teach me how to love

Aurora Holland

"I put a little extra on there for you as well in case there's something else you'd like," My dad told me as I tied my left shoelace, trying to rush as best as I could since Carter was waiting for us outside. "Or if you girls get hungry."

I'd barely managed to make it downstairs before I was caught up by my dad, who offered to put some money on my card for our little mall trip. I hadn't planned on going to very many stores simply because I don't want to bore Carter more than we probably already will, but I want to do my best to make Katherine feel better.

Just before I could respond, there was a knock at the front door. My eyes bounced between the chair I was leaning against and the door, but before I could move a muscle, Katherine walked over and opened it. 

"Hey," She greeted, and it wasn't long before I saw Carter walk in.

I acted as if I wasn't eager to see him, and so I just put my attention on my shoelaces. I switched from my left to my right foot, tying a perfect knot on the top of the shoe.

"Hey Katie," Carter greeted softly, and in the corner of my eye, I saw him turn towards us. "Sorry to rush, I didn't realize you weren't ready yet." He then apologized, and it was then that I finally glanced over at him.

He looked breathtaking, as he usually did every time I saw him. He didn't dress up in any way, simply wearing a T-shirt and a pair of jeans. They were plain black, and his shirt was a dark blue color.

He looks really good in blue. Or maybe I'm biased because it's my favorite color, either way, it doesn't change the fact that he looks amazing.

His hair was wet, showing he'd freshly showered, just like he told me he planned on doing. He didn't wear a jacket today, which was surprising since it was a little chilly outside.

"Hello, Carter," My father greeted kindly, looking up from his laptop at the boy.

Carter smiled, waving a hand in the air. "Hello, Mr. Holland."

"You can call me Harry, son." My father waved a hand in the air, "I added enough money to Rora's card, so if you want to eat as well, go ahead. Make sure to get her home by nine, though, Viv will have my head on a stick if not."

"Of course, sir." Carter nodded, "Thank you."

"Katherine, are you staying the night tonight?" My father then redirected his attention to the blonde, who looked at him with her big brown eyes.

"S-staying the night?" She asked nervously.

"Yeah, you're fine to stay the night if your parents are okay with it," He offered, glancing back down at his laptop.

My eyes found Katherine's, who looked at me with nervousness and worry. Realizing she probably never experienced anything like this before, I just stood up straight and looked back at my dad. "We'll let you know, we don't know just yet."

"Okay, Rora. Just let me know," He said, copying my words.

I nodded, rubbing my arm awkwardly. "Well, we're going to go," I finally said, pulling my bag on. He nodded this time, sending one last glance at me.

With one last goodbye, I walked out of the house behind Katherine and Carter, the September air hitting me immediately. We walked to the end of the yard where Carter's car sat, and he opened the passenger door and hit the lever so Katherine could climb in the back.

She got in quickly, Carter making sure she was comfortable before pushing the seat back. He stood up straight afterward, and it was then that I got a good whiff of his cologne. He always smelled so good, it made me nervous.

I know that doesn't make any sense.

Carter looked at me, his eyes bouncing between mine before looking at the top of his car. "You look beautiful, Rory." He mumbled, almost as if he were too nervous to say anything.

"I'm just wearing something lazy." I shrugged, looking down at my top. I'd dressed appropriately for the weather, all the while putting some thought into knowing Carter was going to be with me.

"Doesn't mean anything," He said softly, "Whether you dressed up or dressed lazily doesn't change the fact that I think you're absolutely beautiful."

I felt my cheeks begin to heat up, feeling nervous at the compliment. I just thanked him as softly as I could, sitting down in the passenger seat. I avoided looking at Katherine, knowing she probably heard the exchange, and I don't think I could handle any more embarrassment, as I was already embarrassed enough. 

Most people wouldn't be embarrassed by something like this. Paige, for example, would just flirt back or say something about how she knew she looked pretty. She had a lot of confidence, and guys ate that up like candy.

I, on the other hand, can't do anything like that. Sometimes I find myself having bursts of confidence to just simply talk to someone as if I'd known them forever, but I can never find enough confidence in myself to flirt back in the way Paige or other girls usually did.

It's probably one of the things I hate the most about myself. That I can't easily talk to guys, especially ones like Carter.

My eyes stayed out of the window as Carter started the drive to the mall. It was silent in the car, minus the sound of quiet music playing from Carter's phone. It was a song I wouldn't expect him to listen to, but then again, each day I get to know Carter more, he surprises me.

The leaves on the trees were beginning to slowly turn from green to orange and red colors, making the trees look even more beautiful than they usually did. The leaves ranged from green to yellow, as it was only early September. Soon enough, all of the leaves would be red and would fall to the ground and crumple up underneath people's feet as they walked along the sidewalks.

After a while of driving, the trees were soon replaced with buildings. They were older-looking buildings, ones that remind me a lot of the buildings you see in a movie such as Halloweentown. They were beautiful, as I prefer the older buildings over the look of the more modern ones.

That was one thing that was a plus, moving from Point Prep to Riverway. Point Prep was all modern, hi-tech buildings that you see in almost every city nowadays. Riverway is still very hi-tech, but its look is still the look of what you would see toward the end of the '90s.

Carter pulled into the mall parking lot, taking a few minutes to find a good parking spot. It was pretty full considering that it was the weekend, and I've noticed that this is where most bored teenagers go when they want something to do.

Once we were parked, I wasted no time in getting out of the beautiful vehicle. I let Katherine out as well, the blonde sending me a kind smile as I pushed the seat back and shut the door behind her.

We waited for Carter, who took his time getting out. I didn't mind, and from the looks of it, neither did Katherine. She stretched as she waited, whereas I fiddled with the strap of my purse.

The three of us soon walked in together, making our way to the bathroom since Katherine announced she needed to go before we began shopping. We made our way around other people, people from very young ages to very old. It was nice seeing parents bring their children, or couples coming to do some type of simple, casual date, just to spend time together. It just shows that love truly does exist, and it's not all romantic love.

I'd always longed for love. Sure, my family loves me, but it doesn't feel like it sometimes. We all know how my mother is, and although I know my dad tries to do things to make up for how shitty she treats me, it doesn't change the fact that I don't feel as loved as I should. Jason can bat his eyelashes and simply suggest doing something someday, and my mother jumps up to do it for him.

I'm lucky if I get something within three to five business days, and that's if. Most of the time, that's the wait on something I need, not something I want.

And I can't deny my dad really does try to make up for it, as I stated before. But sometimes it just feels like what he does isn't enough, as selfish as it sounds. He sees how she treats me - and this was before the time she put her hands on me. He doesn't do anything about it besides kiss my ass, much like he's doing by putting all this extra money on my card and offering to let Katherine stay the night.

I want someone who does things like that for me, not just when something bad happens. Sure, it'd be nice if it's a romantic relationship in which that happens, but I'm just meaning it'd be nice if it were my dad or even my mom.

Even Paige, sadly.

"Penny for your thoughts?" A voice asked from my right, and I turned to see Carter standing next to me. I'd been leaning up against the railing that peers down to the lower level of the mall, my eyes on a group of friends joking around with each other.

Despite how nervous I was to come with him today, I'd honestly forgotten he was here with me. He'd walked into the restrooms when Katherine had, leaving me all by myself. He was really quick, though, considering I'd only been standing here for maybe two minutes max.

"Just people watching," I told him, too afraid to admit my sappy feelings. He's already seen me get emotional way too many times, I didn't need to have another cheesy talk with him.

"People-watching can be fun," He answered. He mirrored my position, leaning down and resting his chin on his hands. He looked away from me and toward some people down below, his eyes staying on them no longer than ten seconds each. "Look at that-" He suddenly pointed, causing my eyes to snap away from him and below.

I looked to where his finger pointed. There were a couple of kids standing outside of Build-A-Bear, the boy handing a pink teddy bear to the little girl with cheeks just as pink as the bear.

Resting my cheek against my hand again, I smiled at the gesture. It was quite cute, and as bad as it sounds, I found myself envious of the little girl. I can't even experience something like that now, yet here she is at the young age of at least five and getting gifts from a boy.

It reminds me of when Paige was younger, if I'm being completely honest. She's always been super loved by people, even at a really young age.

"Hey, you good?" Carter then asked, nudging my side with his. I looked over at him to see that he was already looking at me, completely forgetting about the little kids standing in front of Build-A-Bear.

"I'm good," I told him, sending a soft smile to him. Obviously, I'm not, but at the moment I am. And I know in the end I will be as well.

There's a saying I once came across while reading, and it was one that said 'Sometimes some of us are just meant to give out more love than we'll ever receive', and the older I get, the more I realize that that just might be true.

I've always been more genuine and given out more love than I've ever gotten, in any relationship I've had.

He just looked at me, but I couldn't decipher the look on his face. He turned to face me, his head resting against his right arm as his other one reached out and brushed my hair behind my ear. "You can talk to me, you know?"

"I know," I assured, feeling my cheeks begin to heat up at the contact. "Thank you."

"Sorry it took so long, some lady was letting her bratty kids use all of the stalls-" The sound of Katherine's voice caused Carter to pull his hand away.

We turned to see her wiping her hands on her sweats, "Not to mention they had no paper towels and I didn't feel like waiting for all six of those gremlins to use the hand dryer." Her eyes then met mine, and she looked between the two of us with a confused expression. "Did I interrupt something?"

"No, not at all. What stores are you interested in looking at?" I asked, walking away from the railing. I stopped in front of her, twirling my ring around my index finger nervously.

"I'm not sure, I've never had to do this before." She admitted, her cheeks turning a light pink color.

"Right, well neither have I if that helps," I admitted, looking around. This would be something that Paige would be an expert at, so it made me feel bad that I had Katherine come all the way here just to not know what to do. "Maybe we can just start at one shop and see where that goes?"

Katherine nodded, agreeing. "Sounds good to me."

"You lead the way," I told her, waving a hand to my right.

She pressed her lips together before nodding again, aimlessly walking in a direction where not many people were. I followed behind, causing Carter to step away from the railing and follow us.

My fingers tangled with the purse strap, my eyes bouncing around the mall nervously as I walked. My mind ran with thoughts as I followed Katherine throughout the mall, and it wasn't long before I was following her into a random clothing store.

The atmosphere immediately changed, considering that not many people inhabited the room. The music was able to be heard from anywhere in the small room, playing an overplayed pop song on the radio. I followed Katherine as she made her way to the dresses, her eyes mindlessly bouncing from one dress to another. It was almost as if she were too afraid to touch them, so to make her feel better, I began to fumble through the racks of dresses.

"I'm going to look at the black ones," She announced, jutting her thumb over her shoulder. I nodded, my eyes focused on the ones in front of me. I had no reason to try any on considering I didn't plan on attending homecoming, but it was always nice to look.

Plus, I never know if I'll find one that Katherine might like.

"Are you going?" I jumped at Carter's voice, my hand finding my chest as I looked over to see him standing next to me. He looked through the other end of the rack I was looking at, his eyes very focused on the fabric in front of him. "To homecoming, I mean."

"Oh, no." I shook my head, looking back at the dresses. "I've never been and I just don't think there's a point to go."

"You don't?" He asked, finally looking over at me.

Just having his attention on me the way it was is enough to make my stomach swarm with butterflies, and I just fumbled with the yellow dress in my hands. I wasn't interested in it at all, but it was better than picking at my skin or spinning my ring.

"I-I mean," I stopped, trying to think of something to say. "Maybe." I then shrugged, "But I haven't been asked, and I honestly think if I were to get asked, I'd react the same way as Kat."

"Understandable," Carter replied. "I don't plan on going either."

Despite having told him first that I didn't plan on going, my heart still sank at the confession that he wasn't going. I don't know what I was expecting, considering he's told me himself that he doesn't dance, and the only reason he danced with me the day that he did was to get me away from my mother.

"'Cause you don't dance, right?" I asked, smiling softly at him.

He chuckled, nodding. "Yeah, I don't dance."

"Right," I said again, moving to the next dress. My mind went back to that night, the one we swayed back and forth together.

It then moved to the night of the college party, the one where I made a fool of myself and ruined whatever friendship Paige and I had. I then remembered the game of truth or dare, the one where I was asked who the last boy to kiss me was.

The girl made me feel less embarrassed at the confession that I hadn't ever kissed anyone before, but it made me wonder who else is a senior in high school and had yet to have their first kiss. I never once thought about it being of much importance, but now that I know someone who I'm genuinely into the way I am with Carter, it makes me feel horrible.

I've changed a lot since moving to Riverway, and I don't know whether it's a good thing or a bad thing.

"What are you thinking about?" Carter asked, moving a little bit closer. He was still looking at the rack of dresses, despite not having any interest in them.

"Just that night of the party," I answered, pushing some hair behind my ear.

"The one we met at? Or the other one?" He then asked.

Before I could respond, Katherine came into view with a pretty black dress. "Will you wait by the changing rooms while I try this on?" She asked nervously.

I nodded with a smile, walking toward her. "I want to see it as well," I told her, walking over to where a few benches sat right outside the changing rooms.

She nodded this time, going to the lady in charge of the changing rooms. She took a number and walked into one of the little rooms, while Carter and I sat on the bench closest to her changing room.

"The one where everything happened," I finally answered him, kicking my feet back and forth lightly.

"What about it?" He pressed lightly, and I just stared down at my hands.

"We played a game of truth or dare before everything went down. It made me realize how much of a loser I am," I admitted. I don't know how I say things so easily around Carter, and although I find myself a nervous wreck, I don't mind it.

He's the easiest person to talk to, besides Katherine. I don't know how to explain it, and maybe it's a bad idea, but he hasn't given me any reason not to trust him.

"You're not a loser," He said. "Why would you think that?"

"It's just-" I stopped, my cheeks beginning to heat up. "I had something stupid to answer, something anyone else could have easily answered, and I couldn't."

"And that is?" He asked, raising his eyebrows.

I cleared my throat, finding it crazy that I was going to admit something like this to him. I've never once admitted something like this to a boy before, not even Asher.

Just as I began to admit to him what I was thinking, the door to Katherine's changing room swung open, and she walked out in the beautiful black dress she picked out.

"So, you like?"