallowing in self-pity, Carter!"

By the time Logan was finished with his statement, he'd shut the door. I made eye contact with the boy on the other side the entire time until we weren't able to see each other anymore.

It was then I realized I was left alone with Logan in the hallway, and I felt nervous.

"I'm sorry, I tried to remember where you said but I got distracted and-"

"Rora, it's okay!" He happily exclaimed, cutting me off. "That's why I came to check on you. The house is a maze, I figured you could get lost easily."

"W-where's Paige?" I asked, remembering who I'd come here with.

"Downstairs pregaming with Layla." He said, "I can go get her if-"

"No, it's okay. She's having fun," I cut him off, not wanting to come across as needy.

The last thing I needed was a lecture from Paige telling me I should've let Logan show me where the bathroom was to avoid this interaction.

"Here," He said as he wrapped his large hand around mine, walking down the hallway a little more. "The bathroom's right here." He stopped in front of a door.

One door too soon, I thought. ONE DOOR!

"I'm going to go ahead and wait right out here that way you don't get lost on the way down." He smiled down at me, leaning his tall body against the wall by the bathroom door. "The last thing we need is another Carter fit."

Carter fit. Hah.

I didn't know how to respond, and so instead I just smiled as I slipped into the empty bathroom. I sighed in relief as I locked the door, happy to be alone for a minute.

At first, this whole doing whatever I could to fit in thing Paige suggested was fine. But now that I'm starting to actually have to do it...

I don't think it's going to be as easy as she says it is.