don't believe everything that you breathe

Aurora Holland

Carter didn't talk to me during class. It seemed as if he was planning on it, but the moment he saw me talking with Cameron and Griffin, he chose a different seat in the classroom. 

I was fine with it, as I'd already been intimidated enough. Even talking to Griffin and Cameron was enough to make me nervous, but they didn't get stared at or talked about the way that Logan and Carter did. They also invited me to eat lunch with them, considering we had the same lunch hour. They have lunch at different times depending on what class you take, simply because there are too many students to eat at one time.

Logan also has the same lunch hour as us. I'm not sure what class he takes, but I know it's not any type of history class. He insisted I sat next to him, and although part of me wanted to hide by Cameron, I knew I couldn't.

Cameron was kind, and I know he was kind for a reason - whether it be for his own selfish reasons or not - I didn't want to take advantage of it and weird him out.

Logan continuously tried to make conversation with me, and I'd politely answer any questions he asked to the best of my abilities, but I felt really out of place. We were sitting in the middle of the cafeteria at a long table, seat after seat filled with people. Girls nearby constantly flirted with Logan, to which he would subtly flirt back with no meaning behind it. Some would even flirt with Griffin and Cameron, to which they'd just laugh it off after they walked away.

It was a nice difference to my awfully dramatic morning. It helped me a lot, and although the cafeteria food was quite nasty, I felt a little better after getting something sustainable in my stomach.

My last class was AP Environmental Science, and thankfully I didn't have that class with Carter. Not that he did anything to me personally, he just makes me nervous. It didn't help that news got out that 'the new girl got all jealous and attacked someone for flirting with Carter', despite that not being what happened at all.

I'm sure Kaya and her friend said some bullshit story, as I'm the only new girl at Riverway High and I did make a comment about her and Carter. But I wasn't jealous, I quite frankly don't care what Carter does. I don't know him all that well besides the little question game we played at the party, and even if I did know him and had a crush on him the way most girls did, I knew I wouldn't have a chance.

It's ugly to show jealousy in the way they're saying I had. But I didn't, and anyone who was there and heard the exchange knows that.

Usually, I'd care what people think of me. I would cry until I threw up, I did it constantly at Point Prep. But right now, all I'm focusing on is my schoolwork and getting through the day. That's all I cared about. The quicker I did this, the quicker I got that stupid dress for that stupid work event, and the quicker I could get home and hide in my room.

Alone.

When the last bell rang, I felt relieved. Nothing happened in homeroom or during the last block of the day, and I felt relieved. I'm not used to things constantly happening in my life, I usually just hear about Paige's dramatic life.

It was very different experiencing it instead of hearing about it.

"I haven't seen you since this morning!" Paige exclaimed as I approached her car.

"We don't have any classes together," I flatly said.

"Look, I know I upset you this morning and I'm sorry. I didn't think you'd be so embarrassed in front of Logan like that. You never cared at Point Prep." She took a hit of her vape. I didn't even notice she brought it to school today.

But then again, I've been very caught up in my own little world to really pay attention to Paige.

I realized what she said, and I shook my head lightly. It's not that I was embarrassed in front of Logan, and it's not that I never cared at Point Prep, I just never reacted or said anything to show I cared.

"Wait a minute-" She stopped, coughing on her fruity vape as if some realization hit her features. "Do you like Logan?! You do, don't you!"

My eyes widened at the sudden accusation, my eyes bouncing around to make sure nobody heard. The last thing I needed was another rumor showing me getting all into one of the Jackson brothers, hearing the first one was more than enough.

"No, no!" I exclaimed, my brows pushing together. "I just didn't like what you said, that's all."

"Oh my god, this is so cute!" She exclaimed, completely disregarding anything I said. "Imagine - you dating Logan, me dating Carter! It'd be magical!"

"Paige, no." I sternly said, "I'm not into Logan."

"Well, you can't be into Carter, he hasn't even looked your way." She flipped her hair over her shoulder, leaning her back against the passenger side of her car. I found myself scratching at the top of my hand again, feeling frustrated. When Paige began talking about boys, there was no stopping her. "I think he and I got along very well on the way home the other night."

Wrong. Very wrong. The entire car ride she mumbled on and on about anything and everything. Carter didn't mumble one word to her the entire time, his focus on the road in front of him. I think he drove even faster to get us home quicker, as he was going ten over the speed limit. 

I did catch him looking at me a few times in the rearview mirror, but I could be mistaken because he needed to check for other cars.

"I wonder if he'll ask me to dance at the event this weekend," She then said, catching my attention.

"What?" I asked.

"The event. The one we're getting the fancy clothes for," She spoke as if I were dumb. "I've mentioned our parents work with theirs, right?"

"Yes, you have," I said in response.

"Well that means they attend all the same events we do," She said. "Which means that Carter and Logan will be there, and we can start our mission."

"Mission?" I asked, arching a brow.

"You know, make the boys fall in love with us blah blah blah-" She waved a hand in the air as if it were obvious.

I was about to protest everything she said, but her eyes shifted behind me and widened. She then looked at me with a smile on her face. "Don't look now, your future hubby is coming."

I rolled my eyes, not caring if she saw the motion. She didn't and instead smiled at the people walking up behind us.

"What are you ladies doing here still?" I heard Logan ask, and it wasn't long before the boy was standing right next to me.

Paige was practically shitting herself, biting down on her lip to contain her excitement. I didn't respond, knowing if I tried to be nice and talk to him she'd just go on to tell me on our way to the mall that I was 'opening up' around him, and a bunch of other bullshit I really didn't want to hear.

I remember when Asher and I had one friendly conversation and she was saying the same type of things, yet look at how that turned out.

"We were about to head out to the mall, are you doing anything?" Paige asked him with an innocent smile. Although it was far from innocent, and I found that out quickly when she looked at me and winked.

I drew in a sharp breath, looking at the black boots on my feet. This day really couldn't get any longer.

"Coach canceled practice today, just planned on going home and doing a bit of practicing in our backyard," Logan spoke nonchalantly. He was really close to me, although I didn't acknowledge it. If I did, Paige would get the wrong idea.

Paige knows I'm the type of girl to get flustered, whether it's a guy I have a crush on or not. Anyone who isn't my father or uncle I get fidgety, finding myself twirling my ring or scratching at the skin on my hand. It's not because I think every man is attractive or that I'm into them, but more as I don't have enough experience in talking and interacting with the male species (not including family members) to know how to act. 

It's stupid, I know. They're human too. But I barely have enough experience with anyone outside of my family, let alone boys. How am I supposed to know what's considered flirting and being friendly?

I've seen Paige's flirting, but I'm well aware that there are multiple ways to flirt. Some people like the way Paige flirts, and others don't like it. I remember the first time Asher was extremely friendly to me, and I mistook it as flirting because no guy had ever looked at me unless I was next to Paige.

Of course, just like everyone else, he had a meaning behind it that wasn't anything to do with getting to know me, but I didn't know. He said something that reminded me of a romance movie I saw one time, making me think he was flirting with me considering the male lead had been flirting with the female lead.

I'm stupid and naive, I know.

"Well if you want you're more than welcome to come with us!" Paige exclaimed, ignoring the fact that I clearly didn't want this.

Sure, Logan's attractive and all but I don't know him. I don't want to be set up with someone I don't know. I'm not going to even begin to get into the fact that her expectations are unrealistic.

"Really?" Logan asked as if he were surprised he got asked to hang out.

"Sure! Carter can come too if he wants," Paige spoke. I looked back up at her, seeing her batting her eyelashes at the Jackson boy. "We're getting outfits for the work event this Friday night. Well, I'm getting stuff just to get stuff, Aurora's the one that needs to get something."

"You'll be at the event Friday?" I saw Logan look at me from the corner of my eye. My cheek burned as his attention was on me, and I hesitantly looked over at him.

"Yeah."

"Oh, your dad must be Harry!" Logan spoke with realization, and I just nodded. "I met him when he came down to do the renovations on your house, I don't know why I didn't connect the dots till now."

"Anyways, we're heading there now if you want to come. We can go in your car and leave mine here or we can drive to mine and meet you there!" Paige exclaimed, changing the topic back to the mall. "The more the merrier after all."

"I doubt Carter will come, he's never interested in going to the mall." Logan shook his head before a giant pretty smile covered his face. "I'm down with going. I was only going to practice because I didn't have anything else to do."

"Logan Jackson not having plans? That's surprising," Paige joked. She smiled her million-dollar smile, her eyes crinkling. 

"I know, so surprising, right?" He joked along with her. As usual, I was sitting here unnoticed. Not that I cared though, I'd rather go unnoticed than Paige try and force something I didn't want.

She needs to get through her brain not only have I just met him, I've just moved to Minnesota in general. I'm new to all of this.

"We can meet at your house so your car isn't stuck here all day," Logan said, changing the subject again. "We can take my car and I'll drive. Maybe we can get ice cream too."

"We'd love that!" Paige exclaimed as if I didn't have any say in the matter.

Then again, I guess I don't.

"Okay cool. I'm parked right over there so I'll follow." Logan shrugged, his eyes leaving Paige's and meeting mine. He smiled as he saw me looking at him, and I just felt my cheeks heat up again as I looked at my feet.

"Sounds great!" Paige didn't wait to walk around to the driver's side, throwing her backpack in the back seat. She then got in and unlocked the door, to which I rushed over and opened it quickly.

This left Logan there, but I didn't care. I already knew this mall trip was going to suck due to Paige's constant questions about my first day, and now that she has this idea that Logan and I are 'meant to be' - or whatever she'd say - is going to make things ten times worse.

I pulled myself into the passenger seat, putting my backpack on the floorboard at my feet. When my butt met the warm material, I looked over to grab the door and stopped in my tracks.

Carter was leaning against his car some spots away, looking straight at us. I watched as his eyes tore away from me, watching his brother head in the direction his car was parked in. He had the same resting face he always had - one that looked of pure annoyance and boredom. I couldn't tell if he was unhappy or just simply daydreaming and happened to be looking over here, but when I saw his eyes move back to me, I knew he wasn't dozing off in any way.

My hand slipped from the door handle, causing my body to shift slightly. I caught myself before I made a fool and fell out of the car, gripping the handle and shutting the car door. I avoided looking in his direction as I grabbed my seatbelt, patiently waiting for Paige to start the car and get out of there.

Thankfully, that didn't take long. Almost as soon as my buckle latched the car was moving, in the opposite direction of where Carter Jackson stood at the front of his car. I sighed a breath of relief, glad to be away from all this - even if it was only the short distance to Paige's house.

Just as I thought we were going to head onto a side road leading out of the parking lot, Paige whipped the car around. She had an excited look on her face as she drove in the direction I dreaded, straight to Carter.

"What are you doing?" I asked, trying to hide the nervousness in my voice.

"Carter's right there, I'm going to ask him to come with obviously." She spoke as if I should've known.

"Logan said-"

"Logan doesn't know the chemistry Carter and I had when he took us to your place the other night, so obviously he's not going to think Carter's going to want to come." Paige cut me off.

Part of me wanted to protest, but I knew that would only fuel her want for Carter more. There was no way to stop her either, so I just stayed silent in my seat.

She stopped right in front of him. This meant my side was right by him in front of his car. Part of me hoped he'd walk over to Paige's side, but my hope was short-lived when she rolled my window down.

I looked down, scratching at the hand on my skin. It was already scratched up from the numerous times I've done it today, and usually, it isn't this bad. But I'm overwhelmed and frustrated, and although part of it is my fault I've yet to say anything to Paige about how she's making me feel, I know there's no point. It won't do anything but fuel her fire to make me more like her, and I didn't want that.

"Carter!" She exclaimed as he hadn't said anything.

In the corner of my eye, I could see that Carter hadn't even acknowledged our existence. He continued to lean his butt against the front of his car, not even bothering to walk to the short distance between where he currently stood and where we were parked.

"We're heading to the mall, you wanna come?" Paige bluntly asked, getting straight to the point. "Logan's going to be there as well."

"Why would I want to do that?" Carter asked.

"Because I'll be there," Paige confidently responded, the remark coming out almost as soon as the question left his lips.

I looked up, my neck hurting from it hanging so low. I kept my back flat against the seat so Paige could see past me toward the boy standing outside my window. She had a smile of lust on her features, changing her usual friendly smile to one that showed nothing but want.

"Okay?" He said, making it sound like a question.

I could tell Paige was bothered by the fact he didn't jump at her feet, but she'd said it herself. This is Carter Jackson, one of the two brothers who are deemed untouchable. She couldn't surely expect him to fall at her feet right away when he'd yet to notice her until now.

"We need outfits for the event on Friday, we could really use other eyes." Paige then said, continuing her determination to get him to come.

He clearly wasn't interested in her, but she was a little delusional. I think that she wants Carter so badly because he doesn't want her. At Point Prep she could get just about any guy with the flick of her wrist, and here she clearly couldn't.

And I think that's what makes her want him so bad. Not because she knows him, but because she just wants what she can't have.

"And you think I want anything to do with that?" Carter then asked, seeming more and more confused by the second.

"No offense to Rora, here, but she's not the best at fashion advice." As soon as the comment left her mouth, I felt a pain in my chest.

I know I'm not any good at fashion, makeup, or anything of the sort. And being completely honest here, Paige doesn't need any help. She knows what looks good on her and what doesn't. She knows what she likes and doesn't. She doesn't need me, and she doesn't need anyone else. She just wants the attention.

And usually, throwing me under the bus means she gets that attention.

I scratched harder, hiding my two hands between my thighs so nobody could see. I could feel the welts but ignored them. It made me forget about what she said and how much it hurt, putting my focus elsewhere.

This probably wasn't healthy, but it prevented me from lashing out and that's all that matters.

"And you think I'm better than her?" Carter asked in disbelief. "I think you're asking the wrong guy, here."

"No, I'm asking the right one." Paige denied, smiling at him. "I could really use your help since I have none with Aurora. Plus, I'll buy you a smoothie. I know you're into those healthy smoothies."

Tears pricked my eyes, partially from the physical pain and partially because of the emotional pain. That last comment about me wasn't even as bad as the first one, but it still hurt because of the embarrassment.

How embarrassing is it that my one and only friend talked down on me so much in front of a guy she thinks is cute?

I blinked, my eyes stuck on the blue jeans I was wearing. I hadn't said anything at all during this entire conversation, and I didn't expect to. I hated everything about this, and each second we sat here the more I felt I was going to lose it.

Carter was silent for a moment, seeming to think about whether he wanted to come. He clearly didn't, so I don't know why he was prolonging it.

"Okay, fine." He gave in, causing my head to snap towards him in shock. He made it seem like he didn't want to come, and I'm sure he wasn't coming because Paige offered to buy him a smoothie.

My eyes met his as I looked up, a look I couldn't decipher on his features. He didn't even glance at Paige, meaning he saw the tears in my eyes before I could blink them away.

"Really? You'll go?!" Paige exclaimed happily. I tore my eyes away from Carter to look over at her, seeing a huge grin on her face and her eyes shining brightly.

Of course, as usual, she won.

"Are we going or not?" Another voice called out, and I looked over to see Logan parked on the other side of Paige. His passenger door window was down, and he had one hand sitting in the empty seat while the other lay across the steering wheel. 

"Yes!" Paige quickly exclaimed, hitting the steering wheel in excitement. "We can meet at my house where we'll all squeeze into one car. This is going to be so fun!"

Logan smiled brightly, "I see you've somehow got Carter into going."

"It's my beauty and words," Paige told him, almost as if Carter and I weren't here.

My eyes shot back over to Carter, who rolled his eyes at her words. He leaned up off of the hood, walking over to the driver's seat. He got in without saying another word, starting the car immediately.

"I'll drive to mine and we'll get into yours," Paige told Logan after noticing the boy getting ready to leave.

Logan nodded in agreement, leaning back into the driver's seat. Paige rolled her windows up and began the short drive to her house, my brain beginning to hurt from the entire exchange.

I guess I jinxed it when I said this day couldn't get any longer...